


Unlearned Lesson

by Nopejune



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Basketball, F/F, Fluff, Non-consensual sex (subtext and discussion), Not safe for Trump supporter, Racism (mentioned), Skateboarding, Slow Burn, soft smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-05-18 01:32:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 96,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14843045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nopejune/pseuds/Nopejune
Summary: “Hello everyone. Welcome to Pol Sci 105. My name is Ava Sharpe, your TA, or precisely, your discussion facilitator. On the board is my email and office hours.”Sara frowned when she clearly saw who her TA was. She suddenly wanted to punish herself for thinking for a moment that the woman was attractive. It must be the crimson lipstick applied to those full lips, or maybe it’s her highlighted cheekbones.The TA’s eyes widened for a second when she noticed Sara trying to look away and hide her face behind one of her hands.OrA college AU where Sara was a freshman with issues and Ava Sharpe was her annoying Pol-Sci TA.





	1. Ice-breaking

            It was too early to be in a lecture hall on Monday. Sara was never a fan of morning classes but this time she had no choice left to fulfill the requirement. It could’ve been okay if it hadn’t been the morning after Laurel found out that her perfect boyfriend, Oliver Queen, cheated on her with Sara. Did she hate her big sister so much to commit such mistake? On that night, Sara didn’t know. She only knew that she was drunk and angry that Laurel was still with that douche. Sara knew the first time she met him. His smugness, his jokes, the sparkles in his eyes -- all of these screamed red flag. She was angry that her big sister didn't listen to her at all. She thought Sara was just a hormonal jealous teen.

 

            Today was bad. Indeed, she had been nauseous since the morning with Oliver. But this morning was worse. She regretted every minute of it though she barely remembered. She didn't mean to hurt Laurel. She didn’t mean anything at all. She only wanted to forget what had happened. And then Oliver told Laurel last night. He said he could not lie to her. He felt guilty and couldn’t live with the secret in his chest. Such a good boy. To be a better man, he ruined two women.

 

            She was too tired to come to class. She barely got any sleep. She was crying during the long night. But her father would’ve noticed the tension between his children If she hadn’t been here in the lecture hall. It was the first day of her freshman year. Missing it would’ve caused too many questions and speculation. Laurel’s tears was enough for now. Sara couldn’t deal with her dad’s broken heart.

 

          Introduction to Global Politics, it was. Sara barely had an idea what class she was attending. Sitting at the far back row of the lecture hall, Sara didn't really care how the professor look. A White woman. Typical. Professor Dahrk, she was. With her puffy eyes, Sara was looking at her phone, pointlessly scrolling through her Tumblr app. Laurel’s face from last night was haunting her. She bit her lower lip harshly, resisting to cry in public.

 

            The professor asked everyone to talk to their neighbors. The cliche ice-breaking. Sara’s mind was not here at all. All of her senses were focusing on the incident last night when her only sister had confronted her. Sara didn’t notice a tall person standing beside her seat.

 

           “Stop using your phone or you may leave. If you don't want to be here just go somewhere else.” The husky whisper was harsh. Sara eyed up to see the tall person. She met with the deep frown below the neat blonde hairline.

 

            “None of your business, loser.” Sara dismissed the girl, assuming this one was just an annoying nerd. She turned her gaze back to her phone.

 

             “It is my business. I am one of the TAs. We don't tolerate this high school-ish behavior.”

 

            Sara closed her eyes and counted one to ten, trying not to make a scene. She could’ve punched any person at this moment. The anger boiling since last night was about to explode because of this annoying person.

 

            Sara looked up to face the tall girl, aiming her darkened blue eyes to scare her away. She ended up blinking and gaping unwillingly. The tall girl had long blonde hair flowing down to her shoulders. She tucked her hands in her hoodie pockets. A TA? Didn’t look much older than herself. The tall TA raised one of her eyebrows and Sara sensed the challenge. Sara looked away from that judging gaze.

 

            Her phone’s screen flashed a notification, a text from her sister.

             

          “Why did you do it?”

       

            Just like that, Sara’s snapped. She grabbed her phone and her belongings, stood up and walked to the exit of the lecture hall. Her shoulder touched the tall TA’s side while finding her way to the exit.

 

            She later found a seat somewhere in the building. She sat down and looked at the text message. With tears brimming her eyes, Sara tried not to let out a sob. She couldn’t think of any word to reply. Confusion and pain clouded her brain. She knew exactly that she was wrong. She wanted to better the situation but it seemed impossible. She couldn’t think of a possible solution for her mistake. She was to be blamed. Even Oliver seemed to be the good guy compared to Sara. She closed her eyes and leaned her back against the cold granite wall, exhausted. She surrendered herself to all of her bad thoughts under the cloaks of her eyelids for a while -- until she inevitably felt a psychic penetration on her head from someone’s gaze.

 

         She slowly opened her eyes. Her sight was a little bit blurry for a second due to the brimming tears. _‘Shit. She came after me. I don't want a cat fight right now.’_ Sara thought to herself when she realized that the person standing in front of her with arms crossing was the same annoying TA.

 

          “What do you want.?” Sara looked up to meet the blonde’s distasteful expression.

 

         “Professor Darhk asked me to find you and tell you that you have an assignment due next week before your first discussion section meeting. Choose a country and read three news articles about political conflicts in that chosen nation-state. Prepare a brief presentation for your discussion section, three minutes-ish.”

 

          Sara didn’t respond. That was a lot to take in when her brain was exhausted. _‘What a bitch!_ ’ Sara thought. It was unfair to assign a work even before the first meeting. Sara clenched her jaw, staring at the tall woman in the black hoodie and skinny black jeans.

 

          “Understood?” The older blonde raised one of her brows again. Sara noted in her mind that this seemed like her habit. Sara just nodded.

     

          The TA turned her back towards Sara and started walking back to the lecture hall.

 

         “Be a good girl next week then.”

  

           She told Sara without looking back. Sara blinked her eyes, her mouth gaped open.

 

           +++++++++++++++

 

           Sara was lucky, she thought to herself, that Laurel confronted her the night before she left home to her dorm. Had it been two days ago, Sara wouldn’t have anywhere to escape the heaviness of reality. After the morning class, she started her part-time job at the campus store and then returned to the dorm just to lie down and let the lack of sleep and mental exhaustion take its toll. She took a long afternoon nap that didn’t help her that much. She couldn’t remember how many time her brain generated the worst scenarios of the now torn relationship with her beloved sister. It was funny that one of those dreams involved that weird TA from the global politics lecture.

 

         Sara woke up when she heard the door open. Zari, her roommate was back. Sara sat on the edge of her bed, facing the other girl. Zari put a cup of coffee on Sara’s desk.

 

     “Free coffee for the Mighty Lance. Don’t worry, I didn’t buy it. A cheer up cup from Amaya.” Zari put her backpack on the floor and sat on her own desk.

 

         “Thanks, team.” Sara massaged her forehead while her other hand reached for the coffee.

 

        “Did Amaya tell you? Of course she did. Are you gonna stop being my friend?”

 

          Zari looked at Sara with silence for a second before she let out a chuckle.

 

          “Lance, I need no boring friend. And, like, we’re not friend. We’re just the logical choices of roommate for each other. Nobody would tolerate us. I’m on your team for the public good.”

 

       Sara gave her a tiring 'thank you' smile.

 

       “How was your day? What do you think about that pol-sci lecture. You’re in the first lecture, right? I’m in the second one.”

 

        Sara sipped the coffee. She let herself indulge in the smell and the taste of the coffee for a moment.

 

        “I walked out.”

 

       “Oh, okay.”

 

       “How was the second lecture?” Sara asked. She didn’t want to make Zari uncomfortable. She knew how much her friends loved her.

 

       “It was fine. The professor is kinda hot though.”

 

        “I don’t even remember her name.”

 

         “Nora. She looks pretty young for a professor and seems inexperience. She’s kind of quirky. Also, they introduced the TAs for each discussion section. I got a nerdy dude.”

  

         Sara suddenly thought of the tall blonde. She hoped that one was not her section’s TA.

 

       “Do you...wanna talk?” Zari tentatively returned to Sara’s issue with Laurel.

 

       “Not really.”

 

       “Got it. I agree that venting is, sometimes, not helping. We’re going to check the local skatepark tonight then.”

 

       “What?” Sara couldn’t follow.

 

          Sara was thankful that her friends were always there for her no matter what. They knew each other in high-school and chose the same university to continue their thug life together. Zari was a computer genius who got the full scholarship for her greatness. Sara came here with the two years funding guaranteed as a soccer rising star. Amaya took a pause to experience adult life. She was working at a coffee shop on campus. She would be around until the end of fall semester and leave to Oxford for the full scholarship in anthropology in the spring.

 

         Fall weather was nice and the day was long. It was 8pm but the sky was still red. Sara and Zari were cruising along the lake’s bike path. They stopped sometimes to take in the nice view or take some Snapchats. Sara had a good amount of followers. She was featured in the university’s newsletter after all.

 

          “Oh fuck!” One of Sara’s skate wheels stuck in a crack on the concrete bike path. It was getting dark so she didn’t see the challenge. The momentum took her forward but her reflex was still functioning. She was an expert on how to fall properly. Sara ducked her chin and rolled her body forward to absorb the impact. She got up quickly.

 

           “Jesus Fucking Christ!” The yelling behind her back ended with a loud thud of a body hitting the grass on the side of the path. Sara quickly turned her body to find the source of the noise.

 

          A person was lying on her back, her city bike was beside her.

 

            “Oh shit! I’m sorry.” Sara and Zari rushed to sit on both sides of the person, a woman in black hoodie and black skinny jeans. Her helmet was still cover her head.

 

           Sara reached one of her arm to the woman’s shoulder to help her sit up. Her hand almost touched her before the woman quickly sat up by herself.

 

           “We’re so sorry Ms.” Zari apologized.

 

             “Please, do not assume people’s titles, genders or pronouns.” She corrected Zari. Her tone came out a bit cold.

 

           Sara gaped in disbelief.

 

           “You... the pol-science TA.” She let it out almost as a whisper but they were too close. The woman turned her head to Sara immediately.

 

          “Not so surprised it’s you who ruined my peaceful ride.” The woman spoke to herself. Sara clenched her teeth. She saw the other blonde did the same. Her jawlines were too well defined.

 

           “Look, I’m sorry. Are you hurt? I can book you an Uber.” Sara was annoyed and she believed the TA was fine, but she tried to be a responsible citizen.

 

           Suddenly, the woman frowned.

 

           “Why don't you wear helmet.” She almost yelled.

 

          “Kids these days.” She shook her head, disapproved.

 

           Sara blinked her eyes quickly in disbelief and stood up.

 

          “Me, not wearing a helmet has nothing to do with you. Plus, only losers wear protection. Skateboarding is not like...sex.”

 

          Who the hell wore protection gears. It was such a frown upon-skating attire in skateboard culture. And Sara was not a toddler skater either. She was good at skateboarding as well as soccer. She knew how to fall. She had good reflex. Her body muscles were strong enough to protect her. And she really hated it when someone told her to wear a helmet. It was an insult. It was like this woman knew exactly how to get under her skin.

 

            The woman’s eyes widened. She stood up immediately, making herself towering over Sara. She took off her helmet and let the golden locks free. Her cheeks reddened, her lips tightened. She probably wanted to punch Sara right now.

 

Zari lifted the bicycle up and stepped in between her friend and the tall blonde.

 

              “Ahh... I’m glad you’re not hurt. Here is your bike. I’m buying her a helmet tonight, I promise.” Zari extended one of her arms over Sara’s shoulder, she thrusted Sara’s board in her hand and dragged her to the opposite direction. They got on their boards again. Zari just wanted to get away from the angry woman as soon as possible. But Sara was not done with it.

 

            “Your section is full of Trump’s supporters!” Sara yelled from the distance. She turned her back to the woman before the other blonde gave her a middle finger.

 

             They got back to the dorm. Zari fixed them some hot drink. They sat on their own beds. “That woman was...something.” Zari started, looking at her own laptop screen.

 

             “What?” Sara didn’t pay attention.

 

            “I mean, you brought up sex into the conversation in less than three minutes of encounter. How legendary was that?”

 

              Sara rolled her eyes before looking at her roommate.

 

            “She is the fucking stiff TA who called me out this morning and made me leave the class.”

 

             “Less than 12 hours then. Still pretty fast, for the record.” Zari sipped her drink.

 

             Sara shook her head, too tired to argue, but she gave herself a faint smile. At least, she hadn’t been thinking about her guilt for quite a while. She hoped she have a good sleep to night because she was not alone. She needed some energy for tomorrow soccer training.

 

            ++++++++++++++

 

             Her last class of the week was Intro to Global Politics. Surprisingly, the issue with Laurel didn’t bother her as much as she had thought, not that she stopped feeling the guilt, but her tight college schedule didn’t allow her to be free and alone enough to dig herself into the loop of depressing thoughts. Laurel didn't contact her either. She must not want to hear about Sara again.

 

           The soccer training drained out most of her energy. Four courses for a week ate up her free time, and all of them had a lot of assignments. On the top of that, Zari and Amaya wouldn’t leave her alone for too long.

 

            She spent last night preparing for the discussion. She chose Brazil and the controversy over the construction for FIFA World Cup 2014 that caused resettlement.

 

             Sara picked a seat in the back of the classroom. It was the first discussion, thus, most of the class members came pretty early. There were girls more than guys. Two guys were in awe when they entered the room and noticed Sara. She was familiar with being the hot one in the crowd so she just ignored them completely. They’re not her type.

 

              The classroom’s clock showed 2.45pm - the time the class began. A tall woman walked into the room, she  shut the door and occupied the instructor’s desk in the front of the blackboard. Her blonde hair was in a neat tight bun. She wore a crisp white chiffon shirt with two top buttons opening. The sleeves were rolled up. The shirt was tucked nicely in her black high-waist skinny jeans, complimented by a pair of black Doc. Martens. She turned her back to the students and wrote something on the board.

 

              Sara narrowed her eyes with a faint smirk. Her TA was serving the look. And judging from behind, her height, her long legs and her frail frame could have easily gotten her into modeling business. The TA turned her face to the class. She forced a smile.

 

             “Hello everyone. Welcome to Pol Sci 105. My name is Ava Sharpe, your TA, or precisely, your discussion facilitator. On the board is my email and office hours.”

 

              Sara frowned when she clearly saw who her TA was. She suddenly wanted to punish herself for thinking that the woman in the front was attractive. It must be the crimson lipstick applied to those full lips, or maybe her highlighted cheekbones.

 

             The TA’s eyes widened for a second when she noticed Sara trying to look away and hide her face behind one of her hands.

 

              “Shit..”

  

              She unwillingly whispered under her breath, but of course it made some of the students around her shift uncomfortably.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First fic ever in my life. Just wanna contribute to the fandom but I'm talentless so I tried writing.


	2. Participation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe I actually have a plot.

         Ava Sharpe kept it cool the whole first meeting. Sara noticed that the stiff TA avoided meeting her eyes the whole time. She usually walked to a student when they were talking. It was supposed to be intimidating to have an instructor towering over you. But Ava Sharpe actually smiled and even giggled sometimes, not at Sara, of course.

        Her TA asked the class to pair with a classmate and explain their small research on the countries they had chosen for the assignment. She asked them to introduce the partners and their findings to the whole class. There were fifteen students in her section, Sara made a demographic map of the class in her mind. Two white supremacists, two sexists and probably homophobic too. There was one ignorant dude. He told the beautiful international student that her English was good. And Ms Sharpe just snapped her head to look at him with her killer pale blues, telling him that she agreed with him that the girl, Nyssa, in comparison to him, was better in thinking and communicating her thoughts. All of the girls seemed decent. Mansplaining had been a thing in American classroom environment since holocene, unfortunately. Sara paired with the boy named Wally. He seemed nice and sweet. It was obvious that the TA didn’t like ice-breaking so she used it to get to the content of the course immediately. Sara was glad that she did prepare herself for the class. One of the guys didn't take the assignment seriously and it was embarrassing. 

        “How about you, Ms Sharpe?. We want to know more about you too.”

         Apparently, there was also an ass-kisser. Every classroom had one.

          “Erm... yeah. Normal second year grad student in political sciences. My research is about politics of time regarding United Nations interventions. Basically I’m looking at how and why they waited for so long to intervene in some countries but quickly jumped into the others. Boring, isn’t it?”

         “No. It seems really cool. You look great, by the way.”

         Sara rolled her eyes at the comment from the ass-kisser. The tall blonde chuckled awkwardly before getting her class going. 

           45 minutes class was not that long but it was Friday afternoon and to tolerate someone who gave her a middle finger and looked so smug and in control was exhausting for Sara. She was glad that it was finally over. Her classmates were rushing out of the room -- except Gary, the ass-kisser. He had some irrelevant questions to discuss with the TA after class. Sara frowned. It was the first meeting. There’s nothing important to be discussed. 

         Sara packed her things into her backpack and stood up, ready to be done with the day.           

         “We can discuss more next time, okay?”

          Poor Gary, the TA didn’t even told him to meet during her office hours. Ava Sharpe was packing her stuff into her leather backpack, non-verbally telling him she was leaving and had no interest in talking to him beyond the class period.

           “Sara.”

          The TA called her name. Sara looked up to meet her gaze. She realized that everyone already left except them. She definitely didn’t anticipate a private conversation with this woman.

         Ava Sharpe walked closer to her. Sara looked at her with caution.

          “Sara Lance, right?”

           “Yeah?.”

           “Look. Whatever happened in the past was in the past and we can't change that.”

           Sara’s bright blue eyes suddenly widened before the light in her eyes turned cold. She thought for a moment that Ava talked about her issue with Laurel but then realized it must be about their first meeting.

            “Please don’t let the animosity you might be holding against me prevent you from doing well in this class.”

           The TA crossed her arms. It seemed like she didn’t even think it was her fault at all.

          Sara straightened her back, trying to be as tall as she could. She stepped closer into the TA’s personal space.

          “Tell yourself, Ms Sharpe. Don’t let your bias influence my participation points and my grade.”

          Sara turned towards the classroom’s door and walked away. Ava took a deep breath, her hands balled into fists.

               ++++++++++++++++++++

               Ava Sharpe threw herself onto her favorite couch after she got inside her house and dropped her backpack on the floor. Teaching four sections full of freshmen was draining, especially her last section.

            “Welcome home, my dear!”

            A tall and thin man walked from the kitchen area to greet her. He got her a bottle of beer, her favorite IPA, to be precise.

            “Urghhh... I’m tired. Can you do my laundry for me?”

            “What happened? how was your first time TA-ing? And no, I won’t do your laundry.”

           “Not cool! I’m gonna tell moms you are not nice to me, Rip.”

           The man threw a pillow at her as a response.

         “Baby girl. I should’ve got an awards for the best brother. Actually, I think moms plan to give it to me this Thanksgiving. Don't really want to bring this up but I let you live in my spacious ass house for free, princess.” 

           Ava threw the pillow back at him on the opposite couch. He just laughed.

           “Okay, sibling war asides, how was your teaching?”

           Ava sipped her beer.

          “Well, not too bad, actually. Nora, the professor, she’s kind of weird and not so confident. It was her first time lecturing the big class. We, the TAs, decided to patrol the class and check if some students use their phones or laptops for non-class-related purposes. The thing is that, I hate policing kids; they are old enough to be decent. But what I hate more is seeing students being disrespectful to a young female professor. They might not be aware of it but, to some degrees, that was normalized sexism.”

         “And of course, I have them all. The white supremacists, the sexists, the homophobes. You name it.”  Sara Lance’s piercing, bright blue eyes appeared in her mind for no reason. “And a jerk.”

          “Your professor is hot, I presume.” He teased.

Ava threw one of the stuffed animals on her couch at him. He caught it easily.

           “That has nothing to do with me being a feminist. And yes, she is hot. you remember Ray, right? he came to the lecture and the TA meeting so early every time just to see Nora’s face and chat nonsense with her. That poor puppy’s gonna get hurt.”

          She sighed and leaned her back into the couch, sipped her beer.

         “Actually, there’s a thing that bothers me a lot.”

         Rip leaned forward, he put his elbows on his knees. 

         “Do you wanna talk about it?”

         “It’s just... not even about me but I keep thinking about it. One of the girls in my cohort just quit.”

           “That must be discouraging for you. But I assure you that if anyone can finish the PhD, it’s you.”

          Ava shook her head slowly. 

          “No, that wasn’t discouraging to me. I know what I’m doing but it’s really sad to see another woman leave. You know, academic field is patriarchal at its best, especially in Pol-Sci. And the worst part is that she left because she had an affair with her professor. She couldn't endure the emotional labor she has been through. I know this sounds disgusting to a millennial like us, but it’s a normal thing in grad school, like even before WWII. Male professors take advantage while strengthening the stereotype that women are not for the real academic career but professors’ wives. It’s really bad, you know, bad for the learning environment, bad for the girls, and of course, it’s unfair.”

        “I’m sorry to hear that, baby. Please, let me know how can I cheer you up.”

         Ava’s lips formed a mischievous smile.

         “Do the laundry for me then.”

           Rip grabbed the stuff animal and threw it back at his sister.

          “Kid, I’m fucking tired too. Like I fucking got up at five to train my soccer girls four days a week including tomorrow which is fucking Saturday!”

            ++++++++++++++++++++++ 

          Sara was not ready for any sort of Friday night outing. Not only because she was not ready to get drunk again, but also because her main man, Mick Rory, hadn’t delivered her the new fake driving license. She couldn’t go to a bar. That’s why she decided to go to Oliver’s frat party week ago. This Friday night was pretty mellow. It was just a small dinner’s at Amaya’s.

        “Finally. I miss you, Lance. You are so busy these days.”

         Amaya hugged Sara briefly after leading Sara and Zari into her studio apartment.

         “I heard you met someone special.” Amaya told her while hugging. Sara glared at Zari.

        “Don’t listen to Zari. She’s still in twelfth grade. She told me her professor was hot and her TA was a sweet guy, in case she hasn’t told you.”

          Amaya loosened the embrace and turned to Zari. She made a soft smile.

         “Good for you, Zar. I’m really glad to hear that.”

         She hugged her hacker friend. The hug was a bit more tentative compared to the way she hugged Sara. Zari’s body froze for a second before her arms slowly embraced Amaya’s frail frame.

          They cooked together. Amaya and Zari were actually good at cooking. Sara was just being the useless Sara as usual when it came to wifey skills.

         “So...” Amaya trailed off while preparing salad.  “I’m seeing a guy.”

          Zari stopped chopping carrots for a good second before continuing what she was doing.

         “Not too surprising, beauty. I hope he’s not boring.” Sara gave Amaya a wink. Zari forced a smile.

         “Too bad you’re leaving to UK in 4 months. Poor guy.” Zari mumbled. 

Amaya hit her arm.

          “Hey, don’t guilt trip me. Let me have a life for a second. Indeed, you guys will meet him. He has an intramural basketball match. I’m going to see him and you guys are coming with me because, you know, I hate to be there alone. It’s awkward. Maybe you can join his team too. It’s co-ed. I told him that you’re good at basketball.”

          Sara waved one of her hands.

         “Nah. I’ll pass. I don’t do amateur competition.”

          The dinner ended before 10pm after they ate and played Xbox. Sara had a training session tomorrow morning. Mostly it’s Sara and Zari bantering with each other while playing. Amaya was an epitome of mom friends who brought snacks and just laughed and looked at her kid friends fondly.

         Sara and Zari walked to the dorm together. It was a bit chilly and Zari was a little too quiet. Sara couldn’t resist the urge to check on her roommate.

         “How are you feeling?”

         “What?”

         “Amaya.”

         Zari shook her head slowly and sighed.

          “I’m good, Sara.”

           Sara extended one of her arms to wrap around Zari’s shoulders.

          “You are hot, you know. Too bad we don't have chemistry.”

          “Eww!” Zari tried to move away from Sara’s arms.

           +++++++++++++++++++++++++

            10-12am was not the most busy shift for the campus convenient store. Sara thought it was a good choice that fit perfectly into her schedule. Not too many customers in the line. As a cashier, she had some free time to let her mind wander pointlessly. For example, she thought about the moment she used her phone in the Pol-Sci lecture again this morning just to see if Ava Sharpe would called her out. It turned out another TA, a tall guy with an aura of sunflower, was the one who told her to stop using her phone. He must be Zari’s TA. Sara followed the rule without any resistance. She looked around, though, just to spot where her TA was. She was at the far right aisle. She was patrolling that area of the lecture hall, never once coming near Sara. That didn’t mean they didn’t accidentally make eye contact a few times. Her TA must want to check if Sara behave during the lecture.

          Sara returned her mind to her job when she saw a customer approaching her counter. When she saw who the girl was, she grinned. She was the international student from her discussion section. 

          “Hi. Nyssa, right?” She greet softly when the brunette reached her counter and put some snacks in front of Sara. 

          “You are…?”  

        “Sara from Ava Sharpe’s section. It hurts you don't remember me.”

           “My apology. How could I make up for it.” 

            Nyssa just boldly looked at Sara in the eyes with a smirk. Her expression was hypnotizing and Sara could only smile back, losing her word.

            “Ahem..” The next customer in the line brought Sara back to herself. 

            “Oh..sorry.” Sara quickly checked her classmate’s snacks and let her pay. 

             “You usually work here at this hours?” Nyssa made her last question before leaving.

              “Yup. See you in class then.” 

             Nyssa gave her a last sweet smile that made Sara twinkle at her. A random flirt like this was such a good vibe after the boring hours of this uni-tasking job. She would definitely tell Zari about Nyssa. At least, they might share some cultural aspects. And of course, Zari would stop teasing her about Sharpe.

            ++++++++++++++

          Amaya’s boyfriend’s basketball match was on Thursday night. Clearly, Sara was not excited about spending her night watching an amateur competition when she had an assignment due on Friday. Pol-Sci 105 was an easy A course that covered gen-ed requirement. That’s why she chose it. However, no one told her before that there were a lot of works: response essays every week, participation performance, a book review, and a research project. It was fair that there was no exam. But it meant her TA totally had control over her grade. Sara was not a serious student. She was doing fine but definitely not the one who cared so much about her transcript. But she needed to maintain good academic performance to secure her scholarship. That was also why she had a part time job. She thought she should save some money to gain financial autonomy. 

         “Sara, please go with me.” Zari pleaded while they were having some afternoon snacks at the dorm cafeteria. 

         “I mean, you clearly don't want to go. Why do you have to go? Amaya wouldn’t be mad about it. She’s a real adult now.” Sara looked at her friend in the eyes. The light in the brown eyes flickered. 

           “Sara, it’s just… I can't stand the thought of her being alone and awkward among that guy’s folks. You know, she needs her back. And -” 

           “Okay, I get it.” Sara cut Zari off.  “We’re going tonight but you have to buy me ice-cream after the match, deal?”

           Zari beamed.

           “Deal.”

          Sara knew that Zari would go anyway. Sara couldn’t stand the thought of Zari sitting awkwardly beside Amaya, who would be cheering her boyfriend from the side of the court. Sara couldn’t let Zari’s smile falter when Amaya ran to her guy and gave him a kiss when he won.

         Indeed, Sara didn’t know much about what had been going on between these two. Zari was as nice to Amaya as a friend could be. Amaya the same. However, there had always been the unsaid tension between them. According to the records, Amaya only dated guys so far and Zari never made a move beyond platonic relationship. But they were touchy, feely, with each other. She noticed that sometimes Amaya rested her head on Zari’s shoulder casually, and they might held hands if they weren’t aware of people around them. Sara never really asked Zari about it. She respected her friend’s personal space. If Zari wanted to tell anyone, undoubtedly, Sara must be that person. So she rather wait until her friend ready and just be there when needed.    

          The intramural basketball was held at the university’s recreational facility. As Sara had expected, no way they would allow amateur sports at the main basketball stadium. When Sara and Zari arrived at the court, Amaya was already at the boundary line, chatting with a handsome man. She beamed when she saw her best friends approaching. 

          “I’m glad you came.” She touched the guy’s arm slightly. 

           “This is Nathaniel. Nathaniel, this is Zari and this is the famous Sara Lance.” Nathaniel offered his hand to greet the girls. Zari shook his hand briefly. Sara gave him a firm grip.

           “Ooh.. you are really strong.” Nathaniel uttered, surprised. Zari hit Sara’s  arm. The blonde smirked before letting go of his hand. 

           “Nathaniel is currently in grad school for history major.” Amaya introduced her boyfriend.

           “Yup, I’m doing a research on the Cold War history. You know, when we think about Cold War we usually think about American and Vietnamese, right. But I’m looking at how the war changed the forest landscapes in both Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia, and how it historically impacted the local biodiversity. So I’m like, doing some cross disciplinary research. Science and humanity.” 

          Amaya smiled sheepishly. Sara made a note in her mind that this dude seemed like a genuine mansplainer. It’s funny that he thought it was appropriate to babble his academic shit to 18 year-old freshmen.

           “Nate, why don't you go warm up.” Amaya pushed him into the court.

          “Oh, by the way, you guys can join my team though. We have some team-colored jerseys left. You just need your student ID to register. Today we have only five team members available, you know, grad folks are super busy. And we are too old for the whole game without a break, you know. I mean you don't have to know how to play, we just need five players in the court.”

         Zari tried really hard not to laugh. Well, Sara excelled at soccer but that didn’t mean she was an average basketball player. She seemed a bit too small but her team awareness was always on point. That’s why she was really good in the team sport like soccer. Also, Zari had been in her school’s basketball squad.

         Sara looked over Nathaniel’s back to gauge the situation. The team was consisted of two girls and three guys. Besides Amaya’s boyfriend, all of them seemed weak but they might be good. She tried not to judge them from just their appearances. Then, one of the girls jump shot with one leg lifted up. The orange ball missed the basket miserably. Sara turned her eyes back on Nate.

         “Thanks, but we’ll pass this time. Basketball is not my thing.”

          Sara noticed that Nate, Amaya, and the other team members suddenly shifted their gazes to the entrance behind Sara and Zari.

          They both turned their body to see what caught their attention. She found a group of people walking into the court. Sara frowned and tilted her head slightly at the sight of a tall woman in black and white Adidas track jacket. Today, her blonde locks were kept in ponytail. The fact that she was also wearing a pair of sunglasses made Sara cringe internally. Basically, the opponent was the Pol-Sci 105 TAs team. Zari just waved back at the sunflower TA who gave her a bright smile.

           “Nate, I’m in.” She crossed her arms over her chest and grit her teeth.

           “Zari, you’re in, too. I can’t win without you.”

            Zari rolled her eyes. 

           “And you still don’t want me to tease about that woman?”

            Zari made an eye contact with Amaya to let her know who they had been talking about.

           Nate was digging his backpack for a minute before returning to the newly recruited team members.

         “The green jerseys.” He threw the clothes towards the girls. One of them was too big for the girls, obviously an XL for men.

           “You wear that one or I’m out.” Zari made a statement. 

            They walked to the restroom to get changed. Luckily, Zari wore track pants and sport shoes today. Sara was in a pair of short shorts and a pair of skate shoes, but they were not her problem at all. The real problem was the jersey, it was too big on Sara. She looked like a five year-old child in her parent’s clothes.

             “Aww.. you’re so cute in this, Sara.” 

            Sara glared back at Zari. She didn’t want to banter with her friend right now. Her focus was already on the game.

            Apparently, the real problem manifested itself when they returned to the basketball court. Ava Sharpe took her track jacket off and revealed the white crop-top that not only went well with her black spandex pants, but also allowed everyone to get a good view of her toned and well defined abs. Sara and Zari had to walk past the TAs to their own group. Sara lowered her head, trying to avoid their attention.

           Ava Sharpe took off her sunglasses, her brows furrowed.

  “Seriously?”  Then, she talked to her teammates.  “Told you guys this wasn’t a good idea. Chance that you have to compete against your students is really high.”   

         Sara paused her steps and turned around to face her TA.

         “Chance to get your ass beaten by your students is also really high.”

           Ava ignored her. She dribbled the ball a few times before throwing it from the boundary line, aiming at the basket. Of course, it was too far to successfully deliver it into the basket but the leather ball hit the backboard hard, making a thunder-like sound that got everyone’s attention. Ava smugly made an eye contact with Sara.

          “You look not too bad in that jersey, Lance.”

           A certain kind of heat suddenly crept from Sara’s chest to her neck and made her cheeks flush. She tightened her lips. Apparently, Sara couldn’t think of any word to respond. Zari dragged her arm and Sara just followed her friend without resistance.

          Amaya convinced Nate that if they wanted to secure the win, they had to let Sara and Zari get into the court as soon as possible. 

          The game finally began. Obviously, Sara and Zari were great as the point guard and the forward. But the other guys in their team were not on the same page at all. Yes, the duo scored some, mostly from three points shots and fast break, which was only possible because of Sara Lance’s sprinting ability. It was almost impossible to break into the defense. The sunflower guy was tall and knew exactly how to be a good center. What made a big different was that all of the 105 TAs knew basketball while two of Nate’s friends didn’t know the rules and the logic of the sport at all.

           The worst part was that Ava Sharpe was not an amateur basketball player. She scored ten times in the first half of the match, which was last only 20 minutes. Three point shot, lay up, penalty shot - she could do them all. Her jumps were high enough to block her opponent’s opportunities. Her moves and dribble were too fast to be intercepted.

          Sara drank her water furiously during the break. Sweat cover most of her body due to the indoor heat.

          “Sara, Zari, Do you guys need a break? I mean we have other two players. It’s not about the result. It’s about having fun for us.” Nate tentatively asked the younger girls. Zari dropped herself on the floor, taking a deep breath.

         “I’ll sit for the second half.” Zari told the captain of the team. 

         “Hell no.” Sara answered coldly.

          The second half started without Zari on her team and it made Sara more frustrated. Every times Ava Sharpe scored, she made sure to check Sara’s reaction. Assisted by Nate, Sara was able to make a few fast break runs, but that was not enough to win.

           Zari was done with her friend’s stubbornness but she respected Sara’s determination. She shouted her friend’s name loudly every time Sara got the chances to score.

          On the scoreboard, the Pol-Sci 105 led the Historians of Steel by 20 points and there were only about 20 seconds left. No miracles -- except time travel -- that could save Sara’s team from the pathetic lost.

         But Sara Lance never gave up. While the TAs were trying to get into the ten feet zone, Sara swiftly intercepted the ball and made her way straight to the opponent’s basket.

         Ava Sharpe was fast enough to sprint back to her team’s territory. She was focusing on Sara who was like a moving bullet. Actually, it was easy for Ava when her opponent was running toward her this fast. It was difficult and dangerous for them to change the direction and get through the defense without a foul.

         Sara was fit, no way she would ran out of breath. But seeing Ava in front of her like that -- blushing cheeks, messy hair, eyes focusing on her opponent -- Sara steps faltered. She almost reached the 10 feet zone where Ava was guarding but her body fell forward dangerously. 

         A pair of strong arms caught her body by her waist. The hot body pressed together with hers and rolled both of them when they hit the wooden floor. A hand supported and cradled the back of Sara’s head, preventing it from hitting the hard surface.

          Sara Lance ended up inside the embrace and being trapped under the body of her TA. Her face was pressed against the other woman’s chest, safely, indeed. But one of Ava’s legs was crammed in between Sara’s thighs. The soccer star wanted to cry due to embarrassment and fear that the girl above her might feel the heat from her body. It was as if the world suddenly stopped moving and the second became eternal. Sara’s heart leaped when she sensed the heat and the fast beating rhythm from the chest a centimeter above her face. Her TA resisted putting her body weight on Sara while making sure her head didn’t crash the floor.

          The world started moving its axis again when the the referee blew his whistle. Times up. Ava loosened her embrace, carefully put Sara’s head on the court and got up. Nate, Zari, and Amaya ran towards Sara and helped her sit up, frantically checked if she was fine.

         “Arghh..” Ava let out a groan before she checked her left elbow. The abrasive wound was apparent. The pink flesh was exposed to the air and her sweat. She sighed and turned her eyes to meet Sara’s.

          “You really do need a helmet, Sara Lance.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I didn't have time to edit. Hope it's worth your while. I really wanted to make some italics but HTML thing is beyond my knowledge. T~T


	3. Retrieving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff, I think. But there is a discussion on racism. If you're not comfortable with the issue, skip the classroom part.

         “How did you like getting your ass kicked tenderly?”  

        Zari smirked at Sara, who still lay on the court. Yes, she was worried but she knew Sara was not someone who just fell like that easily while running. Her friend was a skillful striker after all.  

       Sara sat up and panted heavily. Her heart was beating too loud for her liking.  

       “My shoes are too grippy for the court.”

        Sara told her friends. It was more like an attempt to make sense of the fall to herself.

       Zari looked up. “Thank you, Ms Sharpe, for saving my friend’s ass.”   

       Ava’s eyebrows shot up. “Didn’t you promise me the other day you’d buy her a helmet?”  

      Zari smiled sheepishly. Amaya looked at Nate and raised her eyebrows, intrigued.     

          Sara stood up as tall as she could. Her gaze moved from Ava’s face to her left elbow. A crease formed between her brows.

           “You know, your dramatic move was totally unnecessary. I know how to take care of myself. I know how to fall properly. You could’ve let me handle it myself so no one get hurt. You can’t just risk yourself like that.”

  

      Sara tightened her fists, she resisted the urge to reach Ava’s arm and inspect the fresh wound that look a bit burned.

       Ava scrunched her face.

       “You’re welcome.”

         She then turned her back from her student and join her colleagues. She stopped the halfway and turned back to Sara’s direction again.

         “A thousand words response essay on Eric Wolf’s _Europe and The People without History_ due tomorrow before class, or I will mark it as late.”  

          She said it loud enough to make Sara tighten her lips. Her TA made it clear to everyone that there was the hierarchy between them. But then Sara smirked mischievously.   

          “Didn’t know that you cared for me this much. Ms Sharpe!” Sara yelled.   

           Of course, despite her love of normalcy, Ava Sharpe wasn’t passive. She gave Sara a middle finger from afar.

          Amaya and Zari looked at each other to check if they had the same thought. Nate looked at Sara. Confusion was all Sara could see in his expression.       

           “Did you just flirt with your TA?” He asked blatantly.

          Sara grimaced.  “Ew, No!”

           “I mean, I totally understand if you had a crush on her. She’s obviously hot. But from an adult’s perspective, that’s inappropriate. Not about the age gap, though, but the power relation between you two. She’s gonna get in trouble. The university has the protocol. And it’s not good for learning environment.”

           “I said NO. Nathaniel. And didn’t you see how much she despised me?  I hope Amaya teach you about the history of the term ‘mansplaining’ at some point." Sara grabbed her backpack and walked towards the locker room to get rid of the ridiculously big green T-shirt.  

           Amaya hit Nate’s arm.  “You just ruined the fun, man.”

           Zari patted his shoulder before following Sara.

                       +++++++++++++++++++++++++

           Sara came to her discussion section relatively early. Indeed, she was the first to get to choose the farthest seat away from the instructor. She rested her head on the tablet arm of the chair. She groaned internally, ready to pass out any minute due to sleep deprivation. The adrenaline after the basketball had kept her awake for so long while Eric Wolf’s chapter was long and complicated when she couldn’t think straight.    

        Even after the assignment was roughly done, Sara couldn’t really sleep. Her heart had been fluttered and the scent and warmth from Ava Sharpe was intoxicating and prominent in Sara’s mind the whole night. She had heard that the transition from highschool to college was hard, but she didn’t expect that the hardship may include this unknown restlessness. As if it was not confusing enough, Nate’s concern created confusing thoughts that were not helping. The problem with Laurel seemed like something far away from her.

            Sara lifted her head up to see who enter the room, not that her mind immediately assumed it’s her instructor.  

           “Hi, Sara.” Luckily it’s Nyssa. Had it been one of those Trump supporters, she would’ve walked out.

            “May I sit with you?”

            “Please do so.”

          Sara smiled at her, trying to work her usual charm. Sitting with the gorgeous classmate might bring her some sense.       

          “You good?” Nyssa asked. It must be obvious.

              “Yeah, thanks. Actually I was not well until I saw you.” She lied. Indeed, she was dealing with the heaviness of her lunch in her stomach.      

           Ava Sharpe walked into the room. Today, her deep red rayon button-down shirt made her look neatly fierce. Of course, the stupid bun, as if it would transform the hoodie/ponytailed Ava into the boss of the classroom.   

          She side-eyed at Sara while walking to the instructor’s desk.     

         “Good afternoon, Ms Sharpe.” Nyssa greeted her TA.     

         “Hi Nyssa. You can just call me Ava, though.” She gave her student a friendly smile, which Sara never received, before turning her body to face the board and wrote something.      

           Sara clenched her jaw when she saw a white patch on Ava’s left elbow. Her chest felt the warmth generated from nowhere. It was sudden, it was organic, and it was incomprehensible -- at least, for now.  

        All of the class members came in the room a few minutes before the class start. Wally comfortably chose the seat next to Sara again after he made a friendly eye contact with her.

  

        Sara rested her head on her chair again when she saw Gary rushing to the tall TA. Ava moved back a few step away from the excited Gary.  

        “What happened to your arm? Ms Sharpe! Are you hurt? Do you want me to write on the board for you?”        

          The TA side-eyed Sara.  “I’m good, Gary. Just a scratch from saving a clumsy five year-old child. Now please take a seat. We’re starting the class in a minute.”

          Sara’s brows arose. She’s getting familiar with Ava’s determination to win over her whenever there’s a chance. It’s strange that Sara found it comforting - in the slightest way, of course. Getting some challenge from her TA had become her new normal.

          The discussion started with something Ava called ‘retrieving’, in which students took about five minutes to gather their thoughts about what they had learned and then jotted them down. She said it helped their brains memorize while making connections.   

           “So what do you think are the contemporarily relevant consequences of the global trade in the early 16th century?” Ava sat on the edge of her desk, making eye contact with all of her students.

           The room was quiet for a long while until Gary tentatively raised his hand. Ava nodded.

             “I think...the popularity of coffee.” He grinned widely.       

             “What else?” Ava expectantly looked at her class.

              “The development of Atlantic Ocean navigation.”

             One of the guys guessed. Ava didn’t say if it was a relevant answer. She let more students inserted their input into the discussion. Without discouragement, Sara’s classmates started pouring their one-line guessing. They were ranged from the answers about the circulation of goods and ideas to the globalization and technological acceleration.

           Sara was too tired to join the conversation. She didn’t notice that Nyssa, Wally and herself were the only students who hadn’t talked until she felt Wally shuffling a few times. He avoided Ava’s gaze and kept his eyes on his notebook as if he didn’t want to be there at all. Sara thought he looked nervous and uncomfortable.

            “Guys, let’s be honest to yourself. What’s the elephant in the room here?” Ava stood up, one of her palm gripping the other hand behind her back. She looked around the room in the very intimidating manner.     

           Sara looked back at Wally and then met Ava’s eyes. She raised her hand. Ava nodded.     

           “Racism.”

          The classroom suddenly became silence, they could’ve heard a pin drop here. Sara reached one of her hand to to grab one of Wally’s and squeezed it gently.     

         Ava’s lips formed a satisfied expression while her gaze became more gentle.   

         “Please, explain more.” She asked gently.    

          “Erm..” Sara was lost for words. Ava had never talked and looked at her like that before.  Wally squeezed her hand back.

           “Wally, do you wanna help me? I’m tired of being the cool kid.”   

           Wally gave Sara a genuine smile. “Yeah. So That Triangular Trade has the other name. It’s called Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. The colonizers captured slaves from Africa, transport them - my ancestors, to Latin-America and the US, forced them to work really hard by implementing the hierarchical  segregation between the White and the Black, deprived us the right to be equally human. And that’s basically the root of racism that still impacts my life everyday, including this moment.”

         The classroom became quieter. Some students looked at Wally with respectful expression, some white guys looked away.

         Ava sat on her table again. “Thank you, Wally. That’s the most important thing we, Americans should be able to think of when discussing the global connection. And please be aware of your privilege as a result of Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. You have enough means to be here because your ancestors-my ancestors-, had accumulated wealth by the inhumane oppression of the others.”

          “But it’s not our fault. I’m not racist. You shouldn’t have guilt tripped us.”  Erik, one of the guy, said blatantly to Ava. Sara almost felt like she knew that Ava was a hot headed who wouldn’t tolerate this kind of challenge and might got herself in trouble by giving her student a middle finger in classroom. Sara didn’t like the scenario. She clenched her jaw, looked at Ava and then looked back at Erik. Wally was tense.

          Ava walked straight to Sara. She gently put one of her hand on Sara’s shoulder, knowing that Sara might confront Erik, who was a big man. Sara felt the strong but somehow reassuring grip. Ava didn’t know that Sara was also trained in martial arts. Her father was a cop after all.

  

         “Well, if you felt guilty it means this class was successful. If not, I hope you noticed what Sara did. Stand up. Speak up. Use the privilege for food. Okay, we move on for now. But I assure you we’re gonna have this kind of conversation a lot more in the upcoming weeks. Anyone wanna share your reflection on the reading?”

         The class moved on but the tension was not faded. The white boys completely shut themselves from participation as if it’s their protocol not to participate in liberal discussion. The long class finally ended with Ava encouraging students to meet her during office hours to discuss about their individual research projects and book reviews. Gary assured Ava that he would come next week. He waved his hand at Ava when she left.   

        Gary turned his attention to Sara, Wally, and Nyssa. He made a beeline to join the group.  “Are you guys free after this. We should hangout. You guys are super cool.”

           Sara was tired but the adrenaline was pumped in her vein again after the intense discussion. It was the first time that Ava Sharpe was nice to her. Wally was cool and Nyssa was definitely someone she wouldn’t mind to hang out with, and Gary was comical. Therefore, the group decided to grab a coffee at Amaya’s cafe.

                                                    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

          Sara was digging through her closet, finding outfit for her outing tonight. It was only Tuesday but Mick Rory was in town for his business purpose, which included delivering Sara a high-quality fake driving license. Finally, after her dad found her previous one, Sara was able to explore the night again.    

        Mr. Rory had been one of her close friends outside her high school circle. They met a few years ago when Sara was ganged up on by a group of school bullies at a park in her hometown. Mr. Rory was reading something before he decided to give these boys a lesson, only to find out that the girl could take care of herself well. She beat up all of them with only a little help from the obnoxious bulky man.

          “Is it weird that I want to wear a dress tonight?” Sara put on her white satin slip dress and then layered it with an oversize red flannel and showed herself to Zari, who only gave her a quick glance.   

           “You look less harmful this way. No, it isn’t weird, except that you’re going with Mick, not some kind of your date.” Zari returned to coding something on her laptop.

            “You can join us. I’ll ask Mick to get an ID for you. Girls and boys out there need to meet my hot cake roomie.”

            Sara teased while styling her untied hair and put some makeup on before finishing up her overall look with a pair of white Old Skool Vans. She contemplated her look in the mirror, grinned with satisfaction.    

        “Have fun, dude. I can make it myself if I want to. I have a video meeting with some of my prospect clients from Asia tonight.”

           “Ooh... I hope you score the deal.”

                +++++++++++++++++++

            It was about eleven at night when Mick came and picked her up at her dorm. Of course, his gruff look got him some attention while he was waiting for his friend at the front of the building. It was worse when the cute little Sara in a white dress and a flannel followed him into his car.

           They found their seats at the bar. Sara started her fun night with whiskey ginger on the rock while Mick got his usual IPA. They barely talked because if they did the conversation might reveal too many aspects of Mr. Rory’s business, which might sound illegal to some people. Mick quite enjoyed the mellow tone of the bar at the moment. Sara got some eyes from girls and guys in the bar  but no one came to talk to her before she told Mick to sit a bit further away from her.

             The night was not perfect, though. Sara noticed a group of boys gathering at a table in the middle of the bar. There were five of them. Sara swallowed hard when they finally noticed her and giggled among themselves. They were from S.A.E, the den of fuck boys - Oliver’s minions. Anyway, it had been a good night and Mick was here with her, she wouldn’t let them ruin the fun.  

          The music became louder and more upbeat when it reached midnight. It’s only Tuesday but a bar in a campus area like this always attracted a lot of students or the university’s employees. A brunette in leather jacket bought the soccer star a drink, obviously wanted to flirt with the tipsy Sara, not knowing that the girl was barely eighteen. Sara looked less fierce and more sweet and flirty. By choosing the white satin dress, Sara knew well she would be the center of attention in the dimmed night club, where most of its clients dressed in the darker shades.  

           _‘My heart beats a little faster_

_When our eyes meet in the middle of a crowded room.’_

           _All Night_ by Lauren Jauregui started playing when Sara noticed the familiar blonde in a booth sitting opposite to  an exceptionally gorgeous brunette, who seemed as tall as her TA. Sara suddenly turned her back to the direction of the booth.     

          “Shit.” She swore under her breath. Her company looked at her, a  bit confused.

           +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

           Ava Sharpe had been grading her students’ essays at her private study room in the library until ten before she decided she had enough for a day and needed some drink.

          The TA meeting this afternoon had gone as usual. Nora, who was new to the department, usually sit quietly and let the head TA lead the discussion about their goal and teaching strategies for each week or discussing problems they had encountered. The TAs also gave feedback to Nora’s lecture so she could improve.     

           However, Nora talked to her privately that she had received complaints from Ava’s students that her section was too politicized. Not surprising for Ava that the white supremacists were coward; instead of confronting Ava, they got to Nora, her supervisor. What didn’t make sense to her was Nora’s advice that favored  political neutral in classroom over political correctness. As someone who had been fighting against inequality and being honest to her beloved discipline, Ava stood her ground. What’s really frustrating was the fact that it’s Nora -- an actual pol-sci professor - who should be aware of racism and privilege -- who told Ava to back down.

           And as if she was not pissed off enough, Nora had asked her if she would wanted the professor to talk to “the difficult student”, if she couldn’t handle the girl by herself. Ray Palmer couldn’t help himself talking to Nara about everything. She couldn’t be mad at him, though, knowing that he was too pure to be aware that what he had told Nora might affect Ava. He probably was just concerned about her, and to be fair, Sara Lance was something. It seemed like the girl just want to annoy her with passion. Ava couldn’t believe that calling her out in the lecture one time would make the girl hate her this much.  

           But at least Sara Lance was not a Trump supporters and she was clearly progressive.

            She had thought she was tough but the conversation with Nora plagued her mind the whole evening in the very unhealthy way. She decided to text Alex, her yoga master friend who happened to be her crush for a short while. Ava barely have a real friends. Her colleagues were fine, but to Ava, they were just colleagues. It was hard to find someone who truly understood her and had the same level of honesty to the discipline. Alex was beautiful. She couldn’t help crushing on her. She was also caring and sincere. But Ava knew that they did not mean to be more than best friends.

           They ended up at a bar. Ava had been drinking and venting for about two hours now. She was not a heavy drinker at all. At this point, she could only smile at her gorgeous friend.    

          Alex reached her hand to pat Ava’s blonde hair.  “I think you might wanna go home, my dear.”

         “But.. but..Nora is a bitch and Sara is a fucking jerk!”

          Alex couldn’t help laughing adoringly at her friend.

          “I know. I know. You’ve told me ten times already. Aves, if you’re getting more drunk than you are right now I will have to take you to my place. I can’t let you go home alone.”

          The actual problem about drunk Ava was not about her ability to balance herself, but her temperament that usually escalated.

          Alex got up from the booth, grabbing Ava’s hand, trying to drag her out.

          “Come on.” Alex told her softly. Ava narrowed her eyes and smiled widely.

            “Give me a kiss and I will go.”     

            Drunk Ava was also bold and cheeky. Being this drunk while Alex was this beautiful, it’s not surprising that she would want a little bit more. Alex shook her head with a soft smile before giving Ava a quick peck on her forehead. Ava finally followed her friend to get their credit cards back from the bartender.

           +++++++++++++       

           Sara felt a bile in her throat when she saw Ava’s partner gave her a forehead kiss. She had been trying to keep her eyes away from her but it had been so difficult when Ava let her hair down like that and just simply dressed in a dark gray tie-dyed t-shirt and a pair of black skinny jeans that ripped on both knees. Classroom Ava and basketball Ava were difficult for Sara enough. But this, the rock star Ava, was another level.

          Mick scooted himself closer to his young friend. “That’s hot.” His deep voice murmured.

           Sara didn’t know what kind of cosmic force drove her to walk to the TA and her partner but she did just that. Mick followed her. He grunted, intrigued.

            “Hi, Ava. How was your day!”

           She greeted her TA and grinned smugly. It was almost like a yell since the music was a bit too loud.

           Alex and Ava turned to Sara. Ava frowned.

           “Sara Lance? Why are you here?”

              Alex raised her brows, looking at Sara and then her friend.

             “Ahh... the infamous Sara. Aves mentioned you a lot. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.”

           Alex’s way of talking reminded Sara of Debussy or Chopin kind of music. She gave Sara a sweet smile and a quick hug. Sara felt attacked. Ava’s partner was more gorgeous than she had thought.

            “I don’t think you’re old enough to be here.”

              Ava’s brows still furrowed, she was trying to make sense of Sara being in a bar at this hour. She moved her eyes up to a gruff man on Sara’s side. Mick smirked at her. Ava grimaced. Sara noted that Ava was not fully sober and her manner was comical.

           “Sara, can I speak with you in private for a second?”

             “Yeah?”

           Being followed by Sara, Ava made a beeline to the restroom. Alex looked at Mick, who was suspiciously smirking.

           “Don’t worry, hot stuff. That kid is a good one.” Mick reassured Alex and gulped his beer.

           Ava stopped at the area in front of the restroom entrance. The loud music became a faint sound far away and the light was a bit brighter. Sara was about a foot away from Ava. It was the first time she had a closer look at the woman who had been in her life for a few weeks and messed it up to some degrees. Her cheeks flushed due to alcohol, her pale blue eyes twinkled. Sara bit her lower lip. In just a t-shirt and skinny jeans, the hight and the frail frame made her looked... Sara couldn’t pinpoint the exact description - edgy? Mouth watering? Or daddylicious? She blinked her eyes quickly to get rid of the trail of thoughts.   

            “How did you get in here? Did that man forced you or anything? I can call a police.” Ava’s both hands now reassuringly rested on Sara’s arms. She lowered her head to look at Sara in the eyes, searching for any sign of problem.

            The younger girl couldn’t keep a wide smile from her face.

            “I’m good, Ava. Don't worry. He is a good man and he came with me to protect me.”  Sara told her, softly.

             “Are you sure?”  

             Sara nodded. “Now, let your girl take you home, Okay?”  

             Ava nodded slightly.

            Sara didn’t feel like losing Ava in the crowd. She grabbed one of Ava’s hands and waited to see if Ava didn’t like it. Ava didn’t pull back. Sara started walking and leading Ava back to her partner. Her chest felt a hollowness for a second when she realized where the night would end.     

           The music was getting louder again and the light made the room dark blue with some flickering red and green. Sara was barely aware of the change of the rhythm of the place. She only sensed the warmth in one of her hands. The sound and the visualization didn’t matter to her sensorial awareness at all. A few minutes walk gave Sara enough time to inspect that hand. It wasn’t soft, it had some rough spots here and there, but it’s definitely the warmest hand Sara ever experienced. It’s warm in the very strict sense. The touch wasn’t burning. It’s soothing and igniting at the same time.    

          Sara was brought back from the temporal zone within her mind when she heard a group of men laughing.

           “Hello, Sara Lance. Do you miss us?”

          One of the Oliver’s minions grinned at her while approaching them. Sara stopped walking, so Ava.     

            “Look, I’m leaving. I don't wanna make a scene here.” Sara told the guy in his neat beige shirt. She was tired enough and not ready for this. She was not ready for something she had been avoiding to think about for three weeks -- the thing she thought Ava Sharpe distracted her from. Sara squeezed the warm hand she was holding.  

            “Don’t act like we were strangers, Sara Lance. You had fun last time you joined our party didn't you?”

            Sara’s nostrils flared. A monochrome flashback lurked in her thought. She woke up naked in a stinky and messy room. To shack someone in a place like that, she must be drunk to the point that she couldn’t control herself.  Her heart sank when she realized who was the man sleeping on her side. She quietly but quickly put her cloth on and left the room despite the nagging headache, only to find the other house members lined up at the hallway to make constant catcalling and sing something saying ‘Let’s embrace the point of no return.’     

            Her anger blended with her damaged dignity. She clenched her teeth. The thought of crunching these frat boys’ bones conflicted with her need to escape from these trashes who reminded her of what her guilt. And of course, she needed to get Ava out of this mess. She couldn’t let her know what she had done.

             The warm hand in hers pulled away. Sara’s flinched at the lost of contact.

             “Who are these guys. Look like average fuck boys. Why can’t fuck boy be creative.” Ava narrowed her eyes, inspecting the group of white boys. She grimaced at the way their attires were coordinated.     

           “It’s nothing, Ava. They’re just the S.A.E.” Sara talked to Ava’s ear.

          “Ewww! Frat boys? Fraternity sucks. I don't understand why they still exist. Like it’s 2018 but they still maintain this racist tradition? You know, it was created because their white predecessors couldn’t handle the progression in American society. Stupid, isn’t it?”      

         Ava cheerfully informed Sara as if she didn’t acknowledge the S.A.E members’ presences. Sara let out a small chuckle. The haunting flash of her recent past was warded off by her TA being her usual self.

           Oliver’s minions shuffled uncomfortably at Ava’s comment, moved their attention to the tall blonde. “We’ve heard you prefer girls.”

             The guy in the beige shirt moved closer into Sara’s personal space. “But you still like guys, don’t you? You slept with your sister’s boyfriend after all.”

             Sara felt a sudden pang in her chest while the guy reaching his big hand to touch her pale face.       

           “Ouch!!”

          The man cried out when his arm was twisted and tugged behind his back.

           “Don’t touch my student.” Ava’s voice was low and devilish.

            What happened after that was fluid and blurred to Sara. The guy struggled to escaped Ava’s grip. Ava forced him down to the floor while kicked another guy in his chest when he approached her. She stood up and made the guy on the floor choke by stomping one of her boots on his upper back. The other three threw punches at Ava here and there. She dodged all of the sloppy moves easily and spun her body to strike a man’s face with her elbow. He dropped onto the floor.   

             Sara was shocked for a moment when she found out what Ava Sharpe was like when she wasn’t sober. But then she punched one of the guys who aimed his fist at Ava’s face. The fight drew attention around them but nobody was bold enough to intervene two girls beating up five men. The bartender grabbed his phone but Mr. Rory stared him down. He chugged his beer, enjoying the chaos. Alex’s both hands covered her mouth in shock. She knew that Ava was athletic and had some martial art skills but she hadn’t expect her to beat up a group of men while being this drunk. And the girl, Sara Lance, was at the same level. She looked small and cute in her dress. Alex couldn’t believe what she witnessed.

           The S.A.E boys now lay on the floor. Those who didn’t passed out groaned in pain. Sara grabbed one of Ava’s hand and quickly dragged her out of the crowd before someone called the police. She made her way out of the bar and started running. Ava followed. Sara never once let go of her hand.    

             They had been running and walking for about ten minutes before Sara stopped to breath. Ava was panting but she looked elated. Sara brought her phone to her mouth.

             “Siri, Text Mick. I am with Ava. Do not worry. Please take the lady to her home.”

            She couldn’t believe Mick texted her back with four side-eyed emojis.

              “Where are we going?”  Ava asked, still confused. Sara noted that she needed to give Ava some water as soon as possible. Despite the fight and running, she’s still not sober enough.         

            “A safe place for now.”  

             “You’re cute in this.”

         Ava fixed her gaze on Sara for a while, finally noticed Sara’s feminine attire. Sara shook her head but couldn’t keep herself from smiling sheepishly. She was lucky it’s a moonless night, otherwise Ava would’ve notice how flustered she was.

            Sara tugged Ava's hand to resume the walk.

            Another ten minutes past with Sara responding to Ava’s drunk comments on random things such as the blinking stars, the stray rabbits and the sleeping flowers. They stopped at the front of Sara’s dorm. Of course, she was just a freshman, where else she could go. She tapped her wallet at the door lock and led Ava inside the building.  

          Zari was asleep when Sara and Ava snuck into her room. She turned on the yellow light on her bedside table and guided Ava to sit on the edge of her bed.

          “Where are we, Sara?” Ava still couldn’t make sense of the situation.  

           “Shuhhh... Zari is sleeping” Sara put her index finger on her mouth.

            “Stay quiet, Okay? I’ll get you some water.” She whispered. Ava nodded.

             Sara sighed heavily after she exited her room to get some ice and water from the vending machine in the hallway. She wasn’t sure if she made the right decision to take Ava into her dorm. But at that point she hadn’t had enough time to think carefully. She could only think about how drunk Ava was and how dangerous the S.A.E were. Those boys might be weak but their parents were influential elites. She couldn’t let Ava go home without knowing if Ava would be safe.

            She returned back in her room to find Ava asleep in her bed. She lay on her side and curled her body on one side of her twin bed. The corners of Sara’s mouth tugged just slightly upwards at the sight. She had thought she would find some clothes for Ava but it was unnecessary now. She got herself changed in the bathroom, drank some water, and stood in front of her own bed that’s occupied by her TA.

           Sara crossed her arms, thinking about the appropriate sleeping arrangement in this situation. To be honest, the carpet was too dirty to sleep on. She didn’t want to wake Zari but she didn’t want to invade Ava’s personal space either. Surely her TA would kill her in the morning.

           “Stop staring. C’mere.”

           Ava mumbled. Her eyes still closed. She shuffled a little bit and scooted her body further to the side close to the wall.  Sara was lost for a second before she turned off the light and got in the bed. She covered Ava and herself under her comforter. If she had more than one comforter, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to be this close to Ava Sharpe.

           She turned her back to Ava’s front but she couldn’t escape the heat radiated from Ava’s body. Sara chose to described Ava’s scent as intoxicating, even though her perfume just smelled like mint and citrus. Sara had to open her eyes again. When she closed her eyes, her sensorium seemed to indulge more in Ava’s warm and sweet scent. And when she couldn’t see, her brain uncontrollably created wild imaginations.

            Sara finally heard the evenly breathing from the woman on the other side of the bed. She couldn’t help but turning her body to face the sleeping TA. She couldn’t see her in the dark but she obviously smelled the alcohol infused warm breath.  

            Many enemies to lovers fictions describe sharing bed with one’s crush that it would feel surprisingly comfortable. They would cuddle with each other, and then wake up in the morning stress free thanks  to the very good quality sleep. Sara didn’t have a crush on her TA. Her heart was beating too fast and too loud to sleep. Her mind still couldn’t believe that it was Ava Sharpe who was in her bed right now. She wouldn’t get a good sleep for sure.

                  +++++++++++++++++++++

          Ava opened her heavy eyelids in the dark. She felt like her head was exploding. It must be the hangover. The faint scent of rose and green tea was not familiar to her. Clearly, she wasn’t in her own bed. Ava’s mind revisited the incident last night. Though she didn’t remember all of it, she obviously got the main part.  

          She suddenly got up, breathing heavily and squeezed her eyes shut again because of vertigo. She then realized she was not alone in the twin bed. Sara was curling her body on the edge of the bed opposite to Ava as if the girl was trying be as far as possible from her. She sighed at the silhouette that was almost lost into the dark.

             Her phone, keys, and wallet were still in the pants front pockets. She must be really wasted to be able to sleep in such uncomfortable clothes. Ava checked her phone. It’s five in the morning. There were three unread messages. Two were from Alex, informing her that she was home safely while asking about Ava’s whereabout. The other message was from Rip. He wanted to let her know that he already went to bed so Ava shouldn’t make a noise when she returned home.

            She carefully got herself out of the bed to avoid disturbing Sara. She noticed that she was barely covered under the comforter so she rearranged and fixed it around the girl small body.

            Ava turned her back to the bed, ready to request an Uber and go home. She planned to clean up the mess after she got some good rest and her head was clear of headache.

            A small hand reached to grab the tip of her pinky.  

            “Stay.”

            The girl’s hoarse voice murmured. Ava sighed, holding that hand in hers and turned her body to face the bed again. She  lowered herself to get closer to her student.

             “I have to leave now. Many of my students live here for sure. I can't risk being seen leaving your room.”  She whispered. Sara might not be fully awake. Instead of pulling her hand back, she laced her fingers with Ava’s.

             Ava Sharpe could see that Sara’s eyes were still close. Without her annoying smirk and stubbornness, Sara was adorable.   

            “Have a good rest. We will talk later, okay?”  The hangover was real. She would’ve never leaned forward and placed her lips on Sara’s forehead like this if she was her normal self although it was just a slight touch. She untangled their fingers and put Sara’s hand back on her chest. She stood up and walk to the door, exiting the room quietly.

           After the door was closed, Sara’s room was lit up by the lamp on Zari’s side.

          “You fucked up big time, didn't you?”

            In her bed, Zari turned her front to the direction of Sara. She found her roommate laying on her back. One of her hands rested on her forehead.  

             “That’s possible.”

          Sara’s voice was a bit cracked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Was it too long and slow?


	4. Eros and the Pedagogical Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: non-consensual sex (subtext). The title is from a chapter in a book Teaching to Transgress by Bell Hooks. It's about feminist pedagogy. my professor crush told me to read it. By the way, Alex in this fic was based on Alex from Mistresses played by Shannyn Sossamon. The character was in a relationship with Jes's character for a short while and their chemistry was phenomenal.

       The placidity before dawn didn’t calm Ava’s mind from the rapid stream of thoughts at all. She did get too drunk to the point that she left Alex and beat up some kids. The worst part was that she spent her last night in the same bed with Sara Lance, her student, at the undergraduate dormitory. Too many things went wrong, especially that. Of course, her head was hurt from the loop of thinking and she already felt the nausea, but she couldn’t stop. Ten minutes on the stranger’s car was cold and quiet. Just from her look and the unusual hour pickup, the driver knew that his passenger didn’t welcome a random conversation from a stranger.

        She was dropped off in front of her house three miles away from the campus. She was not surprised that the living room was glowing against the backdrop of the night. Her brother had been this way all the time. He always acted like he was her father and took the responsibility to keep her in checked. Sometimes, having two moms made your brother believed he was the protector of the family, although it was just his own fantasy.

        Ava didn’t bother keeping her entrance quiet. The house was filled with the sound from the TV. Her brother was watching USWNT replays. Rip was in his favorite pajamas, the Ben 10 one, waiting for her on the couch, clearly, he wasn’t in a good mood.

        “It’s five in the morning, Ava. And you look like shit.”

          Ava gave him a chuckle and walked to the fridge to get some water. She hadn’t realized that her throat felt like sandpaper until the moment she saw the fridge. She let the water coat her throat.

        “I’m sorry I didn’t text you I was coming home this late.”

         Rip shuffled his position, directing his gaze to his sister.

        “And where have you been, my dear. Were you safe?”

        “Yeah. I’m going to get some sleep now. Enjoy your training session, by the way.” Ava took another glass of water and then walked upstair.

        “Congratulation on getting laid tho. You deserved it!” Rip teased her.

         Ava didn’t turn her back to respond to her brother, though she felt offended by such statement. Her stomach felt like it lost the sense of gravity for a second when her mind flashed the memory of Sara Lance’s gentle touch on her finger tips. The phrase _“Slept with Sara”_ inevitably popped up in her mind, and it made Ava felt the need to hit her head on some hard surface. She was quite positive that nothing happened beyond sharing bed. She wouldn’t be drunk to that point, and obviously, she wouldn’t be the person Sara Lance wanted to sleep with. It was apparent to everyone in the class that there’s some low-key flirting between the Sara and Nyssa, her beautiful classmate.

           “Ghurrh.” She finally realized that she thought into it too much. Knowing that nothing happened between them was enough. There’s no need to delve herself into the _‘how and why’_ questions. However, to Ava, sleeping in Sara Lance’s bed was the only thing that was nagging in her head. It’s okay that she was drunk. It was more than satisfying to beat up the white supremacists and misogynists. But letting Sara hold her hand was illogical. And why exactly Sara had to hold her hand?

           She changed into her pajamas, the Smurfs one, before sinking her body in her king size bed. She didn’t bother cleaning her makeup. She slept in it for four hours already anyway. Her bed was cold compared to the small one she had been on for the majority of the night.

          +++++++++++++++++

          Ava woke up too late for her liking. The hangover was still apparent but she needed to regain the normalcy by following her original schedule for today: writing grant proposal, preparing for the discussion section, going for the intramural basketball match, and then a good sleep.

         Her phone rang, it’s Alex. Ava sighed.

          “Hi.”

          “Thank god, you’re alive. I was worried about you. By the way, you totally bailed our brunch date.”

         Ava frowned. “Wait? Did we have a brunch date today? No way. It’s not on my calendar.”

          The confused blonde got a sweet giggle in return.

         “Okay, put a dinner on your schedule tonight then. How could you not expect a meeting with me after what happened last night, cutie.”

            Ava shook her head. “I have a basketball match tonight.”

           ++++++++++++++++

            Ava should have known that her excuse was not convincing. Not only that the dinner plan was solidified but Alex also came to the basketball court, cheering her name, giving her water, and of course, mortifying Ava. Alex used a towel to clean Ava’s face from sweat. But this was not the most embarrassing part of her second match. Gary was there too. He came to her office hours and Ava slipped about the intramural basketball when he inquired more about her elbow injury he saw the other day. The excited boy shout “Miss Sharpe!” whenever she had the ball and it made her cringe to the point that she missed her shots. Her opponent team wasn’t that good but Ava was exhausted from last night. The Pol-Sci 105 almost lost.

          It took her a while to talk to Gary. He was excited that Ava was good at basketball. And to worsen her headache, Alex told him they’re having a date night and excused them both out of the basketball court. Gary’s expression was priceless.

          Alex and Ava ended up at Alex’s place with some take outs. The living room was warm with the yellow light and earth tone furnitures. Alex was just like this, always changed a dull place into a cozy, hipster-esque one. Ava couldn’t believe Alex would become friend with a boring stiff like herself.

        “So... where did you sleep last night?” Alex leaned forward and narrowed her eyes, ready to detect any fabricated story Ava might tell her.

          “My place, of course. There’s a thing called Uber.” Ava answered. She didn’t dare to make eye contact with her friend.

          Alex smirked. “I don’t believe you. You’re too drunk to tell anyone your home address. And Mick told me that the girl wouldn’t let you go home alone unless she’s certain you would be safe.”

          “But who’s Mick? If you meant that suspicious man who’s with Sara, you shouldn’t rely on his opinion. Sara’s underage. Clearly, he had some bad influence on my student. Wait, you actually spent some time with him?”

           Alex frowned and shook her head with disapproval look. “Ava, don't act like you’re the rich upper-middle class. Don’t judge people by the look. And yes, Mr. Rory drove me home. He was really nice to me.”

         “Of course, anyone would be nice to you. You look delicious.”

          Alex hit Ava’s arm.

          “Don't change the topic, Aves. Where were you last night? Was it Sara’s?” Alex blatantly asked. Ava gulped some water.

          “Yes. Just sleeping! And I went home early in the morning! Happy now?” Ava threw her both hands over her head.

           “Like.. ‘sleep’ sleep?”

          “You’re insufferable, Alex.”

             Alex fixed her gaze on Ava, setting the serious tone. “Ava Sharpe, you know that your student clearly have a crush on you, right?”

             Ava chuckled nervously. “Are you jealous, princess?”

           Alex didn't falter. “You’re dodging my question, Ms. Sharpe.”

            “No, Gary doesn’t have a crush on me. He’s just really eager about the course and thinks of me as some sort of his idol, which, I think, not a problem as long as he maintain his interest in my class.”

           Alex sighed, contemplating for a moment. She was so done with her friend’s nonsense. She then put one of her hands on Ava’s shoulder, squeezed it gently.

          “Ava Sharpe, you’re like, 23, too old to play the useless lesbian card.”

            Ava groaned and leaned back to rest her head on the couch.

            “As if I didn’t have enough shit going on in my life already.” Ava massaged her temples.

           +++++++++++++++++

         Four hours of restless sleep made Sara lightheaded and sluggish, which was totally bad for her 6am soccer training. Her coach was moody enough already since his sister came home in the morning. Sara’s lack of energy only made him more pissed off. He didn’t like when someone he cared didn’t take care of themselves. Sara was slower than usual and she almost passed out during the sprint training, let alone the passing drill session. Her coach was annoyed to the point that he summoned Sara, lectured her, and then asked her to go home because he didn’t want her to get sick and miss more training sessions. She came to her room to get some more sleep. Her TA’s scent still lingered on her bed. Sara clutched her comforter for dear life to ward of the strange hollowness she felt every time her mind replayed the feeling of Ava’s touch on her fingertips.

          It was clearer but tragic at the same time. She was onto something dramatic, something awakening, something that could not happen -- and if insisted, it wouldn’t end well. It was like a tsunami taking her by surprise, quick and disastrous. It was too late to prevent herself from being on the verge of tears. She didn’t even understand half of what it was but she was certain it had to be buried before it became too much to endure.

         She woke up again around noon. The first thing she did was finding her phone, texting the last person she would want to contact -- Oliver Queen. After that night at the S.A.E party, Sara felt disgusted even by seeing his name. But right now it was necessary than ever to encounter what had broken her.

          +++++++++++++++++

          The dark cloud outside was threatening enough to make the campus coffee shop feel a little too eerie. People tended to go home early to avoid the aerial flood predicted in the weather forecast for this evening. Amaya wouldn’t complain about the small number of her customers. She loved to have some down time after the long day of being the only barista in the shop. But she didn't feel relax at all. How could she when Zari, Mick Rory, Sara Lance, and Oliver Queen were at her coffee shop before the thunderstorm.

           When Zari learned that Sara was setting up a meeting with Oliver, she frantically texted Amaya and they both agreed to contact Mick. Sara’s team couldn’t let her do this alone. Amaya and Zari knew that the night with Oliver was more than Sara cheating on her sister’s boyfriend. They had never seen Sara weak like that before, especially because of random sex. They didn’t prevent Sara from meeting him. They respected her decision. Being there was the best they can do to protect their friend.

           Sara and Oliver finally sit down at a table in the middle of the shop. She told herself not to strangle the man the first second she saw him approaching. She was usually calm and carefree. But this was hard. She clenched her hands, recalling Ava’s warm hand just to calm herself a little bit.

           “Sara, I’m glad we get to talk.” The man greeted her nervously. Sara could see that he wasn’t thrilled seeing her either.

          “How are your stupid minions?” She asked coldly.

            Oliver sighed, leaning his back against the back of the chair.

           “You’re not gonna talk about us then.”

           It took every ounce of Sara to resist the urge to punch him. She knew well that Oliver was not weak like his minions and he might hurt her. But her anger was boiling. Zari was biting her nail while Amaya was keeping her concerned eyes on Sara. Mick was wearing his glasses, reading Jane Austen.

           Sara just wanted to get her agenda done as soon as she could so she didn't have to spend any more minute with Oliver.

          “Did they tell their parents about last night?”

          “Yeah, some of them. You broke Kane’s nose, you know. And Marc has concussion.”

          Sara wanted to hit her head on the table but she had to stay composed in front of him. She couldn’t let him see any sign of weakness.

          “Here’s the deal. You keep them from whining and keep them away from me and the lady who beat their asses.”

          Everyone who heard Sara’s statement raised their brows, surprised. Besides Mick, all of them had thought Sara wanted to clear things up with Oliver.

           “And what will I get as the other half of your deal?”

           Sara clenched her teeth.

             “I will not tell Laurel about what actually happened that night. And I will not bother you or my sister about your relationship ever again.”

            Oliver was quiet for a moment, taking his time to think carefully.

            “Yes. Deal. And look, Sara, I’m sorry about that night -...”

             “Just go, Oliver. Please go away.” She cut his sentence harshly. Oliver stopped talking. His pleading eyes channelled his defeat. He finally stood up and walked away. Raindrops started falling from the cloudy sky.

            As soon as the S.A.E. president was out of her sight, Sara felt tentative arms wrapping around her from behind. It’s Amaya’s. Zari came to her friends and gave another layer of hug. Mick put his book down, walking to the girls, and patted Sara’s head. Sara didn’t let out a sob. She only buried her face on Zari’s shoulder.

           +++++++++++++++++

            Her friends took her back to the dorm. Sara was a strong woman. She had always been the tough one in the family. She didn’t have the aura of good girl like Laurel, the perfect sister who never did anything wrong, graduated in three years and now joined the biggest law firm in Star City for paid internship. Zari and Amaya had offered an urgent movie night while Mick had asked if she wanted to get some drink. Sara thanked her friends but she was not in a mood of drinking, and maybe the best thing she could do was going to bed early.

           Sara was sitting on her bed. Zari gave her a cup of hot chocolate.

           “You did great, you know. I thought you’re cool but today was the next level of badass. You’re so brave. That’s sound cliche but it’s true.”

             Sara smiled, tiredly. “It’s something I had to do.”

          To Sara, it was not courage that drove her to confront Oliver. It was fear -- the fear of them getting after Ava. Her TA had nothing to do with the conflict between Sara and Oliver. She could’ve asked Mick to burn that frat house down but it wouldn’t solve the problem.

            Zari sat down beside Sara.

            “Real talk though, how are you feeling now? It must be hard, making a deal with him to save your crush.”

             Sara hit Zari's arm.

             “She is not my crush. Taking her to my room yesterday didn’t make her my crush.”

            Zari nodded, mockingly agree with Sara.

            “Right. Sara Lance wouldn’t let a hot girl sleep in her bed without a kiss or more.”

            Sara glared at her roommate.

          “Yeah?”

          “Yeah what?”

           Sara smiled mischievously and leaned her face closer to her  roommate.

         “A hot girl is on my bed right now. What do I do?”

           Zari jumped out of her roommate’s bed. Sara laughed at her friend’s reaction. Zari was fun to tease and she let her do it without hacking all of her bank accounts.

         ++++++++++++++++++

         Her mother was not impressed when she learned that Sara had a slept over at one of her friend’s place. That boy was a year older. It was Sara’s first time. She liked most of it except the moment she came home to the very upset parents. They said fourteen was too young and they worried She might get distracted from what she was supposed to keep her focus on. And again, Laurel was mentioned as an epitome of a good daughter, good sister, good student -- good everything. Sara wasn’t tired of it though. She loved Laurel and it was pointless to be jealous when she was always the one who got attention from everyone in school. She had fun whenever she felt like she want it. Sex became less and less matter to her while her prowess drew more and more attention from boys and girls.

       Her parents didn’t like it but they knew better than being the nonsense conservatives. It was hard for them but they tried their best to understand the world as the teenagers of 2010s knew it.

         Sara was not dumb. She knew how to make it right. She knew how to protect herself. It barely affected her life, except the one time a guy assumed she was easy. She broke his arm and earned a week of detention because school sometimes run by white men. Since then her parents became more protective. They knew it was not her fault at all but the very much patriarchal society would always be a nightmare for any parents of two daughters.

   _“...Why did you do it? Tell me, Sara. Justify your action so I know you’re still my baby girl.” Laurel’s hands were on Sara’s shoulders. She asked her sister with trembling voice, tears brimming. Sara didn’t cry. She wasn’t someone who cried in front of people. She preferred crying alone so no one knew she was weak._

           _‘I didn't want to do it.’ Sara yelled out loud in her head. She couldn’t bring her voice to the conversation. She was shocked and chose to stand still and let Laurel say whatever she wanted._

          _“You’re a disappointment  Sara. We had hoped you’d be better, but this time, it’s too much for us. How could you hurt Laurel? Do you ever care about your family?”_  

           _Her mom and her dad appeared behind Laurel. Their eyes were full of hopelessness that make Sara feel pathetic._

_‘I’m sorry...I’m sorry. I am hurt too!’_

_Still, Sara couldn’t say her thought out loud. Maybe, subconsciously, she was scared  of not being heard. She’s scared that her pain might not be enough for them to forgive her. And still, she didn’t let any drop of tears relieve her frustration._

             Her heart constricted, her breathing was rush, and finally she woke up from the storm of subconscious thoughts. When she was aware that she was alone in her bed and it was dark in her room, she let herself cry, of course, quietly. Meeting Oliver again was too much. She overestimated herself.

             The faint scent of mint and citrus was still there, though Sara was not quite sure it was real or it was just her imagination. But she still felt it. Her hand roamed on the mattress to find her phone. It lit up her bed. Sara hesitated to open her list of contacts  for a moment, but then she look at it anyway. Maybe just seeing her name might be enough to soothe Sara from the realistic nightmare.

           Of course, Sara had Ava’s name on the contacts list, she was her TA after all. She only had her email though. It was a protocol that an instructor should contact students professionally via email. Sara understood that the practice of keeping distance between students and instructors was implemented to keep both parties safe. But Ava had stated in the first meeting that she would be there if her students needed her. No, Sara didn’t miss Ava or want to close that distance. She just thought of Ava as the only thing that could distract herself from the melancholic thoughts, probably because her annoying TA had become one of her issues too.

             She only realized what she was doing when she finished typing _‘I need you.’_ and hit send. Sara’s heart beat faster. Her hands held her phone against her chest when she became aware of the consequence of the message. She checked the time, it’s ten past midnight. Ava wouldn’t check her email at this unholy hour. She had made it clear in the class that she wouldn’t read any email after 5pm. Sara could just send another email telling her to disregard the previous one and tell her she had intended to send it to someone else.

             A few minutes later, her phone buzzed with a notification of a new incoming email. It must be one of those advertisements from Groupon or Etsy. She hesitated to check it. She wasn’t sure how she would feel if it was indeed one of those adds. She sighed before checking it anyway.

 **From:** Ava Sharpe

 **To:** Sara Lance

**Hang in there!**

            Today 0:15

            ___________

           Dear Miss Lance,

           Where are you? Your dorm?”

              Best

           Ava Sharpe.

         -----------------

        Ava Sharpe, PhD Candidate

        Department of Political Sciences

        5326 James C. Scott Building

          --------------

            Sara’s heart leapt at what she found but she let out a soft chuckle. The email was so Ava. It had only one casual sentence but she sent it with the subject, the greeting and the closing. And looked at that footer, who would’ve thought Sara Lance had to exchange a conversation with a girl via this professional format.

             She replied with one word ‘Yes.’ and in a minute her phone flashed a notification again. Sara blinked her eyes in disbelief when she read the message.

            _‘Meet you there in 15.’_

              Sara wiped her tears and turned the lamp on. Zari was still sleeping so she had to be quiet. She changed into sweatshirt and a pair of jeans before checking if her hair was too messy. Sara couldn’t help blaming Ava for making her frantic like this.

            Sara rushed to the building’s first floor. She pushed the glass door and the gust of cold wind hit her face. Of course, it’s the night after the storm in the fall, the temperature had dropped drastically. If Sara hadn’t just woken up after the illusive nightmare and read the unexpected email exchange, she would’ve been aware of the weather and worn some warmer clothes. But it’s too late. Sara didn't want to return to her room and grab a jacket. Ava could arrive at any minute right now. Sara crossed her arms, hugging herself tightly.

         And there’s a black SUV approaching the pedestrian where Sara was waiting. The car’s window moved down, and there she was, Ava Sharpe in a grey cuff beanie and an oversize white sweatshirt. She would’ve looked perfect if she hadn’t wore a pair of sunglasses.

         “Why are you wearing shades? It’s midnight. Isn’t it dangerous driving like this?” That was the first reaction Sara blurted out when she saw a person she needed to see.

         Ava’s nostrils flared for a second. She turned her head to Sara

           “Get in the car or I’m leaving.” She said coldly. Sara didn’t wait for Ava to prove her point. She opened the car and occupied the front seat, buckled up the seat belt quickly. She was quite sure her TA must have safety kink. And like that, they left the undergrad dorm.

         Ava took off her glasses and put them in the door pocket. Sara frowned and shook her head in disbelief that Ava thought she needed to cover her face with that glasses to avoid the possible encounter with her other students.

           “Where are we going?”

           “I don’t know. You said you needed me. What’s the matter? Make sure it’s worth my precious time.”

           Sara turned her head to look at her driver. “Wasn’t it’s you who beat up those fuck boys? Like don't you worry and think of me at all?”

          Ava’s foot suddenly hit the break and pulled the car over the sideway. Sara’s body swayed harshly.

          “Gosh, what are you doing, Ava!?”

           Ava clenched her jaw.

           “Okay, we’ll talk but where do we go. I can’t drive while someone talks to me with annoying tone like this.”

             “I don’t know! I’m new to this town! I only know the skatepark and a bar.”

             Ava rolled her eyes and then sighed heavily. She made a hard choice.

            “Promise me you’ll be quiet until we arrive the destination.”

             Sara raised her brows, puzzled. “Okay?”

          Ava pushed the accelerator again.

          Sara kept her mouth shut. Ava didn't have any song playing. It was supposed to be an awkward, uncomfortable drive, but it was a peaceful one, none the least. The flash of street lights and the sound of engine were somehow enough to relax Sara’s tense body. She hugged herself and curled her body into the car seat.

        “Get the jacket in the back seat.”

         Sara stopped looking at the window but she didn't follow Ava’s order.

         “Or I take you back to your dorm.”

         Sara pouted but she reached her hand to grab a black windbreaker jacket on the back seat and use it to cover her body. She couldn’t help herself resting her chin on the fabric that cover her shoulder, it smelled like Ava.

        ++++++++++++

        Who wouldn’t be worried and frantic receiving the email like that from their students this late at night? One of the protocols for instructors was to always pay attention to the signs of students’ personal problems. Depression was a real thing and usually it was TAs’ duty to watch out for the signs since they were closer to students than the professors. Moreover, it was from Sara Lance, who, supposedly, shouldn’t need Ava. She seemed fine though. Yes, she looked tired but Ava didn't detect any sign of serious problem from her student, just the usual annoying comments. She even seemed lit up when she got in the car.

       Ten minutes of the quiet drive, Sara noticed the change in the landscape. She wasn’t in the  downtown-campus area anymore. What she saw on the road sides were residential area with big and small houses. It was refreshing for Sara. Star City was a big business hub and she spent her whole life in a high-rise apartment. Ava pulled over in front of a relatively spacious house. She drove into the house’s parking spot and turned off the engine.

        “Your house?” Sara questioned.

        “Where else could I go? The library is closed, my office is closed. Be quiet though. My housemate’s asleep now and he’s a light sleeper.”

         Sara put the jacket back on the back seat and followed her TA into the house quietly. She couldn’t believe Ava took her home. The soft light was turned on and Ava led her pass the spacious living room where too many stuffed animals were on the floor. She then climbed up the stair to the upper floor. Sara was tense a little when she realized that Ava not only took her home but into her room.

        Actually the room was not far from what Sara had imagined how Ava’s room would look like -- not that she had thought about it in the details. It was plain with white wall and grayish furnitures. It was spacious, and the bed -- the bed was big and neatly made, unlike Sara’s bunk in her dorm. Maybe she spent a too long second lingering her gaze at Ava’s bed so Ava cleared her throat to get her attention.

       “You may sit on that couch. I’ll get some water. The bathroom is that door. Sara’s gaze followed Ava’s pointing. Ava left the room. Sara slowly walked to the couch. Being a TA must be a really well paid job. This room was spacious. It was more like a small studio apartment rather than a bedroom in a house. Ava had three bookshelves occupying one side of her wall, and there was a study desk with piles of books on the floor. There was no decoration at all. This room was so Ava as Sara knew her. Sara’s eyes were on the bed again, she swallowed, too late to stop her mind from wondering what her TA might be doing on that king size bed beside sleeping. Reading, obviously.

        Her TA returned to her room again with a bottle of water and two empty glasses. She put them down on the coffee table in front of the couch. She sat on the edge of her bed, took off her beanie to let her golden lock free, and both her hands on her lap.

         “So, talk. Go ahead.” Ava started, pointed her palm in Sara’s direction.

         Sara contemplated for a moment before looking down at her hands.

         “About last night-”

           “Oh god. Did they come after you? They know you right? Crap, I shouldn’t have gotten you into this mess. Arghhhh, moms are gonna kill me. If I hadn’t been drunk I would’ve dealt with them professionally. Poor you. I’m sorry-”

          “Ava.” Sara interrupted the rambling. Her TA looked back at her, confused.

           “No they didn’t come after me. I just want to let you know that they won't come after you either.”

           “But why? Why’re you so sure about that? Fuck boys usually don't take it well when their prides were hurt.”

           Sara gave her a smug face.

            “Because I’m Sara Lance.” She smiled with the intention to annoy her TA, but deep down, a hint of nausea caused by her meeting with Oliver was still there.

           Ava shook her head.

              “So you didn’t need me then. Was the email just a joke?” Her brows furrowed. Ava didn’t drive at the midnight and took a student home during the questionable hour just for this nonsense.

               “No.” Sara let her word out softer than she intended.

                “You don’t wanna talk about it?”

               Sara looked away but nodded. She hated being vulnerable, especially in front of Ava Sharpe.

            Her TA stood up and walked to her desk. She got a notepad and a pen, she put them down on the coffee table in front of Sara and walked back to sit on her bed again.

             “Okay then, to make this questionable meeting less unprofessional and more bearable, I’m doing the office hour for you.”

               Sara snapped her head to look at Ava again, her mouth gaped in disbelief.

              “Seriously?”

             “Yup. You haven’t been to my office hours to discuss your project and the book review, and believe me, a semester is not that long. Think -- brainstorm what your possible research topics could be. Jot them down and we can look at them together.”

             Sara crossed her arms. “What If I’m not doing this?”

            Ava focused her gaze on Sara, giving her a cold smirk. “You suck at academic writing, don't you? Not too surprising judging from you last week’s essay.”

            Sara’s nostrils flared, she stared back at Ava, her bright blue eyes lit up. She hadn’t thought Ava Sharpe would transform her vulnerable time and her illogical yearning for  her TA into an office hour, literally. But this was Ava Sharpe, she shouldn’t have expected less.

            Ava gave Sara twenty minutes to think while she dug through her closet for some clothes and left Sara alone in her room. When it was this quiet and her mind had been focusing on her present instead of her past for a while, her exhausted body finally felt at ease enough to make Sara feel the heaviness of her eyelids. However, she wanted to do her best. She lost the basketball, lost the argument, and perhaps, lost a little bit of her pride in bar-fighting. Sara couldn’t let Ava win again this time. It was not that she might not want to leave this room too soon.

           Ava returned exactly after twenty minutes. The punctuality was what Sara had expected, but she wasn’t ready for Ava Sharpe in an oversize T-shirt and shorts. She just finished cleaning her face, Sara could feel the scent of cleanser. Her hair was kept in a messy bun.

          “Cute.”

          Sara slipped out what popped in her head. Luckily it was barely a whisper.

           “What?” Ava frowned and look at Sara, who was covering her mistake by pretending to jot something down.

          “Nothing, I’m thinking of interview for my research.”

           Ava’s lips formed a downward curve, one of her eyebrows arose.

           “Hmm. Tell me more about your idea.” Ava grabbed a pillow from her bed and used it as a cushion. She sat opposite to Sara.

            Sara bit her lower lip, trying to think as quick as she could based on what she wrote on the notepad. The difficulty suddenly increased when Ava came to sit this close, although it was just the opposite side of the coffee table but it was enough for Sara to notice Ava’s face without makeup, which was, interesting. There were some freckles and some small pimples.

          “Erm... gender, I’m thinking about gender and leadership.” Sara tentatively told her TA.

          “Okay? and how it’s global politics?” Ava fixed her gaze on Sara. Someone should tell her it was too intimidating for learning.

        “I..ah..I mean, nowadays, there are many female or non-heteronormative leaders on the global stage.”

         “And why do you need to interview people? Doesn’t it sound more like literature survey kind of research? Like you’ll make an argument from news or articles about the issue. What do you want to know about it? What would be the question?”

          The truth was, Sara never thought about conducting interview.

         “Right... Maybe... I want to know about... how such trend changed the perspectives of American people about gender and political leadership.”

         “Yeah? you might want to categorize groups of your subjects of study. The criteria can be like age, gender, profession, whatever.” Ava furrowed her brows, her lips pursing while thinking. “But I think it would be interesting if you can identify Hillary supporters versus Trump or Bernie supporters. How about that?”  

         “That’s sound challenging.” Sara realized that she had been digging a hole for herself.

        “Right, interviewing is difficult, indeed. You’ll need to do the informed consent thing. Like asking your interviewees to sign on a form to give you consent to use their opinions for your research. Political comments sometimes are sensitive.”

       Sara finally found an escape. “Maybe I shouldn't do the interview. Maybe I need a different set questions.”

        Ava nodded. “Agree, you’re just a freshman and this course is just an intro. I think literature survey is enough. But you need good questions. I’ll give you another 20 minutes to think. I’ll be working on my other work, so stay quiet.” She stood up and moved herself to her study desk. She put on her full-rimmed framed eyeglasses and Sara was not aware that her lips formed a soft smile at the sight. She quickly turned her focus on the note in front of her.

       However, her lack of sleep finally took its toll. Sara yawned.

       “Ava, I should go. You don't have to drive me home. I can grab an Uber.”

        Her TA stopped what she was doing and fixed her gaze on Sara. Sara might get some illusion due to sleep deprivation, but she almost felt like she see Ava’s eyes smiling softly.

         “Do you really want to go?” Ava asked. Sara sensed the seriousness in her tone. Sara contemplated for a long moment. She didn’t want to go, being with Ava was the exact reason she wrote the email. She didn’t know the clear reasons, but Ava Sharpe was the only thing that could ward off her negative thoughts and make she feel grounded. Maybe it was because she had zero connection with Sara’s past.

         Sara shook her head. Ava gave her a reassuring smile.

         “Then stay. My bed is gigantic and you’re not a kicker. It’s fine. Unless you have a crush on me, which you don't.” Ava looked away.

           Sara’s eyes widened, her mouth gaped open.

           “I don't, obviously.” Sara didn't get why she felt offended by Ava’s strategy to get her to stay.

          “Wanna change into the more comfortable clothes? Actually, I’m not sure if you are clean enough to be allowed in my bed.” Ava walked to her closet and offered Sara a set of pajamas. Sara grabbed them and went to the bathroom to get changed.

          Ava couldn’t hide a giggle when she saw Sara in her Mojo Jojo pajamas. They were too big and made Sara look so tiny. Sara pouted and returned her focus to her task on the research questions.

        At this hour of the suburban night, it was easy to focus. There was no unwanted noise. They worked in peace like that for about an hour until Ava noticed the sound of evenly breathing from the couch. Ava smiled at the sight of the girl sleeping soundly. The crease that’s usually there between her brows was gone, her pouty lips parted just a little. She couldn’t believe that it turned out this way -- that she asked Sara to stay in her room. But Ava knew for sure that the girl needed her. She sensed some sadness in Sara although the girl always acted like she was tough and carefree. Ava wouldn’t push her to talk about it though. That’s not her job. Her job was being supportive and attentive to her students’ well being, and right now she knew that it’s too risky to let Sara be somewhere else when she sent that email specifically to her.

        Sara didn’t dream and actually fell into the deep sleep for the first time in a while. She heard Ava called her name so she slowly opened her eyes. A hand guided her to a side of the big bed.

        “Wait here for a sec, okay?”  

        Sara sit on the edge of the bed. Ava found some extra pillows and a comforter from the other closet in the room. She leaned to the bed to set up the pillows for Sara.

        Sara couldn’t tell if it was a dream or reality but the minty and citrusy scent that had been soothing her was apparent. Her nose instinctively followed what it wanted. It ended up an inch apart from Ava’s face. Sara felt the complete absent of sound. She was frozen. Ava was frozen. It was too close to clearly see, but Sara felt Ava’s slowly fluttered eyelashes. She leaned in closer.

         A strong finger pushed Sara’s forehead away. The girl’s cheeks turned completely red when she fully realized what she was doing.

          “Too soon, sleepyhead. Wait until at least, after I submit your final grade.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the next chapter will be lighter and fluffer, like much more pleasant to read than this one.


	5. HQ162.5 S68 B74 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party time! Warning: underage drinking.

_“Too soon, sleepyhead. Wait until at least after I submit your final grade.”_

          Ava suddenly stood up straight beside the bed and pushed Sara’s shoulder to force the girl to lie down on the mattress. The TA quickly covered Sara with the comforter, and when she was done, she retreated back to find a body pillow and made a fort in the middle of her bed, separating her territory from Sara’s.

 

          Ava’s pace was phenomenal. Sara didn't have time to process what had just happened. While she was deciding if she should apologize, the light was turned off, and Sara felt the movement on the other side of the bed.

             “Goodnight, kid.” Her TA said quickly.

       Like that, Sara could only smile to herself in the dark and closed her eyes again. She’s already in her dream, and it was the nice one she hadn’t had for a while.

         Ava rolled her body away from the pillow border. It was almost too late. Maybe she was too comfortable having Sara around, or maybe because of the Mojo Jojo pajamas. Ava almost felt natural to feel Sara’s breathing this close to her lips. The hypnotizing bright blue eyes were only half awake but they were powerful enough to freeze time. But she wouldn’t give in. She wasn’t that dumb. They were young and it was easy to let it happen. Both of them were clearly not unattractive and they happened to be together in the very vulnerable situation like this. She was the mature one, it’s her responsibility to have some decent self-control.

         ++++++++++++

         Sara had a decent rest she needed. However, her biological clock woke her up around five in the morning to accommodate her morning training session. It’s still pretty much dark at this hour. Sara couldn’t see but she surely felt the weight on her chest. She was basically wrapped in a comforter but it didn't mean the warmth from a strong arm and the body pressing against her back couldn’t seep through the fabric. And it was nice, especially the warm breath against the back of her head. There’s something new, the steady rhythm of heartbeat that Sara could feel behind her back. She wondered if it synchronized with hers. She smiled to herself, wondering where the pillow fort was.

 

        This time was different from last night that involved adrenaline, uncertainty, and confusion. This time, her mind and body just accepted that she liked it, she liked this scent, she liked this connection.

 

        Maybe she would call in sick today. Rip already had the idea that she was not well. Maybe he agreed that she needed some rest, and if he didn't, Mick could easily find her a fake medical certificate for her. So she decided to sleep in and scoot her body closer to her source of comfort. Sara heard the sound of car engine humming from outside of the window, it must be Ava’s housemate.

           It had been a while since the last time Sara woke up to the sincere brightness of morning. Ava’s room had big windows that let streaks of light illuminate the white wall, white bed, and of course, the golden strands flowing around Ava’s face. Sara carefully moved her body away from the embrace before turning her body to face the other woman. She wouldn’t miss the chance to take in this stunning, impressionist-liked piece of art before her eyes. Those plump lips were parted and Ava looked younger than the impression she tried to present in the classroom. Sara realized that Ava’s attempt to establish the hierarchy and boundary between her students and herself was just to cover how young she was without makeup and her usual mannerism. Her gaze fixed on Ava’s parted lips, wondering how soft they were.

 

          Sara blinked away the thought. Ava was being nice to her because of her duty. The way she protected Sara was more identical to a wolf mom protecting her cubs. Importantly, her partner seemed nice. And a person like Ava, the one who always stood on her ground and fearless, deserved such girlfriend. It was impossible she would look at a freshman who was struggling to get her life together the same way she looked at her partner. But more importantly, Sara wasn’t attracted to this perfect woman.

           “Where’s my fort? Did you invade my territory?” Ava mumbled, her eyes still closed. Her brows furrowed. She must feel it when her embrace was empty.

             Sara looked around and let out a soft chuckle. Yes, the bed was gigantic but Ava just left the space on her side empty and occupied half of Sara’s. The poor body pillow was on the floor. Why was she like this? Why did Ava has to make it harder like this?

              Maybe because Sara was just a normal hormonal eighteen-year-old girl who hadn’t developed enough self control. All of the cautions and common senses she had told herself suddenly became meaningless. Sara leaned in closer, close enough to feel Ava’s warm breath.

           She almost closed the gap between their lips when the strong arm pushed her body backward and forced Sara to lie on her back. Sara let out a soft gasp in surprise.

          Ava’s elbows were placed on both sides of Sara’s head, trapping Sara under her body in a swift motion. Sara looked up to meet the grayish blues glaring at her from a few inches above. She smiled sheepishly when she realized that Ava was totally pissed.

        “Why are you like this? Do you think it’s funny?”

       Although it came out as whispering between two people, Ava didn't make her tone any less than admonishing. She retreated back to her side of the bed

         “I let you sleep in my bed and you did what? Stealing my pillow and trying to prank me when I was asleep? So ungrateful.”

           Sara rolled her eyes. She was done with this woman.

          It was ten in the morning and they had to get going. Ava had two sections to teach today. It’s weird that Ava shared the car with her housemate so Sara had to take an Uber back to her dorm while Ava rode her bike to the campus. Sara emailed Rip on the way and he replied nicely. When the sky was clear like this, it was hard to believe that the storm yesterday was real.

         

       +++++++++++++++++++++++++

            “Is Sunday night good?” Zari asked Sara, looking at her calendar. Mick had decided it’s about time to have a real party for all of them, and especially for Sara. He said he could rent a vacation house for a night to have a party.

           “No, Ava’s office hours are on Monday.” Sara answered, looking at her laptop screen. 

          Zari side-eyed Sara from her bed. “And why exactly isn’t Sunday okay to have a party?”

           “You know that we all have to do a research project, right. I’m meeting Ava about the project and I need Sunday night to prepare for the meeting. We all want an A from that course, don't we?” Sara’s still searching articles via her university library database.

             Zari narrowed her eyes.

             “And since when you started calling her ‘Ava’?”

             Sara turned her eyes from the screen to her roommate. Zari smirked.

               “Since she told the class to call her by Ava.” Sara couldn’t keep herself from smiling either. She had to bite her lower lip to stop herself from smiling. She liked to hear her own voice calling the name and she couldn’t hide that fact from her friend. 

              “That makes sense.” Zari wouldn’t pester Sara about this Ava girl. It was obvious that her roommate was onto something. To be honest, Zari thought these two would make an adorable couple but chances were really slim. Ava didn't look like someone who would brake rules and Sara wouldn’t drag her into any problem either. The way she prioritized Ava over her own issue with Oliver said it all. But seeing Sara smiled like this was good enough for Zari. At least her friend seemed happier and healthier.

            They agreed to have the party the next Saturday night when Amaya didn't have to work and Sara didn’t have to think about that gen-ed project until the next day. They didn't know for sure how rich Mick Rory was. They only knew that he was capable of many things beyond their imaginations. He said one of his clients let him rent the place in special price. It was a two stories house with a pool and a backyard. It wasn’t big but enough for a small party.

 

          Mick picked the girls from the undergrad dorm around four and then they went shopping together for the party stuff. Mick took care of the alcohol department while Amaya and Sara looked for produce. Zari was charged with the dessert and snacks.

             Mick encouraged them to invite their friends so the party wouldn’t be only about a group of weird kids and an extra-legal lord like him. Their guests arrived around 7pm. Nyssa came with Wally and Gary. Nate drove his own car.

 

             “Didn’t you invite your TA?” Zari asked Sara while they were preparing drinks.

 

            “Seriously? Zari.”

             The truth was, Sara sent an email to Ava and didn't get any reply. Ava told the class once that she wouldn’t reply if it was not urgent or class-related matter. Sara’s invitation fell into the unimportant category for Ava. Of course, she was disappointed to some extent, but Sara wasn’t surprised.

             They all were hanging out in the backyard. Sara asked Mick if they could drain the pool so she and Zari could skate but Mick didn’t like the idea. Zari was a bit awkward. She wasn’t someone who approached people to make friends. Usually it took time and coincidences for someone to become friend with her. Gary and Wally were interesting. But perhaps, Nyssa was the most interesting one, not because of her beauty but the way her eyes followed Sara. Maybe she could be the one for her friend. This one seemed like her real chance.

         The doorbell rang and Mick got up from his seat. Zari wonder who would be his guest. Mick was mysterious. He didn't really talk about his actual profession or personal life. Zari just hoped the guest wasn’t a drug dealer.

         She wasn’t. Zari found out a moment later when Mick came back, followed by a beautiful tall brunette who made Zari’s eyes comically widen and her mouth gape open unwillingly. She was in a pink maxi dress with black cloak with pattern of small rose buds. Her smile was the sweetest Zari had ever seen. She was brought back to her sense when her roommate choked and coughed.

          “Are you okay?” Nyssa patted Sara’s back.

       “I’m good. Thanks.” She wiped her nose.

        Mick offered the woman a bottle of beer right away.

         “Kids, say hello to my friend, Alex. Alex you already know Sara, the heir of my business. That clingy girlfriend is Amaya. That one crushing on you right now is Zari. For the rest of them, I can't remember their names.”

        “Miss Sharpe’s girlfriend? Good to see you again!” Gary blurted out while stepping closer to Alex.

          “Ah..Gary, right?” Alex gave him a tender hug that made Gary scream internally.

          Zari’s was beyond mortified. Her cheeks were heated, showing a shade of deep red. Still, she couldn’t form a word. Alex just giggled at her expression. Amaya pursed her lips at Mick’s introduction of herself but the crease between her brows was deepened when she noticed how Zari lost herself at the sight of Mick’s new friend.

          Sara’s stomach churned at Gary’s mention of _‘Miss Sharpe’s girlfriend’_. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

          “Hello Sara.” Alex turned her sweet grin to the blonde girl. This woman was full of positive energy that made Sara feel surrendered. 

         The others kids introduced themselves to Alex and she was enthusiastically greeted them one by one.

          Nate helped Mick make the bonfire so everyone could sit around and enjoy each other’s company. Alex sat in between Zari and Mick, Amaya and Nate were cuddling next to Zari. Sara’s friends from her discussion class occupied the seats on the other side of the bonfire.

           “So...how did an established entrepreneur like you become friend with these kids.” Alex looked at Mick. The bald man chuckled. It came out more like a grunt.

         “No idea.” Actually, Mick didn't care to remember. He thought it was too sappy. His odd relationship with these girls came from their mutual rebellious nature. He liked Sara and Sara’s friends were not typical.

          Sara put her glass of wine down on the grass.

           “We are not kids, ma’am. Zari is one of the most sought after programmers in the world. Amaya has her adult job, and probably, she will undertake the archeological expedition funded by Nat Geo soon. As for myself, many ladies called me daddy, including the older ones.”

          She ended her sentence with a wink to Nyssa. The brunette giggled at Sara’s savagery. Mick gave his young friend a smirk.

          Alex raised her brows. Ava was right about this Sara girl.

         “Yeah?, speaking of older ladies, how do you guys like Ava’s class? To be honest, I can’t imagine Ava as a teacher. She’s such a useless dork.”

          “Really?” Gary leaned his body forward as if doing that would get him closer to the woman sitting on opposite side of the circle.

        “Ms Sharpe was always calm and collected and her insights were so cool. It is an eye-opening class for me. I love her so much? She’s a perfect woman. I wanna grow up being like Miss Sharpe.” Gary dreamily described his favorite TA.

         Sara grimaced. “She’s...okay.”

         When the night got colder, they moved inside the house. They agreed to put the projector on and watched animal documentary together. Mick almost teared up watching an episode of Fiona the orphan baby hippopotamus from Cincinnati Zoo.

         The party energy was slowly dropped and it became pretty mellow when they stopped watching the documentary. Amaya was cuddling with Nate in a large beanbag. Mick wondered if they planned to get a room soon. Wally excused to leave early since he was a track athlete and he had a training tomorrow morning. Gary who lived in the same undergrad dorm went with him.

 

        Sara and Nyssa were sitting close in the same couch. They had plenty of things to chat about. Sara liked the feeling of getting to know someone who was interesting and breathtakingly beautiful. It pained her a little bit, just a little, to get a confirmation that Ava and Alex were together and both of them were perfect. Nyssa and the alcohol distracted her from that thought. Sara let herself loose and didn't resist Nyssa’s invitation at all. She deserved this, after everything, including knowing that Ava was with Alex, Sara felt like she deserved this good care from her favorite classmate. 

         Zari ended up sitting next to Alex on the corner of the living room. Alcohol did the thing to her. Amaya was having fun, why shouldn’t Zari have some good vibing with this gorgeous lady?

          “So you teach Yoga. When and where? I think I can use some yoga. I spent too much time sitting in front of my laptop and my back’s killing me.” She started the conversation awkwardly.

         “Actually, you can try it right now. Mick, do you wanna join us? you were pretty good in my class yesterday.” Zari grimaced at the conjunction of Mick Rory and the adjective _‘pretty good’_ and the picture of him doing yoga in spandex.

 

         Alex straightened her back . She’s barely affected by the alcohol. It was why she got along with Ava so well. She was always the sober one when Ava was drunk.

          “I’m good.” Mick replied with his low voice. He winked at Zari. “Go for it, kid.” He raised his bottle of beer to encourage the girl.

 

         “Okay, Alex. I can try.” Zari bit her lower lip.

 

         Alex beamed at Zari’s agreement. “Good girl. We start with relaxing your shoulders and upper back. We’re doing the child pose.”

 

          The tips of Zari’s ear turned red at the way Alex called her ‘good girl.’

         “Okay, kneel on the floor. Touch your big toes together and sit on your heels, then separate your knees about as wide as your hips.” Alex positioned herself while she’s instructing. Zari sit beside her and follow the instruction.

         “On an exhalation, bow forward, draping your torso between your thighs. Your heart and chest should rest between or on top of your thighs. Allow your forehead to come to the floor.”

          Zari did just that. This felt nice and relaxing already.

          “Good. Then Keep your arms long and extended, palms facing down. Press back slightly with your hands to keep your butt in contact with your heels. Lengthen from your hips to your armpits, and then extend even further through your fingertips.”

          And when Zari heard the word ‘butt’, her eyes just followed what she heard to materialize the position. She swallowed, feeling a bit thirsty.

          “Well, the goal today is to relax so we loosen up your joints. Inhale come forward.” Alex moved her body forward while still sitting. 

          “Exhale circle your hip and sit back on your heels.”

           What Zari’s mind could only comprehend at the moment was Alex crawling on the floor and moved her hip in circle motion, which was not helping. Zari swallowed harder. Her mouth was too dry.

         She squeezed her eyes shut and sit up.

        “Erm... Alex. I think I’m a bit tipsy and I might not be ready for yoga.”

         Mick walked to both of them and put a glass of ice-cold gin-tonic in Zari’s hand.

          “Thanks, bro. Now I have to decide if I should pour it on my head or drink it.” Zari mumbled to herself.

         Alex sit up and inspected the young brunette.  “Ahh.. your face is so red. Alcohol make you a little cuter.” Alex giggled and it sounded musical.

         “No. You’re the cute one in this situation.” Maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe she just wanted to state the objective opinion.

         “Didn’t know you’re a lady charmer. Tell me more about you. Is that true that you’re a professional programmer?”

         Zari nodded. She smiled sheepishly. Alex’s brown twinkling eyes widened in excitement.

          “Wow. You’re really cool. You’re like eighteen but already accomplished so much. Obviously, you’re not a child. And like, you don’t have to brag about your sexual prowess to be cool either.”

         Alex turned her eyes to the where Sara and Nyssa were. Sara forced a smile. The girl raised her glass when she met Alex’s smug face. Ava was totally right when she told her that this girl was a little jerk.

         Zari pointed her finger gun to Sara and winked. Sara pretended she got shot.

         Alex returned her focus to Zari on her side.

         “But how come you have the skills at such young age and like you’re just a freshman.”

         Zari smiled and bit her lower lip. She tore her gaze from the beautiful brown eyes, staring into space.

         “Actually, I think I might drop the college next semester. I got so many tempting offers from big tech corporations around the world. I decided to go to college just for the experience of it and maybe some pointless diploma. But now I feel like I don't need it. The world is crumbling. People like me, the immigrants, the minority, the refugees, they’re facing crisis, and I feel like, with the money I can gain when I’m in the right place that allows me to work to my full potential, I can actually change things.” 

        “Wow, you’re like Zuckerberg but nicer and hotter.” Alex patted Zari’s head, admiring this girl more than her adorable personality. Zari felt the heat crept from her neck to her cheeks. Alex thought she’s hot.

        Amaya suddenly turned her focus from her boyfriend to Zari. Her nostrils flared and she had to swallow a big lump forming in her throat. Her chest felt hollowed.

        “You never told me about that. Zar.”

         Her voice was trembling and she couldn’t trust herself to keep it together. Amaya stood up an rushed out of the living room. Nate gaped in confusion. A minute ago, his girlfriend was happy and cuddling with him but then suddenly she snapped.

       “Amaya!” Zari could only called her best friend’s name despite knowing that Amaya wouldn’t just stop. Zari ran after her. 

       Nate got up from the couch, looking towards the direction the girls went.

         “Don't go after them, Nate. Right now it’s not your place.” Sara told him, giving him a sympathetic smile. Mick sighed and shook his head slowly. Alex looked at all of them, trying to make sense of the situation.

          “Well. I think I should leave.” Alex stood up. Mick offered her a ride.

        ++++++++++++++++

         Amaya ran upstair to a bedroom. She was on the verge of tears. That’s why she left. She had no right to be mad at Zari and Nate was too pure for this. She almost closed the door when Zari forced herself into the room at shut the door. She stood still, looking at Amaya’s small back.

 

         “I’m sorry.” She let it out as a whisper. Her voice sounded like her energy was drained from her body and soul.

 

         “You never talked to me about that.” Amaya still turned her back to Zari.

 

         “It’s not important.”

 

        “So am I not important to you?”

 

         Zari let out a bitter chuckle to herself. She moved her eyes from Amaya’s back to the hardwood floor.

 

         “What’s the point when you’re leaving in three months anyway. What’s the point if I’m not here. You already have everything - everyone you wanted.” Her voice was shaking.

 

         Amaya turned her back. She found Zari stood still, her shoulders slumped.

          “You know, your boyfriend must be worried right now. He’s a good guy.” Still, Zari avoided meeting Amaya’s gaze.  “I can't do this anymore. It is painful and it’s been too long. You know, I don't understand a single thing. My religion will not approve my feelings and it’s pointless to feel this way towards someone too close but will never look at me the way I want. Maybe travel the world to meet new people, new places -- new meaning of life. You know, I will grow up and happy. And...” Tears started falling down and wet Zari’s cheeks. “And I will stop thinking about you.”

 

        It came out breathy. It’s getting hard to talk when her body was trembling.

 

         Zari turned back to the door. She needed to leave right now. She felt too exposed though it was like the weight she’d been carrying for too long was lifted. It shouldn’t have come to this. She could’ve just dropped the next semester when Amaya was in Oxford. Amaya didn’t have to know about this. She didn’t have to know her plan. She didn’t have to know how Zari felt when it didn’t matter.

        A hand grabbed Zari’s upper arm and forced her body to turned back. A second later, her back was slammed to the door. A small and warm body pressed against hers. A hand held  her back firmly. Another hand gently wiped her tears.

 

         Zari squeezed her eyes shut. She was trembling before melting into the feeling of soft lips on hers. It took a while for Zari to be able to improvise her first kiss.

        ++++++++++++++++++

          It was about eleven at night when Ava finished her kickboxing session at the gym. Her phone flashed the new message notification. It was from Alex.

_“Congratulations! You’re right. I met your tiny snack tonight. No worries about your teacher - student relationship crisis. Your girl couldn’t keep her eyes off me while vibing with another hot girl. Rude much. Typical sugar mama complex I guess.”_

         Ava Sharpe frowned. It took her a moment to realized what it was about. She shrugged, putting her phone back in her backpack. Of course, Sara Lance wasn’t unattractive, to be fair. Why wouldn’t she has some flings? Maybe they’re even a couple. Ava didn’t really know much about Sara. And obviously, Alex was ridiculous to ever think Sara had a crush on her. Ava chuckled at herself and shook her head, ignoring the memory of the moment she saw the _‘I need you’_ email that suddenly popped up in her mind. She was distracted and worried for nothing. And Sara must be fine now that she had someone or two with her.

          ++++++++++++

         Things were supposed to be normal and uncomplicated. Sara was just a genuine jerk who was not a Trump supporter and totally didn’t have a crush on her, which meant Ava could be relieved and continue her teaching without worrying about navigating the relationship between herself and her student.

 

        She had thought her Monday would be productive; she would spend the morning for her own writing or grading, and then students would come to meet her during the office hours and leave with some progression on their projects. But she was wrong. She couldn’t focus on her own work at all. Her brows furrowed most of the time and she was annoyed by the little things, such as Ray Palmer knocking her office just to say hi. Her office hours ended at three in the afternoon. Ten students already came, including Gary. Gary always came to report about his research progress every week, though it was unnecessary. She had another fifteen minutes before being free from the teaching obligation.

 

        Times up. To be honest, she hated office hours. She had to hold it at her TA office at her department and she didn’t like that room at all. She preferred working at her grad student private study room at the library. Usually, she was tempted to leave the office fifteen minutes earlier. But today was different. She didn’t understand why she wanted to wait until the last minute. Maybe she hoped for some more students to come. Maybe she was getting used to having some interruptions in her perfect everyday routine. Ava sighed, letting out some tension in her chest before packing her things and leaving her office.

         +++++++++++

         Zari didn’t return to her dorm after the party. Sara got a confirmation from her roommate that she was fine. Without Zari, her small dorm room felt too large. Sara made a detour before returning to her room in the morning. Nyssa’s bed was nice and every inch of her body must be crafted by Aphrodite herself. It was what she needed after the party where Alex, Ava Sharpe’s girlfriend, was presented. Sara’s neck might be a little sore from checking on the tall brunette every once in a while despite Nyssa’s soft touch and sweet conversation. Her TA was not there but Alex’s presence reminded Sara so vividly about her time she spent quietly with Ava. Alex’s existence was the evidence that everything was real. The warm hands were real. The fingers lacing with hers were real. The kiss placed gently on her forehead was also real.

 

         But Ava was with Alex and Sara didn’t really know what to do with that fact. Confusion turned into frustration. It was Ava’s fault. She had a girlfriend but, still, with her harsh words that’s contrast with her kind action, she made Sara feel something she shouldn’t. Losing herself with Nyssa calmed her from the storm of frustration. Everything seemed right; normal Sara wouldn’t shy away from the opportunity. She couldn’t find a reason to stop herself from seeking some comfort from such a gorgeous girl. Too bad it was euphoric. It didn’t make Sara want to stay longer, not that her past flings had ever done so. She basically left when her common sense hit her hard -- when sex reminded her of who she had always been, of whom she had hurt. She left because Nyssa didn’t deserve to deal with any of Sara’s negative energy that might surface in her eyes anytime.

 

        Maybe a distance was necessary. It was good that she could have her Sunday for herself without doing things related to her study. She could play video games all day or binge watch skate videos. But, still, her room was too empty and these activities wouldn’t help. Zari finally returned to her dorm. She seemed wrecked but hope shone through her exhausted eyes. Sara didn't ask. It was not her business. These two must figure things out themselves.

 

         Her Monday’s schedule was tight enough. It was unnecessary to meet with Ava when she didn’t have a clear idea about her project. The assignment seemed easy and she was not Gary. And who knew? Her TA might not want Sara to waste her precious time.

          It had been a week after the fourth week of the Pol-sci class, which Sara described as too cold. She didn’t feel like she wanted to look at the woman who ran the class. Of course, Ava was beautiful as usual in her formal attire and that tight bun. But seeing the TA avoiding her eyes was destructive to her emotion. She would rather not talk. At some point, she wondered if Ava knew, if she noticed the silence.

 

          “You guys know that you have to speak at least three times to earn an A for each week’s participation, right?” Ava looked at the class, making eye contact to almost every one. The class’s energy was dropped today. Of course, it was normal for a Friday afternoon section. Even Gary was quieter than usual. Maybe Ava herself was too tired to run the discussion at this hour too.

          “Sara, you haven’t contributed to the class. Any thought on why First World countries are helping the Third World countries?”

 

         Why did Ava have to make it difficult for her? Sara sighed before facing the pale blues she was avoiding her for the whole 35 minutes. Those eyes were darker than usual, she thought. Sara wasn’t really sure about the color. She only saw them mostly at night anyway. Those powerful eyes weren’t pleading. They seemed frustrated.

 

         “I have no idea, Ms Sharpe.” Sara replied lazily while leaning her back against her seat.

         It worked. Sara saw the pale blues widened at the mention of _‘Ms Sharpe_.’ Didn’t she like it? Was she angry? Ava deserved to feel what’s in Sara’s chest too.

       

            “It’s not my job to make you care about this class. I’m here only to judge how much you guys care about it. Your choices.”

 

            Ava talked to the whole class but Sara felt like it was directed to her.

          Sara didn’t catch Ava’s glance during the lecture anymore. Of course, they were nothing to each other and it seemed logical that her TA didn’t treat her differently from the rest of her students. She wasn’t special. She was just one of Ava 60 students, who happened to be in her bed for a night, who happened to know how human she was when she was not in the classroom.

          Sara lost the anticipation to came to her discussion. The sight of Ava always made her heart wrench but Sara had to act like it was nothing. She had to smile to Nyssa. The brunette didn’t really want anything from Sara, though. She understood that it happened at the moment they both felt right. It happened without infringement. However, the girl beamed every time she saw Sara.

 

         It was worse when Erik and Braun, the two ultra-white supremacist in the class entered the room. They smirked when they saw Nyssa and Sara being close.

 

         “You know, you two hot ladies should hang out with us sometimes.” Erik invasively stared at the girls.

 

         “No, thanks.” Sara answered coldly. She didn’t want to waste her energy on them.

 

          Braun put his backpack on the floor. He walked closer to the girls’ seats. “Nyssa, don’t you want some American man in your life?”

         The international student clearly sensed the xenophobic and misogynic insult in his tone. She made an eye contact with Sara who was deciding if she should made their mouths bleed. Nyssa gave Sara a smirk before leaning in and placing her lips on Sara’s. The blonde didn’t expect such a bold move but she gave in anyway. Sara’s eyes closed. She didn’t see the boy’s awkward grimaces.

 

         Nyssa disconnected their lips. Her eyes were still fixed on Sara’s.

 

         “I already have an American woman in my life and she is incredible.” The brunette didn't even look at Erik and Braun.

          Sara opened her eyes again, her black pupils suddenly dilated when they met with a pair of dimmed grayish blues. Sara saw it all: the way her TA swallowed hard, the way she moved her gaze downward for a millisecond before turning her back to her students. Ava started writing her discussion questions for the day.

         Sara’s jaw slacked. She blinked slowly.

         “Ava...”

         She let it out weakly. Ava in her usual formal attire looked so tall and distant against the backdrop of the classroom’s chalkboard. She continued her writing as if her name formed by Sara’s voice was just a meaningless blow of wind.

          “I’m sorry, Miss Sharpe. It’s inappropriate. I won't do that again.” Nyssa’s cheeks were flushed. It was embarrassing that their TA walked in on them. It was meant to piss the annoying boys off rather than to show her affection.

         Ava put the chalk down and turned her body to face the classroom. A corner of her lips tugged up. The smile was sardonic. Her chin moved up slightly.

 

         “It’s okay, Nyssa. I don't care. The class hasn’t started. You can do whatever you want. Please, don't let my presence compromise your right to express yourself.”

          As soon as the bell in the building started to rang, Ava grabbed her backpack and walked out of the room. This time, she didn’t spare a minute for Gary. Her long legs marched to the building exit. She needed some comfort and normalcy from her study room at the library as soon as possible. She couldn’t stay neither in the classroom nor her TA office any longer. Some students might find her at the office. She didn't want to have some pointless chat with her colleagues at the department either.

         “Ava, wait!”

 

         Of course, Sara Lance wouldn’t let her get some air. But Ava knew exactly that what she needed at the moment was the absence Sara’s face. Keeping herself functional for 45 minutes was enough. She was aware that the surge of emotion was threatening to explode within her chest. She rather avoided confrontation with someone as infuriating as Sara Lance.

 

         The library wasn’t far from her building. Usually she would walk, but this time she grabbed her bike at the bike racks and rode it as fast as she could. She didn’t even bother wearing her helmet.

         Sara packed her stuff as quick as possible. She didn't hear Nyssa and Wally’s casual conversation after the intense discussion at all. She almost reached the exit when Gary blocked her way. He was excited about his plan for Friday night. She shoved him out of her way and left him gaping his mouth in shock. The moment she realized Ava wasn’t happy and stormed out of the class, Sara stopped her pointless struggle to identify whatever she felt towards her TA. She suddenly realized and accepted that she missed her -- badly, indeed.

 

         Ava was fast. Sara wasn’t surprised. She remembered the basketball match. She just hoped that Ava wasn’t fast enough to lose Sara. Calling her didn't help when Ava just hopped on a bike. Sara stopped to take a deep breath for a moment and decided to run after her TA. Running was what she was good at anyway.

         She caught the sight of Ava going into the library’s elevator and Sara was too late to catch the ride. Sara thought for a second, which floor Ava might go? The 8th Floor, Sara guessed. That floor stored books on political sciences and humanities. Drenched in sweat, Sara took a break to drink water from her flask before heading to the stair way.

 

         Climbing up the stairs to the 8th floor wasn’t that bad compared to Rip’s training session. But it didn’t mean her legs’ muscles didn't  feel like it’s gonna explode. No way she was fast enough to catch someone riding an elevator. Sara panted heavily. She went to the computers provided at the floor lobby, searching for books about United Nations and War. Ava might go to that area. It’s between JX1400 to JZ4900. Sara memorized the LC call numbers and started looking for the right aisle.

         Ava finally stopped holding her breath when she arrived the 8th floor. The peaceful silence, the soft yellow light, the air of ancient books, and the grandeur of the early 21th century architecture shut Ava out from the mundane buzz of college filled with thousands of kids. She decided to make a stop to get some books before heading to her study room located behind the farthest isle.

         She was browsing the bookshelf when she heard the sound of tentative steps approaching. Ava sighed. She swallowed.

 

         “Ava...I’m sorry.”

 

         Sara didn't came too close. Ava frowned. She didn't understand why Sara was like this. She felt sorry for what, being disrespectful in her class?

  

          Sara didn't yell but her voice interrupted the silence of the library stacks and Ava couldn’t stand anyone who didn't respect the code of conduct when using the library.

 

          “Can we talk?” Sara’s voice cracked. The quiet surrounding discouraged her to make the noise. But Ava was here in front of her and Sara had run too far to give up.

 

           Ava shook her head in annoyance. She couldn’t just head to her study room and shut the door. No one, especially, her students, was supposed to know where her private sanctuary was.

 

         Ava started walking. She simply discarded Sara's presence. She didn't look at how Sara’s piercing blues were shimmering with the excess salty liquid.

 

          Sara clenched her fists. She hadn’t expect that it would hurt like this. She shouldn’t have followed Ava. No, she shouldn’t have let herself find peace in this woman.

 

           Sara turned back to follow the TA who was quickly heading to the direction of the lobby. She could’ve surrendered, letting her go to save herself from potential damage. But Ava was there and it had been so long for Sara. Two weeks without interaction with Ava was almost unbearable.

 

           “Are you angry?” Sara tried again when they were at the lobby but Ava was still silent and continuing her walk to the stairway down to the 7th floor. Ava were joining her hands behind her back. Sara knew she did that every time when she felt the need to insert some authority.

 

         “Are you mad at me? Look, Ava, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”

 

          It took every ounce of Sara to hold herself back from grabbing Ava’s hand to stop her. Ava didn't even care to look at her. Why was she this angry? Sara didn't understand. Why would Ava care if she kissed Nyssa? Maybe she couldn’t stand PDA in classroom.

 

         Ava was heading deep into the book stacks again.

 

          “Really? You’re clearly just being your normal disrespectful self.” Ava kept her voice down. It almost came out like a whisper coated with bitterness. Still, she didn't turn to see Sara.

 

           Sara’s step halted for a second. This, Ava’s familiar harsh words, Sara could deal with this. She continued walking behind the tall woman.

         

            “I miss you.”

 

           Without thinking, Sara slipped the words out of her chest. These three words finally stopped her TA from walking away. She still didn't turn her back to face Sara, though.

 

          “No, you don't. Your action speaks otherwise, Miss Lance.”

 

           Sara’s frowned. It was hard enough for her to admit what she felt, let alone to say it out loud. Right, Ava was just like this, either messing with Sara’s emotion or grounding her down, Ava was capable of doing both things.

 

            “What’s wrong with me kissing Nyssa. You already have Alex.”

 

          What she had with Ava was delicate and prone to fall apart so easily. But Sara’s brain couldn’t function properly at this point, in which the tension between them started to break her.

 

         Finally Ava turned to Sara. The crease between her brows expressed the mixture of anger and confusion.

          “You have Alex but you kissed my forehead. You spooned me the other night. What was that for?, Ava!”

 

          Sara couldn’t control her voice when emotion surged up from her chest to her throat. No one was there in this quiet sea book stacks. Sara completely broke the sacred silence of the library. Ava’s pale blues widened. Her jaw slacked before she shut her mouth again and clenched her jaw. Her well defined jawline couldn’t hide the fury fuming in her chest.

        “Stop playing innocent! Talk to me-”

          Sara couldn’t finish her rambling when strong hands push her torso and her shoulder backward and placed her back against the bookshelf. Ava’s move was quick and precise. It didn't really make a noticeable sound but it wasn’t delicate either. Sara’s mouth was covered by a hand -- that warm hand that Sara dreamed of during some nights. Ava’s other hand forcefully held Sara’s body in place between herself and the bookshelf. Sara shivered at Ava’s touch.

         “Can you please, at least, observe the library etiquette? What do you want? Attention? For fun?”

 

           Ava’s face was so close to Sara that she could feel her warm breath touching her face when her TA spitted her surly whisper.

          The furious pale blues softened when she finally noticed the tears glittering the piercing in the baby blue eyes. She slowly moved her hand down from Sara’s lips. The girl pressed her lips tight and swallowed whatever she felt because of the close distance with Ava. She wouldn’t let her tears fall down. Her eyes fixed Ava with unwavering stare.

          “You like pinning me this much, huh?” Sara whispered to Ava’s face. Again, even though she was on the verge of crying and falling apart in between Ava’s body and the bookshelf, Sara wouldn't surrender.

 

           Ava glared at Sara, tightened her grip on Sara’s waist.

 

          “You tried to steal my kiss twice, jerk.”

 

         The light in those bright blues flickered for a split second. Sara’s gaze moved from Ava’s eyes to her nose, her cheeks, and her plump crimson lips, taking in the fact that Ava was this close to her.

 

         Sara placed one of her arm on the small of Ava’s back, pulling her in closer to eliminate any gap between the two warm bodies. Her other palm moved up to cradle the nape of Ava’s neck, pulling her down enough for Sara’s nose to graze Ava’s for a moment. Her TA didn’t pull away as if she was in a trance. Ava closed her eyes when the warm, trembling lips finally claimed hers. One of her hand moved up to cup Sara’s cheek. Sara’s soft lips pressed against hers and move tentatively until Ava leaned in more. Sara’s hot tongue grazed Ava’s lower lip, pleading for access, and her closing eyes saw a spark of light when her tongue met Ava’s. Her back was pressed harder against the bookshelf.

          It wasn’t long before Ava disconnected their lips and pulled herself back. Sara’s arms were still holding her close. Fear of losing the contact, Sara rested her head on one of Ava’s shoulder and tightened her embrace. Ava sighed deeply. One of her hands moved up along Sara’s back before she reassuringly placed it on the back of Sara’s head.

         Ava felt disoriented until her eyes caught the spine of a book on the shelf behind Sara. It was her habit to look at the call number : HQ162.5.S68 B74 2004. Then, her eyes moved to the book’s title - _What’s Love Got to Do with It,_ written by Denise Brennan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol, I'm a library nerd.


	6. Proposals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a long chapter compared to the previous one. But I'm traveling abroad next week so I better post this one before leaving. Fluff, nonetheless.

        “Clingy.”

        Ava whispered to Sara’s ear, her arms still loosely held the small body. Sara lifted her head up to meet her TA smugness. She avoided the scrutiny gaze but didn’t feel like letting Ava free from her arms. 

        “Jerk.” 

        Sara pouted, her cheeks flushed, and Ava found it amusing. Who knew Sara Lance could be this flustered.  

        Sara rested her face on the crook of Ava’s neck again and it was compelling enough to make Ava gently place a kiss on her temple. They stayed like that for a couple more minutes. Both of them couldn’t form any real conversation at the moment. Their bodies and their actions already conveyed so much that verbal communication was inadequate. 

         But the world wouldn’t let them have this moment for too long. Ava looked up, and as she already expected, the library security camera was there. She hoped that no one cared about a small shenanigans in the library. People did it all the time anyway. She hoped they didn't know Sara was her student.

         Ava pried off Sara’s hands.

         “Lets go.” She whispered softly.

      +++++++++

          As soon as the private study room’s door was shut, Sara didn’t waste any more second to claimed Ava’s body and lips again. She pushed Ava forward until she was trapped in between Sara and her favorite desk. Sara didn’t allow any pause for Ava to breath. With their lips still connected, Ava had to sit on the wooden edge to secure her momentum. While Ava was scooting further back on the desk, Sara surged her body forward and position herself in between Ava’s thighs. Sara smiled to Ava’s lips when she let out a soft squeal at the moment the remaining gap between their bodies was completely eliminated. Sara didn't let their bodies and their lips disconnected even for a millisecond, her arms helped Ava steady her body while holding onto Sara’s neck for dear life.

         Sara was hungry. She wanted all of Ava for herself and she’d never completely lose herself into someone like this. It was illogical that since the first time she met those grayish blues, she couldn’t get them out of her mind. Her defense mechanism repeated in her head countless times that she was gonna get hurt and formed all kinds of reasonings to reject her raw and organic feeling towards her TA. Yes, Ava was beautiful, Ava was awesome in every way possible, but Sara didn’t think these were the reasons. Indeed, there was no comprehensible reason at all. 

          It was primal, the way Sara dragged her lips along Ava’s cheek bone to her earlobe. One of her hands freed the silky blonde locks from the tight bun, while her other hand finally found the hem of Ava’s neat rayon shirt and slipped under the fabric to feel the toned stomach. 

        Ava flinched at the way Sara’s fingers grazed her skin. She bit her lower lip.

          “Sara.”

          It came out breathy and Sara’s senses were clouded with her instinctive desire. Her trembling hand under Ava’s shirt moved higher.

         “Sara, stop.” 

           She didn't hear it. Her lips were diving into the mid of Ava’s collarbone as if she wanted to suck every molecule of Ava’s scent out of her body. 

           Sara froze when she felt a sharp pain on one of her shoulder. Ava’s nails released the harsh grip when Sara finally lift her head up to meet Ava’s eyes again. They both panted heavily after the deprive of oxygen. Questions, confusion, and embarrassment flashed in Sara’s cobalt blue eyes. 

         Sara saw it all, how Ava’s shirt ruffled, how the blonde strands were disarranged. She crossed the line. Ava had told her to stop but she didn't listen, and this time she was fully sober.

         Tears started brimming the dilated bright blues as the realization hit her hard. She wasn’t better than Oliver.

          She stepped back. She needed to go away before her primal hunger clouded her self-control again and hurt this woman who was so special. 

       Before Sara could run away, Ava arms drew her closer again. One of her hands  guided Sara’s head to rest on the crook of her neck. Her TA tightened her embrace when she felt the warm liquid seeped through the rayon fabric.

      “Shh...it’s okay. I’m okay.” Ava whispered to Sara’s ear, kissing her temple in the process.

      “Sorry..I’m..I’m sorry.” 

        Sara’s stuttered. It was like everything she had been holding back was intensified and attacked her at the same moment. She wasn’t the good daughter or sister. She wasn’t a decent lover either. She had never thought that she could feel for someone this much, she never knew there’s someone so meaningful for her in the most inexplicable way. Perhaps, her frustration included the inability to conceptualize what she had with Ava.

      “Hey..you’re okay.”

      “I...I.. didn't stop, and it’s bad.” 

        Ava knew nothing about Sara’s past. Her action was purely impulsive. She didn’t know that asking Sara to stop could trigger something that broke her down before her eyes. Ava saw the surge of emotion flashed in Sara’s expression. She couldn’t let her run away and be alone with the flux of terrible thoughts. She felt the need to keep Sara closer to her, to make sure the girl was okay.

      “Sappy.” 

       Sara head tilted upward at Ava’s comment. Tears were still shimmering her bright blue eyes when they formed the questioning gaze at Ava’s smug face.

      “What?” 

        “Man, you’re this sappy, crying after a make out session? I’m gonna tease you about this once a year until your future children get married.”

        Arms still holding Ava’s waist, Sara was flustered by the untimely comment for a second before realizing that Ava was just trying to rescue her from the emotional turmoil. Sara fixed her gaze on Ava, trying to form a smirk on her teary face.

      “You mean your children?”

      Sara grinned when she saw how her TA’s eyes widened and her cheeks turned completely red.

      Ava’s stomach swooped at the meaning behind Sara’s response. This girl, this beautiful Sara Lance, just implied that she would have children with her. This was another level of inappropriate innuendo. Even when her face was kind of teary like this, Sara Lance still managed to throw her off her feet.

       “You are just...” Ava couldn’t find the right word to get back at Sara. She shook her head in annoyance before pushing Sara away and hopped off the desk to tower over the girl.

      “Anyway, I’m not a sappy like you and we have to deal with this in the more mature way.”

       Ava approached the door of her small private study room.

        “I’m not gonna let you run away and make both of us crazy with our thoughts. So we’re going to have some serious discussion about this and this room is not a good place. We should be in the more public and open space. Clearly, you have zero self-control.” Ava buttoned-up and tucked the hem of her shirt back.

       “By the way, Alex and I are just friends.” 

        They ended up on a bench by the lakeshore with cones of ice-cream for each of them. It’s only about 4 pm, but despite the relatively warm weather, the mid-fall sky started to turn into the saffron cloud. The wind wasn’t harsh on them and the water was calm. There were a good amount of people dispersed along the shore, enjoying the nice weather. Was it some kind of a date? Maybe not a date. Sara thought about it as a cool down after the heat that drained both of them emotionally. 

       “So..Ms Sharpe, we made out.” Sara started. She liked this, she liked the straight forward approach. She was able to focus on the reality and rationality instead of drowning herself into her own thought, which, mostly, based on her past. Ava made her thinking became more future oriented. 

      Ava opened her backpack to get her sunglasses. Sara rolled her eyes at Ava’s obsession with them. She hated that the pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer that made Ava looked so...swaggy.

       “It’s getting dark quickly, Ava. What’s the point?”

       “The sunset and it’s reflection in the water can still damage your eyes.”

        Sara frowned at the answer. Ava Sharpe’s compulsive self-protection was both annoying and amusing at the same time.

        “Ava-”

        “Yeah, we made out. What do you think? What am I to you?”  Behind the shade of her glasses, Ava stared into space.

        “Clearly not my TA.” Sara mumbled.

           Ava sighed. She’s always vocal against the professor - student romantic relationship. Researches and experiences from people around her indicated that it was a destructive practice, especially for the student. In her TA training, it was underlined that this kind of scandal shouldn’t happen. And if someone found out, it could mean losing her financial support. It could be worse in the case that the instructor was female. She trusted herself that she wouldn’t let her feeling cloud her judgement when it came to grading. However, if any student know about them, she would lose her legitimacy to lead the classroom.

          Her gut feeling was contradicted to her stand point. A thought of ending whatever blooming between them made her heart constrict. But the future could be worse. Sara kissed Nyssa less than an hour ago and then she just kissed Ava. Was the sweet she tasted a minute ago the remnant of Nyssa’s lips?  It didn’t seem right at all. She would never be someone’s toy, especially, Sara Lance’s. A teacher crush was common, hell she had it all the time. But it’s the teacher’s responsibility to not act upon the attraction. And one thing she knew from her experience was that it wouldn’t last longer than a semester. Yet, the way Sara held her conveyed so much more than that.

       “May I hold your hand?”

        Sara looked at the side of Ava’s face.

         Ava raised one of her brows.

       “You’ve got to write a proposal for that. Three pages long, single space, make it logical aligned.”

        Sara pouted.

       “It’s just..I’m admitting something so hard to let it out, and, you know, I need something to hold on while saying something along the line of _ ‘I like you _ and  _ fall for you so hard _ .’ A little accommodation wouldn't be too much. Hell, why are you so -”

         Sara stopped rambling when Ava’s hand covered hers. Sara looked down to their hands on her lap and laced her fingers with Ava’s.

       “What about Nyssa?” Ava questioned, her stomach churned at the memory of the PDA in her classroom. It was hard to swallow but she needed to get thing straight.

       “Not my girlfriend. what happened in the class was just to rub some non-heteronormative content on Erik and Braun’s faces. They approached us in the very sexist way.”

       “Still not cool.” Ava looked away.

       “Look, I’m sorry. But I thought you’re with Alex and I was kind of hurt. You know, I freaked out. I never felt like this before.” 

        Ava’s thumb grazed Sara’s knuckle in a soothing way.

        “Who told you I’m with Alex? Like two girls can't be just friends anymore?”

        “Gary.”

        Ava tilted her head backward at the mention of her most enthusiastic student.

         “Gosh. Yeah, I slept with Alex two or three times but it was like a year ago when we’re not friends.”

         Sara snapped her head to looked at Ava, her mouth opened in disbelief.

         “What? Of course, my gut feeling was right  the whole time!” 

         “No! Clearly, you were wrong. We’re just good friends!”

         They both sensed some attention from some people who were chilling not so far from them. They were quiet for a moment. 

         “Are we like, dating now or what?” Sara asked casually, trying to hide the tightness in her chest and how her heart beat faster. 

         “About that.” Ava paused. Sara held her breath, squeezed Ava’s hand.

         “No, we aren’t.” 

         And like that, Sara’s heart sank to her feet. She yanked her hand from Ava’s as a reflex.

        “Okay.” Her voice cracked.

        Sara looked away. She hated that she couldn’t keep herself together when she was with Ava.

       “We can't date. Yes, it’s not illegal; you’re old enough. But It’s against the protocol and believe me it is in the protocol for a reason. The only thing we can do is waiting until the end of the semester.”

      “About two months then.”

      “I don’t know, by that time you might not feel the same about me. Potentially, you would hate me due to your grade. Obviously your brain now is clouded by dopamine, mine too. And it will die down. You might meet someone new and fall for them. People attracted to you-”

      Ava stopped talking when Sara just stole a quick kiss from her.

       “Two months. Deal. Now, move on to the details. What would be the proper way to not be dating you for two months? Can I kiss you? I really like kissing you.”

      Ava tightened her lips and shook her head.

       “I don’t think it’s a good way to not be dating.”

       “Damn it.” Sara pouted.

       “No physical contact except emergency. We can still talked, and if you behave in class I might allow hand holding sometimes.”

       Sara narrowed her eyes.

      “This is the abuse of power, Ava. So political.”

       “Don’t wanna hold hands then.” 

      “Who said that.” Sara quickly took Ava’s hand back in hers.

       The conversation flowed naturally. They got to talk about nothing important and learn more about how to make each other laugh. It was tentative at first but these two couldn’t be tentative with each other for too long. Harmless banters were mixed with giggles and ice-cream stealing. Sara ended up having the sticky, sugary melted cream on her hairline. 

       Still, it wasn’t a date. It was too short. Ava had to leave before it’s too dark since she rode a bike home and Sara wouldn’t let Ava ride for three miles if there’s a potential threat. Sara was also having dinner with Amaya and Zari. It’s Friday after all. So, clearly this wasn’t a date. Sara noted in her mind. It couldn’t be, until the last day of Sara’s first semester.

         +++++++++++++++++

           Ava finally arrived her home. The warm smell of some roasted meet welcomed her. Rip was making some decent food. 

         “What make you smile like that, baby?”

         Ava suddenly stop grinning. 

        “Get some good news?” Rip inspected his sister’s face.

       “Oh god. I almost forgot that it’s today!”

        Ava immediately check her email from her phone.  Hope and anxiety mixed within her stomach. 

        There it was, the new email from Wenner - Gren Foundation. Ava tentatively touched the screen to read the content. 

        Rip was attacked by his sister. She jumped and hugged him violently with a bright smile and a high pitch squeal.

        “Easy, baby.” 

       “Rip, I got it. I got the big grant. Fuck the TA ship!”

       “Wow! I told you. You are so awesome. I’m so proud. Are you gonna pay me your rent from now on or what?”

       The realization hit her. She let her brother free from her hug and took a few step back. Her chest hollowed that she had to put one of her hand on it to steady herself. She was trying to control her breath. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes when the heat crept up from her chest to her nose.

       Secure the grant meant twelve months abroad. Her brilliant proposal stated it clearly that she would follow the UN team to some current and former war zones. The first three months she would be at the border of Bangladesh and Myanmar to investigate why United Nation failed to help the refugees from genocide. 

       And the grant had expiry date. She had to leave the campus to the other side of the world at the end of the semester. Wenner - Gren was the most difficult grant to obtain in social sciences and it would significantly boost her profile. She should’ve been elated to know that she would get to conduct her research in the field, travel the world, and gather data to write the dissertation so her PhD struggle would end soon. She should’ve been excited about her future after the graduation. She planned to either get involved in party politic or join the supranational organization. Be the boss and change the world.

         But all Ava could do was running to her own room and started crying. The reasons behind the two months deal with Sara included  the doubt about her own feeling towards the girl. She needed time to take it slow and make sure it was worth the risk. She hadn’t thought that her feeling for Sara Lance was something this special, something so meaningful more than a romance that made her smile -- until she realized that it was impossible to be with Sara.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it's too rush. I may or may not update in the next week.


	7. Ollie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healthy and Very instructional.

        Daylight was getting shorter, but Sara Lance was getting brighter. Two months was a real challenge when she had already experienced how Ava’s lips tasted like. However, knowing that what they had was real made Sara’s heart glow, and there was the promise that her life after December 11th would be much brighter and meaningful. Her friends noticed the change but Sara wouldn’t risk Ava’s career. Of course, she wanted to tell them about Ava, she wanted to talk about Ava as much as she could and it would be nice to have someone to share, but Sara could wait. She was willing to keep the promise.

          They barely met each other, though, except in class. Both of them had really packed schedules and Ava truly meant it when she said they were not dating. Things shouldn’t be started or developed. Ava didn't even give Sara her phone number and Sara didn't ask. She clearly understood that the person like Ava Sharpe, who valued protocol this much and never backed down her ethical and political stance, would feel torn to start anything with her student while she was in the position of power. Sara could see that rushing their relationship would break Ava and that was not what she wanted. Sara felt grateful that Ava didn’t shy away from her feelings. She didn’t reject Sara and she was kind enough to ask her to wait.

     However, the office hours were something Sara was looking forward to, and of course, Ava Sharpe spent her time with her soon-to-be-girlfriend discussing Sara’s project and helping her improve her writing skills, not that she could keep her eyes off Sara while teaching her about forming the essay’s structure.

      Sometimes, Ava was nice enough to allow Sara to stay with her in her room at the library with the condition that Sara had to study and not be playing with her phone.

       “Your hand, please.” Sara rested the side of her head on the table in the study room, reaching one of her hand to the open book in front of Ava.

        “Convince me, Lance.” Ava looked at the girl sitting opposite to her fondly.

        “Come on, I did great in our last week discussion.” Sara pursed her lips.

         “By insulting Erik instead of being civil and facilitating constructive discussion?” Ava ignored the pleading eyes and scrapped some note on her notebook.

          “He challenged you and I didn’t like that. You know, I don't get why these dudes didn't find you attractive and being nice to you.”

         Ava put her pen down. The warmth gently formed in her chest for a second before it was replaced by a cloud of sorrow. She wouldn’t let it showed, though.

          “For the record, you found me attractive, still, you weren’t so nice to me. Sara, if you’re too protective like that everyone will know.”

          Sara sighed and turned her face down. Ava’s worried eyes were softened. She reached her hand to Sara, gently stroked her hair, feeling the silky, lighter shade of blonde locks. Sara let out a soft hum of satisfaction.

        “Thank you, by the way. But I can take care of myself.” Ava whispered.

        “Can’t keep your hand to yourself, huh? You’re making it harder for me, you know, but I’m not gonna fall for your evil seduction.” Sara closed her eyes, mumbling. She couldn’t look at Ava right now or she would’ve pinned the woman down and tasted those plump lips.

        Ava let out a soft chuckle. Sara was happy, and she hadn’t looked this happy before. The girl usually had the sign of sleep deprivation under her cerulean eyes. And at some moments, a second or maybe less, those bright blues were somber.

       Right now, Sara Lance was obviously more alive. She had prepared for the class, put a lot of thinking and researching effort to each week discussion. She even got her first draft of her book review done.

        Breaking her own heart was one thing. It was easy, she cried but she was practical enough to know what was the right decision and mature enough to swallow her feelings and compartmentalize this part of her life from the other.

         But Ava couldn’t break this beautiful and beaming Sara, not yet. Ava just hoped for the best that the girl would finally realize that her teacher crush wasn’t a big deal and would happily find someone new. That way Sara could continue being this happy.

           ++++++++++++++

         As far as Sara knew, Amaya hadn’t broken up with Nate. The predicament was inevitable when Nate was such a good man, and Amaya did fall for him. If it hadn’t been revealed that Zari had feelings for her, Amaya and Nate could’ve been a typical lovebirds couple that made everyone wanted to gag. Zari told Sara she didn't hope, she only let it out of her chest and didn't really want anything back from Amaya except being her good friend.

         Zari sipped her coffee, enjoying her down time with her roommate.

          “You really do like Ava, Sara. I couldn't believe you’re such a good nerd. I mean, social sciences isn’t even your thing. I remember that you were into biology and hated Mr. Willaby for his World History so much that you made out with a dude during his class.”

          “Dude, Willaby was a conservative and ethnocentric. Who wouldn’t hate his boring class? Ava is not bad at her thing and I want a good grade. That’s all. You know you can't ship a student with their teacher, right? It’s wrong.”

        Zari rolled her eyes at Sara’s unconvincing reasoning.

        “Are you having fever, Lance? Or are you high or something? Ava’s like 24 or something, I guess, and you’re 18. Nothing wrong with that. Nate is older than Ava, I think, and Amaya still dates him. I couldn’t believe a ladies’ charmer like you would say such thing. How many college chicks did you hit on when you’re like 15?”

         Sara crinkled her nose at Zari’s insight about herself and shook her head.

         “Nope, not possible until she’s not my TA.”

          Zari looked at Sara, narrowed her eyes and gave her friend a mischievous smile. “Aww, you’re falling so hard, Lance.” Sara just shook her head but she couldn’t contain her smile or hide her blushing cheeks.

        “How about you? Are you good with everything? I barely see you at our room and I guess you spent your time at Amaya’s more often.”

        The air in the room thickened as Zari’s smile faded. It was replaced by the tired look.

         “I didn’t know that it would be this hard. We still don't know what we are to each other. You know, sometimes I wanna throw up because of that dilemma.”

         Sara looked at her friend. It’s painful to see Zari, who’s always nonchalant, being so tired and trapped.

         “Hey, I know it’s none of my business but she likes you. Like, since we’re in tenth grade. She needs time to adjust herself to her new found identity and possibilities. It’s not easy. And if you feel so bad about it, you have to decide, moving on or waiting for the right time. I mean Alex’s hot and you kinda have chemistry with her. You should join my club.” Sara’s eyes widened when she realized what she had just slipped out and its implication.

       Zari’s brows quirked. “Your club? Like _‘the older ladies admirers’_ or just _‘Ava Sharpe enthusiasts’_ in general?”

       Sara reflexively raised her index finger in front of her face, she wasn’t self-aware of her body language.

      “Don't.”

       It didn’t sound like joking. Zari smirked at her roommate’s reaction.

       “Like _‘don't be an Ava Sharpe admirer because I’m jealous’_ or don't what?” The computer genius teased.

        The girls were interrupted when Sara phone buzzed. Sara felt a swoop in her stomach when she saw an incoming call from her dad. She waited for a moment, wasn’t quite sure if she was ready.

        “Do you want some privacy? I can go outside.” Zari’s gauging her friend’s need. Sara took a deep breath before shaking her head, then, picked up the call.

        “Hi dad.”

          Sara knew it was about time that her dad started worrying about her, the rebellious child who only contacted her family once after moving into her dorm.

       _“Sara.”_

     The blonde relaxed her grip on her phone when she heard Quentin’s gentle recite of her name.

      “What’s up, dad?” Her voice cracked. She missed him. Sara and her dad were close. He was the one who trained and taught her to be a tough girl.

       _“Nothing, just a check up, baby. You good? We hadn’t heard from you for a while.”_

       Sara clearly sensed how Quentin tried to hide his concern.

       “I’m good, dad. School’s tough but I really like it.” And she earned a chuckle from her roommate.

       _“Good to hear that! By the way, I’m calling to ask you about your Thanksgiving break. When do you think you can fly back home? I’m looking at the airfares-”_

      Quentin was interrupted. Sara heard a faint ‘Bye, dad.’ and ‘Good luck, Laurel’ from her phone. She froze at the thought of Laurel on the other end of the call. She sounded happy. A lump was forming in her throat. She missed Laurel. She really liked her sister’s soothing voice.

     _“Laurel’s having the bar exam today. You should text her.”_

      Sara couldn’t form a response for a moment. All she could do was swallowing hard.

      “How is she?” Sara finally had enough strength to ask. Quentin paused.

      _“Well, she’s fine and clearly gonna kill the exam, although she just broke up with Ollie.”_

        Sara heart felt heavy from what she heard. She laid down on her bed, one of her hand massaging her temples.

      

        “Is she really okay?” Her voice was too weak to continue the conversation, but she needed to know.

         _“She is. I mean I don't know what’s going on, she doesn't talk about it. It sounds not cool but I’m glad they broke up. Never want him to be my in-law anyway.”_

        “Right.”

          _“So, when are you coming home?”_

         Sara closed her eyes. Was she ready for her family? Yes, she missed everyone. She missed her dad’s jokes and comfort. She missed Laurel’s scowl when she did something inappropriate, and of course, she missed her mom’s lap and her soothing hands. One of her hand played with her necklace Lauren gave her.

         “I want to come home, dad, but I can't. Rip already has an intensive training schedule for us during the break.”

         The other end of the call was quiet for a moment until Quentin let out a tentative      

      _“Okay..”_

           +++++++++++++++

           It’s her last intramural basketball match. The Pol-Sci 105 didn't get through the semi-final but they still had the match to decide the second runner - up. Ava wasn’t thrill about it. To be honest, she had too many things going on in her life already, and the intramural match seemed like the unnecessary choice to spend her time for. Her life hadn’t comfortably adjusted to the fact that she was having some sort of a significant other, the ‘not yet’ girlfriend. It was weird that she knew she had to keep some professional distance between them, but at the same time, she felt like she wanted to keep Sara happy.

         Her research trip required a clear plan and complicated preparation. The TA work loads before the midterm added up her burden, and she had to manage these things when the ticking bomb was waiting to explode whenever Sara knew their relationship wasn’t possible, which depended on how soon Ava would be brave enough to face the heartbreak.

         Ava was in her usual basketball attire: pony tail and sport jersey that barely covered her abs. The blonde was stretching and warming up when she saw a group of undergrads occupying the side of the court.

         “Ms Sharpe!”

        Gary jumped and waved his hand frantically when he saw Ava. Her brows furrowed and her jaw slacked when she realized that the group was consisted of Wally, Nyssa, Gary, and to her surprise, her other students including Erik and Braun were also came.

        Of course, the ‘not yet’ girlfriend was among them. She clearly had planned to distract her by coming in a cute sleeveless blue and white porcelain pattern romper that complimented her eyes so well while showcasing her perfect legs. The freckle-faced smirked at Ava and licked her lower lips, knowing exactly how her look affected the TA.  Ava quickly moved her eyes to somewhere else to avoid drooling in public. Her ‘significant other’ was trying to keep her smug face from bursting into laughter when she saw Ava’s reaction.

       “Tell me you guys are not rioting against me.” Ava asked when the group approached her.

         “Gary told us you’re having a big match so we came to support you.” Wally told her, his smile was so bright that Ava suddenly wanted her sunglasses.

         Sara didn't say anything, she just smiled and fixed her gaze on Ava. She was lost in how cute and sexy Ava looked in her basketball attire.

        “And Erik was like, super into basketball he had to tag along.” Gary justified the presence of the boy who wasn’t a fan of Ava Sharpe. Erik just looked away, he seemed flustered when Ava moved her gaze to him.

         Ray Palmer saw the students flocking around his key teammate so he joined them.

        “Aww, you’re really popular, Sharpe. See?, how cute your students are.”

         “Your student is cute too, Palmer!”

         Ray turned his head to the direction of the voice. Zari and Alex were walking in together.

        “Wow, I’m so proud of my hot roommate.” Sara winked at her friend.

        “Shut up, Lance. We just met at the gate.”

         As soon as Alex noticed Ava, the yoga master ran to her friend to give her a quick bear hug. Sara’s smile faltered at the sight. Ava frowned at Sara’s reaction. The girl shrugged and led her classmates and her friend to find the spot to sit.

       “I brought popcorn.” Gary beamed at his friends and urged them to pass the buckle to share.

       Ray Palmer’s almost zoned himself out of the current context when he saw who was approaching his group.

  

        “Thanks for coming.” He beamed so bright that Ava had to rolled her eyes.

        “Of course, I came. You guys are my minions after all.” Nora Darhk looked at her favorite minion with a smile. Ray was obviously melting. Ava wanted to gag.

         “Do your best, TAs, you’re fighting in the name of our course.” Nora looked at everyone except the tall Ava Sharpe who started practicing her three-points shot.

        Nora approached the group of Ava’s students and quirked her brows. Everyone in the group was a bit tense at the prospect that their professor was going to sit near them. Nora never did anything offensive to her students but she definitely had the professor aura that made the undergrads feel not so comfortable. The professor sat with them anyway.

      This wasn’t the ideal condition for Ava to perform well. She hated having audiences, but it warmed her heart a little that Sara was here. She mentally cursed herself for feeling smug like a stupid high school jock having her cheerleader girlfriend on the side of the court. It would’ve been weird if Sara had come alone. She didn't know if she should thank Gary or not. Maybe she wanted to win today, she definitely didn't want to lose when Sara’s watching.

        Sara never lost sight of Ava. It was relaxing but breathtaking at the same time to watch the tall blonde gracefully making her basketball moves. It was her first time watching someone who was special to her competing. Sara was always the center of attention in the field listening to girls and guys screaming her name.

        “Erik, you’re not even subtle. Stop smiling, you look like an actual puppy and I’m embarrassed just by sitting near you.” Braun teased his friend who suddenly stopped smiling while his pink cheeks turned completely red.

       “I’m not smiling! you’re fucking delusional, dude.” Erik tackled his friend’s shoulder.

       Sara slowly turned her head to see her ultimate rivals in her classroom.

        Gary patted Erik’s shoulder. “I get it, man. I have a crush on Ms Sharpe too, platonically.” Gary commented dreamily. Sara raised her brows at the conversation before massaging her temples. This didn’t sound good.

        “So, that’s why you always try to piss her in class? That’s... kind of middle-schooler.” Nyssa smirked at him. Sara clenched her palms, counting one to ten back and forth in her mind, irritation riled up in her stomach. Her frown deepened but that’s it. She must keep it cool as the normal Sara Lance should be. Her future girlfriend was obviously attractive. People would find her attractive. She better not be this jealous.

        “Welcome to the club, kid! But she’s into girls, though. Been there.” Alex enthusiastically smiled and waved at Erik before giving Sara a wink.

         The boy looked defensive. “I’m not having a crush on Sharpe! She’s a fucking hardcore liberal.” Erik rejected the tease but his blushing cheeks and droplets of sweat on his forehead wasn’t convincing. The undergrads suddenly stopped teasing about the topic when they realized that Nora was looking at them. Zari couldn’t keep herself from laughing when she saw Sara grimaced.

       Sara waved at Ava when the TA turned her head to look at her before the tip-off that started the match. Sara was quite sure that the eye contact was specifically meant for her, not the rest of the group.

         Few minutes after the game had started, It was clear that it was quite challenging for the Pol-sci 105 to win over the opponent team. They were all young and tall undergrads with decent basketball skills. For people who were into basketball, they might notice that Ava was the best in the court, but, overall, it seemed like their opponent team was better than the group of stressed and tired grad students.

         Ava’s students were a bit extra. She didn’t expect to see Sara Lance stood up every time she got the chance to score, and it’s not only Gary who shouted her name, Erik did that too, with some mediocre coaching that annoyed Ava. She knew what she was doing and needed no man to tell her what to do in the court.

         It showed that the TAs were not in the best condition to compete. Sara frowned at how Ava seemed not fit enough that she panted heavily and sit on the wooden floor instead of standing up and keeping her body awake. She knew that Ava was under her work and school pressure but it was impossible for an undergrad like Sara to actually understand how terrible school was for grad students. She wondered for a second if the secret they had together was one of the thing that drained Ava’s energy. It pained her to see Ava being tired like that. She couldn’t keep herself in the audience seat any longer. Sara got up and walk to the Ava. Zari, Alex, and Nyssa quirked their brows almost at the same time when they saw the girl approaching Ava. Sara sat down near her TA. Ava acknowledged  her presence by giving her a reassuring smile.

      “You good?” Sara asked softly.

       Ava nodded.

      “Do you want me and Zari to join your team?”

       Ava frowned. “You wear a cute dress today, and nope, your offer is borderline insulting. I’ve got this.” Sara giggled at the TA’s borderline flirting, it’s musical.

        The loud whistle blowing called Ava back to the court. Sara wanted so bad to reach her hand and cup Ava’s flushing cheeks, and then give her a quick kiss, but she kept her hand to herself and returned to the audiences.

         The clock started to count down the last 20 minutes of the match. The only noisy group in the gym became louder when it seemed like the TAs was getting better. Ava seemed to be possessed by The Professor, the legendary street player. Her way of dribbling made her opponents look dumb. Obviously, she was a forward, but her team awareness and the way she controlled her team by making many smart passing as if  she was a point guard baffled both the audiences and the opponents. Only five minutes left and the Pol-sci 105 were winning. Sara jumped every time her future girlfriend scored the points. At some point, Gary threw his jacket into the air with excitement.

        The opponent team scored two more points that lessened the gap between their team and the TAs on the scoreboard. If they could defend themselves from the TAs’ attack and scored three more points they could win.

       Ava was carrying the orange leather ball now. She was outside the three point line and deciding what to do next.

      

       One of the defender thought he could intercept the ball from Ava. He swiftly approached her, giving Ava a needed space that allowed her to quickly turn her body away and slip herself into the three-second area. Her lay-up steps were long that she reached the hoop in a blink.

       Ava’s whole body was in the air when a muscular shoulder tackled her harshly, resulting in Ava flying backward and dangerously fell onto the parquet. The banging sound made everyone in the court shook.

       Ava’s ears were numb. She didn't hear the whistle and the yelling from the side of the court. A moment later she sensed a rushing but gentle touch from Alex to help her got up while checking her head. Ava didn't sense any real pain except the punch in her lungs. Her head or her elbows didn't hit the floor. It was her strong back that helped distributing the impact.

        “You fucking moron!” The familiar voice yelled.

         It’s too late. Ava wasn’t quick enough to prevent Sara from lunging forward and push the guy who tackled her. She wasn’t surprise at all that Sara aggressively reacted to what had just happened. It’s a very Sara thing to do and maybe Ava wasn’t different. But in front of other students like this, Sara’s rage would only give everyone the idea of their bitter sweet secret.

         He was a big man but Sara was strong enough to make him fell backward to the floor. Sara didn’t stop, she approached him, sitting herself down beside him and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him to face her.

       “How dare you hurt her! She’s so small and you fucking tackled her in the air like that?”

       Sara spatted into his terrified face. Her nostrils flared and her cheeks reddened. The moment Ava fell to the ground, her heart sank to the floor. She was too scared of Ava getting serious injury. When she saw that Ava was able to get up, her worry was replaced by the rage surging in her vein. She couldn’t let that man get away with it by just awarding Ava’s team free throws.

        “I’m sorry,girl. I didn't mean-”

         “You’re fucking lying!”

         A hand touch Sara’s shoulder from behind.

         “Sara, stop.” The one who got hurt told her softly, trying to calm the angry blonde.

         “No, Ava. I won't let him get away with it. He hurt you!” Sara didn't look back, still glaring at the man.

        “I told you I’m sorry, girl. Chill!” He raised his both hands in surrender.

         Sara tightened her grip on his shirt. “I watched you the whole game, you clearly know basketball and of course, you must know how dangerous your move was. It’s fucking intentional!”

        “Sara.” Ava tapped her hand on the girl’s back again but Sara didn’t listen to her at all.

       The man’s temperament met his limit. He clenched his jaw before using one of his big hand to yank Sara’s hand away from his shirt. He used his strength to push Sara away violently but Sara instinctively twisted his hand and made him cried in pain.

        “Sara! STOP!”

         This time Ava’s voice was harsh and authoritative enough to get Sara’s attention. She turned to Ava, who seemed angry rather than hurt.

         “You can't do that, Sara.You can’t just flip off and use violence like that. And this is none of your business.” Ava scolded.

      

      Sara’s rage suddenly faltered. Her mouth gaped in shock and surprise, which turned into disappointment in a second. Her eyes channeled the sudden ache in her chest. She pressed her lips and nodded to herself slowly before looking  into Ava’s eyes. People around them became quiet as they felt the thickness of the heat radiating from the two girls.

       “Fuck it.”

       Sara told herself under her breath and turned away from Ava, marching out of the gym, leaving Ava feeling the hollow in her chest that weakened her legs.

       “Are you gonna let her go like that?” Alex softly drew Ava’s attention back to the surrounding after she looked a bit lost. Ava blinked and took a deep breath before shaking her head. She walked out of the court, didn’t feel like she had enough energy to run anymore. Her friend got in the court as her sub. Ray scored two more points from the free throw so the Pol-sci 105 won the match.

     Zari ran to catch up with her friend outside the gym. She threw her arm over the blonde’s shoulder.

      “Are you okay, Lance?”

      “Sorry that I messed up again and ruined the fun.” She told her roommate, her voice cracked when her lips were so dry after the turbulence of emotion.

       “You didn't, you just really like her. That’s all, I get it.”

        Sara gave herself a bitter chuckle. “It’s impossible, Zari. You can't just ship us. Ava won't break the rule. She is too scared of everyone knowing about us and she fucking chose the rule over me.”

        Zari tightened her embrace. She didn't know much about the nature of Sara and Ava’s relationship but anyone who had eyes would know just from their recent interaction that there’s something special between these two. Sometimes, she wondered why her precious friend had to endure all of these. The issue with Laurel and Oliver was already too much for this brave 18 year-old.

    

       “And please, don't tell anyone. If other people know, it would break her.”

        Zari sighed at her friend’s request. Of course, she wouldn't do such stupid thing. She formed a faint smile at how her friend was still thinking of Ava first.

       ++++++++++++

         Ava didn't hear from Sara. The girl didn't send any email to ask her for their weekly study date. She didn't even come to her office hours. Of course, Sara would never want to talk to her again after what had happened at the basketball match. After cooling down, Ava realized that what she did to Sara wasn’t entirely justified. She knew she would’ve been mad and punched anyone who hurt Sara too. But, still, she wasn’t used to being protected by someone else other than Rip. And it happened in front of her students, her colleagues, and Nora. It could put their relationship in jeopardy. Ava lost it at the thought of ending whatever they had together.

        She patrolled the lecture hall as usual, and of course, she spotted the certain blonde in the far back row. The girl looked so tiny in her red sweater. There, like every week, she looked around, roaming her eyes to locate Ava in the big lecture hall. When the bright  blues met the grayish ones, Ava wanted to stay collected but all she did was approaching Sara. She couldn’t think straight, she just wanted to have a closer look of the tiny blonde.

        The class would start in ten minutes. Students were coming in the lecture hall but no one had yet occupied a seat on the side of Sara. To Sara’s surprise, Ava in her usual white collarless shirt with her formal bun, sat down on that seat.

        “We’re not talking or something?” Ava was staring at the her student who was obviously avoiding her gaze by looking at the other direction.

        “How about the Campus Coffee after my office hours?” Ava offered tentatively. Maybe a cozy public space would help. She hated being compromise but Sara was just too cute to not be missed. Her hands certainly ached for feeling the girl who now acted like a five years old, resting her head on the seat tablet. Sara still didn't turn her face to Ava. The TA didn't get any response. She should’ve been frustrated at how Sara reacted, but she found it adorable instead. Sara Lance who tried to act as the coolest kid in class the whole time was nonsense and childish like this.

        “Okay, thanks for non-verbally telling me that you are not interested.” Ava shuffled to leave the seat. She lingered there a few more second.

        “Bye.” Ava took her last glance at Sara, who still didn't look at her.

       “The library.”

        Still looking away, Sara uttered her request tentatively.

        Ava quirked her brows. A soft smile tugged at corners of her lips.

       “Sure, _babe_.”

     Ava answered softly before walking down the hall to greet the other TAs who were preparing to start the class.

      Sara quickly bobbed her head up, her gaze followed Ava’s back. She bit her lower lip to prevent herself from smiling foolishly at the sound of the endearing term.

        +++++++++++++++

         Sara was sitting on the floor, leaning her back against the door of the private study room, hugging her white quilted bomber jacket. She was a bit sleepy and the library’s silence lulled her to close her eyes.

       The rhythm of the hard polyurethane outsoles tapping on the floor woke her senses. The library’s book stacks seemed like runway props when the certain tall blonde in her gray chesterfield coat was approaching her private study room. Her blonde locks was now cascading down onto her shoulders. The library dim yellow light made the woman looked ethereal. One of her hand’s carrying two cups of coffee on a paper tray. Sara didn't move her gaze away from the woman even for a second until she stood in front of her. Sitting on the floor like that, Sara felt like Ava was taller and more graceful than her usual Ava.

       “I can’t get my key if you’re gonna sit there and look at me like that.”  Ava looked down at the girl, handing the coffee to her. Sara took the tray and stood up, the twinkling bright blues still fixed on the room’s owner.

        After the clicking noise that became too loud in the quiet sea of books, the two got inside their small private space. Sara closed the door and made sure she locked it before putting the coffees on the desk. Ava took off her coat and hung it on the back of her chair. Sara did the same to her white jacket.

        Ava sat on the edge of her desk, making it clear that this meeting wasn’t about study. Sara tentatively sat beside her TA. A week apart caused the inevitably quiet tension between the two for a long moment.

       They didn’t know how to start. Ava had many things to talk to Sara: the incident at the basketball court, the importance of keeping themselves from breaking the ethical rule, tuning their understanding of each other, and, of course, the Wenner - Gren. Being away from other people’s gazes like this. Ava didn’t feel like she wanted to be in control and telling Sara what’s right or wrong anymore.

  

       Sara wasn’t surprised when Ava rested her head on her shoulder. She smiled softly at the feeling of the weight that grounded her to the moment. Sara realized how stupid she had been that she spent the whole week pitying herself and doubting Ava.

      Ava sighed. What was the point of the “not be dating” agreement when it was clear that she felt so relieved having Sara this close to her.

      “Are you gonna apologize to me or what?” Sara teased.

        “Nope.” Ava pursed her lips and shook her head.

       “That’s okay too.”

        Sara whispered softly and placed a gentle kiss on Ava’s forehead. Serene warmth radiated from Ava’s chest. She lifted her head up to looked into the bright blues. Sara understood her. Ava wanted to punch herself for not contacting her earlier and wasting a week of the valuable time that would last until the end of the semester. Maybe she shouldn’t be stuck in her own thoughts and fear. Maybe, instead of patronizing her, Ava should’ve trusted Sara more and stopped wasting their time together.

       “I still have some important matter to discuss with you.”

       Sara’s smile faltered a bit. Ava’s heart ached as she noticed that Sara was scared of what she was gonna say.

       “I received the biggest research grant.”

  

       “Congratulation. Can you like quit TA-ing right now so we can finally erm.. you know?” The worry smile quickly turned into an enthusiastic grin with some hand gestures.

        Ava rolled her eyes at what Sara did suggest.

       “It’s serious, Sara.” She hated to repeatedly wipe off Sara’s smile but it’s what needed to be discussed.

        “Okay?”

      

       Ava took a deep breath. “I’m leaving at the end of the semester and I’ll be in Bangladesh for three months, then China, Philippines, Colombia and Geneva. Overall, I will be away for 12 months, unless you own some teleportation tech.” She breathed through her mouth after she let it all out.

         Sara blinked slowly, processing the new found information. They’re close enough for Ava to notice the shimmering forming in Sara’s eyes.

        Ava reached her hand up to caress Sara’s face, trying to hold her own tears. Sara lifted her hand to join Ava’s.

      “So what? What do you think? You want to revoke the promise?”

       Sara asked, uncertainty and insecurity were apparent in her voice.

        “Hell no!” Ava shook her head quickly.  “I know it will be really difficult but...I don't know.. you probably think it’s impossible and no one need an unnecessary long distance relationship so you might want to find someone else -”

        “Ava.” Sara interrupted.

       “Listen, I don't care. It’s okay. Thanks for telling me. I don't know what awaits us in the future but I think I can handle long distance relationship, if it’s with you.”

        Sara moved her gaze away from Ava to look at nothing. “The confidence sounds stupid, but I feel like it’s gonna work.”

        

        Ava’s hand pulled Sara’s closer. Her lips pressed on Sara’s with full intention. Sara smiled to the kiss before leaning into Ava’s soft lips. She missed it, she missed the tingling sensation and the hint of sweetness from those full lips. This time, Sara could also taste some lingering nutty flavor from her last sip of black coffee.

       When their lungs didn't get enough oxygen, they broke apart and touched their foreheads.

    

      “What about the ‘no physical contact protocol’?” Sara asked breathily.

       “Emergency.” Ava whispered. Sara smirked at the reasoning.

     “You, leaving me in two months still sucks, though.”

     Ava disconnected their foreheads, looking at Sara, eyes pleading.

       “I’m sorry, Sara. I would do anything to make up for that.”

        Sara narrowed her eyes. “Anything?”

         “Don’t ask me for an A.”

         Sara smirked and leaned forward into Ava’s space. She dragged her nose up along Ava’s cheekbone. Her hot breath ignited some sort of wanting feeling in just below Ava’s navel.

       “I would love to take you on at least three dates and rent a fancy Airbnb for us, but since it’s emergency...”  Sara nipped the tip of Ava’s ear.

        Ava’s hand covered Sara’s face and gently pushed that freckle-faced away.

       “Nope, not gonna do that before I submit your grade. Gosh, are you like a hormonal teen or something?” Ava commented, pretending as if she didn't crave for Sara’s touch.

        Sara groaned. “I know, being teenage sucks. Need a cold shower now. I didn't expect mid-fall to be this hot.”

       Ava giggled at how the Sara frustrated. Sara furrowed her brows and pouted her lips.

       But then she suddenly narrowed her eyes and gave Ava a mischievous smirk.

         “I know what I really want to do with you now.”

        “Study, of course.”

        Sara rolled her eyes.

        “I’m gonna teach you how to skate.”

        “What?” Ava frowned in disbelief.

        “A skate park date, Ava. It’s gonna be fun.”

           +++++++++++++++++++++

           Ava shouldn’t have wasted her Sunday morning for a skateboard lesson. Seriously, she had so many works to get done and it wasn’t a wise choice to try a risky sport like this when you’re in a PhD program. But she complied with Sara’s request, knowing that they would be apart soon.

           It’s a bit chilly out here but a jacket would do. Sara had told her to come this early to avoid the skater crowd that usually flocked at the park in the late morning. It was fine. It’s not too far from her place.

          Sara in the white bomber jacket was approaching her on a skateboard and stopped just in front of her, making a creaky noise when one of her heel dragged on the concrete surface, another skateboard was in one of her hands. She put it on the ground.

       “Ready to join the cool kids club?” Sara grinned at Ava who looked defensive with her arms crossing over her chest.

        “Whatever, Lance. You just don't want to be a loser in front of me for once.” Ava gave Sara  a smirk that Sara wanted so badly to kiss it away.

       “Where’s your helmet, though?” Ava asked. Sara wasn’t quite sure if she’s serious.

        Ava heard the sound of polyurethane wheels rolling on the concrete approaching them. It was the girl who was always with Sara.  A pair of black helmets were in her hand.

       “Good morning, Miss Sharpe. Don't worry I’m not gonna ruin your date. Just delivering the helmet I promised. I’m harmless, feel free to contact your bestie Alex for reference.” The brunette gave Sara the helmets before skating away from them, hitting a rail on her way to the bowl section of the park.

       Ava turned her eyes back to Sara, confused.

       “Worry not, Miss Sharpe. She’s my best friend Zari. I’m sure you’ve heard about her from your friend Alex.”

       “The computer genius who didn't brag about her sexual prowess, unlike the certain cocky blonde, right?”

        Sara tilted her head and pouted her lips, taking note in her mind that she must get back at Alex at some point.

        “Ready for your first skateboard trick?” Sara put one of the helmets on her head. She hated wearing protection gears but she knew that Ava wouldn't let her get away without a helmet.

        “Whatever.” Ava shrugged.

        “But first.” Sara smiled and bit her lower lips while looking into Ava’s eyes. She stepped closer to the tall blonde who’s gauging if she’s gonna get a kiss.

        Instead, Sara put another helmet on Ava’s head. It snuggly fitted. Sara adjusted it with a few touches to make sure it was positioned right. Her crooked smile and mischievous gaze never left Ava’s grayish blues. Sara’s hands moved down to buckle the chin strap while unhurriedly adjusting it. It’s obvious that the whole process was unnecessarily slow and Sara’s hands were lingering too long on that chin strap. Ava enjoyed the close proximity that allowed her to study the pattern of the bright blue irises, unaware of herself licking her lower lip.

       “We may have brunch later.” Sara winked before stepping back. She rummaged through her backpack, taking a set of protection gears out and laying them on the ground.

        “See, I came prepared just to satisfy your protection kink.” Sara teased. Ava rolled her eyes at the cheeky comment.

        “Do I have to wear all of these?”

       “Yes, Ava Sharpe. You thought I would let you skate without the pads?”

        Ava shook her head in annoying while picking up one of the elbow pads. Sara was too infuriating in a very endearing way.

          Sara tightened her lips to keep herself from laughing when she saw Ava in the full fall-proof skate attire. Ava was adorable especially when she frowned at how uncomfortable it was to wear all of the pads and a relatively heavy brain-saver compared to her usual bike helmet.

         Sara told Ava to do stretching for about ten minutes before giving her the board. Sara owned more than one board. She had a habit of shopping skateboard decks for fun.

        “Okay we start with the basic foot positioning. You put your front foot just on the bolt and your back foot on the tail. Align your feet with the width of the board. Do you know which one is your front foot? Are you a goofy?” Sara hopped on her board just to show the foot placement.

        “I’m a goofy. I snowboard so this wouldn’t be that difficult for me.” Ava put her left foot on just below the nose of the board. It was really unstable that it rolled forward and Ava stumbled.

       Cue Sara Lance’s arms saving Ava from falling backward. One of her arms firmly held Ava’s body from behind. Ava turned to look Sara, feeling a swoop below her chest as Sara placed her hand on her abdomen.

        “Now I get your plan, Lance.”

        “And then what? You can quit. It’s okay. I understand if you’re too chicken for this.”

         Ava pried Sara’s hand off and rolled her body away from the embrace.

        “You are just..impossible.”

        Sara grinned widely. It went as planed.

       “Come on, try again. Take my hands. I’m helping you stand on the board.”

         Ava took those small hands and stepped on the board again. It was really wobbly but Sara helped her balance. She held onto Sara for a moment to steady herself. She didn't expect skateboarding to be this intimate.

       “Ready? I’m gonna let go of your hands, but don't worry, I’m right here to catch you. I won't let you fall.”

          Ava nodded and Sara let go of her. Her arms moved up to balance herself on the unstable vehicle. It took a moment for Ava to be so sure that she wasn’t gonna fall.

       “Good girl.” Sara smirked just to gain a frown from Ava.

      “You little shit.”

      

       Sara giggled. “Okay, next step, try leaning forward or backward. Make yourself comfortable on the board.” Ava did just that for a few times. The trucks were loose and it was really unstable but Ava was a quick learner. She was quite athletic.

       “Now you’re gonna learn how to roll.”

        Ava hopped off the board, paying attention to how Sara placed her front foot on her board and use her back foot to push.

          “And when you want to stop, use your back foot like this. Slightly touch the ground to slow down your speed.” Sara demonstrated.

        “Now, when you push with your back foot, you lean forward and put your body weight forward on your front leg. Like this.” Sara rolled forward with one push. She stopped and kicked the tail of the board downward so it popped up and she grabbed it.

        “Okay, push. I’m right here.”

         Ava did so. The park surface was so smooth that, with just a slight push, the wheels rolled for like forever. Ava thought she got it. She carefully stopped the board but the traction from her shoe was too much. The momentum took her forward but Sara, who kept an eye on Ava the whole time, was quick enough to prevent her from falling down. Ava tried pushing again a few times until she was sure she got it. Sara smiled with satisfaction. Ava was a quick learner.

        “You may notice that the board turned to the direction you put your weight on. If you want to turn left, put your weight on the sole of your back foot, to turn right, lean back and put your weight on the heel of your back foot.”

         Ava and Sara spent another hour just rolling around together in the flat ground area of the park, and by just imitating Sara, Ava’s feet learned to do the tick-tack move naturally. There were some banks and ramps but Sara didn't want to push Ava too far. It’s an accomplishment already.

         “You like it?”  

         “It’s slower than snowboard but it obviously pumped the adrenaline.”

         They both drenched in sweat. Their jackets where left with Sara’s backpack a while ago. Sometimes, Sara wiped her face with the hem of her t-shirt. Ava was certain she did it on purpose just to show off her perfectly defined abs.

        They stopped skating when the park became too crowded. Most of them were grade school boys. Ava realized that the presence of Sara and Zari ripping through the park course was so important in this male dominated space.

         Ava in the protecting gear caught many eyes. She’s taller than most of the kids at the park but fully covered in the pads and helmet. Ava started to understand why Sara hated wearing the gears.

         They both ended up near the edge of the bowl, taking off the protection gears, watching Zari did her thing. Ava saw some skateboard clips before but being this close, seeing Zari sliding her board on the coping of the bowl, flying around the concrete wall, was a different experience and mesmerizing.

       “I wanna learn more. Like can you teach me how to do a jump like that? It seems not too difficult.” Ava pointed at a kid.

       “Trust me it takes a month or even a year to learn an ollie. Also, you don't wanna ruin your shoes today.”

       “Can you show me how to do it?”

        Sara stood up and got on her board. Her front foot was placed just below the front bolt.

        “It’s a seamless combination of three moves. You pop the tail with your back foot while jumping and then you slide the back of your front foot up so it pulls the board up and forward. Like this.” Sara showed how the board could attach to her feet while jumping.

        Ava got up and hopped on her board, positioned her feet as instructed. But she could see how difficult to balance with the narrower stance. She jumped and of course, she almost fell backward if Sara hadn’t been there with her.

       “Wow, it’s more difficult than it looks.”

        “Told ya. Usually, you have to practice kicking the tail with the front foot off the board for a while to be able to pop, let alone the jump and the slide.” Sara showed how to practice the move. Sara could listen to the sound of the wooden board snapping the concrete all day.

       “Why do you call it an ollie, though?”

       “A guy named Ollie invented it.” Sara answered.

        The certain rectangular face with sturdy jawline popped in Sara’s mind. His narrow blue eyes were dark and piercing. His smirk seemed harmless but inviting. And Laurel liked him. Laurel didn't listen to her anymore because of him. And he still tried to be nice to her. Picking her up at the airport. Laurel trusted him. Laurel told her to join that frat party.

       At the moment, she didn't feel the wind touching her skin. She didn't hear the rattle or popping sound of skateboarding around her. She was looking at nothing. The light was lost into the black holes of her pupils. She descended to another dark and cold plain.

       “Sara.”

       Ava called her name softly. She linked one of her hand with Sara’s, bringing the girl back to where they actually were. Sara breath deeply and looked away. She didn't want Ava to see it, not yet. But her fingers lacing with Ava’s, clearly seeking something to hold on to.

      “You okay?”

     Ava gently squeezed Sara’s hand. Sara nodded, she let go of Ava’s hand and slowly sat down on the ground. Ava gave her the water flask. Sara gave Ava a tired ‘thank you’ smile and sipped the water.

     “Wanna talk about it?” Ava asked softly. Sara just slowly shook her head and gave Ava an apologetic smile.

      “Okay. But if you want to talk about it at some point, I’m here. We don't really know each other well but I know, I saw that there’s something bothering you. I sensed it like, since the first time we met.”

        Sara fixed her gaze on the worried gray-blues under the furrowed brows.

         “Emergency.”

        Sara let it out under her breath.

        And like that, Ava leaned in to place her lips between Sara’s brows, warding off any dark energy while reassuring her that she was there and that fact alone was so special. Sara closed her eyes, indulging in Ava’s touch.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So someone post an avalance skateboard AU somewhere on tumblr and I was like, hmm, I skated, why not?


	8. Ipswich

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very disgusting by Mick Rory’s standard.

       Ava spent the first half of her first day of Thanksgiving break in bed. She had stayed up all night to finish grading book reviews and essays from last week.  There were 120 papers in total. Her work was mentally exhausting when some papers didn’t meet her standard and reflect ideas discussed in class. It was frustrating for a perfectionist like Ava Sharpe to read more than four sloppy essays in a row. However, she had to tone down her constructive comments for some papers just to maintain the welcoming vibe of her class.

         She didn't even have time to email Sara the mandatory goodnight -- the new practice Ava did almost every day after seeing a glimpse of desolation within Sara’s eyes at the skate park few weeks ago. But Sara understood the situation.

         The flight to Logan Airport was yesterday morning. Her parents picked her up at the airport, and after the 45 minutes drive to their home in Ipswich, she spent the rest of yesterday grading instead of catching up with her mom and mommy, which wasn’t surprising at all for her parents.

        She knew that Sara didn't go home for the break. She said the airfare was too expensive and it wouldn’t worth spending two days just for traveling back and forth and had only three days left to be with her family. She also had other two exams coming up right after the break. They could video call, few days apart shouldn’t be a big deal, they planned to survive the long distance relationship during Ava’s field research after all.

         The first thing she did after waking up was checking emails. The grades were submitted last night and she expected some whining in her mailbox. Of course, she wouldn’t reply any of them. The official break set her apart from the duty for a while.

     Ava laughed at how some students addressed her as 'Professor Sharpe', asking her to re-grade their essays. 

Her eyes moved from the laptop screen to the door when she heard a knocking. 

        “Yup!” She answered, slowly getting herself out of the comfortable bed and walked to the door. When she opened it, she found her mommy resting her back against the door frame, her arms crossing over her chest.

       “Good afternoon, love. Did you get your work done?”

      Ava looked down at her mommy who was much shorter than Ava.

       “Yeah, and I want food. Tell me you made your special hashbrown today.”

       “Good! you shall eat, and then, you know, help us prepare things.”

      Ava groaned at the obligation.

     “Come on, Aves, Rip and your grandma will arrive in two hours.”

      “Let me guess, mom told you to get things done yesterday but you’re like, procrastinating, and she will beat your ass so you’re asking me for a help.”

      Ava quirked one of her brows while smirked at her mommy, who looked annoyed.

      “Damn. You’re like a clone of your mom.”

      Ava giggled and pulled the middle age short-haired woman into a tight hug.

       “I’m also a useless lesbian like you, mommy. Still didn’t get why mom agreed to marry you.”

      Her mommy patted Ava’s back.

       “Since I made you breakfast, you’re gonna clean the guest rooms and the living room, deal?”

        Ava pushed her mommy away.

      “That’s a lot to get done in two hours!”

      After her morning routine, Ava indulged herself in the crispy and savory hashbrown and fresh fried eggs. It was simple but much better than your average fried frozen shredded potato. Her mommy used fresh golden potatoes instead of russet potatoes, which required the more time and patience to make it crispy, but the hint of sweetness was worth it.

      She filled up her thermos with coffee made by her mommy before putting on an apron and taking the vacuum upstair to clean the guest rooms. She took clean bed sets from the closet and put them on the mattresses and pillows. The living room was already decent. It was her mom’s house after all. Mom wouldn’t let mommy make a mess in the shared area.

        It took almost two hours to get the cleaning done, but she thought it needed some decoration. She went to the backyard with scissors in her hand to see what kind of flowers were blooming. She smiled at the pleasant sight of various kind of plants neatly organized in the garden with some decorating rocks and cute birdhouses.

       A set of white wooden coffee table and chairs was positioned on the lawn under the old willow tree. A middle aged woman in a wool sweater was reading a book, her dark blonde hair was kept in a loose ponytail. Ipswich wasn’t too cold to be outside in the late afternoon.

       “Mom!”

      Ava walked to the woman, who grinned widely as she saw her daughter approaching. She put her book down and got up from the chair, opening her arms for the girl who was throwing herself on her.

      “Finally, you woke up! little princess.” 

     Ava sat on a chair.

    “Sorry I was too busy yesterday.” She smiled sheepishly.

      “I know. That’s fine. Get your work done early so you can truly enjoy the break with us.” Her mom was really sweet and graceful.

       “Where’s your mommy, though. She’s supposed to get things done and help me plan the dinner soon.”

        The hazel eyes behind the glasses looked around to find her wife. 

      “Mommy is grooming the horses and Maxine. Have to make those guys look presentable.”

        Ava’s mom shook her head slowly at the fact that her mommy was a bit behind their schedule.

         “Mom, I’m looking for some flowers for the living room. Any recommendation?”

         Her mom looked around and think for a moment.

       “Hmm...few stems of salvias or willow leaves and some branches of red honeysuckles would do. Just make sure no one eat that poisonous fruits, your mommy in particular.”

     She pointed at the bushes of lavender-liked velvet-blue flowers.

          “Nice idea.” Ava got up and gave her mom a quick peck on her cheek before collecting some of the flowers and red berries.

        She went back into the living room. She found her mommy looked desperate in her stained jeans, her face was painted with splotches of mud.

       “Maxine is such a bitch. She’s bigger now and kind of threw a tantrum on me.

         Her mommy tried to justify her messy appearance. Ava chuckled. She missed the queen of the house.

       She heard a car approaching their house. Ava and her mommy looked through the windows. As expected, Rip finally arrived home. Her mommy beamed enthusiastically and rushed to the driveway.

       With the bunch of flowers and the red berries in her arms, Ava followed her mommy to the house’s front yard.

          Three girls got off the back seats. One of them had dark skin and buzz cut hair. She looked fiercely beautiful in her yellow leather coat. One was an Asian girl who looked fragile and humble. The other one was a blonde, as tall as Ava, and had the Scandinavian top model aura radiated around her. Rip always invited some of international students in his soccer team to his parents’ home if they had nowhere to go during the Thanksgiving break. Seven hours drive wasn’t too much for him and it was a good opportunity for the students to learn and explore more about the country.

         “Welcome to our home, ladies.”

         Her mommy greeted cheerfully. Her mom also came from the backyard to welcome the guests. She kept some good distance away from her wife after noticing all the mud on her clothes.

          “My name is Freydis, and these two are Kuasa and Masako. We are in the soccer team.”

           The tall blonde shook her hand with Ava’s mommy, she wasn’t aware that the host’s hand wasn’t clean.

          “Nice to meet you, you guys look so cool. I’m Jen, and that’s my wife, Brighton. The awkward one with the flowers is our daughter, Ava.”

         Ava walked to the girls to shake their hands. “Nice to meet you.”

        Rip got off the car. He didn't run to hug his parents but walk to open the passenger door.

          “Wake up, Miss striker. We’ve arrived the destination.”

         He told the passenger who shuffled in the seat. The girl unbuckled the seatbelt and got out of the car.

           Ava dropped the bunch of flowers to the ground when she saw a small blonde in a gray wool coat yawning outside the car. Her hair was a bit messy due to the nap.

           The girl was finally awake enough to meet everyone. Her bright blues widened in disbelief. Ava blinked her eyes quickly to make sure what she saw wasn’t some delusion.

       “Whelp, four attractive girls and our daughter loses it.”   

         Jen talked to her wife, who wasn’t amused but intrigued. Brighton looked at the sleepy blonde, who fixed her gaze on Ava, and then looked back at her daughter, who was switching her gaze back and forth between the girl and her brother.

         “This one isn’t an international student.” Rip informed his family members.    

            +++++++++++++++++

            “What’s your plan for the break, Lance. Just want to make sure you’re not gonna get in trouble when I’m not here to babysit you. Is Ava’s going anywhere else?” 

  Zari asked Sara while packing her luggage. Zari’s family didn't care about Thanksgiving. It had nothing to do with her cultural root. However, it was a good opportunity for family gathering. Sara remembered joining a party at Zari’s house, where the food was plenty and so delicious.

      “Too bad Ava is going home and Mick is too busy to visit me. It’s fine though. I don't have the training schedule for this week. Maybe I can enjoy some peace when the whole campus is all mine.”

     Sara laid her back on the twin bed, looking at ceiling.

      “You sure you don't wanna go home?” Zari tentatively touched the topic, which made Sara sigh heavily.

      “I can’t. Don't feel like I’m ready for it. You know, I think I’m doing not too bad here. I don't want a drama right now. It’s exhausting. Plus, too late to find the ticket to West Coast at this point.”

        Zari agreed with her decision while she put her passport into her backpack.

      “What time is your flight, though? Should we have some decent food before you leave? Sara asked. She had nothing in particular to do tonight anyway.

     “It’s 7pm but I will have to leave around three or four. It’s international flight. I can't do the online check-in.”

     Sara got up from the bed, surprised. “Wait. You’re not going home?”

     Zari shrugged. “Oh.. Amaya didn’t tell you?”  

         Sara narrowed her eyes.

       “Right, Amaya kind of wants to check how she’s gonna live in Oxford next semester. So I decided to join her trip.”

       “Wow, you rich ass hacker. Good for yourself. Get me some Arsenal merches when you return.”

           Zari laughed. Sara smiled at her friend. It was nice to see Zari did something purposefully for herself for once. Her sarcastic roommate, indeed, cared about her family and the society a lot. But at the same time, Sara worried about her best friends spirally falling into the funnel of toxic dilemma of cheating.

       Zari and Amaya left after having coffee break with Sara in the afternoon. The pair checked with her many times if she would be fine alone on campus. Sara knew well that her friends loved her but she definitely didn’t want to be her friends’ burden. She was capable of taking care of herself, having her friends worried like this wasn’t something she’s comfortable with. 

       The silence in the dorm wasn’t easy on her either. She had thought she hated the buzz of college students in the dorm, but when it was gone, she inevitably missed it. She had thought she could read some fictions for leisure, but in reality, the quietness was too loud for her to lose herself in the fictional world. 

         She turned the radio on just to find out that every time her mind heard the word  _ ‘Thanksgiving _ ’ and how warm it sounded, she couldn’t help but thinking of her family, especially Laurel. Since Laurel’s first year of college, Sara had counted on Thanksgiving to bring her sister home in the middle of every fall semester.  

       Thanksgiving when Laurel was a sophomore was a little weird when she brought her boyfriend home. Physically, he looked like everything a woman would want in a partner, but the way his gaze lingered on Sara for more than half a minute when they first met was strange. It was revealed later that this man was the heir of the Queen Consolidate, the most influential corporation in Star City. Her father swallowed hard when he learned the information. A good cop like him knew well of how this rich family had infiltrated the city’s judicial system. Laurel ensured her father that he was different, and the next Thanksgiving, Laurel didn't return home. She joined the Queen’s trip to Bahamas.

      Later that year, Laurel’s boyfriend spent the half of winter break with Lance family. And Sara gradually learned how awkward and flustered he was around her when no one was watching. It must be too obvious for him that his girlfriend’s baby sister didn’t enjoy his presence in her house. How could she be comfortable with this man after Mick Rory filled her in about the rumors around him and his family known among those in the shadow of Star City. He wasn’t a typical jock Sara knew in high school. He didn't do team sport. He was a karate champion and a pro archer.

       In the following spring, Laurel and her man took Sara for a campus tour during her visit before she decided to accept the student athlete scholarship. He wasn’t one of the mansplainers. He let Laurel have her time with Sara and Sara let him take her to a dinner when Laurel couldn’t come due to her exam. Still, he didn't talk that much. The way his hypnotizing eyes followed Sara was more telling than his words.

           Sara got up from her bed when memories clouded her mind and they were too much. She washed her face to bring herself back to who she was at the moment and checked the email to see if Ava sent her any new message. Sara couldn’t deny the disappointment she felt when she found none. But she understood how frantic and stressed Ava was right now when the midterm grades had to be submitted before midnight. She put on her fall coat and grabbed her skateboard, going out to find somewhere to eat alone.

        The whole college town was eerie like the usual quiet night before an apocalypse. Once in while a gust of wind blew some lonely pieces of random things, made them float on the sidewalk or on the street. The echo of the noise from her skateboard emphasized how the campus already became a temporary abandoned place.

           Some of restaurants that she knew were open but none of them were good enough to ward off the bile taste of hollowness in her throat.

        However, the red LED sign of a ramen place caught her attention. She decided to try the cozy Japanese restaurant. It was chilly outside, a warm noodle soup would be soothing for her exhausted soul. She studied the menu and order a bowl of miso ramen and a cup of hot green tea.

         An acoustic Japanese song was playing softly, contrasted with the vibrancy of manga arts painted on the wall. Sara scrolled through her social media apps for nothing other than the sake of scrolling.

         “Kombanwa, Hiroyuki san.”

       Sara stopped scrolling when she noticed the familiar voice speaking Japanese. She hoped he wasn’t the person she knew. Sara lowered her head as if it would help her become invisible.

     “Miss Lance?”

        Sara’s shoulders slumped at the British pronunciation of her last name. She forced a smiled on her face before turning to his direction. 

       “Oh, hi coach.” 

          Rip narrowed his gaze as if it would help him see beyond Sara’s fake enthusiastic smile. 

      “Dinner alone? May I join you?” He rubbed his hand together. 

     There were no other customers in the restaurant and it would be so awkward for them to sit separately. Her coach was a bit extra, but all in all, he cared so much about his team. On a mellow night like this, having a company who knew nothing about her past except her high school soccer profile wouldn’t be that bad.

      Sara nodded with a smirk. The tall man took off his trench coat and hung it on the back of his chair. He ordered in Japanese and Sara licked her lips when a bottle of sake was served.

       “Sucks that I’m eighteen. Unfair.” Sara groan. Rip chuckled.

       “You aren’t going anywhere tomorrow, right?” He asked, making a brief eye contact with her before pouring his drink into a small ceramic cup.

          “Apparently, I will be here the rest of the break and skate on every skate prohibited area.”       

         He smiled at the joke and asked for one more cup. When the waitress got him what he asked for, he didn’t hesitate to pour the clear liquid into the cup and put it in front of Sara. The girl raised her brows, questioning his action. 

       “Since you don't have any obligation tomorrow, I’m fine with it. You’re old enough to drink if you’re in other parts of the world. For example, Mr. Hiroyuki learned to drink when he was four years of age.” 

       “Are you sure?”

       Mr. Hiroyuki, the chef behind the cooking station nodded at Sara with a warm, reassuring smile. So she downed the first cup. The sharp heat coated her throat. Mr. Hiroyuki sold the good stuff. 

      Sara’s miso ramen was beyond her expectation. Both of them focused on their food for a while because the bowls were so good. They wouldn’t waste their time talking. When they were done with their food, Rip ordered two cans of Asahi beer to freshen them up.

       “So.” Her coach paused to get her attention.  “Too cool for a family gathering?” He tentatively asked. 

Sara chuckled and took another gulp of the lager beer.

      “Maybe.”

       She hoped Rip didn't notice how her voice cracked and how her eyes looked downward.

       “Well, have you been to Ipswich, Massachusetts before?”       

       She shook her head as an answer. She never heard of it. 

         “Wanna join my seven hours drive to Ipswich tomorrow? My family gathering will be pretty cool, I believe.”     

       Sara frowned.     

       “I thought you’re from England.” 

      “Well, technically. But my adoptive parents live in Ipswich and I grew up there.” 

       Sara made a mental note of the new information about her coach.

      “And why do you think having a freshman girl joining your trip to your family  isn’t weird?”

         It would’ve been really creepy if Sara hadn’t known that Rip was always professional.

          Rip laughed for a moment.     

           “Because it isn’t just you. I usually invite the international students in my team to visit Ipswich during the Thanksgiving because the break is too short for them to travel home, and the campus, as you may notice, is unpleasant. This year, Masako, Freydis, and Kuasa are going with me tomorrow. I think it’s a good opportunity for team bonding, too.”

       Sara’s brows shot up, a bit surprised that her quirky soccer coach was nice enough to think a lot about his team members and took the international students under his wing.

      “I mean, hanging out with these cool girls must not be too boring for you, I presume.”  He gave Sara a sideways smile.

        Sara squinted her eyes. 

       “What do you mean by that? That just sounded so wrong coming from you. Plus, I’m not looking for any girl right now.”

        Rip narrowed his eyes and smirked at his player.

         “Nice, Ms Lance. I’m glad you finally found someone. I hoped they keep you in line so I don’t have to worry about my striker skipping training, and my life will be longer for ten days thanks to the reduction of emotional labor.”

          Sara felt the warmth in her chest just from thinking of Ava. She smiled to herself. Rip quirked one of his brows at the genuine happiness anyone could notice from that smile.

        “Of course, she’s the best.” Sara softly told herself.

      Massachusetts?, How big it was? Sara wondered. Was it possible to walk into Ava’s if they were in the same state? Sara’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of the possibility to meet Ava sooner. What if she surprised Ava? Sara shook her head at the unrealistic scenario in her mind.

       “Well, I think that sounds fun. At least you will let me drink.” 

             ++++++++++++++

       Rip picked her up at the dorm around seven in the morning before picking up the other girls who lived in the more decent places. They were not freshmen like Sara so they didn’t have to live in the dorm.     

        These international players were cool but Sara barely knew them beyond their training sessions together. Freydis was a center back. She was on the Swedish U21 team and Sara admitted that she was intimidated by the stern demeanor of the tall blonde. Kuasa was from Mozambique and even though she was still young, she was one of key playmakers of the national squad. Sara was familiar with Masako. The Japanese was the left forward who usually worked with Sara along the attacking line.

           The ride was peaceful, indeed. They stopped for coffee and lunch at some points on the way. The landscape of New England Region was breathtaking. Global warming definitely tricked those trees to shed their leaves quite later than usual. Shades of red, green, and yellow were painted on the plain along the route, contrast with the clear blue sky.

      The girls didn't talk that much, indulging in the wonder of the nature. It was Rip who acted like an enthusiastic tour guide, pointing some important landmarks and telling the stories of them.

       The last hour of the road trip was when the six hours of car riding took its tolls. Sara, who was still a little bit hungover from the mix of sake and beer, slept soundly on the passenger seat.

       She woke up when Rip called her. The car’s engine was quiet now. They finally arrived Rip’s childhood home. Sara slowly got out of the car and yawned to take some needed oxygen. She took in the surrounding, the huge stone house with two barns located about 50 yards away on the green pasture.

        Her teammates were already greeting two middle-aged women. The shorter one had pixie brunette hair and dressed in a stained blue jeans jumper. She was full of energy judging from how she smiled. She looked more friendly compared to the other one, who was taller, standing few feet away from the short woman. The other woman had her dark blonde hair down, her shoulders covered by a tribal patterned blanket scarf, her posture was serene but also intimidating.

       Sara froze when her eyes caught another tall blonde who casually dressed in her turquoise knitted sweater that complimented the ocean of her eyes. And those...those purple flowers in her arms, made her looked so delicate like a nymph in fairy tales, except she was too tall for a nymph. And she just dropped the poor flowers to the ground.

      “This one isn’t an international student. My striker, Sara Lance. Ms Lance, my mothers, Jen and Brighton, my baby sister, Ava.” Rip introduced his family to Sara.

     She should’ve said  _ ‘pleasure to meet you’ _ a few seconds ago but all she did was fixing her gaze on the certain Sharpe, whose mouth was still gaping open. 

      Brighton stepped closer to Sara and looked back at Ava. She smirked calmly.

      “You two know each other?” She asked both of them and it woke them from the stupefied state. Ava ducked her head down and massaged the back of her head awkwardly while Sara put both hands in her coat pockets. 

      “Yeah, we are... erm... Sara is my...” Ava hesitated.

            “Friend from work/ My student.”  They said the definition of their relationship at the same time and it made everyone frown, confused.

        Jen made a side-eye with Brighton. Kuasa smirked while Freydis got her backpack out of the car.

        Things went spirally downward when they heard a barking and tinkling of a small bell. A sturdy white mass of a creature ran happily towards Ava and took her off balance when it’s head nudged her legs. Ava fell and sat on the ground while the excited dog tried to sit on her lap, creating some muddy footprint pattern on Ava’s shirt and pants.

        “Ouch! Maxine, stop. I know you miss me but you’re big girl now.”

          And Maxine continued to paint her cloth with the mud on her paws. Ava pet the side of Maxine’s body to calm her down.

Sara’s lips formed a soft smile at the sight of the fluffy dog cuddling with Ava. Then, Maxine turned her head towards her and sprinted to jump at Sara, trying to lick her face.

Sara let out a carefree laugh while lowered herself to the ground to pet the dog’s neck. Maxine seemed to enjoy licking Sara’s face.

      “Aww, good dog. Hey, my face is soaked with your saliva already.” Sara told her new favorite dog.

        Ava got up and walked to her dog who comfortably sat on Sara’s lap right now. She stood in front of Maxine to get her attention and then tapped her right hand on her left shoulder. Maxine left Sara immediately and walked to Ava. Ava sat down and kissed the top of her dog’s head and hugged her.     

       “She can't hear you, Sara. She’s deaf.” Ava told her dog’s new friend.

        “Huh, Maxine is usually scared of new people. You must smell like Ava or something.”   

          Jen blatantly made an observation. Ava and Sara’s cheeks turned completely red.

         Sara looked away, trying to keep it cool though it was clear to everyone that she was beyond fazed by the comment.       

        “Yeah? I mean..., we shared the same classroom every week. So... that’s possible.”

         Sara stuttered. Everyone including Freydis looked at her with questioning gazes.

         Ava rolled her eyes before shaking her head, hands still hugging Maxine.

          “Not helping, Lance.” 

        A sedan car was approaching on the private driveway to the house. Everyone turned their attention from Sara to the car. It stopped just behind Rip.

      “Rip, lets help grandma get out of the car.” Brighton told her son. The tall man rushed to the car and opened the passenger door, guiding a wrinkle hand of his grandmother, supporting her to stand up and walk her to the group.

      “Where are my lesbians?”

        The old lady looked around until she found Jen and Brighton, who reacted to the question by ducking their head down and massaging their temples.

       “Who is this thin ass man though? Brighton’s new boyfriend?, Told ya, Jen, Brighton was too good for you.” 

       The old lady asked. Freydis and Kuasa lost it and grinned widely at their coach, who now grimaced awkwardly. Even Masako, who usually had modest mannerism, let out a soft giggle. 

       “Cate, it’s me, Rip, your grandson, Brighton and Jen’s favorite child.”

       The grey haired lady looked closely at Rip and realized who he actually was. 

       “Ah! Ripley! My boy.” She hugged him tightly. She later moved her gaze to the two blonde sitting together with Maxine. 

        “Oh hello, Ava, my baby. And you, hot stuff, must be my granddaughter-in-law!”

         The old lady smiled in excitement. Ava and Sara raised their brows, looking at each other briefly, their cheeks were burning.

        “Grandma, she’s my STUDENT!”

        Ava almost shouted. Sara looked away, touching the back of her head awkwardly. Her cheeks must be too hot that her breath felt like steaming air.

            +++++++++++

             The nursing home driver had left after dropping off Grandma Cate. The soccer girls were guided to their rooms. Sara chose to stay with Masako because she was closer to the forward than Freydis and Kuasa.

        Rip just went straight to his room after a cup of tea for the much needed nap after the long drive. Ava barely made an eye contact with her when she brought snacks to the girls. Sara understood that the situation was ridiculous and she surely didn't want Rip or his parents to have a clue about their blooming relationship. Her room was nice enough with two big windows and a nice coffee table made from wood, so her teammates stationed in her room for the snacks time. 

      Later, the girls decided to spend the rest of their afternoon exploring the area. Jen, who was a bit tipsy now because she had a bottle of her afternoon beer, guided them to the small barn. Freydis was elated when she saw two gorgeous horses. Jen promised her that she would let her ride one of them. 

       The barn was simple, it had stables for horses and some storage shelves for the tools and an area that stored hey stacks. Jen told the girls that they barely use the horses for the actual work-related purposes, they had them because they loved them.

       The second barn was larger. It had a big system of machine made mainly from stainless steel. Jen explained that the system was for maple syrup production, which was one of their main income during the spring. Right now it wasn’t the season to tap the trees for the maple sap. Jen invited them to comeback during the spring break.

      Then she walked them across the meadow hill to the maple trees farm. They were mesmerized by the red and yellow leaves covering the bumpy ground. 

        The trail led them to a small pond with a dock. The water was a bit murky due to the decaying maple leaves floating on the surface. It was a beautiful scene, nonetheless. Of course, everyone except Sara started their snapchat video, which made the middle-aged lady frowned. Sara knew better to behave in front of Ava’s mother. 

        They returned back to the house around five. The mouth-watering smell was apparent when they enter the living room.

         Rip was reading something to his grandmother on the couch. Ava was helping her mom preparing the food. 

        “Allright, girls. We started dinner early today because grandma has to go to bed at eight and we have to drive her back to the nursing home." Jen explained before going into the kitchen and helped her wife and Ava setting up the dinner.

        The girls felt obliged to help them. The dinner table and the dishes were set up pretty quickly despite Maxine interruption. The dog tried to be close to Ava as much as possible.

      Everyone now sat on their chair. Of course, Sara took the opportunity to sit on Ava’s side, despite a glare from both Rip and Ava herself.

       “Allright, please enjoy the Sharpe family humble dinner.”

         Brighton smiled at the girls. Sara noticed that Ava looked just like her except the eye color and age. 

          “No underage drinking!.” Ava scowled at her mommy when she offered Sara a bottle of beer.   

           Sara rolled her eyes and turned to face her strict TA.

          “Come on, Ava. I wasn’t the one who-”

            Sara stopped what she was gonna say when the side of her leg was kicked. Ava glared at her with a deep crease between her brows. Sara glared back before giving Jen a strained smile. Ava’s mommy narrowed her eyes, inspecting their weird interaction. 

        “Well, thank you, Mrs. Sharpe, but my TA won’t let me have fun so easily.”

         And Sara earned another kick.

            “Is your wife pregnant or what that she can't drink? Wow! I’m excited. Never thought I would’ve lived long enough to have a great-grandchild! I know I can count on my grand daughter!”

          Sara and Ava choked on their food.

        “Grandma! This is not funny!”

        Ava hopelessly corrected the old lady while her cheeks blushed the deep shade of red.

        “Chill, Ava. Your grandma will forget it soon enough. Be grateful that she doesn’t forget who you are.”

       Brighton told her daughter softly before turned to look at Sara.       

      “My apology, dear. Grandma has some disruptive amnesia. I hope you don’t mind her.”

        Sara gave Ava’s mom an understanding smile, then she talked to the old lady.       

        “Not right now, Cate. You have to wait until at least, after my graduation.”

         Ava kicked her leg again. Cate seemed flustered, already forgot the topic of the conversation.    

           The rest of the dinner went relatively peaceful. The conversation involved some basic comparison between cultures and a lot of the girls’ college soccer life. Ava was curious why Freydis had chosen to study in the States when her country had the best education. Freydis teased her that the Vikings wanted to colonize America. Masako was quiet while drinking. She spoke only when someone asked.

          Ava was amazed by how Sara smoothly made herself comfortable around her moms and grandma. Apparently, the girl was a biology nerd who really enjoyed talking to Brighton, who was a biologist at Harvard.

             They had homemade maple ice-cream and homemade apple pie for the dessert. The girls felt guilty that they ate too much but everything made by the Sharpes was so good.

            “Should we play some games? Please don’t play Truth or Dare thing, too cliche to my liking.” Jen asked, looking around for some ideas. 

        Cate raised one of her hand. 

         “Cards Against Humanity!”

        She requested and the other Sharpes looked mortified. The soccer girls tried not to laugh. 

       “Objection, grandma. You always win that game it’s not fun anymore.”

         Rip told his beloved lady. He then talked to his team members.  

         “We don’t know why but she usually won without knowing what she was doing. She understands only twenty percent of the game logic but she always picked the most hilarious cards.”

      They ended up playing Apple-to-Apple, the harmless board game invented by a woman from Wisconsin that had the same rules as Cards Against Humanity.

        It’s 7pm when the Sharpe couple decided to drive Grandma to her nursing home, leaving the kids alone.

      “How about bonfire in the garden?”

           Rip asked and everyone agreed. They helped him preparing the fire pit, bringing snacks and beverage out to the backyard, and arranging seating area. Sara naturally sat on the same mat as Ava and the TA didn't bother scowling at her anymore. Maxine occupied the space between the two girls, comfortably resting her chin on Sara’s lap.

      They were all covered in their coats. It wasn't freezing but cold enough. The flickering flame radiated the heat just enough for the cold night. It was worth sitting outside in the garden at night when the moon was out in the citylight-free sky. Rip had his guitar on his lap, didn't really play anything except making some random acoustic sound. 

        “I’m curious, why do you have the British accent?”

       Kuasa asked him, sipping her beer. Rip still focused on his instrument.

       “Actually, I’m from Cambridge, England. My parents passed away when I was ten. Brighton and Jen, their best friends, took me in. Ava was born the year later.”

           He answered, ducked his head down as if he wanted to hide a tiny glimpse of pain when talking about his parents. Ava, who sat beside him, reached her arm to wrap around his shoulder.

       He got his phone out of his pocket, unlocked it, and scrolled through his photos. 

       “I still have that photo, here.” He showed it to Ava. She chuckled with a wide smile on her face.

       “What is it?” Sara moved her face closer to the siblings.

       “11 year-old me and the baby Ava.” He answered. His tone was full of fondness.

        “Let me see!” Freydis asked. She had been in the team for four years, long enough to get acquainted with her coach.

       Rip passed his phone to the Swedish center back.

         “Awww..” She melted. Kuasa and Masako leaned their heads closer to looked at the photo.

           “You were much cuter back then, coach.” Kuasa commented. Freydis returned the phone to Rip.

            “Erm...may I see it, too?” Sara asked tentatively. She felt like it might be too personal to ask someone for their childhood photos.

           Rip gave her a sideway smile before passing the phone across Ava’s lap. 

           Sara’s heartbeat a little faster and her cheeks felt a little warmer when she saw the photo.

             It was taken from an old photo. A boy, Rip, was smiling widely at the baby in his thin arms. The baby was wrapped in a blue blanket, sleeping soundly with the tip of her tiny tongue slipped out, her baby hands balled into tiny fists.

            Sara smiled cheek to cheek, her dimples became more pronounced. She looked at the photo and looked at Ava, then looked at the baby again. She returned the phone to Rip, didn't make any comment. Her heart was too warm to form any words. It was quite an experience seeing the adorable baby Ava. Sara wondered how it would feel to have baby Ava in her arms.

           Her smile faltered when she realized why it looked familiar. She had this kind of photo, too. Laurel was three, still had her chubby face, kissing the newborn Sara sleeping in her mother’s arms. The photo was vivid in her mind. Laurel had it on her bedroom wall.

        Sara swallowed the feeling threatening to surface in her eyes. She didn't want to ruin the warm family gathering. She ducked her head down, playing with Maxine’s floppy ears. The Aussie Shepherd nudged her face closer to Sara. She might sense the tremble in her vein.

         “Can you play something?” Masako requested.

          “I can, if you guys sing for me.” He asked the group.

      Turned out it was difficult to find the common songs that everyone in the group knew and Rip could play. They ended up singing some of Ed Sheeran’s from his early career, such as The A Team and Lego House. Rip wasn’t into Taylor Swift kind of song, but he played Safe and Sound upon request by googling the chords. They chatted in between songs, getting to know more about each other. 

      After about an hour and a half, the temperature dropped, so as the bonfire energy. The parents had returned from the nursing home and went to spend their time together in their bedroom already. Rip yawned and put his guitar down after he noticed that the girls were constantly checking their own phones. 

      “Okay, l couldn’t stay awake anymore, guys. Ava, can you make sure the fire is completely extinguished. Moms are gonna be mad if we cause wildfire and burn down their maple forest.”

       Just when Ava got a bucket of water ready, a rabbit ran by, and the garden was not dark enough to hide the small prey from Maxine. She barked and sprinted after the rabbit into the dark. 

       “Maxine!”

        Sara shouted her name but the dog couldn’t hear her voice and disappeared into the forest behind the backyard.

       Ava turned to Rip. “Can you guys put off the fire?”    

        “Don’t worry, baby.” Rip reassured. Ava hurried back into the house. Sara instinctively followed her.

       Ava got herself a flashlight torch, a leash, a small pocket of treats, and a water bottle for dog.

      “Can I come with you?” Sara asked, worried about the deaf dog in the dark and freezing environment.

       “Don’t worry too much. Maxine can take care of herself. You, on the other hand.”

      Ava marched out of the house to the backyard again. She quickly headed to the direction Maxine went. Sara disregarded Ava’s comment and just followed her. How could she think Sara would let her go alone in the forest at night?

      The flashlight revealed a small trail, which led them far enough from the house. The surrounding was quiet that every step made noise when their feet crunched dry leaves.

     “Finally, we’re alone.” Sara told Ava softly, wasn’t sure if it’s okay to talk to Ava. 

      “Shhh..don’t make noise. We have to pay attention to Maxine’s bell and her movement.”

          Sara nodded in the dark. They were lucky it was a full moon night so the forest wasn’t completely dark. Sara followed Ava quietly. Sometimes, her TA stopped and flashed the light twice quickly to make a signal. 

      They were roaming in the forest for about ten minutes, Sara felt a little bit restless. The silence, the wild atmosphere, and the darkness were surely intimidating for a girl who lived in a big city like Star City the whole life.

       Ava stopped walking, being attentive to the faint tinkling sound from somewhere. She did the flashlight signal again. The noise was clearer this time and Ava didn’t hesitate to get off the main trail. With the light, she avoided crashing her head to the tree trunks. Luckily, it was a maple farm where the trees were relatively managed. Had it been the natural forest, it would’ve been harder to navigate in the dark.

         Sara felt Ava’s hand grab one of hers and guiding her through the forest. Her TA clearly didn't want to lose Sara in this risky environment. Sara smiled to herself at the reassuring touch.

       They reached the verge of the pond when the flashlight caught the white fluffy creature wagging her tail on the small dock. She was licking something before turning her head to the direction of the light. Ava made the signal again and Maxine happily left something on the platform and ran towards her favorite owner. She jumped happily with the front legs up to scratch Ava’s legs. Ava responded by petting her from her neck to her back. Ava easily connected the leash to her collar.

      “Phew!. Lets see what you got on the dock.”     

       Ava led Maxine and Sara to the wooden platform. Without the trees, the moon shone and reflected on the surface of the water. Sara looked around, took a deep breath, taking in the somewhat magical moment. 

      “Well, we’re lucky it’s just an old bone, not a dead rabbit.”     

        Ava sat on one of her knees, pointing the light at the big piece of dry bone. 

      Ava straightened one of her palms and pulled it up towards her body. Maxine sat down immediately. She was rewarded with a tiny piece of cookie. Ava put the leash into Sara’s hand and poured water from the bottle into the tray attached to the container. Maxine drank it quickly. She must be thirsty after the unsuccessful hunt.

      The ‘not-yet’ couple sat on the dock with legs crossing. Maxine just lay down on her belly beside Ava quietly.

      Ava lifted her chin up to smell the air. Sara could see her breath when she exhaled. Her darker shade of blonde reflected the light from the flashlight.   

         Sara lost for words. She wanted to kiss those kissable lips the moment she arrived the Sharpe’s farm and found Ava with a bunch of flowers, but she didn't know if it was okay to do that. They had been walking on eggshells around each other because they were not dating and under the pressure of ethic and expectation. Sara didn't know if she could kiss Ava for no reason.

       “So, lied to me that you didn't go home because of upcoming exam and just joined a long trip with other three attractive girls and my brother instead, huh, Ms soccer extraordinaire. Didn’t know you’re in the team.”

    Ava stared off into the distance.

      Sara sighed. “No, Ava, not like that. I bumped into Rip last night and he invited me. I was gonna tell you but I didn't want to distract you from work. And I didn’t know he’s your brother. I know I shouldn’t have met your family like this, when I am nothing but a student to you.”

        Ava frowned, she clearly sensed the hint of bitterness from Sara’s last sentence.

       “And what about your upcoming exam? If it’s something you could easily ignore, what’s the actual point of staying alone on campus. What’s the point of the need to justify that to me?”

       Sara nails dug into her knees for a moment before releasing them. She sighed and moved her gaze down, thinking of what to say. How much she was willing to bare herself in front of Ava. How would Ava react to the truth, the real person Sara Lance was? Would she be disgusted by that fact? A perfect person like Ava, who was easily the best TA, the excellent political scientist. Sara swallowed back the lump in her throat.

       “I... I didn't want to go home, I’m not ready.” 

     Her voice barely interrupted the quiet peace of the night. Ava noticed the vulnerability. She turned her body towards Sara. Again, her shoulders slumped, her blue eyes were weary.

      “Wanna talk about it?”

         Sara didn't respond. Ava put a strand of her hair behind her ear. Maybe Sara still kept some personal distance from her. 

“I mean, erm.. you don’t have to.” Ava stuttered.

      Sara looked at Ava’s worried eyes..

      “Ava, I can't go home. My sister is mad at me because I slept with her boyfriend. I can't go home and face her or the possibility that my parents knew it and really disappointed in me.”

      The light in Ava’s eyes flickered before her gaze softened.

       “And...and I didn't mean to sleep with him. I… I was too drunk.”

        Sara’s voice was lost into a breathy whisper. Her mouth felt so dry. It was the first time she heard her own voice telling what had happened, not just the thought in her mind. It was the first time she let someone other than herself listen to it.

      Ava moved closer to Sara and reached her arm behind Sara’s back to gently grab her waist, guiding her body to rest against Ava’s front, loosely embraced the young girl from behind.

     “Thank you.”

      Sara whispered, eyes closing. She didn’t want to let her tears falling down.

       Ava’s illusive memory of the bar fight became clearer. It was what that fuck boy had told Sara before trying to touch her. It was the moment that she lost her sense into the need to protect Sara.

      Ava was no expert to deal with such sensitive issue. She knew kind words could also be harmful. It was hard to navigate the conversation when her chest felt the heaviness from what Sara had been endured. Ava clenched her jaw, the bitter anger mixed with the frustration of helplessness.

        “Is she a good sister, what’s her name?”  

         Ava brushed her lips on the top of Sara’s head, asking softly, despite her impression of Sara’s sister as basic bitch with internalized misogyny.

         Sara shuffled, adjusting her body so she could rest the side of her head against Ava’s collarbone, getting closer to Ava’s warm scent.

       “She is perfect. Her name is Laurel. She’s a lawyer, the good sibling, and I am the rebel one.”

_  ‘A lawyer who’s dumb enough to choose that kind of man?’ _ Ava blinked her eyes to stop judging Sara’s sister without actually getting to know the woman. 

      “You love her?”     

        Sara looked into the distance.

          “Yeah.”   

          Ava tightened her embrace.

       They both took comfort in each other’ s body quietly. Ava was no one to tell Sara what to do. She knew that the girl was tough enough to make her own decision. Despite how tired she looked or how much she blamed herself, Sara had tried to live her life as best as she could. The darkness couldn’t touch her. Sara’s decision to joined the trip to Rip’s family proved the point that she wanted to feel better.

      “You are not mad at me?”

      Sara asked tentatively, looking up to see Ava’s face to gauge her reaction. She was not quite sure how Ava would think about her problem.

       Ava frowned when she felt a bitter pang in her sternum. The bright blues under the moonlight were tainted with doubt and insecurity.

       Ava lowered her head down to capture Sara’s cold lips. The girl let out a soft whimper in surprise, barely noticeable, one of her hand clutched at Ava’s coat lapel.

       The kiss was slow. It didn’t mean to ignite any form of lust. It was warm and soothing and Sara pulled Ava closer to gain more pressure from Ava’s soft and sweet lips.

      Sara felt a paw scratching her shoulder and a wet tongue lapping the side of her face. The happily wagging tail making noise when it hit the wooden platform.

       “Maxine, what the hell!”

        Sara mindlessly asked the deaf dog after they broke their kiss. Ava giggled infectiously.

      “Max didn’t mean to cockblock you. She just wants to be involved in our love. Moms got that too when they kissed in front of her.”

       Ava’s giggle stopped when she realized what she had said. Her cheeks felt warm despite the cold air around her.

       Sara fixed her gaze on Ava’s shining pale blues, swallowing some kind of warmth and surprise.

       “Really?” Sara asked.

      “Yeah, Maxine will interrupt us if we kiss.”

       Sara rolled her eyes at how Ava lamely dodged the question.

      “Need further proof.”

        Sara told her playfully before connecting their lips again. Of course Maxine scratched Sara’s shoulder again for attention, this time she made a high pitch pleading noise as if she was saying something.   

         They broke the kiss and laughed for a moment. Ava pulled Maxine into a hug

            “Well, we should go back or Rip will call 911.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apology that have not replied to your encouraging comments. Thank you for spending your time reading it. I am traveling right now and I was writing this chapter with my phone in the region where internet isn’t available all the time.


	9. Informed Consent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very polite.

           Sara didn't sleep in. She woke up and felt a little bit different than her usual morning. The weight on her shoulders was a  bit lighter, the air she breathed in was sweeter. She went to bed with ease and contentment, knowing that the break had become a paradise where she could spend her time with Ava as much as she wanted. She would see Ava in the morning, have lunch with her, do something together, and although the dinner could be intimidating with the presence of her moms and Rip, every minute with Ava would be a dream for Sara.

       However, her defense mechanism couldn’t help her mind escaping her past and her conflicted issue anymore. She knew she had the potential to bury herself in the loop of her memory if she ever talked about it. That's why she didn’t want to talk to anybody about it at all. Talking required revisiting the nightmare, processing it into words, and making sense of it, making it communicable -- which was absurd.

       Yes, she clearly felt the warmth and the positive energy, knowing that Ava would be with her. The precious woman cared for her so much without judgement. But it didn't mean she could easily free herself from the grip of guilt and the destructive experience. She couldn’t forgive herself for hurting her beloved sister. She couldn’t forget what had happened and her brain deceived her by making it more vivid and less monochrome.

       Masako was still sleeping. With her tiny body and calm expression, the Japanese looked so considerate even when she was asleep. Sara carefully got up from the bed. She couldn’t sleep. The turbulence in her head was the mix of excitement to see Ava and the intrusive thoughts. It was only 6.45 am, too early to wake up on Thanksgiving Day.

        Sara put on her pulled-over sweatshirt and sweatpants, she didn’t want to risk being judged by Ava’s moms in case they weren’t comfortable with a girl roaming in their house with only a pair of briefs and a tank top.

       Sara noticed the smell of buttery pancakes and grilled bacons even before she reached the kitchen. Someone was making quality breakfast. She tentatively entered the kitchen, feeling a bit awkward in someone’s house.

          “Oh, good morning, little Sara. Want some breakfast?” Jen, who was carrying a spatula in front of the sizzling bacon stripes in the pan, asked Sara with a smirk. To be honest, Jen was the intimidating one for Sara. She wasn’t sure but Jen might sense something between her daughter and Sara. And Sara almost sensed the woman’s protective energy.

          “Good morning, Miss Lance, still get up according to the training schedule, huh?” Rip greeted her while chewing his food.

           Sara should’ve responded to the kind welcoming from Jen and Rip, but she couldn’t think much when Ava was sitting there at the dining table with her hair down, her cheekbones highlighted with the tint of bronzer. Her warm-peachy plump lips formed a tiny hint of smile when she saw Sara.

           “Good morning you.”

          Ava greeted Sara briefly before lowering her gaze to her plate and sipping her coffee. Sara’s awestruck bright blues eyes didn’t do any good to Ava's self-control in front of her brother and her parent.

          Sara blinked her eyes and looked away, realized that her involuntary reaction to the sight of her TA was borderline-inappropriate. It was too late. Rip and Jen clearly made a brief eye contact.

         “Good morning. Apology for my disoriented self. I just woke up.”

          “Breakfast?”

          Jen quirked one of her brows, inviting the flustered girl.

         “Yeah, of course, thank you.” Sara stuttered. Jen grabbed a plate and gave her three fluffy pancakes and crispy bacons. Sara thanked her again and chose the seat beside Rip. She was too self-aware to just sit with Ava. Unfortunately, sitting opposite to Ava, Sara had a pretty good view of her TA.

         “What? Don't like your midterm grade?” Ava frowned, knowing exactly that Sara was lost. It warmed her heart that Sara never made her doubt how much she adored her. But in this situation, she must maintain the hierarchy.

         Sara tilted her head. This, the abrasive Ava was back. Sara wasn’t complaining. It’s easier and more natural.

        “Hate to break it to you but there’s a bacon crumb on your left cheek.” Sara smirked. Ava self-consciously wiped her cheek with a napkin and found nothing. The crease between her brows was deepened.

         Rip put his silverware on his plate and wiped his mouth. The clinking sound got him the girls' attention and stopped them from doing some sort of fake and useless banter.

        “Today, Miss Lance, I plan to take you guys for a day tour of Ipswich, Newbury, and Salem. I think we should leave around ten, unless you want to just relax at home awkwardly with my parents.” Rip informed Sara.

         Sara didn't know much about the first two cities, but she knew Salem, the famous historical town of witch hunting.  

         She looked at Ava. “Are you coming with us?” She asked with a hint of hope in her eyes.

         “Ava is leaving to join the protest in Plymouth today. No, your TA isn’t coming. Don't worry about that. No one will prevent you from underage drinking violation.” Rip answered for his sister. The annoyance in his tone was almost undetectable.

       “A protest?” Sara was a bit confused.

       Jen grabbed her own coffee and joined the table.

       “Yeah, Ava doesn’t do Thanksgiving. Since she was sixteen, she always join the Native American protest in Plymouth. My daughter is extra.” Ava’s mommy proudly informed Sara.

           Sara looked back at Ava, pressing her lips tight, swallowing a tinge of confusion and disappointment. Ava hadn’t told her last night. Of course, it’s very Ava thing. It wasn’t surprising to Sara that her stiff TA wouldn’t just enjoy Thanksgiving like the majority of American citizens. She had been constantly advocated against inequality and discrimination in the discussion section.

       Sara noticed how Ava’s pale blues became apologetic. Sara couldn’t be mad at this woman.

      “I’m going with you.” Sara tentatively told Ava and earned  some side-eyeing from Jen and Rip.

        “I mean, would you mind if I joined you? The National Day of Mourning protest in Plymouth, right? I’ve always wanted to go but my hometown is on the other side of the country.”

       Ava’s tense shoulders relaxed. Sara cared enough about the real American history to know about the protest.

         “We had to deal with some White supremacists in our class all the time. But Ava never once backed down from her stance. My classmates respect Ava for that.” Sara turned to talk to Jen, who was grinning cheek to cheek hearing about how awesome her daughter was.

         Ava knew exactly what Sara was doing. Her student’s trying to please her mom and justifying why she should go with Ava.

          “Ava, please. You taught me to be more engaging in social movement for equality.”

         This time the pleading eyes aimed at her. Ava sighed. It’s getting harder and harder not being soft around each other even when they were not alone. She got up from her seat and put her plate in the dishwasher, aware that Sara’s gaze was following her expectantly.

         “I’m leaving in 20 minutes to catch the train. Be ready by that.”

        She then went upstair to her room.

         Sara beamed. She quickly got out of her seat, ready to get changed.

       “Nope, girl. You’ve gotta finish the plate or I kill you, your choice.” Jen pointed her knife at Sara’s plate.

        The girl sat down and smile sheepishly, digging her fork into the pancake.

        “Sorry, Mrs Sharpe, I’m too excited.”

            ++++++++++++++++++++

           Rip pulled over just in front of Ipswich Station, which was free of traffic. Not many people traveled this early on Thanksgiving.

            “Miss Lance, excuse us for moment, please.”

           Rip told Sara, who was ready to get off the backseat. She was a bit fazed by the request.

         “Go buy your round trip ticket to North Station, Sara.” Ava turned her head to talk to the girl in the backseat with a reassuring smile.

        “Okay.” The girl grabbed her backpack and left the sibling alone in the car.

        After the door was shut, Rip turned his serious gaze to his sister, whose blue eyes were dimmed, looking into the distance.  

        “So, you and Miss Lance?”

          Ava’s heart fell to her stomach. It wasn’t like she hadn’t expected him to suspect their relationship. Her hope that they would’ve gotten away without any problem was too high.

          “It’s not what you think.” She responded coldly.  

          Her brother tilted his head.

            “Look, Ava, not all straight men are dumb enough to not know you two were together. Was she the reason you came home in the morning that night? Were you the one who made her skipped a morning training?”

           Ava’s jaw set, her brows furrowed. It was more about frustration of being trapped in the ethical code of conduct. She couldn’t say she didn't have the forbidden feeling for her student.

           “I know the protocol, Ava. I’m also working under the protocol. It’s not worth the risk. You’re gonna get hurt and I don’t like that. Plus, Sara is on the student athlete scholarship program, any scandal might affect the decision for continuing her funding.”

           Ava felt the weight within her chest pulling her down. She bit her lower lip hard and thought for a moment. The new information added up the pile of the reasons why their relationship was hopeless and unrealistic. They both had been avoiding the thought of the problems they had to face if they insisted to be together. But it didn't mean that deep down they weren’t aware of how illogical their relationship was.

           “We haven’t done anything wrong and I know what I am doing, Rip. I won't do anything against the ethical rule and Sara is willing to wait.”

        She said without making eye contact with her brother.

         “And you believe that?”

           Ava snapped her head to look at him. Yes, she easily believed that. And it took all of her courage to believe that this would work. How dare he questioned that. Ava grabbed her backpack and opened the door, leaving the car. She wasn’t sure if she could endure more of this conversation. She marched through the entrance of the building. Her brother lowered the window.         

         “Let me know what time you’re back!”

        He shouted. Ava didn't bother answering him. She didn't see how his body slumped into the car seat and how concerned he looked.

          Sara in her white quilted jacket and a white snapback was loitering near the vending machine. Her hands tucked in her pockets. The girl beamed when she saw Ava approaching. She was surprised at Ava’s fast steps and the deep frown between her brows. She didn't expect her TA to just pulled her into a tight hug as if she needed something to hold on to. Sara’s hand moved up to cradle the back of Ava’s head without thinking, knowing there was something wrong.

          “Hey, you good?”

           She asked softly just below Ava’s ear due to the height difference. Ava held Sara’s body in her arms like that for a few more seconds before lifting her head up and stepped back to look at Sara, giving the girl a faint smile.

         “Just... finally we don’t have to behave in front of my family. And I’m sorry I didn't tell you about my plan today. I didn’t wanna risk them knowing about us.”

          Sara roamed her gaze on Ava’s face, searching for any sign of problem. She thought she found some in her eyes.

       “Are you sure?” Her hands are on Ava’s upper arms. Ava nodded.

       “Come on, the train is arriving in a few minutes. We have to be at the gate now.”  

           Ava turned her body away from Sara and led the girl to the direction of the gate to the platform of the outbound Purple Line train from Newbury to Rockport.

          They were waiting for the train. Sara tugged Ava’s coat’s sleeve.  Ava, who was now covering her head with the grey cuff beanie, turned her attention to the girl on her side.

          “May I think of this as a date?”

          Sara looked up to ask Ava, who softened her expression at the sight of the hopeful blue eyes.

         “Yeah, activism date. How cool is that?”

         Sara grinned widely and it made Ava’s heart flutter.

+++++++++++++++

          There were only few passengers sharing the car with Ava and Sara. The rhythm of the train was calming when it past the scenic landscapes and the peaceful suburb. They sat together in the same booth. Sara was enjoying the view while Ava was simply enjoying the closeness with Sara. In this moving space, it was the first time she didn't have to be self-conscious about the people around her like when they were in the college town. It was the first time she tasted the freedom of being with Sara without guilt and worry. This train, Boston, and Plymouth, would be their escape where no one knew them and only saw them as a couple, not a TA and her student.

         Sara turned to look at Ava when she felt the warm weight on her right shoulder. She smiled fondly when she saw Ava’s asleep with her mouth slightly open. Verbal communication was still something they weren’t good at. To follow the agreement to wait until the end of the semester, there were certain words and things they shouldn’t express to each other. And they rather took comfort in physical contact. Sara understood that it was easier for Ava to just cuddle with her instead of saying how much she wanted to be with Sara.

          Sara carefully guided Ava’s head to rest on her lap. The sleepy woman shuffled a little bit but still asleep, adjusting herself a few time until it was comfortable enough. Ava wasn’t a morning person. Sara had learned that when she found out all of Ava’s sections were in the afternoon.

            Sara was a bit awkward about where her right hand should be. Naturally, it was easy for her to place it on Ava’s waist, but she didn’t want to take advantage of Ava while she was sleeping. So she put it in an awkward position behind her back.

           When Sara almost closed her eyes and rested her head against the window frame after the long lullaby of the train, she felt her phone vibrating within her jacket pocket. She quickly got it out, fear of disturbing Ava’s sleep.

           Her heart sank when she saw a message notification. Her freckled face was paler. The sender was her sister.

          _“You didn't come home because of me?”_

          Sara squeezed her phone. More notifications flashed on the screen, forming a thread of messages.

         _“Can we talk?”_

_“Please, talk to me, Sara.”_

_“You can’t shut yourself from me like this”_

_“Okay.”_

         _“I’m calling tonight, and don’t you dare turning off your phone, or I will come to see you in person.”_

           The messages stopped coming. Sara’s heartbeat quickened, her breathing became more aggressive. Yes, she missed Laurel and hoped that they would be in a good term one day, but facing her sister wasn’t something she was ready for right now. It was scary. The possibility that Laurel would end up hating her more was horrifying. The fact that the truth would break Lauren too was worse. Revisiting the ugly truth about herself might tear the soft flesh of her heart.

             Ava shuffled on her lap, she must sense the sound of the turbulence in Sara’s vein, and her movement drew Sara mind back to the train and its rhythm. Without a pause of thinking, she stroked Ava’s silky hair gently.

            “Shh, it’s nothing, baby.”  She whispered reassuringly and when her own pulse was calm, Ava’s breath became steady.

           Sara smiled, fixing her gaze on the beautiful, calm and carefree expression on Ava’s face, wondering how could she blame her life for her mistake when it already gave her this woman, how could she be afraid of the unfolding future when she would have Ava with her. Life was merciful already.

           “I love you.”

             Sara’s mouth and lips formed the words without a sound. She didn't want Ava to hear it, not yet. She wouldn’t put the weighty words on Ava and added up her burden. She wouldn’t let her hear it before they properly date. Right now, it was more like a mantra to pacify herself.

          +++++++++++++

           Ava woke up about ten minutes before they arrived North Station. She was a bit surprised that she let herself sleep comfortably on Sara’s lap for at least a half an hour. Sara smugly grinned at how Ava’s cheeks were blushing.

           They got off the train and Ava bought MBTA day passes for them. The Orange Line Subway was nothing like the elegant Ipswich Commuter Rail. The train looked ancient and the station was gritty, reminding her of the dim and humid Star City. The surrounding suddenly screamed the edge of high modernity when they arrive Downtown Crossing. Ava decided not to take the Red Line subway to the nearby South Station. It was a good opportunity to take Sara on a short walk instead and show her the air and vibe of Downtown Boston. Sara gushed over some potential skate spots with marble floor and ledges. She should’ve brought a skateboard with her.

           They stopped at Peet’s Coffee on the way for some refreshment before entering South Station and boarding the coach to their destination. It was almost eleven when they arrive Plymouth, which was an eerie bus terminal. Ava booked an Uber to Coles Hill, the spot overlooking to the Plymouth Rock, the marker of the Mayflower Pilgrims’ disembarkation -- the starting point of the American national myth of Thanksgiving.

           People already flocked there but Ava thought they should have some lunch first. She came prepared. No nearby restaurant opened on this day. Ava and Sara shared  a bench in the park overlooking the shore of Plymouth Harbor.

         “Here, eat some of my sloppy avocado toast sandwich.” Ava offered the half of her homemade lunch to Sara. The girl shook her head.

      “Thank you, but I’m not hungry. The pastry from the coffee shop was enough for me.”

           Ava’s brows puckered, her mouth pressed a hard line.

          “Seriously, no need for highschool chivalry here. You are attending a protest, adrenaline will eat up your energy. A starving company wouldn’t do me any good.”

           Sara smiled sheepishly. She was a bit hungry but she didn't want to share Ava’s food. It was her own fault that she hadn’t think of lunch during the span of twenty minutes she had for getting ready before leaving Ava’s house. She only brought her own water bottle.

            “Here.” Ava brought the piece of sandwich to Sara’s mouth. The girl looked up to meet Ava’s bossy gaze and bit the piece in Ava’s hand. It was avocado toast with butter, black sesame seeds, and some lemon zest. After the first bite, Sara took the whole piece from Ava’s hand. They ate quietly, they still didn't get used to being together in public.

           It was almost noon, people were now flocked at the top of Cole’s Hill, where a small stage was set up. A tall woman in a leather trench jacket was giving a speech and the crowd were listening solemnly. Protest signs and posters popped up among the crowd. Ava guided Sara towards the direction.

         “One thing you need to keep in mind.”

          Sara turned her attention to her TA.

           “This is not our protest. We came only to support them. We don’t co-opt their movement. It is their historical and cultural intimacy, not ours. And we would never understand the pain and oppression they’ve been endured for generations. It is a mourning, and we won't think of it as anything else.  Be respectful and apologetic. Be grateful that these people allow us, who benefit from the historical and structural oppression, to join their social movement.”

        Sara nodded, following Ava quietly.

         They were among the crowd of hundreds participants. Sara noticed that they weren’t many white people participating. The Native Americans, old and young, men and women, were quietly listening to the history of violence committed by the British Colonial force recited by an old man who had the powerful but melancholic deep voice. Sara knew that the myth of the Pilgrims and the Native’s hospitality was anything but an invented tradition to justify colonialism and dilute the crime of genocide they had committed. Standing among the crowd, the people who felt the violence deeply in their blood, gave Sara goose bumps.

           Knowing it by reading somewhere was totally different from learning phenomenally through participation-- through the sound of the Native drumming, the hissing and buzzing of people, and the haunting song sung by a Wampanoag woman.

            With the bass of the Native drumming, the speaker, a young man with long hair, recited the Suppressed Speech, which once in 1970, a Wampanoag man had prepare to deliver at the celebration of the anniversary of the Pilgrims’ arrival. Due to its truthful content, the speech was suppressed by the event’s organizers.

            After the fifth speaker stepped down from the stage, they started marching to the solemn beat of the drum and other percussions. The leader’s speech was loud through his portable speaker. It became poetic when it harmonized with the sacred rhythm.

            Adrenaline gradually seeped through Sara’s brain. Collective effervescence delivered Sara the sense of sacrality. Sara was in awe at how emotional the movement was. Each step on the street of Plymouth Historical District was meaningful.

            Sara felt the familiar warm hand covering hers. Ava looked at the enchanted Sara and gave her a smile.

            “Don’t wanna lose you in the crowd.” She lowered her head to talk to Sara’s ear due to the surrounding noise.

            Sara smiled back and nudged herself closer to Ava. The walk wasn’t that long. The historic district wasn’t big. All of the participants gathered again at Cole’s Hill. The volunteers started distributing the potluck while people gathered in smaller groups and socialized.

             Ava grinned widely when a middle aged woman approached her. They gave each other a gentle hug.

          “Good to see you again, Ava.”

           “Me too, Sam.”

           The woman noticed the awkward small blonde on Ava’s side. She quirked her brows with a smile.

           “This year you didn't come alone.”

           Sara introduced herself and gave the woman a handshake.

            “Are you joining our feast? You left early all the time. Stay a little longer, please. Don’t exhaust this beautiful young lady.” The woman winked at Sara.

          Ava smiled sheepishly.

        “Thank you for inviting us, I wish I could stay but transportation on Thanksgiving is limited.”

          The last bus to Boston was 3pm. They had about an hour more in Plymouth. There were some nearby museums opening on Thanksgiving since the tourism economy of the town pretty much relied on the national myth. But Ava and Sara didn’t feel like visiting any of those. Ava hated that most of the museums didn't debunk the myth but merged the two versions of the historical violence together. They took an Uber back to the bus station right after drinking some coffee offered by the organizers.

          “Do you like it?”

          Ava asked her student who was looking through the bus large window.

          “Yeah, It’s wonderful.” Sara tore her gaze from the moving view to look at Ava.

         “How? I think most people would think I’m crazy to travel three hours and a half just to join a relatively small protest.”

           Sara laced her fingers with Ava.

           “I get it, Ava. I get how the protest reminded us that we’re not isolated from the complex network of human relations, whether in a good or bad way, that realization is somehow soothing.”

           Ava looked at the girl in awe, amazed by how much they were similar. She tucked a strand of Sara’s hair behind her ear.

            “It’s true.”

           ++++++++++++++++

            They arrived Downtown Boston around 5pm. Daylight was quickly devoured by the night in the late fall.

           Sara’s cold hand in her pocket touched her phone nervously. She hated that she was coward and wanted to turn off her phone, preventing herself from the confrontation with Laurel. It was as if she was on a fragile raft, floating in the angry stream that ended at the edge of a dangerous cliff, knowing exactly that she would be fallen down eventually but she could do nothing to prevent it.

           Laurel wouldn’t call her too soon. Sara remembered how her normal Thanksgiving went. Her family wouldn’t end the dinner until about 8pm. By that time, she would be with the Sharpes and her teammates. The lack of privacy would be a good excuse not to answer her sister’s call.

          “You good?” Ava noticed how Sara’s face was a bit too pale. It could be the temperature drop, but Sara had been too quiet for quite a while.

           Sara crossed her arms over her chest, looking into the dark underground platform of the Orange Line Station.

           “I’m good, it’s just..Boston makes me think of Star City.”

            Impulsively, Ava gave Sara a quick peck on her nose, hoping to lighten up the girl’s mood.   

            Sara fixed her eyes on Ava. Their breath was visible in the cold weather.

             An electronic noise echoed in the underground station, notifying the passengers that the train was coming. Sara heard the faint growling of the aged locomotive engine far away in the dark tunnel.

             She froze when her hand felt the vibration from her phone in her pocket. She quickly took it out to see the flashing screen, swallowing down the big lump in her throat.

            Ava saw it all, how Sara clutched her phone so tight that it must hurt her palm, how her fingers were shaking while slowly swiped the screen to answer the call.

           The train was approaching. Sara felt like she was part of the darkness devoured by the train’s bright headlight.

             _“Sara?”_

            The weak reciting of her name by the familiar warm voice unlocked something in her. She let her tears fall down instantly. The train was now stopped in front of them. Few passengers, who must be alone on Thanksgiving, idly stepped out.

             Ava gaped in shocked and her chest twisted at how Sara was falling apart before her eyes. And she couldn’t endure seeing Sara like this. It was painful as if she shared the same heart with Sara. Ava pried Sara’s hand from the phone. Her stomach churned when she saw Laurel’s name. The faint _“Sara, are you there?”_ was almost dissolved with the noise of the train’s engine.

          She brought the phone to her ear, her other hand circled around Sara’s waist and pulled the girl close to her body.

           “Hi Laurel, Sara can't talk to you right now, we’re boarding the train. Will call you later.”

          Ava said quickly before ending the call and pulled the small blonde into her embrace. Sara was shaking. She nudged her face to Ava’s shoulder, hiding the tears that dampened Ava’s coat.

            The Orange Line train roared again and left them alone in the dim subway station.

             +++++++++++++

              Ava was waiting for Brighton to pick up the call. The two were lucky enough that there was a bar still open near Downtown Crossing. Few customers were already drinking alone together.

             “Mom.”

             _“What’s up, baby. what time are you arriving. Rip kind of worries.”_

             Ava bit her lower lip, thinking how to tell her mom.

             “We decided to stay over in Boston for a night.”

        She let it out. There was a thick silence from the other end for a moment.

            _“Transportation mishap? We can just drive there and pick you guys up.”_

             “Complicate issue, mom. I don’t have the right to tell you but Sara really needs some privacy right now. Tell Rip not to worry. We will return home tomorrow morning.”

              Ava almost heard her mom contemplating.

             _“You remember my apartment’s key code, right? I think I left some food in the fridge. And it would be nice if you can water my plants for me.”_  

            Ava sighed in relief.

           “Thank you, mom. Thanks for trusting me.”

              After ending the call Ava turned to Sara, who was playing with the ice cubes in her ice tea, staring pointlessly into the brown liquid, leaving her pasta untouched. Trails of the fallen tears still visible if one looked closely enough.

            “Mom let us stay in her apartment at Harvard.”

            Ava told softly.  

           Sara stopped playing with the ice tea but still didn't move her eyes from the cold glass.

           “You don’t have to do this, you know. It’s my own problem, you don’t have to risk your dignity like this because of me.”  

           Ava felt the pang in her chest at the bitterness in Sara’s tone. But she wouldn’t let the negative energy affect her. She must be patient.  

            Ava gently pinched Sara’s squishy cheek.  

          “Ouch!”

          Sara yelped, clearly overreacted, glaring at Ava.

          “Say thank you that we have our date extended and finish your food, Sara.”

               +++++++++++++++

            After a ten minutes walk from Harvard Square, Ava led Sara into an elegant building. They rode the elevator to the eleventh floor. Ava entered the code on the keypad to unlock the apartment. She turned the light on when they got inside.

            Professor Brighton Sharpe’s place was high enough to avoid the city noise. Sara looked around. There was a black marble island counter that separated the kitchen from the living area. The large sofa set was in the middle of the room in front of a TV. There were some indoor plants here and there, coupling with the sand-colored wallpaper, the room gave Sara the beach vibe. At the corner, there was a large bookshelf.

            “Mom usually stayed here if she had to work at the university.”

            Ava informed Sara, who was now looking at a bookshelf of biology books, tracing her fingers on those titles quietly. Ava pressed her lips together and looked away. She hated to see Sara being so quiet and lost like this. If she was the usual Sara, the girl would’ve made a pleading eye and asked her for a make out session. She would’ve been whining when Ava rejected the request.

          Ava hung both of their outer wears in the coat closet near the door and brought Sara a pair of slippers. The girl thanked her softly.

           Ava looked through the kitchen cabinet and got herself a collection of teas. She made a pot of rose petals and honey tea, hoping to calm herself and her student. It wasn’t a bad idea to stay over at her mom’s apartment instead of taking an hour train ride to Ipswich after a long day of traveling.  

           They sipped the tea quietly in the same leather couch, hoping that the faint noise of news report on the TV would bring the sense of normalcy into the place.

             Sara sipped the now lukewarm aromatic tea before putting the cup on the wooden table in front of her, sighed in contemplating. Ava noticed and looked at the exhausted girl.

            “Should I call Laurel?”

            Sara asked Ava but fixed her eyes on the tea cup, her voice dry.

              “It’s up to you. But I think it might be the right time. She wants to talk to you, too. And, you know, I rather have you talk to her while I’m around, in case of emergency.”

               Sara turned to face to Ava, her bright blue eyes flickered, searching the reassurance from Ava’s expression to make sure her TA meant it. Sara nodded when she found that Ava’s determining gaze didn't falter. She grabbed her phone on the table.

          “Do you want some privacy? I can go to the bedroom or even outside.”

           Ava shuffled, ready to get out of the couch.

          Sara grabbed her arm and shook her head.

           “Don't go, please stay with me.”  

            Ava nodded and settled herself closer to Sara. Sara traced her hand down along Ava’s arm and finally laced her fingers with Ava’s. She brought her phone closer to her mouth, pressing the home button.

          “Siri, call Laurel.”

             Sara rested her head on Ava’s shoulder, pressed the speaker sign on the screen. Her heart beat faster and louder when she heard the dialing sound. She put it on her lap, waiting.

              _“Sara?”_

            The call started. Sara’s body tensed up immediately and Ava felt it. She  squeezed Sara’s hand gently.

            “Laurel.”

             She addressed her sister breathily.

          _“How are you?”_

           Ava clearly sensed the concern in the voice from the phone. She hoped Sara felt it too.

           “I’m not in a bad place. Thank you.”

           _“Good. Are you with someone? The woman I talked to few hours ago?”_

           Ava’s cheeks blushed slightly with some reason that she couldn’t pinpoint. Sara looked up to meet Ava’s eyes.

          “Yeah, she...she’s... She is my...”

           Sara still didn't know how to describe her relationship with Ava.

            “Girlfriend.”

            Ava whispered above Sara’s ear and it made the girl beam brightly.

          “My girlfriend. My first girlfriend.”

          Sara talked to the phone firmly. She earned a quirk of eyebrows from Ava.

           _“What’s her name?”_

           Laurel asked, her voice seemed excited, which made her sister relax a little bit.

          “Ava. Ava Sharpe. Don’t background check her.”

           Ava tried to keep herself from giggling.

           _“Wait! Ava Sharpe! Did you mean Ava Sharpe the author of that famous article on UN and its stagnant jurisdiction? I heard she’s a grad student from our university.”_

          Sara’s frowned, confused. She looked up and found Ava’s mortified face.

          “I guess it’s the same Ava.”

          _“Really? Wow, you scored big time, Sara. I’m so proud of my sister.” Laurel voice elated._

            Sara soft smile faltered and faded. How could Laurel be proud of her? She was nothing to be proud of.

             Sara swallowed. Even with what she had done, Laurel was still trying to be her big sister.

            “You’re not mad at me?”

         Sara asked tentatively. Ava flinched at the question. How come this beautiful and brave girl always blamed herself, and why was she so insecure of her self-worth?

              The other end of the call was quiet for a moment and every second of silence gradually broke Sara. She squeezed Ava’s hand to ground herself.

            _“I’m sorry, Sara, that I freaked out about what happened. I didn’t know what to do. I really liked him and I felt shattered. But you know what? The worst part of it was that I felt I lost you. And I was too coward to talk to you, until I came home yesterday and it felt so wrong not having you in our house.”_

            Laurel voice was trembling through the phone speaker. Sara couldn’t hold her tears anymore and she wiped it with Ava’s shirt. Her girlfriend gave her a soft kiss on her temple.

            “I’m sorry, Laurel. I’m sorry that I let it happened.”

              Sara’s breath hitched.

            “I liked him, Laurel. And I let it happened. I shouldn’t have done it.”

             ++++++++++++++

            Zari hadn’t moved into the undergrad dorm on the first day of leasing like Sara, hence, she was alone after her parents left. There’s not much to do when she was new to the place. She didn't totally agree with Laurel’s idea that she should go to the S.A.E party with Oliver. She didn't like him. It annoyed her every time she saw her sister with him. But party was her thing and it meant the opportunity to meet new people and have some fun.

            Laurel called her boyfriend while he was picking Sara up and made him promise to take care of her baby sister, which made Sara want to throw up. She could take care of herself.

         Sara’s cheeks blushed a little when he opened the passenger’s door for her.

             He was bossing around. Many guys, probably his friends, trying to put some alcoholic drinks in her hand to boost the good conversation. But every time, Oliver took the those cups away from her. He said she was underage. And it pissed Sara off. She avoided him, walking away from him whenever she saw him approaching.

              And he missed one or two cups of whiskey. If she hadn’t been so irritated she would’ve known that one of them wasn’t just the normal whiskey. But she didn’t noticed the wicked substance. It was harder for Sara to walk properly but the night was getting wild and much more fun. She danced sloppily with any boys or girls who wanted her. Two good looking boys trying to kissed her but they were both pushed away by Oliver’s strong arms.  

           “If you dare touching her again I will kill you.”

            He told one of the boy to his face. And like that, he carried Sara on his shoulder and took her to his room upstair. She hit and kicked him until the man gently put her down on his bed.

               “What the hell, Ollie. You can't take me away from my new friends like that!”

              She sat up and talked to him slowly. It’s getting harder for her to talk properly.

              “I promised Laurel.”

              He told her, standing tall at the edge of the bed. Looking away from Sara as if he was hiding something.

               Sara felt a twinge in her chest at the name of her sister. With the lack of the ability to control her emotion, Sara chuckled.

 

               “Ooh, such a Laurel’s good puppy. I fucking know, Ollie. You want me. You have been wanting me since the first time you saw me. Don’t act like you’re innocent. Poor Laurel. You don’t deserve my sister!”  

             Oliver quickly turned his piercing eyes to Sara. His eyes were so beautiful, not many men had eyes so charming like him, that’s why she preferred girls.

        Sara got out of the bed, trying to stand up, but her legs were wobbly, his arms steadied her. They were close enough that Sara sensed the alcohol from his body. He wasn’t sober either.

             It was hard to pinpoint who started it first. But there was a moment when Sara realized that it was wrong. She said no but things were too heated up and her body was completely out of her control.

            ++++++++++++++

            Sara let it all out. She hated to make Laurel cried on the other end of the call like this. But when she started she couldn’t stop. Her cheeks were red and wet. Her breath hitched sometimes. And she felt Ava’s tears trail along her neck.

          “And the worst part of it, Laurel. I had to go to the campus clinic and asked for contraception in the morning alone by myself. See, I didn't mean to do it. I never had unprotected sex.”

          Sara’s hand was shaking right now and the rhythm of her breathing was too frantic.

         _“Sara, baby. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you more than I should have. I’m sorry I didn't reach out sooner. Please, forgive me. I love you.”_

      Laurel’s breath hitched.

         Ava grabbed the phone from Sara’s lap and brought it closer to her.

           “Laurel, I think this is too much for Sara. I’m ending the call now. I’m with her, and trust me, I won't let anything bad happen to her. She is safe with me.”

            Ava ended the call after a faint _‘thank you’_ from Laurel. Sara buried her face in the crook of Ava’s neck.

             “Shh.. It’s okay. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

             Ava whispered to Sara’s ear, trying to hold back her own tears, one of her hand repeatedly made a circular move on Sara’s back. She wasn’t sure anymore that it was the right idea to let Sara revisit her past.

             It took about ten minutes of Ava’s comfort touch and soothing voice for Sara to calm her body down and stop sobbing.  

           “Hey.. better?”

            Ava thumb lifted Sara’s chin up to meet her.

            Sara blinked to let out few more drops of tears but her breath was quite normal now. The lump in her throat made it harder to talk to Ava. She waited for a moment until it’s gone.

            “Ava.. I.. I wanna forget it. I don’t want it in my head anymore.”

            Her voice was still trembling.

           “Can...Can you help me?”

             She fixed her shimmering blues eyes on Ava’s.

              Her TA moved her thumb up to stroke Sara’s cheek.

              “I would do anything, Sara. Please, tell me what I can do.”

               Ava asked desperately. She couldn’t stand seeing Sara so broken like this.

             Tears still brimming her bright blue eyes, Sara fixed her gaze on Ava’s concerned frown. Ava witnessed how she lowered her eyes to Ava’s lips, how she slowly cupped Ava’s face and placed her trembling lips on hers.

          It was salty. Ava tasted the tears when their lips moved against each other slowly with tentative pressure.

            “I want you.”  

           Sara whispered to Ava’s lips. Her girlfriend responded with more pressure that pried her mouth open. The tip of Ava’s tongue gently explored Sara’s soft and warm flesh and it heightened her sensitivity. Sara sucked Ava’s bottom lips hard that it made a popping sound when she let it go. They touched their forehead and panted. Their hearts were pounding too loud that they both literally heard the frantic but synchronized rhythms.  

             In one move, Sara straddled Ava’s lap, never tore her eyes from Ava’s. Ava moved one of her hand down to hold the small of Sara’s back. The girl moved her hip closer to Ava’s, she needed to eliminate the gap between them.  

            Sara leaned in to kiss those peachy plump lips again, one of her hands cradled Ava’s neck, almost forcefully held her in place. Her hip made an almost unnoticeable rocking against Ava’s torso, and it did ignite her body.

              Ava could still taste Sara’s tears that still lingered on her lips. Her hands held Sara in place while she disconnected their kiss. Ava pulled herself backward to make some distance, only few inches apart. Sara’s blue eyes widened and the lit up flame almost gone immediately.

           Ava shook her head before kissing Sara’s on her cheek.

            “Do you really want me to help you forget it?”

             Ava asked, her voice hoarse. Sara nodded slowly.

            “Okay, ask me. Make sure I say yes.”

            Ava told softly to Sara’s ear.

            Sara blinked her eyes until she understood Ava’s purpose. She nudged her nose to Ava’s cheek.

             “Ava Sharpe, May I make love with you tonight.”

             She asked with her lips against the reddened tip of Ava’s ear.

              Ava was quiet for a moment and Sara’s insecurity grew with each second passed. Ava took her time to actually think, although it wasn’t easy to process things when her core was throbbing and her lips were swelling.

               “Yes.”

              She said firmly. Fuck all of the rules and protocols. They had crossed so many lines already and it didn't seem to affect the way she operated her class. More importantly, she couldn’t stand seeing Sara broken. If doing it would make the girl smile happily again, there’s no reason left for her to reject the girl who flipped her life upside down.

              She couldn’t pinpoint when she started to feel for this infuriating girl. Maybe that time when she noticed her in the lecture hall with eyes so beautiful but so sad. Maybe it was the moment when she interrupted her from playing with her phone because she wanted to bring her out of her unhealthy thoughts. Or maybe when she decided to follow her when she walked out the lecture hall just to make sure she was okay.

           And it had always been difficult to deal with Sara when the affection was against all of her ethical ground, resulted in the way she interacted with her that was a bit too abrasive.

           Sara tightened her embrace when she heard the answer. Ava’s hands moved down to support Sara’s thighs on her lap. In one move, she stood up, forced the girl to wrap her legs around Ava’s hip and hold her arms onto Ava’s neck for dear life.

            “Hey, look at me. I like your eyes.”  Ava told her girlfriend.

            It was steady. Sara knew that Ava was strong, she had seen those arms and abs in the basketball court, but she didn’t expect Ava to be this strong. Sara leaned her head back a little to be able to comply Ava’s request.

            When the bright blues were locking with the paler ones, Ava walked forward to the direction of the bedroom. The whole process was almost spiritual, the way Ava’s hair cascaded down, swaying, teasing Sara’s skin while she walked. And that little rocking when she made her step -- it created the right dose of friction between her legs. Those darkened pale-blues hypnotized hers. Sara would worship this goddess anytime with her soul as the offering.

          The way her hand twisted the door knob while carrying Sara, the way her foot kicked the door open, Sara wondered how many girls Ava had taken to this apartment. The thought pinched her in the gut a little but at the same time it fueled her crave for Ava. She wanted to be special, she wanted to deserve Ava.

            The room wasn’t completely dark. There was some light from the living room shone through the open door. The panoramic fiberglass window also allowed the light from the town below and the stars above.

            Ava gently put the small blonde on the firm mattress. Sara lay her back on the soft and clean-smelling sheet while Ava’s body was leaning down, hovering over her, cramming one of her long legs in between Sara’s thighs, purposefully pressed her hip down on Sara’s core.

              Ava didn’t kiss Sara right away. She wanted to take a moment to appreciate Sara’s flushing freckled cheeks, the dilated bright blues, and those reddened swollen lips.

                “Would you mind if I turned on the light?”

               Ava traced her fingers along Sara’s hairline.

              “You wanna see me?”

               “Yeah.”

               Sara nodded. Ava rolled her body away and reached her hand to pull the lamp switch. And Sara missed the contact already. As soon as the room was lit up, Sara grabbed Ava’s waist and pulled her back into her arms.  

             Sara gently forced Ava to lie down on her back. The girl steadied herself over Ava with her elbows on the mattress and one of her legs was between Ava’s. She smiled and lingered her fingers on Ava’s jawline. Ava smiled back.

               “You are so beautiful it’s illegal.”

               Sara murmured. Ava tangled one of her hand in Sara’s hair, her other hand stroked Sara’s toned upper arm.

              “Do you really wanna do this with me?”

               Sara asked softly. She didn’t want to make a mistake.

               “Didn’t you hear my heartbeat?”

                Ava responded.

                 Sara smiled smugly.

                “Good question.”

                 And then She tilted her head and rested her right ear on Ava’s chest. The rhythm became more frantic at the sudden contact. Sara was sure she felt the hardening of a small bud under Ava’s cloth.

                 She lifted her head up to look at her girlfriend’s flustered face with eyes drooping.

               “You do this because of sympathy? Because I’m desperate? Because you’re nice?”

               She wanted to make sure that Ava wanted this too. She didn't want someone who had such a high ethical ground like Ava to screw her own belief just to calm Sara for a night.

                 Ava shook her head on the pillow.

                 “I’m doing it because I want you, too, you beautiful dumb ass.”

               Sara grinned cheek to cheek and Ava was grateful that she didn’t see the trace of tears on the girl’s face anymore.

              “Do you want me to wear a helmet?”

               Sara giggled at her own lame joke.

             Ava rolled her eyes. She was done with this cheeky girl. She couldn’t believe she let Sara mess with her for this long.

            To Sara’s surprise, Ava swiftly sat up with her legs crossing and forcefully adjust Sara to straddle on her lap. Sara let out a hum in her throat when she felt Ava’s hands under the hem of her shirt. Those long fingers traced Sara’s toned abdomen and she swore she heard Ava swallowing at the contact.

          One of Ava’s hand traced up and slid some of her fingers under the soft cup of Sara’s bra. Sara jerked her body at the connection of her hot skin and Ava’s determined hand. She rushed to capture Ava’s lips that she already missed. Ava dodged her hungry lips. Sara kissed the air in stead.

          “What?”

           Sara’s asked breathily. Talking was difficult when her breath hitched and the weaves of sensation surged within her body gradually, responding to the way Ava squeezed and teased one of the two protruding breasts.

         Ava smirked.

         “Sara Lance, let me see you.” Ava told her. Her voice was soft but also authoritative. Sara made a huff but she was nothing when her body was on fire at the mercy of Ava’s hand like this. Ava’s free hand moved up to tuck Sara’s golden hair behind her ear, putting away anything that could obstruct her view.

          “Good girl.”

          Ava murmured when she saw how Sara’s cheeks flushed, her nostrils flared, her mouth gaped open for breathing, and her eyes squeezed shut when Ava put some pressure on her nipple.

           Sara tried to gain some autonomy. Her hands grasped the collar of Ava’s shirt and hastily unbuttoned it, finding the access to Ava’s perfect breasts. They’re bigger and squishier than Sara’s. Ava’s body squirmed. Sara’s touch wasn’t  delicate. She pulled Sara’s head down to kiss her harshly with teeth and tongues.

           Sara gave in. This, she wanted. She wanted those full lips to devour her. She dug her fingers on Ava’s flesh when she felt Ava’s teeth bite her lower lip. And by the time they pulled away due to suffocation, Ava’s white shirt and bra was gone. Their eyes were still in awe of each other, a string of their saliva in between their lips glitter under the light.

             With Sara’s eyes roaming Ava’s naked breasts, Ava took the opportunity to undress the awestruck girl on her lap. She guided Sara’s arms to help her pull away her t-shirt while unclasped her bra.

            Freckles on her smooth pale skin formed the unique pattern that Ava wanted to study everyday. She roamed her hands deliberately on Sara’s skin, intrigued by the rare beauty.

           “Birthmark?” Ava held Sara’s right arm closer to her face, studying the pinkish red circle on her skin.

            “Yeah.”

              And Ava kissed it softly. She trailed her lips up along the toned arm to the girl’s collarbone, and kissed her down until her lips met one of Sara’s hardened nipples. Sara was lost into the wet and warm tongue touching one of the most sensitive parts of her body. She arched her back, wanting more. Her hip squirmed to get closer to Ava even though there was no actual gap between their bodies.

        “Ava..ugh!”

        Sara whimpered when Ava sucked her nipple while one of her hand played with her other breast. Sara’s arms pulled Ava’s neck closer. Her fingers clutched at the back of Ava’s head.

        The reaction and the cute noise Sara made was encouraging. Ava moved one of her hands down to the belt loop of Sara’s pants, tracing it with her long fingers until she found the button. She unbuttoned the pants to feel the lycra rim of Sara’s boyshorts.

          “May I?”

          Her tone was pleading. Her long fingers lingered at the edge of the soft fabric.

           “Say please.”

           “Please...”

           Ava complied.

          “Yes, please.”

              Sara’s body shook a little when Ava slid her fingers under the rim of her white boyshorts. The long fingers tentatively explored Sara’s body landscape. Ava noted in her mind that the tips of the silky trimmed hair were already wet.

        When Ava’s thumb and index finger were coated with the moisture, Sara cupped Ava’s face and kissed her passionately. She then moved her lips to suck Ava’s pulse point on the side of her neck. Her TA hummed at the sensation the gesture gave her, pressing her thumb harder on Sara’s clit, which turned her sucking into a bite. Ava didn't complain when she felt the sting on her neck. Rip’s gonna kill either Sara or her tomorrow if he saw the bruise.

           Ava placed Sara down on the mattress again and ripped the rest of Sara’s cloths away from the squirming body.  Sara embraced Ava when she followed her and claimed Sara’s swollen lips again. She left Sara’s lips after a few second and sat up, straddling on Sara’s hip, her messy blonde hair cascaded down to her bare chest.

           The girl was ready, Ava believed. It was so wet that she had to lick some of the excess moisture off her hand. She liked the taste. It’s musky and tangy, but not too overwhelming. Sara’s eyes lit up at what she witnessed.  

          Ava placed herself in between Sara’s thighs, inserted her hands under her knees and guided Sara to open them wider for her. Ava licked her lips and swallowed at what she saw. It was gorgeous.

         “Baby...”

          Ava gushed before leaning down to taste what she had been craving for. Sara’s hip jerked up at the contact of Ava’s lips and the bud that contained thousands of delicacy nerves. Sara helped her by pulling Ava’s hair away from her face.

            “Ava..”

          Sara hissed her girlfriend’s name. Ava responded by sweeping her tongue down along the slit and teased her wet entrance with her hot soft flesh. Sara squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip when she felt the deep bliss radiated from the spot. Her nails dug into Ava’s scalp.

           Ava pushed her tongue deeper just to feel the soft and warm wall around her. Sara’s legs wrapped around her upper back. Her right hand sought Ava’s left just to lace her fingers with hers.

           “Ava, please. I’m close.”

            Sara cried weakly.

           Ava withdraw her hot tongue, traced it up to Sara’s tiny shaft. Sara moved her hip closer to Ava, wanting the contact again.

            Ava knew it when Sara’s legs tensed up and squeezed Ava’s upper back. She lifted her head up and broke the friction Sara was yearning for, deciding if she wanted to extend the pre-orgasm a few minutes more.

             She crawled up to meet Sara’s dilated shimmering blues, her left and Sara’s right hands were still connected. Ava brought the smaller hand to her mouth and kissed it gently. Sara did the same to Ava’s hand.  

             Ava’s right hand trailed down again. She spread Sara’s left leg wide open, tracing the long fingers from Sara’s knee to where her thigh met her core. The thumb caressed Sara’s sensitive clit for a minute while she peppered her kiss on Sara’s freckled chest. The girl squirmed under Ava’s touch.

           “Please, Ava.”

            Sara whispered, begging. Ava bobbed her head up to look at her girlfriend. She noticed how her brows furrowed.

             “Please.”

           The girl begged again while Ava was circling her thumb with more pressure, their eyes were lost into each other.

           “Yes, baby.”    

            Ava leaned down to claim Sara’s swollen lips again. The girl squealed against her mouth when Ava dived her middle and ring finger into the velvety warmth in between her thighs. Sara bit Ava’s lower lip, responding to the feeling of being stretched and filled. She had been wondered how Ava’s long fingers could do things to her. The reality was beyond her imagination.

           Sara’s body twitched a little. Ava disconnected their lips. Her left hand let go of Sara’s and moved down to spread Sara’s right leg to helped the girl adjusting to the fingers within her. Sara breathed deeply to ease her body. She nodded quietly when she didn’t feel the abrasion on her wall that much anymore.  

             Ava’s left hand returned to lace her fingers with Sara’s again. She didn’t kiss her. She just wanted to appreciate Sara’s face. Her two fingers inside Sara began to explore the softness. She found the rough spot in the deep, gently massage it to see Sara’s face contorted. She slowly but steady moved the fingers in and out with circling motion, And Sara cried in an inaudible language. Orgasm was creeping into her body. Ava knew it when the soft and wet wall started to clench around her fingers.

             Sara’s fingers that tangled with Ava’s frantically squeezed Ava’s hand as if she wanted to break Ava’s fingers. Ava responded by giving her another kiss and quickening her pace, every stroke was knuckle deep and hitting the right spot. And in few seconds, Sara’s body was shaking while her wall was sucking Ava’s fingers. The wave of spasm surged from her core to her spine and her brain. She let out a loud whimper while her jaw was clenched. Her other arm found Ava’s shoulder and pulled her down closer while digging her nails on Ava’s back. She’s gonna have some visible scratch marks.

        Ava stopped moving her fingers but didn't withdraw them from the recent wave of wetness. She witnessed how Sara’s cheeks were beyond flushing and how her freckled body glowed. Sara was so beautiful and amazing. Ava leaned down again to kiss her glowing cheek. Ava slowly moved those long fingers out. Sara squeezed her eyes shut again at the last wave of bliss. Her core was still throbbing when Ava licked her wet hand.

             Sara’s eyes slowly opened, small drops of tears fell down from the outer corners of her eyes. Ava wasn’t hesitate to kiss it away.

          “Hey, you.”

          Ava greeted her just above her lips.

          “Hey..”

          Sara said it back, her voice was weak. She grazed her nose with Ava’s in need of intimacy for a moment.

           Ava lay on her back and Sara rolled her body to rest her head on Ava’s shoulder. One of her arms rested across Ava’s torso, one of her legs fitted in between Ava’s knees.

     Sara felt the sudden annoyance when her skin grazed the fabric of Ava’s skinny pants. But she will let it go for a moment. She needed some time to cool down after the amazing sex.

            They were quiet for a long moment until Sara’s hand started to trace along Ava’s toned abs just for relaxation.

           “Ava.”

           “What?”

           “You love me?”

            Ava smiled softly at the tentative question. She liked how she framed it. It meant Sara was at least sixty percent confident that Ava loved her. Sara, the beautiful girl with amazing heart,  who barely believed in her self-worth.

          “Yeah.”

          Sara tightened the hug and smiled brightly.

          “I can do that too, you know.”

         “Do what?”

          Instead of verbally answered, Sara unbuttoned Ava’s pants.

         “Who said I’m done with you, Lance.”

         She didn't pry Sara’s hand off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty enough? ;P


	10. Winter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short one. The morning-after we deserve.

         Ava stirred,, a bit disoriented that the whole room was still dark until she remembered how Sara kissed her forehead after their last round in the morning before she hopped off the bed to close the window curtain and lower the room temperature. Ava’s throat was dry, she should have drunk more water last night.   
  
  
  
            Ava squinted her eyes when she noticed the bright streak of light escaping the crack where the two panels of blackout curtains met. She rolled her body to the side of the bed but she had to pause her movement for a second. She felt the slight sting in between her thighs, just enough to remind her of what Sara had done last night. She bit her lower lip at the sensation of heat she felt just below her navel at the thought of how it happened. Anyway, she noted to herself that she needed to let it heal for a day or two before sleeping with Sara again, which, of course, she didn't plan to do until the semester ended.  
  
  
  
             Her hand searched the nightstand for the bedside lamp switch. She frowned when she realized that her tiny girlfriend wasn’t on her side on the bed. Her chest hurt at the possibility that Sara had already left to somewhere she didn’t know, judging from how broken and lost she had been last night. The comfort from Ava could be just temporary and did nothing to the damaged little heart. Ava frowned to herself at how naive and stupid she thought that sex would heal Sara. If sex could really help, Sara would’ve chosen to do it with someone else better than her, such as Nyssa, who had been flirting with Sara since the beginning of the semester. And maybe sex with Ava was bad. Last time she did it was with Alex more than a year ago. Maybe it’s only her who thought that last night was amazing. Clearly Sara was the experienced one when it came to this matter.  
  
  
            She shook her head to get rid of the trail of negative thoughts. The important thing right now was to locate Sara. She rummaged under the comforter to find her clothes. She managed to find her ruined panties, immediately regretted that she hadn’t took them off sooner. Clearly she couldn’t wear it before doing the laundry. She didn’t find her shirt so she looked at the floor, where her skinny pants was discarded.  
  
  
  
            But where’s her shirt? Ava wondered. She looked into Brighton’s cabinet and found herself an oversize gray knitted sweater. It’s hem was long enough to cover the upper half of her thighs. She gave up the thought of wearing any of her mom’s pants. She already looked too alike Brighton that she suspected her mom made her in her lab.   
  
  
  
            She didn’t feel like wearing her own skinny jeans either, it might be too tight and it might hurt. She needed to clean her cloths as quick as possible so she could go to find Sara. She gathered her items and walked to the bedroom door.  
  
  
  
              The light in the living room was on. The alluring smell of hot coffee kicked her sense. Ava chuckled at herself for being stupid and insecure enough to think Sara had left. She saw the blonde standing behind the kitchen island with her headphone plugged in her ears, eating something with her back towards the living room. There, her shirt. Sara was in Ava’s shirt. Ava put her clothes on the sofa gently. She walked to the other side of the marble island, clearing her throat to get Sara’s attention.   
  
  
  
             The girl’s shoulders tensed for a second before she turned her body to the direction of Ava’s voice, taking off the headphones and put it down on the counter. Her cheeks flushed like a ripened peach fruit, her lips flattened, her eyes were clearly avoiding Ava’s gaze.   
  
  
  
             Ava quickly walked to the corner of the table to get into the area where Sara was standing.  
  
              She didn’t reach for her despite the itch for physical contact. Sara didn’t look like she was comfortable at all. Maybe she shouldn’t invade her personal space.  
  
  
  
             “Hey, what’s wrong?”  
  
            Ava asked softly with a hint of concern that she was trying to hide from Sara. She frowned when Sara’s jaw slacked and her face suddenly turned completely red. Ava followed Sara’s eyes and found them fixing on Ava’s bare thighs. Ava eyes widened and looked back at Sara’s flustered expression. The girl quickly turned her back towards Ava while Ava reflexively pulled the hem of her mom’s sweater down to cover more of her thighs.   
  
  
  
            Ava felt the heat creeping from her chest to her neck and then her face.   
  
  
  
             “Please, don’t tell me you walked out of the bedroom with nothing except the sweater you are wearing.”   
  
  
  
               Sara said it quickly. Ava frowned at the way Sara’s head ducked down as if turning her back to Ava wasn’t enough to avoid looking at the lower part of Ava’s body.   
  
  
  
              “You’re acting weird, Sara. You haven’t seen me naked?”   
  
              Ava asked with the slight provocative tone. And as she expected, the back of Sara’s neck above the shirt’s collar turned pinkish. Ava bit her lower lip, roaming her gaze on Sara’s back. Her shirt was too big on Sara, so the sleeves covered the girl’s  knuckles. The hem of her shirt was long enough to cover Sara’s hip, but it wasn’t enough to hide the fact that there was nothing covering the lower part of Sara’s body. Ava mindlessly licked her upper lip. Seeing Sara in her own shirt like this, her brain experienced short circuit.   
  
  
  
            Ava moved closer to Sara’s back but she didn’t close the gap between them, just enough to smell the lavender lemon shampoo.   
  
  
  
           “You showered?”   
  
  
  
            “Yeah. I did. Sorry I didn’t asked you before using the towel and stuffs in the bathroom.” Sara stuttered and she paused.   
  
  
  
             “I found some cereal and juice in the fridge and I already made the coffee. So you should eat something.” She mumbled, still didn’t turn her face to Ava.  
  
  
  
             Ava raised her brows, a bit of impressed that Sara had woken up early to do all of this.  
  
  
  
             “And..and I’m using the laundry machine now. Hope you don’t mind. I don’t have clothes and clearly it’s weird if I use your mom’s clothes.”   
  
  
  
             Ava tilted her head, draping her long hair over one side of her shoulders. She crossed her arms over her chest, wondering if Sara was actually a meta human. Last night was a lot, six times, actually. She couldn’t believe Sara didn’t sleep in and woke up so early.  
  
  
  
             “What is this, Lance? Sleeping with me was that bad? But if it was bad why didn’t you stop? Like the last time I was asleep but you woke me up for that. Why are you acting weird right now?” It came out like a harsh teasing but it doesn’t mean Ava didn’t feel the tinge of insecurity.  
  
  
  
             And it worked. Sara quickly turned to face Ava, her cheeks were beyond red and she squeezed her eyes shut as soon as her gaze caught Ava’s thighs.   
  
  
  
            “No, not like that, Ava. It was amazing.”   
  
  
  
            Ava quirked her brows again, she pouted her lips.  
  
  
  
           “Kids are weird.”   
  
  
  
           Ava placed both her hands on the edge of the marble island behind her and hopped up to sit on the island. She quickly pulled the hem of her sweater down to sit on it instead of the cold material.   
  
  
  
          “C’mere.”   
  
           She reached her hand to pull Sara’s arm. The girl moved closer to Ava but still didn’t open her eyes.   
  
  
  
           Ava guided her to stand in front of her and pulled her waist towards her. Sara could feel the heat radiated from Ava’s body, which was now smell like the bed they ruined last night. Her torso felt the friction from Ava’s inner thighs.  
  
  
  
         Ava tucked Sara’s damped hair behind her ears, cradling her makeup-free face that revealed Sara’s blonde eyelash.  
  
  
  
         “Look at me. Tell me what’s wrong.” Ava asked. Her voice was soft but also concerned.  
  
  
  
          Sara peeled her eyes open and immediately looked away, escaping Ava’s scrutiny.   
  
  
  
           “Erm, I really...really wanted to keep the promise that we wouldn’t break the rule, but like...” Sara paused. Ava tilted her head to looked at Sara’s closely.   
  
  
  
          “Gosh...Ava, if you walk around like this...” She groaned.  
  
  
  
            Ava flickered her gaze. The tips of Sara’s ears and nose were all prominent with the red tint. Ava’s grayish blues darkened at the sight of flustered Sara. She chuckled in her throat and leaned down to kiss Sara’s forehead. She almost kissed Sara on her lips but the girl was on edge right now and she shouldn’t push her. Sara immediately melted at the touch. She rested her head on Ava’s chest and circled her arms around Ava’s waist.   
  
  
  
           Ava pushed Sara’s shoulders away, just enough distance to force the girl to meet her eyes.  
  
  
  
          “How are you feeling now?”   
  
  
  
           Sara looked up to meet Ava’s gray blues for a moment. Ava could see how mortified she was. Sara bit her lower lip and looked at the coffee mug on the counter instead.  
  
  
  
            “I don’t know what I feel right now. Like I’m not aware of feelings but I think a lot. And like all of the thoughts were about you. Gosh...even with you before my eyes like this, I still think about...erm...you know,...basically I can’t stop thinking about you.”   
  
  
  
            “Tell me. What are you thinking?”  
  
  
  
             Sara was fidgeting her thumbs behind Ava’s back.   
  
  
  
            “Two things, I guess.” She answered and took a deep breath before she continued.   
  
  
  
             “Obviously, I want to do so many things to you in bed again like I would do that all day.”    
  
  
  
             Ava’s cheeks were heated so she brushed it off by playing with Sara’s cheeks instead.   
  
  
  
            “What about the other thing?”   
  
  
  
             This time, Sara turned to look at her.   
  
  
  
             “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep the promise and I made you brake your ethical ground.”   
  
  
  
            Those bright blues were soft and apologetic. Ava thought they were like the deep ocean all the time. But when she could see them closely with the right angle and amount of light, Ava thought of Gilgamesh’s Lapis Lazuli, the ancient and sacred gemstone was the right shade of blue.   
  
          Ava pulled Sara into a tight hug. Her arms draped around Sara’s neck. She tilted her head to kiss Sara’s temple.  
  
  
  
            “Ava, I... I understand why the ethical conduct was so important to you, and I had no real intention to break the promise— that I should wait until we are on the equal ground.”  
  
  
  
           Ava chuckled above Sara’s ear.  
  
  
  
          “Really. Six times and you’re saying that you’re not a horny teen at all. Wow, mind-blowing.”  
  
  
  
            “Ava!”  
  
            Sara pulled back from Ava’s chest and looked at her bemused girlfriend who raised one of her brows at her reaction. Sara frowned and pouted her lips defensively.  
  
  
  
            “Seriously, are you okay? You are more important to me than the rules.” Ava’s hand caressed Sara’s jawline, her thumb lingered on Sara’s chin dimple.  
  
  
  
           Their gazes fixed on each other.   
  
  
  
            “I’m good. Thinking about you has always been...good. I like thinking about you.”    
  
  
  
           Ava nodded. She sighed, contemplating if she should ask what’s in her mind. She pressed her lips together, looking into Sara’s eyes again. Maybe later. Having Sara’s smile back was good enough for now. Yesterday was too emotional and this morning her brain was obviously cloudy by what had happened few hours ago. Clearly not a good time to put things into perspective.  
  
  
  
           “Do you.. erm...want some breakfast? Coffee?”  
  
            Sara asked tentatively. The whole morning after thing was new to her. Sara had never stayed for the breakfast. She was fresh out from high school few months ago. Her experiences were never involved someone old enough to be able to rent a room. Usually, it was about sneaking in and out behind hers or their parents’ back. Nonetheless, no one had ever made her feel like she wanted to stay for the awkward morning. She never had a real romantic relationship. All of them were just casual hook ups.  Sara turned her body to the direction of the coffee pot and cereal boxes, ready to get something for her girlfriend.   
  
    
  
          Ava hands grabbed one of Sara’s upper arm to stop her from disconnecting their bodies. It wasn’t delicate, the way Ava pulled Sara closer to her and placed her lips on her pouty lips. Sara’s body was stiff in surprise for a second before leaning in towards Ava on the edge of the island. Sara gently sucked Ava’s upper lip a little and released it a for a little moment and back at it again for a few times before tentatively grazing the tip of her tongue on Ava’s slightly parted lips. She didn’t slip it in, she waited for Ava to reciprocate. When their soft and sensitive fleshes met, Sara massaged Ava’s tongue with hers. She switched back and forth  between nibbling Ava’s plump lower and upper lips and caressing her tongue. The whole process was almost tentative as if Sara was trying to figure out how to kiss Ava. Her TA hummed in her throat, aroused by the sensual thought that a 18 year-old could be this good at kissing.  
  
  
          Ava leaned backward to disconnect their lips and took a moment to appreciate Sara’s messy dampened hair and her hungry bright blues. She touched her forehead with Sara’s and grazed her nose along the girl’s profile slowly. The rhythm of the dryer machine from the laundry room was apparent but the only sound Ava could hear right now was their panting that cloud her mind.   
  
  
  
           Sara leaned in further, trying to catch Ava’s lips again but Ava leaned her body backward further on the island and straightened her body to escape Sara’s hungry lips. Sara smirked to herself before slipping her right hand up under Ava’s sweater to feel the smooth and toned skin while supporting Ava’s back. Her left hand firmly placed on the back of Ava’s hip to pull the woman closer against her torso, holding her in place. Ava’s legs now wrapped around Sara’s body. Sara licked her lower lip at the feeling of Ava’s center against her toned stomach. The fabric of Ava’s shirt on her was thin enough to let her feel the hot slick wetness from Ava.  
  
  
            Sara grazed her lips on the crook of Ava’s neck, she didn’t mean to suck or devour her, it was as if she only wanted to study, to learn Ava’s body landscape. One of Ava’s hand placed on the base of Sara’s neck, her other hand cradled the back of Sara’s head and pressed Sara against her chest, almost forcefully.   
  
  
  
          And Sara moved her head down to graze her nose along Ava’s cleavage. Ava’s sweater wasn’t an obstruction at all. Indeed, the eyelets pattern of the knitted yarn allowed enough contact between Sara’s lips and Ava’s skin while increasing the friction.   
  
  
  
             Ava should tell Sara to stop. Sara was clean while herself was disgusting with the morning breath and all. But she was too weak and Sara didn’t seem to care. Sara’s hot mouth now pressed against one of her accentuated nipples. They were hard against the knitted fabric and Sara’s soft lips. Ava breathed through her mouth and let out a heavy exhale when Sara’s hot tongue grazed upon the fabric and her sensitive bud. The fainted pink pigment became intensified, brighter and shimmering, dampened by Sara’s tongue. Sara thought to herself, judging from what she saw through the fabric, Ava’s nipples looked like those honeysuckle berries she had put into a vase for decoration.  Ava rocked her core against Sara’s toned abs when Sara gave her nipples good care, sending bliss to her brain multiple times.  
  
  
  
            “Sara...”  
  
            She weakly recited her name.  
  
  
            “Yes, baby, I’m right here.” The girl answered to the soft mound of her breast.   
  
  
             “What did I teach you?” It came out too breathy.  
  
  
              Sara smirked, her hand traced from Ava’s bare hip to one of her thighs.   
  
  
  
               “Ava Sharpe, may I make you come for me again?”   
  
  
  
               Her tone wasn’t pleading but rather commanding. Her hand was playing with Ava’s inner thigh and moved closer to where it wanted to be.  
  
  
  
               Her fingers just barely felt the moisture when Ava’s strong grip stopped her hand and moved it away from her center, placing it gently on the island surface. Sara tilted her head up to look at Ava with a hurting questionmark between her brows.  
  
  
  
             “Yeah, about that, it’s a no this time.”  
  
  
  
             Sara pursed her lips, her brows furrowed, just like a toddler before they threw a tantrum.  
  
  
  
             Ava was amused. She pulled Sara back into a hug.  
  
  
  
             “It’s still hurt from last night.”   
  
  
  
              She whispered to Sara’s ear, knowing exactly how the information would do to Sara. Ava leaned her head backward to look at the flustered and mortified freckled face.  
  
  
  
           “Plus, the agreement still stands, because you are not a typical horny teen, right?” She teased, both her hands cradled Sara’s face.  
  
  
  
            Sara rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed but it wasn’t convincing at all when the corners of her mouth subtly tugged up. She fixed her endearing bright blues on Ava. With her messy hair, Ava was breathtaking. Their lips connected again. At this point, Sara admitted that she was one of those clingy girlfriends.   
  
  
            They suddenly disconnected the kiss when the tinkling sound of the door bell filled the room. Ava frowned, wondering who could be on the other side of the door. Amazon delivery, maybe. She hopped off the island and walked to the front door, peeking through the peephole.   
  
  
  
            “Fuck!”   
  
  
  
            She immediately turned to Sara and dragged the girl by her arms towards the bedroom.  
  
  
  
            “What’s wrong, Ava? Who’s here?”   
  
  
  
            Ava hastily rummaged through her mom’s closet and threw a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt at Sara.   
  
  
  
            “My parents!”   
  
            Ava answered while frantically changed her attire to the less exposing sweater and sweatpants. She ran to the living room again and grab her used clothes on the sofa, she regretted immediately that she hadn’t put them in the laundry machine.   
  
  
  
           The bell rang again and Sara’s heart dropped down to her feet. She was able to change her cloth solely because of her instinctive reaction to the situation.   
  
  
  
           They were presentable enough, they thought, with the resources they had, they couldn’t have been more presentable. They were lucky Professor Brighton owned some casual clothes. Ava was fine, she had the same height and shape as her mom. Sara, on the other hand, looked like a child in her parent’s clothes and she was so adorable.  
  
  
  
           Both of them stood still in front of the apartment’s door.   
  
  
  
            “Ready?” Ava looked at Sara for some mental support. The girl pulled Ava down for a quick kiss.  
  
  
  
             Sara let go of Ava’s hand and nodded. Ava unlocked the door and pulled it open.  
  
  
  
                  ++++++++++++++++  
  
  
  
                 When the door opened, Ava found Jen rested one of her hands on her hip and carried a basket in the other hand. Ava could see that her mommy wasn’t impressed. Her mom, on the other hand, expressed a small degree of gentle concern with her calm smile.   
  
  
  
               “Ava, baby, it’s eleven already. I think your phone is dead and we’re kind of concerned? You know it took all of my rhetorical skills to convince Rip not to come and urged him to take the girls to see the city.”   
  
            The shorter parent looked at Ava’s apologetic expression and then her student, who was wearing her wife’s Harvard sweatshirt, sheepishly ducking her head down as if she did something she might not like.  
  
  
  
            “Sorry mommy. We just woke up.” Ava walked back to the coffee table to find her phone and its charger. Her parents walked into the apartment and hang their coats. Jen put the basket on the island counter in the kitchen and started arranging the bakery into serving plates. Sara swallowed, thinking of what recently happened on that surface.   
  
  
  
             Ava knew her cue, she pushed Sara to find somewhere to sit. Sara shouldn’t be near her mommy, judging from how aggressive she put the food onto plates. Ava helped her pouring coffee into cups.  
  
  
  
            Brighton walked to inspect one of her plants on the corner before setting herself in the couch. Sara’s body tensed up when she ended up sitting opposite to Professor Sharpe, the owner of this apartment. The middle age woman gave Sara a smirk. She looked just like Ava but calmer.  
  
  
  
          “How are you doing, Ms Lance?”   
  
          Brighton’s hazel eyes was different from Ava’s blues. Sara noticed how Ava’s mom looked much more regal without any effort to intimidate Sara.  
  
  
  
          “I’m good. I’m good now. Thank you for letting me stay here.” Sara didn’t even dare meeting her eyes.  
  
  
  
            “Well, you are Rip’s precious player and my daughter’s student after all. We’re happy to help as much as we can.”  
  
  
  
             Sara gave a pity smiled to herself, feeling the weight of her status as someone who shouldn’t date Ava Sharpe.  
  
  
  
             “Tell me one thing. We need to make sure. You’re fully eighteen, right? I heard from Rip that you are freshman. Some of them were almost eighteen but not quite yet.”   
  
  
  
             Her voice was gentle but also demanding for the truth. Ava and Jen put the coffee and the bakery on the coffee table. Jen seated herself on Brighton’s side while Ava sat with Sara, she made sure not to be too close to her student.  
  
  
  
             “Yes, I’m fully eighteen on my last birthday, which was the last Christmas.”  
  
  
  
             And Brighton let out a relieved sigh. Jen just threw her head back and let out a quiet “Thank God.” to herself.  
  
  
  
             Ava and Sara frowned and looked at the couple, confused by their expression.  
  
  
  
           And Jen just gave a quick peck on Brighton’s temple.  
  
  
  
           “We don’t have to worry about our daughter getting charged with a felony of sexual misconduct with minor!”  Jen cheerfully yelled at her wife.  
  
  
             “MOMS!!!”   
  
              Ava jumped from her seat and glared at her parents. Her face was beyond red, her eyes were widened in disbelief of how blunt her parents could be. Sara curled herself further into the couch. She felt the heat on her cheeks that she had to cover her face with her hands. She had never been so shy about her sexuality, but in front of Ava’s parents like this, her bravado was completely deactivated.   
  
  
  
            “Aves, princess, sugar muffin, my orange bun, even a virgin would know just by standing on the other side of the door. The whole place smells like-”   
  
  
  
            Jen was cut off by her wife’s hand covering her mouth.  
  
           “Enough, Jennette. I’m the one who will have to stay in this apartment knowing what my precious daughter did on my bed.”   
  
  
  
          “Moms, this is inappropriate!. Oh my gosh, Sara, I’m sorry. You have to deal with my embarrassing parents.”   
  
           Ava scolded at her parents and turned to look at her mortified and a bit scared girlfriend. She reached her hand to pat Sara’s shoulder.   
  
  
  
             Brighton giggled softly at her daughter and the young blonde’s frantic reaction.   
  
  
             “Just eat your breakfast, you two little birds. Be grateful I’m not even mad. I mean, if you change the bed set before you leave that would be nice.”   
  
             Brighton told the girls while pushing the food towards them.  
  
  
  
              Sara pressed her lips, still a bit baffled and uncertain how to behave in front of the couple. Brighton gave her a reassuring smile. She reached her hand across the coffee table to touch Sara’s knee gently.  
  
  
              “Don’t worry, little one. Ava never disappoint us. We trust our daughter. And we don't have any say about your affair. You guys are two adults capable of making your own decision and accepting the consequence.”   
  
  
            Sara’s lips formed a grateful smile.   
  
           “Thank you, Professor Sharpe.”   
  
  
           “Hey, don’t act like I’m ready to walk my daughter for your wedding, kid.” Jen stared at Sara, trying to be intimidating.   
  
  
  
            “Mommy! Don’t bully her like that!” Ava glared back at her mommy. Who was now laughing.  
  
  
  
             “Protective Ava, huh. Awww... you fall for her that bad. Tell me, little Sara, did Ava call you daddy?”   
  
  
  
             Ava and Sara’s mouth gaped open in disbelief how savage Jennette Sharpe was. Sara was too awkward to respond and Ava couldn’t find the right word to get back at her mommy.   
  
  
  
              “Jen, I know it’s fun but if you don't stop and let them eat breakfast peacefully you will have to sleep in the guest room for a week.” Brighton shook her head, tired of her childish wife. Jen immediately grabbed her wife’s hand and looked at her with puppy eyes.  
  
  
  
              Sara’s chest felt a bit warmer to see how the couple interact with each other. Jen was always the wild one and Brighton always kept her in line. They seemed like different people but they fitted each other so well.   
  
  
  
            Sara picked a fork and started dissecting the cinnamon bun on her plate.  
  
  
  
             “For the record, Mrs Sharpe, she called me baby.”  
  
             Sara told the group casually while chewing her food. Jen choked on her coffee at the information.  
  
  
  
            “Sara!”  
  
            Ava hit her knee. Her angry glare morphed into affection and then embarrassment.   
  
  
  
              After the relatively civil breakfast with the young lovebirds, Brighton told the girls she wanted to go to her lab to check on some of her on-going project.  They told them they would come back around two in the afternoon to pick them up. Brighton told them to take their time doing laundry and getting ready.   
  
  
  
             “Ava, can you please walked with us to the car?” Brighton asked her daughter when she got her coat on and ready to leave.  
  
  
            “Sure, mom.” Ava agreed and nodded at Sara to reassure she would be fine before following her parents out of the apartment.  
  
  
             “Didn’t know you would be this naughty, Ava.”  Jen started when they were far enough from the apartment door. This time, her tone wasn’t teasing.  
  
  
              “It’s not like that, mommy. We wouldn’t have done anything inappropriate before the end of the semester, but last night, I needed to take care of her. You have no idea how much she had to endure.”   
  
  
  
              “Poor little girl. She’s good now?” Brighton inquired. Ava could hear her genuine concern.  
  
  
  
            “I hope she is, mom.”   
  
  
  
             Brighton nodded.   
  
  
  
              “How do you feel about yourself, though? A person like you, dating a student. I didn’t see that coming.”   
  
  
  
             Ava sighed heavily at the question. She wasn’t thrilled to face the reality when they had to return to their normal lives in their campus in two days.   
  
  
  
           “I don’t know mom.” She answered weakly.   
  
  
  
          Brighton squeezed Ava’s shoulder.  
  
            “Well, I don't know if it helps, but actually there’s no legal prohibition of romantic relationship between a professor and their student if both of them are adult and the relationship is consensual. You may wanna look through your university’s guidance for the details. At Harvard, the couple have to report to the chair of the department so the people involved with them professionally can make sure the relationship won’t affect their work. It’s your choices, though. I know you are professional enough and in less than a month, she won’t be your student.”   
  
  
  
          Ava let her mom hugged her tightly.   
  
  
  
          “Still don’t know, mom. But I won’t do anything wrong for sure.”  
  
  
            +++++++++++++++++  
  
  
           The Black Friday night at the Sharpe’s farm was mellow and warm. Clearly Jen and Brighton were tired of driving. Rip had taken the girls to shopping malls so they were all drained of energy. The dinner was a bit too quiet for Grandma Cate’s liking but it was good enough for Ava, who had so many things going on in her mind. Her moms knew better not to bring up any conversation about their relationship. They knew that the other girls shouldn’t be aware of it.  
  
  
  
            Aside from the her concern about Sara and the thought of the upcoming school week, she noticed how Rip was a bit tensed when he talked to Sara and she didn’t feel good about it. Sara had to work under his supervising and she’s afraid that their relationship might affect Sara’s career. She hoped Rip was professional enough. She noted in her mind that she had to talk to him later about the issue.  
  
  
  
           The dinner wasn’t last longer than 8pm when her grandma had to leave. There was no after dinner board games or heart to heart chat when everyone was tired. The good red wine also lulled them into the mood for sleep.  
  
  
           Sara and Masako were already in their beds. It was colder tonight. The weather was more like the early of winter rather than the late of fall. Sara noticed how Masako’s breathing had become steady. She was a bit envious that her teammate was so carefree drifted into the deep sleep so easily.   
  
  
           Sara couldn’t sleep. She felt the hollow in her chest. After spending time with Ava for two days and had her in her arms for the whole night, it was impossible not to think about how good it felt to be with her. And tomorrow would be different when she had no reason to stick with Ava instead of her teammates and her coach. They were leaving on Sunday, and Sara would return to her normal life, the life that seeing Ava wasn’t convenient and it’s not possible to have Ava every night for herself. Then, at the end of the semester, when they would be free, Ava was leaving to the other side of the globe.  
  
  
  
          Sara swallowed the lump forming in her throat just because of the thoughts of her future. She missed Ava already. She missed her touch, her scent, her breathing - her everything.   
  
  
          And she still didn’t know how to deal with Laurel. She wondered how she could bridge the gap between them. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk more. She wasn’t even sure if Laurel’s sympathy or apology was something she wanted.   
  
  
           Sara sighed under the comforter that cover her head, staring at the unread voice message on her phone. It’s from Laurel. She received it when she turned her phone on after the brunch, but she wasn’t sure if she could listen to it and keep herself together during the day.  
  
              She touched her necklace gently, trying to remind herself how much Laurel loved her, that she saved money and bought her the platinum necklace for Sara’s tenth birthday. She took a deep breath and pressed her thumb on the touchscreen to open the voice message before bringing the phone closer to her ear.  
  
  
  
          _“Hi, baby, how are you feeling today. I’ve tried to call you but clearly your phone is dead. I just want to make sure you are safe. I am sorry that I’ve been such a terrible sister, that I was so dumb and I hurt you.”_ _  
_  
  
  
           _“I don’t hope that you would forgive me, Sara. I just want you to believe me that I love you and I want to see you doing well in everything. Anyway, I’m looking for the flight to your campus. I hope I can see you the next weekend. Let me know if it’s okay for you, baby. I miss you, and I do really need talk to you in person and hug you, to see you with my own eyes.”_ _  
__  
_   
_  
__“I hope you are doing fine today. Let me know if I can come as soon as possible, okay? Bye, baby.”_ _  
_  
  
  
            The last sound of Laurel’s voice message faded away. The room was too quiet and too cold. Her heart clenched. Laurel was coming, Laurel was sorry, Laurel loved her. But she didn’t feel like she deserved all of those.   
  
            She didn’t want to cry. She was afraid her sobbing would interrupt Masako’s peaceful sleep, and Masako shouldn’t get sleep deprivation because of Sara.   
  
  
            +++++++++++++++++++++  
  
  
              The light in her room was turned off for a while now but what Ava could only do was staring at the ceiling pointlessly. She sighed many times as if all of her life energy was sucked out of her body. But she couldn’t sleep. She felt like her body was floating in her bed and her stomach churned once in a while.   
  
  
               She grabbed her phone under her pillow, unlocked it, and let the light hurt her eyes. She opened the mailbox again. She looked at that email for countless times already.   
  
  
  
                 From: Nora Darhk  
  
                 To: Ava Sharpe  
  
                 CC: Bennett Fujimori  
  
                Ava’s discussion section  
  
                Today 13.15  
  
                ___________  
  
                Dear Ava and Professor Bennett,  
  
  
  
                My apology that I send this email during the break, but I do think it is an urgent matter needed to be discussed with you and your adviser.  
  
  
               I received some direct feedback from Ava’s students that they were concerned about the TA’s unprofessional conduct that might  lead to unequal treatment and questionable judgement to the students in class.  
  
  
                I do not believe it is appropriate to discuss the matter via email, since it is a sensitive issue. I suggest we all meet during  professor Bennett’s office hours, which is Tuesday morning. Please let me know if this works for both of you.   
  
  
  
                Best  
  
                Nora  
  
               -----------------  
  
               Nora Darhk, Assistant Professor  
  
               Department of Political Sciences  
  
              4014 James C. Scott Building  
  
  
  
  
  
            Ava’s heart was rambling and it hurt her chest. She was almost certain what it was about and who sent Nora the feedback. Actually, Nora didn’t even need someone to tell her. That last basketball match was something. She squeezed her eyes shut and rested the back of her hand on her forehead. She wanted to escape to somewhere far away. She wanted to grab Sara’s hand and run away with her, escaping all the expectation and judgement.   
  
  
  
           But she couldn’t. And now that she had experienced how it’s like to have Sara with her, Ava let out a quiet sob to herself, tears brimming her eyes. As someone who had never doubted her own actions and decisions, someone who had been so sure that what she did was always right, Ava wasn’t ready for that meeting. She knew exactly that in this case, she’s guilty.  
  
  
  
            A few soft knocks on the door interrupted her thoughts. Ava got up immediately and turned on the bed light. She used the sleeve of her pajamas to wipe off the tears lingering under her eyes. She sniffed and took a deep breath before got out of the bed and walked to the door.  
  
            It’s Sara in her tank top and sweatpants. The younger blonde looked restless but she smiled brightly when she saw her girlfriend.  
  
           “Can’t sleep?”   
  
            Ava asked, resting her head on the door frame. Sara fixed her gaze on her and it conveyed so much.   
  
            “It’s too cold.”   
  
           Ava gently grabbed Sara’s hand, guiding the girl inside, closing the door and leading her to the bed. When Ava lay down on the warm mattress, she slightly tugged Sara’s hand. Sara followed her and rested her head on Ava’s shoulder, one of her arms splayed across Ava’s torso, their legs tangled. Ava’s free hand reached for the comforter. She tugged it up and cover their bodies. Sara snuggled closer to Ava and closed her eyes.  
  
         “Yeah, it’s too cold.”   
  
         Ava whispered above Sara’s head and placed a soft kiss on her crown.  
  
  
  
  
  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading it. Let me know what you guys think. Honestly, my initial plan for this fic was like not so elaborated. The basic plot point was like, how to get them bang emotionally, and I kind of did it in the last chapter. I'm gonna need some thinking to get to another plot point. Anyway, I'm traveling again. This time it's a really long flight, like 28 hours long. I will have time to write on the plane to entertain myself. So the update will be likely posted soon.


	11. The Art of Not Being Governed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, sorry for the late update. I was writing this through my jetlag. So a lot of typos for sure but I will edit it tomorrow. Hope you like it.  
> Title from a political science book by James C. Scott.

 

 ****It was still dark but Ava woke up due to the sudden realization that the other side of her bed was empty. Sara had left, but Ava could still feel the remnant of her warmth on the mattress and the comforter. She sighed, her eye lashes fluttered, contemplating.

 

             Keeping the secret was exhausting. It’s her who had told Sara so many times that their relationship was not quite right and if other people knew they would get in trouble. It’s her who told Sara not to rush anything, yet, Ava herself, allowed it to happen. It’s her, who had to face the inevitable consequence on the upcoming Tuesday. 

 

             After sleeping together, the level of emotional attachment to her girlfriend was beyond her expectation, and it felt unlike any of her previous relationships. It freaked Ava out a little bit that she wasn’t sure she could resist the need of intimacy whenever she was with Sara. Anyway, Sara went back to her own room. She understood that Sara needed to keep their relationship from her teammates and Rip’s speculation. It was what Sara should do. But it caused the unreasonable hollowness in her chest. 

 

             Ava woke up pretty late, as her usual habit. She changed into sweatpants and a hoodie before going to find something to eat in the kitchen. To her surprise, it was loud. Everyone was at the dining room. There was some loud laugh from her mommy and some giggle from the soccer girls. The smell of warm food with herbs filled the room. Maxine, who was crouching on the floor near Sara’s chair, suddenly straightened her neck. She got up when she was sure the human stepping down the stair was Ava. She ran to her and nudged her head to the side of Ava’s leg. She sat on the stair to give her dog full attention. 

 

              “You are so cute.” She told her dog, knowing that she couldn’t hear the words but definitely sensed Ava’s gentle pet on her neck and her back. 

 

               Sara, who sat opposite to her mommy, turned her back to see her. She didn’t say a word. The sweet smile was enough. The younger blonde had her hair in a messy bun. Her white Star City crop hoodie flashed a glimpse of the small of her back when she turned to see Ava. Ava felt the heat on her cheeks so she looked away, thinking of where to sit, and ended up sitting near her mom at the other edge of the table. Maxine followed. 

 

             “The herbalist omelet? I love you mom.” Ava threw one of her arms around Brighton’s shoulder. 

 

             “Of course, Ava.” Her mom grabbed a plate on the table and filled it with the omelet made with fresh eggs from their farm, cheddar cheese, and a bunch of herbs, such as basils and rosemary. It was Brighton’s signature breakfast. 

 

               Rip sipped his coffee, smiled at his sister softly. 

 

               “What’s your plan today, Ava? Jen and I plan to take the girls to try horse riding.”  

 

               Although Sara was cutting her toast on the plate without looking at Ava, she noticed that the younger blonde was attentive to her conversation with Rip. Sara might want her to join them. Ava would love too, but spending time with people she wasn’t really familiar with was tiring. Moreover, she had to behave in front of her brother and the other girls while Sara was around. 

 

               “Not much. Still have to prepare for the next week discussion. Have fun.”

 

              Ava shoved the omelet into her mouth. 

 

             “Well, Ava, I think you should go with them.” Brighton tapped Ava’s shoulder. Sara’s turned her focus to Ava and her mom.

 

              “Why, mom?”  

 

                “Because you are the best equestrian in our household. Jen and Rip know how to ride but with the beginners, I think you should be there to at least to supervise them.”

 

               “Mom, we are good.” Rip protested while Janet crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, her brows furrowed. 

 

               Masako, Freydis, and Kuasa was looking at their coach. 

 

                “Is it gonna be safe enough, coach? I googled last night, on the average, 2.68 people died from horse riding every year and horse riding-related injuries tend to be fatal.” Masako, with her big and round eyes, looking at Rip, questioning. 

 

              Freydis reached her hand to pat Masako’s shoulder. 

 

               “Aww...you are so cute. But I think we’re fine. We are athletic enough, right baby Lance? So glad we finally have a chance to hangout with you. Almost forget you came with us.” Freydis winked at Sara.

 

              Sara gave the center back a forced smile. 

 

               Ava looked at the girls, contemplating. It’s true that horse riding was actually dangerous even for the experienced riders, let alone the beginner. She knew that their horses were well trained but she wasn’t sure if they could handle strangers. 

 

                 “Mommy, how many helmet do we have right now?” Ava looked at Jen, hoping that she had an acceptable answer.

 

                 “Well, I think we have three helmets.” Jen answered sheepishly. 

 

               Ava rolled her eyes. 

                “Seriously, you have three helmets for six riders! And Rip’s helmet wouldn’t fit the girls for sure so actually you have two helmets available, one is mine, correct?” 

 

                “You do really like helmet.” Sara smirked at Ava.

 

               “Not funny.” 

               Ava responded to Sara with her authoritative voice. 

 

              “Yeah, Ava is kind of bossy.”  Jen told the girls who clearly felt the awkwardness. She earned a glare from her daughter. 

 

              “Anyway, are you joining us or what?” Jen asked. Everyone looked at Ava expectantly. 

 

             Ava sighed and shook her head slightly, annoyed. Of course, she wouldn’t let Sara try horse riding without her supervising. Rip shrugged at her decision. Masako sighed in relief. Sara was trying to hide her smile. She thought she wouldn’t get a chance to have Ava around that much today before leaving Ipswich tomorrow. 

 

              After the brunch, they changed to the more practical attires for horse riding in the relatively cold weather. Brighton had prepared a picnic basket filled with snacks and flasks of hot drink for them. She pet her small wife’s head before letting them head to the stable. Maxine did not allowed to join them. Although the horses knew the dog well, Ava thought it would be safer to keep the enthusiastic dog away from the horses in the situation that they had to deal with strangers. 

 

              Sara had to look away when she saw Ava in her riding jacket and the pants that hugged her hip and her long legs so well. She kept her hair in pony tail and told everyone who had long hair to do so as a safety protocol.

 

              Jen unlocked the barn’s gate and led the rest of them into the stable. She made the beeline to the horses to greet them. Freydis and Kuasa followed her to pet the animals. They let out the happy neigh. 

 

              Ava told Sara and Rip to help her move the equipments from the storage and bring them to the horses. 

 

              “This is Poppy.” Jen pointed her hand at the exquisite creature with shiny chestnut-colored coat and a white mark between his eyes. 

 

             “And this is Piper.” She introduced another horse. This one had gold-colored coat with creamy white manes on its neck and tail. 

 

              “Hi poppy and Piper. You two are so beautiful” Kuasa petted Poppy’s long neck. 

 

                 Jen and Ava put the briddles on the horses’ heads, attached the lead rope to their chin straps and led them out of their stable. Rip and Ava spent about fifteen minutes to prepare the horses for riding. Jen asked the girls to brush Poppy and Piper’s bodies and warned them not to approach the horse from behind. Ava nodded that her mommy was cautious enough. 

 

               When they got the saddles and stirrups set on the back of the horses, Jen gave two helmets to the girls. Kuasa and Freydis took the helmets and wore them. Masako and Sara decided to wait. 

 

             “I think I will just let Ava teach the basic before you guys get on the horse, Okay?” Rip looked at the girls. 

 

              “I’m just here to supervise, Rip.” Ava didn’t want to actually participate. 

 

            Her brother rolled his eyes. “Princess, if I and Jen do anything wrong you’re gonna interrupt and correct us anyway. Just teach them the basic position.” 

 

              “You just don’t want to do the funny air riding posture in front of the girls.” Ava knew exactly why his brother wanted her to exhibit the right riding posture. 

 

              “It’s just... awkward.” Rip grimaced at his sister. 

 

             Ava saw Sara trying to hide her giggle.

 

               “What’s funny, Sara.” Ava asked, she clasped her hands behind her back. 

 

                “No it’s just...Rip called you princess all the time but like you’re opposite of that in our class.” 

 

                Kuasa turned to Sara and whispered “Did you just flirt?” Sara defensively responded with a “NO!” under her breath. 

 

               Ava narrowed her eyes and smirked before picking up the driving whip on the mounting block. She pointed it at the younger blonde. Sara swallowed. 

 

             “Sara, you’re gonna do the riding posture so your friends can learn how to ride. Come here.” Ava’s smile was devilish. 

 

              “Seriously, Ava.” Sara protested. 

 

               Ava raised one of her brows and pointed the whip to where she wanted Sara to be. Sara blinked her eyes as she felt a swoop in her stomach at the sight of her girlfriend being tall and authoritative with the whip and the riding boots. She knew her cheeks were suddenly warmer. Ava was...this hot.

 

             Sara followed without further protest, trying not to focus on how sexy her girlfriend was in the riding attire. 

 

            “Spread your feet just wider than shoulder width apart, lift your forearms as if you’re holding the reins, bend your knees.” Ava pointed at Sara’s knees. The girl tightened her lips and did as she was directed. If it was only them, she would’ve pulled her girlfriend into a passionate kiss. With Ava being in charge like this, Sara’s brain couldn’t think straight. 

 

             “Straighten your back. Your shoulders should be aligned with your hip. Good, Sara.” Ava tilted her head smirked at her flustered girlfriends. She heard some giggle from her mommy. 

 

             Ava pointed the whip to Sara’s thighs. 

 

            “When riding, your thighs will act like the break. You gently squeeze your thighs when you want to slow down and stop the horse.” 

 

           She lowered the tip of the whip downward and pointed at Sara’s calfs. 

 

             “Your calfs will act like the accelerator. You tapped your legs on the horse’s body to tell her to walk forward.” 

 

             “Okay, this part, the break, this part, the accelerator.” Ava tapped the tip of the whip on the upper part of Sara’s leg and then tapped again on one of her shin. Sara glared at Ava, her cheeks flushed. The way she directed her body wasn’t genuinely for educational purpose. Ava bit her lower lip, knowing exactly what was in Sara’s mind. 

 

              “Girls, you may practice the riding posture. Look at Sara’s as a demonstration. Good riding starts with good posture.” Rip told his team members. The girls awkwardly mimic Sara’s posture.  They giggled to each other at how funny they looked. 

 

               “Now we can try with the real horse. Kuasa, Freydis, since you have the helmet on, you go first. Use the mounting block.”  Ava told the girls while walking to untie the rope for Poppy. She led the horse to the side of the mounting block. 

 

               “Rip, your turn. My job is done.” She put the rope in her brother’s hand. 

 

             “Okay, princess.” 

 

             It was his habit to call Ava princess, her mommy did that too. Ava was the youngest child who got all the attention from her family and her brother thought of her as the cutest thing in the world since she was born. 

 

              Freydis mounted on Poppy first. Rip taught her to make the click sound and commands to tell the horse to walk and stop. He led Poppy and Fredis out of the barn into the pasture area surrounded by white fence. Kuasa followed them with Jen leading Piper. Ava, Sara, and Masako walked behind them, carrying the mounting block out to the pasture.

 

               Rip and Jen walked the horses for Freydis and Kuasa for a while until they were sure the two beginners were familiar with being on the horse and were able to let their body flow with the movement of the horses while they were walking. Ava lectured the other girls using Freydis and Kuasa as examples. Sara wasn’t sure if she should pay attention to her teammates on the horses or the way Ava taught her and Masako. She unnecessarily sighed a few times just to let some heat out of her body. 

 

               When Rip and Jen were quite confident that Freydis and Kuasa knew how to stay on the horses, they taught them how to turn left and right and let them ride the horses without their assist for a while until they decided to let Sara and Masako try. 

 

              Ava ran back to the barn to get a bucket of water for Poppy and Piper. She rewarded them by petting their necks and talked to them with gentle voice. 

 

             When the horses were ready, Masako got on Poppy with Rip leading the horse for her. Jen led Piper to the mounting block for Sara. 

 

            “Here we go, good girl.” Sara told Piper, tapping her hand on the side of her neck a few times. She stepped on the stirrup and push herself up to sit on the elegant creature. It was really high above the ground and she felt a bit of wobble in her stomach when Piper shook her head. 

 

              “Wow.” 

              “You good?” Ava looked at her girlfriend on the horse, making sure she was stable. 

             “Yeah. I’m good.” Sara reassured. 

             Ava gave her a gentle smile. Sara was sitting on the horse, being adorable in her helmet. 

Jen looked at the two blondes back and forth before rest one of her hand in her hip.

 

               “Ava, can you teach this one. I get tired so easily these days.” She gave the rope to Ava. Jen winked at Sara who was beaming at the possibility of having Ava teaching her how to ride. Ava shook her head and rolled her eyes, clearly pretending to be annoyed by her mommy. But Sara was smiling and it’s irresistible. Ava received the rope from her mom. Jen giggled at how her daughter cheeks were flushing. She then walked away from the mounting block. 

 

              “You grab the reins with three fingers. Your pinkies are supposed to be under the reins and your thumbs are above.” Ava reached her hand up to adjust Sara’s fingers. “Like this.” 

 

                “I’m gonna walk you around first. Don’t use your break or accelerator, okay? Just relax. Don’t look down. It’s like riding a bike. You may prepare to lean forward a little bit to match Piper’s movement.” 

 

                Sara nodded. Ava stood beside the left shoulder of Piper. She made a click sound twice and asked the horse to walk on. Ava started walking and Piper followed her step. Sara had to balance her body according to how Piper move. Ava walked the horse along the fenceline. 

 

                 “Like it?” Ava asked Sara who was focusing on balancing herself on Piper. 

 

                 “Feel like a princess.” 

 

                  Ava chuckled to herself. She didn’t look up to see Sara. She knew that the horse walked according to the direction of her head.

 

                “And I am a knight?” 

 

                 “If you will.” 

 

                  Sara moved her eyes downward to see Ava, who looked so confident and comfortable with the horse. She quickly turned her focus back to the direction the horse was going. Looking away made her losing the balance. 

 

                 “Wow, can’t believe Sara Lance is a princess charming.” 

 

                  “Only if you are my knight.” Sara told Ava. Her voice was small, as if she wasn’t sure if it was too cheesy or embarrassing. 

 

                 “Nah, I’m not into the hetero-binary fairy tale.”  Ava teased. Sara pursed her lips at Ava’s comment. 

 

                After two round of walking with Ava leading the horse. Sara had to ride the horse by herself. Ava taught her how to make the clicking noise and asked the horse to walk. Then she taught her how to ask the horse to stand still, to turn left an right. Ava walked along the fence line with Sara on the horse, making sure the girl was doing it right and safe. 

 

                 Sara practiced riding Piper for around 20 minutes until she noticed that Masako had dismounted from Poppy. Ava pointed to the mounting block, guiding Sara to safely got off Piper back. 

 

               Sara breathed through her mouth when her feet finally touched the ground. 

 

                “It was...I don’t know, liberating?” 

 

                  Sara told Ava, who was tying the rope to Piper’s chin strap, ready to walk her to drink some water. She gave Sara a sweet smile. She didn’t say anything more noticing Rip was approaching with Poppy. 

 

                  “Well, ladies, I think we can have some snacks now. Sara can you please help my mother setting up the the picnic blanket and stuff?” Sara nodded before giving her girlfriend a smile and walked to join the other girls and Jen. Ava rolled her eyes. Ava was sure that it was purely cock blocking. 

                   “You said you wouldn’t do anything wrong but you took her to mom’s apartment.” Her brother talked to her while walking the horses to the fence where they could give them some water and tie them. 

 

                  Ava’s nostrils flared, tired of these grey moral discourse. What she had to face in three days was destructive to her mental health enough. Her overprotective brother dropped the unnecessary pressure on her. She knew, honestly, she couldn’t say that she didn’t do anything wrong. What she had been trying to avoid to maintain her decency had just happened. She didn’t regret it. It was full of genuine love, but it didn’t mean she didn’t feel the weight of guilt on her shoulders.

             Piper let out a neigh. She might gripped the rope too tight. 

 

                “Don’t you think it’s creepy that a coach and a brother is nosey about his student and his sister’s relationship?” She responded without looking at him. Her brother’s expression was hardened for a second.

 

                 “Seriously Ava, she was just a kid. You’re gonna get hurt. College kids these days change their hookups so quick and not many of them have real relationship. You may not know how many soccer fans want her attention.”

 

                  Right, Ava never thought about that. She knew Sara was attractive. In her class alone, at least, four of her students always stole a glance of Sara. She wasn’t into any college sport team because they were all too commercialized and capitalized, she had no idea how popular this good looking striker was. 

 

               A gentle gust of cold wind brought her sense back from the trail of thoughts. Rip trained Sara three days a week but he didn’t have a clue how much Sara had to endure in order to keep herself functioning as a student and a player. 

 

                “You don’t really know her.” 

 

                 “I’m her coach.” Rip said firmly. 

 

                 Ava shook her head, done with his overprotective concern.

 

                 “Stand on.” 

                She told her horse. When it stopped walking, Ava untied the lead rope from Piper’s chin and put her left foot in the left stirrup and pulled herself up to sit on her horse. Normally, she wouldn’t mount the horse without the mounting block because it wasn’t good for the horse’s back. 

 

            She tapped her ankles on Piper’s body, asking her to walk, and in a minute, she did it again and Piper began to trot away from Rip and Poppy. 

 

             “You don’t have the helmet on, Ava!” Rip barely shouted behind his sister. 

 

                Ava needed some air. She wasn’t feel like arguing with her brother. She knew how much Rip cared for her. He had been protecting her from those homophobic school bullies since the first day she came out. And sometimes, she was too spoiled by her big brother, who thought of Ava as the most precious thing in his life. And unlike with her parents, Ava could be stubborn with him sometimes. 

 

                The cold wind blowing against her face felt right. Being on the horse, as Sara told her, was liberating. Ava turned Piper around after she drank enough. Every time doubt nauseated her, Ava felt the need to be close to Sara, to make sure what they had was worth it. Rip tied Poppy to the fence, looking at his sister on the horse with concern. 

 

                Piper was trotting across the pasture to the old willow tree at other side of the fence, where her mommy and the girls were setting up the picnic. The faint giggles traveled through the wind. She wanted to ride away from this. There was a spot under the aged oak tree near the small creek that Ava really liked and she would love to show Sara how beautiful it was. She approached the group. Sara and her friends were sitting on the blanket. 

 

               “I’m not having a crush on Ava! Your theory is ridiculous, Freydis.” Sara defensively told the other girls. Her mom was unpacking the kitchenwares. She stopped what she was doing for a second. 

 

               “Awww...baby Lance, it’s obvious. You couldn’t keep your eyes off her since we arrived.” Freydis teased the youngest member of the team. 

 

               Sara raised her brows. “So this means you keep your eyes on me the whole time? Not surprising.” 

 

               Freydis rolled her eyes at how Sara flirted with her to divert the conversation. “Lance, I’m straight, you won’t get a chance.”

 

               “Right.” 

                 Sara gave her a smirk. Tilting her head a little bit. Acting cool and flirty was easy when she wanted to turn the conversation to her favor. It became her trademark.

 

                 Kuasa threw one of her arm over the center back’s shoulder. “See, told you Lance flirts with every attractive human being. I think I won the bet. She isn’t hot for our coach’s baby sister.”   

 

                 Masako tapped at Sara’s shoulder when she noticed Piper standing not too far from her teammates’ backs. Rip’s sister was sitting tall on the golden horse. She lowered her gaze to look at them, the iceberg pale blues were a bit too cold for Sara’s liking. 

 

                 “Mommy, I’m going to the creek. You don’t have to wait for me when you’re done with the picnic.” 

 

                 Ava told her mom and flicked her gaze to Sara for a second before turning Piper to the direction of the fence gate. 

 

                 She heard Kuasa’s small voice behind. “Oh fuck, Freydis your joke isn’t funny.”

 

               She clenched her jaw and furrowed her brows. Clearly, Sara rejected Freydis’s teasing just to keep their secret. Under the pressure of Nora and Bennett, Ava totally understood why it was so important to keep their relationship only to themselves. Sara did nothing wrong, she did what was right, indeed. If Ava herself was pestered about Sara, she would’ve said the same thing. 

 

               But Ava didn’t understand why it hurt, why her chest constricted when she heard Sara defensively saying that she didn’t like Ava that way. Her commonsense screamed she was lying to protect her, which was true, but that fact didn’t lighten the weighty lump in her chest at all. It was nothing. It was nonsense. She swallowed hard, a bit frustrated at how she lost control of her own feelings. 

 

                Rip walked pass her to join the picnic. He gave her a glance, probably questioning why she didn’t join them and where she was going. She didn’t answered and tapped her feet on Piper’s body, urging her to run faster. 

 

                Piper almost reached the gate, a black butterfly with yellow stripes on its wings was floating close to her eyes, obstructing her from exiting the gate. The tall horse suddenly stopped her run, crying in fright, and the momentum knocked Ava’s chest to her long neck. She choked when her lungs automatically sought some air.

 

                 Ava tightened her grip on the reins that it’s almost hurt her cold hands. She didn’t have time to regret she didn’t wear the gloves. Piper didn’t let her breath when she jumped with her front legs in the air, forcing Ava to stand on the stirrups to regain balance. 

 

                “Ava!” Sara jumped from the ground when she heard Piper’s scary cry. She was still looking at Ava from afar when it happened. A strong grip on her shoulder forced her to not to run.

 

               “Stay here, you can do nothing.” Jen harshly told her and stood up quickly. She and Rip ran towards the gate. 

 

                Piper shook her head violently and jerked her hip, kicking her back feet with all of her strength. Ava tried to breath and think. She had learned that it’s better to hold on to the reins to regain control, but Piper wasn’t easy. 

 

                 Ava didn’t have to think when the spooked horse kicked her back feet in the air again and sent Ava off the saddle, flying violently to the pasture ground. 

 

                   “Fuck!” She cursed to herself before the side of her body slammed to the grass that didn’t make the surface softer. The side of her head crash on it harshly that her neck trembled. The bright blue sky turned black for a moment while her ears were numb. 

 

                 “Rip, you take care of Ava. I’m gonna get Piper!” Jen shouted at her son. 

 

                 When Sara saw Ava falling off the horse, she lost it. She quickly jump from her place and run as fast as she could to Ava, leaving the other girls covered their mouths with their hands in shock. 

 

                 The sky turned blue again. Ava blinked her eyes, noticing two silhouettes blocking the light over her. 

 

                 “Oh baby. Please, be okay.” Her brother voice was frantic. 

 

                  “Ava!” That familiar voice, that one she liked so much, sounded not happy. She felt the smaller palm covering hers, squeezed it gently. 

 

                  Those bright blues were brimming with tears again. She didn’t like that. How many times she had to wipe it off her freckled cheeks. 

 

                 “Hey, don’t cry. I’m okay.” She’s trying to reach her hand to caress Sara’s cheeks just to calm her.

 

                 The sky turned black again.

 

                    ++++++++++++++++++

 

                   She didn’t have the  black out for that long. She opened her eyes again in Rip’s arms. He’s carrying her back to the house. Sara opened the door for him. Her brother laid her body gently on the couch. Maxine barked before running to sniff Ava, she cried, her spotted forehead puckered. 

 

                “What happened!” Her mom’s voice was in high pitch. 

 

              Ava scrunched her face before adjusting her eyes to the surrounding. Sara quickly took her boots off. She found a pillow and carefully lifted Ava’s head up a little to put the pillow under it. 

 

              “Sara.” Her gaze followed the girl’s movement. 

 

              “Hey, just rest. Okay?”

             She touched her forehead gently, her thumb barely put the soothing pressure on her skin. 

 

            “Piper got spooked and Ava fell.” Rip reported to his mom. He never tore his eyes from his sister. 

 

               Brighton quickly moved to sit on the floor near Ava to caress her daughter’s cheek. Sara scooted back, leaving the space for her girlfriend’s mom. 

 

               “You good?” Brighton Asked. She turned her head to the door when Jen and the other girls was rushing into the living room.

 

              “Jen, I’m killing you.” She scolded at her wife. 

 

               “I’m sorry, baby. My fault. You can do whatever to me.” Jen responded, stepping closer to her wife.

 

                “Moms. I’m beyond okay.” Ava protested. She slowly got up to sit, moving her neck slowly and flinched at the pain. 

 

                “See? It’s nothing, and it’s all my own fault.” 

 

                “We’re taking you to the hospital. You need some checking right now, baby.” Rip crossed his arms over his chest, seriously looking at his sister. 

 

                  “There’s no need to-”

 

                  “Ava.” Brighton cut her protest. 

 

                  “Can you walk?” Rip asked, ready to helped. Ava nodded and slowly stood up. Sara’s forearms were lifted up, ready to catch her if she fell.

 

                Ava could walk and Brighton sighed in relieve. 

 

                  Jen grabbed the car key on the counter. “I’m taking her to the hospital. Rip, you stay with mom and the girls.” 

 

                  “Can I go with you?”

                  Sara tentatively asked. She looked at Jen, pleadingly. The remnant of her tears still visible. 

 

                  She sighed. 

               “Yeah. Make sure she walk to the car safely.”

 

                   +++++++++++++++++++++

 

              Sara and Jen sat together in the same couch at the lobby of the emergency department quietly, waiting for Ava to return from the examination. It’s already an hour. On one hand she was worry if her daughter had some serious injuries, on the other she was relieved that the doctor decided to take time to check for her daughter’s injury thoroughly. 

 

             She noticed the girl sitting on her side. She was fixing her gaze on the hallway where Ava was taken, sighed many times and she didn’t even play with her phone at all. Jen smiled softly at the sight. 

 

            “Let me tell you something, little Sara.” 

 

              The girl turned her gaze from the hallway to the middle aged woman.

 

             “Okay? Mrs, Sharpe.” 

 

              Jen rolled her eyes at the formality. She shook her head slowly before fixing Sara with her serious gaze.

 

              “Don’t you ever reject what you feel about my daughter again.” 

 

              Sara blinked her eyes slowly, her mouth parted slightly at Jen’s statement.

 

               “I know you don’t want Ava to get in trouble, but you have to think more about what you do. I know it’s not true. Hell, you two are obvious. But it hurt her more or less. She really likes you. I can tell. True or not, hearing the rejection from someone she likes is kind of hurt. Can you imagine Ava saying that to you?”

 

             Sara swallowed at her realization. Her hands clenched. Ava never said she didn’t like her. Ava only made sure people didn’t think they were a couple. 

 

               “I’m sorry, Jen. I won’t do that again.”  Sara stated every words firmly.

 

                 Jen rested her back to the couch again and looked into space. 

 

                “In our family, as you've seen, her sexuality would never be a problem. She’s lucky growing up with queer parents. When I and Brighton were young. It was really hard. Cate, my mom, didn’t accept us in the first place.” 

 

               She paused and sighed.

 

              “But it didn’t mean she didn’t know the social expectations of being a girl. She’s the part of the larger community too. No matter how progressive our family was, she still had to face a lot of micro-aggressions from the world outside our family and we couldn’t protect her all the time. School, college, academic world. Rip was so protective but it actually emphasized the fact that a straight white man had more power.” 

 

             “And when she experienced romantic feeling towards someone. She had to keep it to herself. You know, as a girl, she wouldn’t dare confessing her feeling to her crush. If she were straight, it must be easier to do such thing.”

 

            “And when she had her first girlfriend, you know, they were hiding from everyone in the school for a long while because they were afraid of their friends or their teacher’s judgement.”

 

             Sara shuffled her position. It hurt to hear how Ava had survived her teenage years as a queer girl. 

 

              “My point is, she has been hiding for too long and it’s killing her inside. Being aware that her relationship is invalid under the public eyes is tiring. I want you to be careful and be her support instead of agreeing with her that she needs to hide. Don’t verify her subconscious idea that she can’t be with you.” 

 

              Sara tightened her lips, slowly nodded, understood the importance of what Jen had told her. 

 

              “Thank you, Jen. I promise I will be more careful and I will try to make her happy as much as I can.” 

              Jen could see how intentional the girl’s voice was. She smiled softly at the promise. She thought it was cute that this young lady tried to act like a serious adult. 

 

              “Still doesn’t mean I will walk my daughter for your wedding.” The short-haired woman smirked at Sara, who groaned at Jen’s teasing. 

 

                A tall figure walked into the hallway. Sara and Jen quickly got up and walked to the person they had been waiting for. 

 

                “What did the doctor say, baby?” Jen reached her hand to cup the side of Ava’s face. 

 

                “No sign of concussion. Nothing broken. Might be some soreness tomorrow but other than that I’m totally fine.” 

 

                 Ava informed her mom, who softly nodded at the result. Ava moved her eyes to the younger blonde, who was inspecting her from head to toe. 

 

                 “I’m okay, Sara.” She reassured.

 

                  “I was scared.” Sara pursed her lips and frowned, pretending to be mad.

 

                 Ava reached her arms to draw Sara’s waist into a hug. Sara’s scent and warmth was soothing.

 

                  “See, I’m fine.” She confirmed softly to Sara’s ear.

 

                  “You two are beyond disgusting.” Jen commented. The couple immediately moved away from each other’s arms. 

 

                   “Unfair, you and mom always PDA in the house like even before I was born.” 

 

                   Jen rolled her eyes at her daughter. 

 

                   ++++++++++++++++++

 

 

               Ava started to feel the sore developing in her neck and some spots on left side of her body, where her soft flesh met the ground harshly. She refrained from the conversation after dinner and rested in her room early tonight. Her body needed some sleep to heal. She also had an early flight tomorrow to return to her boring reality. 

 

              She put her laptop into her backpack and closed it, ready to leave in the morning. Ava  took off her cardigan, leaving only a well worn t-shirt and a pair of short sweatpants on her. She gulped the water from the glass on her desk, ready to go to bed. 

 

              The soft nocks on the door got her attention. Corners of her lips tugged up slightly, knowing who on the other side of the door was.

 

               When it opened wide enough, she saw Sara in her messy bun the that tank top that highlighted how good her arms looked. She crossed her arms over her chest, bright blue eyes looking up to meet Ava’s. 

 

            “Hi.” Sara greeted softly. The short syllable ended in a form of crooked smile. 

 

            “Hi.” Ava opened the door wider and Sara didn’t wait for the verbal invitation. When the door close, Sara was already in Ava’s bed, resting her back against the wooden headboard comfortably. 

 

             Ava turned her back and squinted her eyes at Sara playfully before sitting on the edge of her warm bed. Sara made enough space between her legs, her small hand tugged the sleeve of Ava’s t-shirt. Without any force, Ava laid her back against Sara’s soft chest, positioning her long limbs in between Sara’s legs. She rest her head on the younger blonde’s shoulder.

 

              Ava’s weight on her was reassuring. Sara circled her arms around Ava’s waist, loosely held her in place. 

 

             “Anywhere I shouldn’t touch? Are there bruises or sore spots that I have to be careful with?” Sara’s mouth was an inch away from Ava’s forehead, her breath tickled her hairline. 

 

           “Told you I’m fine.” Ava nudged her face the crook of Sara’s neck, closing her eyes. The day was too long when she had Sara in her proximity but she couldn’t have her for herself.

 

              Sara lower her gaze to look at the peaceful expression on Ava’s face, smiled to herself at the feeling of warmth radiating from the center of her chest. 

 

            Sara looked away for a moment before placing her lips on Ava’s forehead, giving her a chaste kiss. 

 

              “I’m sorry.” Sara told Ava, looking down, waiting for the older blonde to open her eyes. 

 

               “For what?” 

 

                “That I said I didn’t have a crush on you. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s disrespectful to both of us, to what we have.”

 

               Ava bit the inner side of her cheek and and shook her head, disagreeing. 

 

              “I know you didn’t mean it. Sorry I’m your TA so you have to hide it.” 

 

              Sara tightened her embrace and kissed Ava’s cheek. She felt the lump forming in her throat when Ava’s last sentence reminded her that in a few weeks the semester would end and she could have Ava for herself without the fear that their relationship would ruin Ava’s career. But then she would leave Sara alone for her field research. 

 

                 “There’s something you you should know.” 

 

               Ava told Sara while playing with Sara’s small palm. She paused and sighed.

 

               “What?” Sara laced her fingers with Ava’s.

 

                “Nora is coming after me. I think she suspects our relationship and asked me to meet her and my advisor next Tuesday. No action required on your behalf, though.” 

 

               Sara’s body was stiffened at the information. She clenched her jaw for a moment.

 

            “What are you gonna do?” Sara’s concerned gaze fell on Ava. 

 

             “No idea. No way she has the evidence. I will just insist that there’s nothing romantic between us. That should be enough.” 

 

                Sara noticed how Ava’s eyes fell down to her hand as if she didn’t want to look at her. Her voice sounded exhausted. 

 

               “Right.” Sara breathed in Ava’s scent. “But is it really wrong?”

 

                Ava grazed her nose along Sara’s neck. 

 

               “Not too wrong, I guess. Whatever they say, I won't give up you. So, no heroic break up to save my ass from the department. Understood?” 

 

               Sara pinched the tip of Ava’s nose. “I’m not that stupid.”

 

              Ava scrunched her face playfully. It felt so good being with Sara like this. The meeting would be intimidating and right now it heightened her stress level. It’s harder to enjoy what she was doing without thinking about it. But staying like this, in Sara’s arms, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, it felt so right. 

 

 

                ++++++++++++++++++

 

                “You are glowing.” 

 

               Zari smirked, made a comment after seeing Sara walking out of the bathroom in her bath robe with a fresh towel covering her damp hair. Sara quirked her brows at her roommate. Zari had arrived their dorm room a moment ago after the long flight from Heathrow. 

 

               “No, you are glowing.”

 

                Sara responded nonchalantly after glancing at the brunette who is now drinking water from her bottle. 

 

                 “No, you are.”

                Zari insisted, staring at Sara with a glint of light in her dark brown eyes.

 

                Sara rolled her eyes and turned her back towards her friend and focused on her face routine. 

 

                “Nah.. Tomaz, It’s obvious. Congratulations on sex, by the way, although it took you guys a bit too long.”

A pillow flew to hit Sara head. 

 

               “Ouch!, easy, Miss newly not virgin.” Sara curled her body forward to protect her skincare product in her hand.

 

                Zari’s cheeks were red. She sat back on her bed, rummaging through her luggage.  

 

             “Here, some royalist tea from London.” She threw a tin can to Sara’s bed. Sara picked it up and inspected the Fortnum & Mason rose petal and peach. It looked nice with intricate pattern of flowers printed on the package. 

 

            “Typical souvenir from the airpot duty free. Dude, you didn’t really have time, did you? I get it, Amaya’s like super hot.”

 

             Zari glared at Sara, her cheeks flushed. Her deep set eyes became larger for a moment until her bravado returned to her smug face.

 

              “What about you, Lance? The lonely holiday break in a ghost college town did you some good?

 

             “About that, I stayed in Ipswich the whole Thanksgiving break. Just returned a few hours ago.”

              Sara avoided her friend’s puzzled gaze, pretending to look at the tea can. 

 

               “Ava’s family.” 

 

               “Holy shit!!!! Lance!” 

             Zari jumped off her bed, and in a blink, she’s on Sara’s bed, both hands clutched on Sara’s shoulders. 

 

          “I’m so fucking proud, Lance. This is good. My chest’s fluttering right now. I ship you guys so hard.”

Sara smiled enthusiastically. 

 

               “Why do ship us so hard, though? I don’t see the appeal. I know we both hot but you don’t sexualize us, right? That’s gross.” 

 

                  Zari rolled her eyes but she’s still beaming at Sara.

 

                 “Because she can kick your ass and I like that very much.”

 

                 Sara shook her head, a bright smile plastered on her face. It slowly faded in a few second. She lay back on the bed again, looking pointlessly into the ceiling. Zari flinched at the transformation of her friend’s expression. 

 

                 “What’s wrong?” Zari asked, her tone was softer than usual.

 

                   Sara brought one of her hand up to massage her temples. 

 

                “Sooo many things, like...Ava is in trouble with Nora because of me and Laurel is coming next weekend.” 

 

                 Zari laid on the empty space near Sara. The computer genius didn’t know what to say that might help. 

 

                 “Would you like some tea? I can make some tea.” Zari offered.

 

                  ++++++++++++++++++

 

               Sara returned from her early morning Polsci 105 lecture. She had to go to work in an hour but she felt like she needed a break. It’s clearly killing Ava from inside. It’s only a day and a half after they left Ipswich but Ava looked like a different person. She was so tired during the lecture. It was apparent, her shoulders were a bit slumped, her hair was a bit unorganized, her posture while patrolling the lecture hall was not intimidating as usual and it didn’t look like she cared about what’s in front of her either. Sara was quite sure her body was also aching from the accident.

 

              She noticed Sara but she didn’t walk to her. She didn’t even give her the usual smile. Later, Sara noticed how Nora was standing at the center of lecture stage and her eyes obviously following Ava. 

 

             Ava had told her that it shouldn’t be anything serious. But Ava in the recent lecture evidenced otherwise. She wasn’t happy and she was conscious of Nora’s gaze. Sara wanted to punch whoever gave the professor the conspiracy. 

 

              Sara nudged her head into her pillow when she realized that it might have been the last basketball match, when she was mad and over-protective when Ava was hurt in the court. But Nora shouldn’t be this bitchy. It’s none of her business. Sara’s brain came up with the wrong ways she could stop Nora from making her girlfriend felt bad about herself. Maybe she could ask Mick to threaten her or ask Zari to mess with her bank account so she wouldn’t have time for this. Maybe her father could background check her crime record that she could use it to blackmail her.

 

                All of these were childish and unrealistic. Sara sighed, scrolled her phone screen for a moment. She shook her head before pushing the home button. 

 

               “Siri, can you please call Laurel.” 

 

              She was waiting, the pace of her heartbeat increased every time she heard the dialing sound. 

 

_“Sara, what’s up? You’ve been so quiet after the last time we talk.”_

 

                 “I’m fine Laurel.”

 

_“So, can I come to see you this weekend? I just found the ticket and I’m ready to book the flight.”_

 

               Sara paused for a moment, she hadn’t think about Laurel coming that much.

 

_“Sara?”_

 

              “Yes, you may come to see me.” 

 

                Sara heard a faint laugh of joy from the other end. 

 

_“Thank you, baby. Do you want me to bring anything for you?”_

 

                  Sara shook her head and bit her bottom lip. 

 

                  “Laurel, actually I call you for some advice. Are you available to talk right now?”

 

                 She heard Laurel excused herself from the work space. Sara felt a bit bad that she called her sister during her work.

 

_“Okay, baby, tell me what’s the matter.”_

 

                   Sara took a deep breath. 

 

                 “So, do you remember that I have a girlfriend?” 

 

_“Of course, Ava Sharpe, right? Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to actually meet her. I’m meeting her next week right?”_

 

                 Sara’s chest fluttered at the thought of Ava meeting her sister. They would get along so well. They have the same quality. It could be awkward at first because Ava was Ava, but Laurel will make her comfortable enough to hangout. 

 

              “I don't know about that. But like..” Sara trailed off.

 

              “She’s actually my TA.”

 

_“You totally blew me away.”_

 

              Sara heard the nervous chuckle from her phone. 

 

              “Yes, SHE IS MY TA AND MY AWESOME GIRLFRIEND! And right now she’s in trouble with her department because of her relationship with me. What should I do, Laurel?” 

 

            Laurel was quiet for a long moment. Sara waited nervously. She hoped her sister knew how to deal with this bureaucratic matter in workplace.

 

_“Wow, Ava Sharpe must be super hot.”_

 

               “Laurel!” 

 

            Sara yelled at her phone, her cheeks suddenly became too warm.

 

               “Calm down. You will have to make a really good argument. But I need to do some research about cases like this first. Can I call you back around six tonight?”

 

               Sara sighed in relieve, knowing that there might be the good way to deal with this.

 

                “That’s not too late. She’s having a meeting with the faculties tomorrow morning.”

 

_“Good. Will call you then. We might need Zari’s help. Don't worry too much, okay? I got your back."_

 

                “Thank you.”  

 

               Sara shut her eyes after ending the call. Feelings mixed in her chest. She was nervous but hopeful at the same time. She also felt strangely relaxed after a casual talk with her sister. It had been a long while and she really missed that.

 

 

                +++++++++++++++++++

 

                 Ava’s neck was sore to the point that she didn’t want to tilt her head at all. The fall did no actual harm to her head but the impact was apparent on her neck. Her body didn’t heal as it should because she barely slept last night, thinking on the loop about the possible directions and outcomes of her meeting with Nora and Bennett in a few minutes. She had told Sara she shouldn’t come to her office hours yesterday because the younger blonde had an exam on Wednesday and she should be preparing for it. 

 

                The truth was, Ava wasn’t ready to let Sara see how much the issue affected her. Of course, she wanted to share every burden with Sara, that’s how relationship worked. Having each other’s back and facing problems together was the point of having a girlfriend. But Ava wasn’t sure if Sara’s was ready. She knew that the girl was still processing her issue with Laurel and her traumatizing experience. Piling up another problem on her wasn’t a good idea. She already felt grateful that Sara seemed a bit happier after the Thanksgiving night.

 

             Only a few yards before she had to turn right at the next corner, where Professor Bennett and Nora were waiting to tear her reputation down. She didn’t say it herself but she knew that people in the department thought of her as the most promising grad student in the department at the moment. Bennett must be really disappointed in her. 

 

             She came prepared though, at least, she dressed formally with the fresh white dress shirt and the dark grey blazer that tailored to her shape. It was made for her debut conference presentation a few months ago. Her hair was tidied up in to a tight bun that helped her being awake during this early hours of the day. 

 

                 She turned at the corner, stopped her step when she found a girl siting on the floor near Bennett’s office. The younger blonde in her gray wool coat looked up to meet her. She was wearing a pair of semi-rimless eyeglasses, which made her look ridiculous. Yes, she was too cute in those glasses but it wasn’t right. Ava looked away and let out an infectious lough. One of her hand covered her mouth, trying to stop. But it was too funny she had to grab her belly, curled herself, and sat down.

 

              “Ava, this is so rude of you.” 

 

              The girl protested. Her face scrunched, eyes glaring at her TA. 

 

                 Ava finally took a deep breath and stopped laughing. She had to tighten her lips to prevent herself from another round of laughter. Her grayish blues couldn’t hide her amusement, though. 

 

              Ava opened her mouth and sighed. She turned her eyes to meet the bright blues behind the glasses again. The girl was actually in the more formal attire. Her black button-down shirt was well pressed, same as her gray khaki pants. Her blond hair was clearly got some serious styling.  She didn’t even wear her usual skate shoes. She’s rocking a pair of white oxfords, a thick plastic folder on her lap.

 

             “Sorry, but what are you doing here, Sara? Don't you know that I have a meeting?”  

 

             Sara smirked at her, raising one of her well defined eyebrows. She knocked the door on her side. Ava gaped in shock.

 

              “What are you doing?” She furiously whispered to Sara. She didn’t get the answer when the door opened with her advisor standing inside, his old hand grabbing the door knob. 

 

                Sara and Ava quickly stood up. Professor Bennett was clearly baffled by the presence of the unexpected blonde. He looked at Sara for a moment before turning his attention to Ava.

 

                  “You can come in.” He told his advisee with his usual low voice and stern look.

 

                  Ava lowered her head down a little bit due to the thick, intimidating air in the room. Sara put one of her hands in her coat pocket and casually followed. She saw Nora sitting on a chair in the room. She smirked when she show the junior professor’s eyes widening. 

 

                 “I don’t believe we have a meeting with you, lady.” Bennett frowned at Sara. She smiled at him, trying to look intimidating like when she was about to beat someone’s ass.

 

               “Well, first of all it’s better not to assume people’s gender but I will let that go today. I’m here because you guys are having a discussion about me. As a student of the university, I totally have the right to attend. Do you want me to show you the code of conduct in the student handbook?” 

 

               Sara pretended to open her folder. Bennett’s gape in disbelief, looking at Nora with question. The young professor nodded. 

 

               “Sara, this is none of your business okay? It’s about me. I can handle it myself.” Ava’s hand  pointed at the door, telling Sara to leave. 

 

                Sara fixed her gaze on Nora instead.

 

                 “Professor Darhk, can you swear that the matter behind this meeting is not about me? Because if it’s about me and you don’t let me have a say, you will violate the student's right as stated in the student handbook.”

 

              Nora clenched her jaws. Her well defined featured made it obvious that she wasn’t impressed. 

 

             “Okay, you may stay, Miss Lance.” Nora responded with reluctant. Ava’s forehead puckered that she might have a headache later because of the deep creases. 

 

             Sara grabbed a chair to sit. “It’s hard to find a gentleman to pull a chair for you these days.” She mumbled, earning a glare from the middle aged professor. 

 

               Ava didn’t fully understand the situation. She sat down on a chair anyway, wondering how the meeting would go and why Sara was here with her, as if she wanted to admit that their relationship was real and blow everything.

 

               “So, lets start. What’s the matter, Professor Fujimori, Professor Darhk, or should I call you Nora the same way Ray Palmer called you?” 

 

               Sara crossed her legs, looking right into Nora’s dark eyes. The smugness, the glittering joy in those blue irises, Ava could tell Sara was in the full asshole mode.

 

                 Nora cleared her throat.

 

                “So, some students in your section sent complaints, concerning the TA romantic relationship with one of her students. The students were afraid that the TA’s judgement on their classroom performance and assignments might be unfair, since the TA might favor her partner over other students in the class.” 

 

               “I never grade students unfairly.” 

               Ava tilted her head and flinched her eyes at the sharp pain from her neck. She regained her serious posture, and looked at Nora intently. 

 

                  Bennett leaned into the circle of the meeting. 

 

                   “Ava, you know well that a relationship between an instructor and a student is not acceptable.” He got right into the point and made Ava gritting her teeth. 

 

                  “Dr. Bennett. It is not illegal, last time I check. I’m eighteen. It’s consensual.” Sara blatantly told the gray haired professor. Everyone in the room were looking at her with grimace, including Ava.

 

                 “Did you just admit that you are dating Ava?” Bennett hit his palm on his forehead.

 

                “I just hoped Ava could’ve just rejected and dodged the issue so there’s no more problem. She’s my protege anyway.” Bennett frowned, and looked at Ava. He was not someone who cared about this matter. But what Sara just did might actually got her in trouble.

 

               Sara blinked, a bit flustered at Bennett’s confess. What if she went to the wrong direction. She looked at Ava and clearly her girl was lost in the chaos of the conversation. Sara took a breath, composing herself.

 

            “Because my relationship with Ava means so much to me and I can’t say it’s not real. I won't let you two make her think it’s invalid.” 

 

             The room was quiet. Ava couldn’t look away from the younger blonde, who joined her hands above her own legs, Looking at the two professor sincerely. Ava’s eyes were softened on the small figure of her girlfriend.

 

            Nora looked back and forth between Sara and Bennett. 

 

              “Miss Lance, yes it’s not illegal, but it can cause unfair treatment from the instructor, that’s why it wasn’t acceptable.” 

 

                Sara raised her brows and fixed her eyes on the brunette. 

 

                “Really, professor Darhk? Just few months ago a female grad student dropped out from your department because her relationship with a professor. Last night I checked, that nasty guy is still happily working in this department without any penalty. And that wasn’t the only case.”

 

               Bennett flinched his eyes, knowing exactly what Sara was talking about.

 

               “No one reported or complained about that case.” Nora defended her point.

 

              Sara chuckled infuriatingly.

 

                 “Because he is a man in power, professor. Didn’t you hear how sick what you just said was? If you’re gonna mess with Ava for this, potentially, your department will easily face the charge of gender discrimination to employees in workplace, according to the Federal Laws.”

 

              Nora gaped. Professor Bennett was oddly looking at Sara with a faint smile.

 

                “And for the accusation of unfair treatment, where are the evidences of that claim. I never get an A, my best was AB. You will have to verify that Ava’s grading didn't follow the rubrics. I think the accusers will gladly let you read their papers to prove their points.”

 

                Sara wasn’t done, she opened her folder, bringing out some photos and shared them to the professors and Ava. Ava was jaw dropped, covering her mouth with one hand.

 

                  “Yes, I am confident that the persons who complained about us were these two white supremacists who frequently joined the racist and sexist movement, because I never see anyone in my class hated Ava and me and some of my friends as much as these two. You should asked the whole class for unbiased opinions.”

 

               “And for the annotation, Mr. Erik Pattinson clearly attracts to Ava. He might be pissed that he wouldn’t get a chance. His accusation is invalid.” 

 

              Nora clenched her jaw. 

 

              “And professor Darhk, it won’t look good if the public know that you, the only daughter of Governor Damien Darhk, are coming after Ava, who has been working with the local activists against your father conservative and neoliberalism administration since she was an undergrad.” 

 

              Sara quirked one of her brows, the corners of her lips tugged up into the very annoying smirk.

 

                Ava looked at Nora and Sara back and forth. She didn’t know that Nora was the governor’s daughter. Ava met him once when she did a flash mob when he was giving his speech. Anyway, she didn’t want to connect Nora’s intention with her father’s reputation. She hoped Nora wasn’t that bad. She chose to study political sciences after all.

 

                 Bennett crossed his arms over his chest and stood up from his seat. 

 

               “Are we clear?” He asked Nora. The brunette looked away, defeated. 

 

                “Yes, Dr. Bennett.”  She answered, her voice was low. She was angry but trying to keep herself composed. 

 

                Bennett approached the door and open it for the students. He gave Ava a wink that made his advisee flustered for a moment. 

 

                “I got this.” He whispered to Ava before closing the door.

 

                 Ava stood still in front of the shut door, contemplating what had just happened behind it. She slowly turned to the smaller blonde who stood behind her. She already took off that ridiculous glasses, her shoulders slumped a little, her cheeks flushed, clearly from hyperventilation. Sara let out a heavy sigh, as if she had been holding her breath the whole time in that room. 

 

                 Ava’s lips slowly formed a bright smile. She had an idea, not a rational one.

 

               “Catch me.” 

 

             She told, Sara. Obviously it’s a challenge. Sara was caught off-guarded when Ava just ran away and make a turn at the corner of the hallway. Sara put the folder in her backpack and sprinted after her girlfriend. She regretted wearing the oxford shoes immediately. 

 

 

                Ava was fast but Sara thought she knew where the race would end. She saw Ava’s back and how her blazer flapping against the wind. She was running towards the library. Sara would love a short break because she had spent the whole night discussing strategy with Laurel and doing some online research with Zari. However, the adrenaline pumped in her body right now urged her not to stop. Ava wasn’t too far away and Sara was good at sprinting.

 

               Sara was almost too late to grab the door knob of the graduate student’s private study room before it was closed. She yanked it open and got herself inside, leaning her back against the door to close it while throwing her backpack to the floor. A warm and sweet scented body pressed Sara against the cold metal surface. Ava’s arms wrapped around Sara’s neck. She rested the side of her face against Sara’s warm flushing cheek.

 

               “That was...hot.”

               Ava whispered to Sara’s ear, sending a shiver to her nape. 

 

               Sara’s right hand locked the door before grabbing Ava’s waist, her heated lips grazing Ava’s cheek to find her lips. Her other arm circled around Ava’s back, pulling her closer. 

 

                Sara surged her body forward so Ava was forced to go backward until she found the edge of the study desk. 

 

               Sara’s coat was on the floor while Ava’s neat blazer was left on the desk. Their heavy pantings were synchronized but their lips wouldn’t be disconnected for too long second. Their lips sought each other’s, crashing again and again, hands roaming on each other cloth to find access.

 

               Ava’s white shirt was unbuttoned. Sara moved her hand lower to unbuckle her belt while Ava’s working on the last button of her black shirt. Ava finally reached her pant’s front belt loop and pulling it hard, forcing Sara to be closer.

 

               Ava tilted her head away from Sara’s lips. The younger blonde looked into her darken gray-blue eyes. 

 

                “May I do this with you in the library?”

                Sara whispered, her voice hoarse from the desire.

 

                Ava smiled and kissed her girlfriend on her forehead.

 

               “Yes, but we have to be quiet. Okay?”

                 She spoke with her breath.

 

               “I’m not the loud one anyway.” 

 

               Sara mumbled before claiming Ava’s lips again.

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I watched too many horse riding youtubes for this. The semester already started. I hope I have enough time to update weekly. 
> 
> To be honest, it would’ve gone to the angst direction which I was tempted to break them apart for the sake of story dynamic. But like fuck that. That’s what CW did to w/w couples because it’s easy. What about a healthy relationship that’s also entertaining. This chapter is the product of me being oppressed by CW for too long.


	12. 360 No Comply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: discussion about non-consensual sex. If you're not comfortable with it. Skip this chapter.
> 
> Sorry it's been too long. Fall started so I can't write all day. Hope it's worth your time.

             It was still dark but Ava woke up because of the sudden realization that the other side of her bed was empty. Sara had left, but Ava could still feel the remnant of her body heat on the mattress and the comforter. She sighed, her eyelashes fluttered, contemplating. 

            Keeping the secret was exhausting. It was Ava who told Sara so many times that their relationship was not quite right and if other people knew they would get in trouble. It was her who told Sara not to rush anything. Yet, Ava herself allowed it to happen. It was her, who had to face the inevitable consequence on the upcoming Tuesday. 

            After sleeping together, the level of emotional attachment to her girlfriend was beyond her expectation, and it felt unlike any of her previous relationships. It freaked Ava out a little that she wasn’t confident if she could resist the need of intimacy whenever she was near Sara. Anyway, Sara went back to her own room. She understood that Sara needed to keep their relationship from her teammates and Rip’s speculation. It was what Sara should do. But it caused the unreasonable hollowness in her chest. 

            Ava woke up pretty late, as her usual habit. She changed into sweatpants and a hoodie before going to the kitchen to find something to eat. To her surprise, it was loud. Everyone was at the dining table. There were some loud laugh from her mommy and some giggle from the soccer girls. The smell of warm food with herbs filled the room. Maxine, who was crouching on the floor near Sara’s chair, suddenly straightened her neck. She got up when she was sure the human stepping down the stair was Ava. She ran to her and nudged her head to the side of Ava’s leg. She sat on the stair to give her dog full attention. 

             “You are so cute.” She told her dog, knowing that she couldn’t hear the words but definitely sensed Ava’s gentle pet on her neck and her back. 

              Sara, who sat opposite to her mommy, turned her back to see her. She didn’t say a word. The sweet smile was enough. Sara kept her hair in a messy bun. Her white Star City crop hoodie flashed a glimpse of the small of her back when she turned to see Ava. Ava felt the heat on her cheeks so she looked away, thinking of where to sit. She ended up sitting near her mom at the other edge of the table. Maxine followed. 

            “The herbalist omelet? I love you mom.” Ava threw one of her arms around Brighton’s shoulder. 

            “Of course, Ava.” Her mom grabbed a plate on the table and filled it with the omelet made with fresh eggs from their farm, cheddar cheese, and a bunch of herbs, such as basils and rosemary. It was Brighton’s signature breakfast. 

              Rip sipped his coffee, smiled at his sister softly. 

              “What’s your plan today, Ava? Jen and I plan to take the girls to try horse riding.”   

              Although Sara was cutting her toast on the plate without looking at Ava, she noticed that the girl was attentive to her conversation with Rip. Sara might want her to join them. Ava would love too, but spending time with people she wasn’t really familiar with was tiring. Moreover, she had to behave in front of her brother and the other girls while Sara was around. 

              “Not much. Still have to prepare for the next week discussion. Have fun.” 

             Ava shoved the omelet into her mouth. 

            “Well, Ava, I think you should go with them.” Brighton tapped Ava’s shoulder. Sara’s turned her focus to Ava and her mom. 

             “Why, mom?” 

               “Because you are the best equestrian in our household. Jen and Rip know how to ride but with the beginners, I think you should be there to at least  supervise them.”

              “Mom, we are good.” Rip protested while Jennette crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, her brows furrowed. 

              Masako, Freydis, and Kuasa was looking at their coach. 

               “Is it gonna be safe enough, coach? I googled last night, on the average, 2.68 people died from horse riding every year and horse riding-related injuries tend to be fatal.” Masako, with her big and round eyes, looking at Rip, questioning. 

             Freydis reached her hand to pat Masako’s shoulder. 

              “Aww...you are so cute. But I think we’re fine. We are athletic enough, right baby Lance? So glad we finally have a chance to hangout with you. Almost forgot you came with us.” Freydis winked at Sara.

             Sara gave the center back a forced smile.  

              Ava looked at the girls, contemplating. It’s true that horse riding was actually dangerous even for the experienced riders, let alone the beginner. She knew that their horses were well trained but she wasn’t sure if they could handle strangers. 

                “Mommy, how many helmet do we have right now?” Ava looked at Jen, hoping that she had an acceptable answer.

                “Well, I think we have three helmets.” Jen answered sheepishly.  

              Ava rolled her eyes. 

               “Seriously, you have three helmets for six riders! And Rip’s helmet wouldn’t fit the girls for sure so actually you have two helmets available, one is mine, correct?” 

               “You do really like helmet.” Sara smirked at Ava. 

              “Not funny.” Ava responded to Sara with her authoritative voice. 

             “Yeah, Ava is kind of bossy.”  Jen told the girls who clearly felt the tension. She earned a glare from her daughter. 

             “Anyway, are you joining us or what?” Jen asked. Everyone looked at Ava expectantly. 

            Ava sighed and shook her head slightly, annoyed. Of course, she wouldn’t let Sara try horse riding without her supervising. Rip shrugged at her decision. Masako sighed in relief. Sara was trying to hide her smile. She thought she wouldn’t get a chance to have Ava around that much today before leaving Ipswich tomorrow. 

             After the brunch, they changed to the more practical attires for horse riding in relatively cold weather. Brighton had prepared a picnic basket filled with snacks and flasks of hot drink for them. She pet her wife’s head before letting them head to the stable. Maxine did not allowed to join them. Although the horses knew the dog well, Ava thought it would be safer to keep the enthusiastic dog away from the horses while they had to deal with strangers. 

             Sara had to look away when she saw Ava in her riding jacket and the pants that hugged her hip and her long legs so well. She kept her hair in ponytail and told everyone who had long hair to do so as a safety protocol.

             Jen unlocked the barn’s gate and led the rest of them into the stable. She made the beeline to the horses to greet them. Freydis and Kuasa followed her to pet the animals. They let out the happy neigh. 

             Ava told Sara and Rip to help her move the equipments from the storage and bring them to the horses.  

             “This is Poppy.” Jen pointed her hand at the exquisite creature with shiny chestnut-colored coat and a white mark between his eyes. 

            “And this is Piper.” She introduced another horse. This one had gold-colored coat with creamy white manes on its neck and tail.  

             “Hi poppy and Piper. You two are so beautiful” Kuasa petted Poppy’s long neck. 

                Jen and Ava put the bridles on the horses’ heads, attached the lead rope to their chin straps and led them out of their stable. Rip and Ava spent about fifteen minutes to prepare the horses for riding. Jen asked the girls to brush Poppy and Piper’s bodies and warned them not to approach the horses from behind. Ava nodded that her mommy was cautious enough. 

              When they got the saddles and stirrups set on the back of the horses, Jen gave two helmets to the girls. Kuasa and Freydis took the helmets and wore them. Masako and Sara decided to wait. 

            “I think I will just let Ava teach the basic before you guys get on the horse, Okay?” Rip looked at the girls. 

             “I’m just here to supervise, Rip.” Ava didn’t want to actually participate. 

           Her brother rolled his eyes. “Princess, if I and Jen do anything wrong you’re gonna interrupt and correct us anyway. Just teach them the basic position.” 

             “You just don’t want to do the funny air riding posture in front of the girls.” Ava knew exactly why his brother wanted her to exhibit the correct riding posture. 

             “It’s just... awkward.” Rip grimaced at his sister. 

            Ava saw Sara trying to hide her giggle.

              “What’s funny, Sara.” Ava asked, she clasped her hands behind her back. 

               “No it’s just...Rip calls you princess all the time but like you’re opposite of that in our class.” 

           Kuasa turned to Sara and whispered “Did you just flirt?” Sara defensively responded with a “NO!” under her breath. 

              Ava narrowed her eyes and smirked before picking up the driving whip on the mounting block. She pointed the tip of it to the direction of her student. Sara swallowed. 

            “Sara, you’re gonna do the riding posture so your friends can learn how to ride. Come here.” Ava’s smile was devilish. 

             “Seriously, Ava.” Sara protested.  

              Ava raised one of her brows and pointed the whip to where she wanted Sara to be. Sara blinked her eyes as she felt a swoop in her stomach at the sight of her girlfriend being tall and authoritative with the whip and the riding boots. She knew her cheeks were suddenly warmer. Ava was...freaking hot. 

            Sara followed without further protest, trying not to focus on how sexy her girlfriend was in the riding attire. 

           “Spread your feet just wider than shoulder width apart, lift your forearms as if you’re holding the reins, bend your knees.” Ava pointed at Sara’s knees. The girl tightened her lips and did as she was directed. If it was only them, she would’ve pulled her girlfriend into a passionate kiss. With Ava being in charge like this, Sara’s brain couldn’t think straight. 

            “Straighten your back. Your shoulders should be aligned with your hip. Good, Sara.” Ava tilted her head and smirked at her flustered girlfriends. She heard some giggle from her mommy. 

            Ava pointed the whip to Sara’s thighs. 

           “When riding, your thighs will act like a break. You gently squeeze your thighs when you want to slow down and stop the horse.” 

          She lowered the tip of the whip downward and pointed at Sara’s calfs. 

            “Your calfs will act like the accelerator. You tapped your legs on the horse’s body to tell her to walk forward.” 

            “Okay, this part, the break, this part, the accelerator.” Ava tapped the tip of the whip on the upper part of Sara’s leg and then tapped again on one of her shin. Sara glared at Ava, her cheeks flushed. The way she directed her body wasn’t genuinely for educational purpose. Ava bit her lower lip, knowing exactly what was in Sara’s mind.  

             “Girls, you may practice the riding posture. Look at Sara’s as a demonstration. Good riding starts with good posture.” Rip told his team members. The girls awkwardly mimic Sara’s posture.  They giggled to each other at how funny they looked. 

              “Now we can try with the real horse. Kuasa, Freydis, since you have the helmet on, you go first. Use the mounting block.”  Ava told the girls while walking to untie the rope for Poppy. She led the horse to the side of the mounting block. 

              “Rip, your turn. My job is done.” She put the rope in her brother’s hand. 

            “Okay, princess.” 

            It was his habit to call Ava princess, her mommy did that too. Ava was the youngest child who got all the attention from her family and her brother thought of her as the cutest thing in the world.

             Freydis mounted on Poppy first. Rip taught her to make the click sound and commands to tell the horse to walk and stop. He led Poppy and Fredis out of the barn into the pasture area surrounded by white fence. Kuasa followed them with Jen leading Piper. Ava, Sara, and Masako walked behind them, carrying the mounting block out to the pasture.

              Rip and Jen walked the horses for Freydis and Kuasa for a while until they were sure the two beginners were familiar with being on the horse and were able to let their body flow with the movement of the horses while they were walking. Ava lectured the other girls using Freydis and Kuasa as examples. Sara wasn’t sure if she should pay attention to her teammates on the horses or the way Ava taught her and Masako. She unnecessarily sighed a few times just to let some heat out of her body. 

              When Rip and Jen were quite confident that Freydis and Kuasa knew how to stay on the horses, they taught them how to turn left and right and let them ride the horses without their assist for a while until they decided to let Sara and Masako try. 

             Ava ran back to the barn to get a bucket of water for Poppy and Piper. She rewarded them by petting their necks and talked to them with gentle voice. 

            When the horses were ready, Masako got on Poppy with Rip leading the horse for her. Jen led Piper to the mounting block for Sara. 

           “Here we go, good girl.” Sara told Piper, tapping her hand on the side of her neck a few times. She stepped on the stirrup and push herself up to sit on the elegant creature. It was really high above the ground and she felt her stomach wobble when Piper shook her head. 

             “Wow.” 

             “You good?” Ava looked at her girlfriend on the horse, making sure she was stable. 

            “Yeah. I’m good.” Sara reassured. 

            Ava gave her a gentle smile. Sara was sitting on the horse, adorable with Ava’s helmet on. 

Jen looked at the couple back and forth before rest one of her hand in her hip.

              “Ava, can you teach this one. I get tired so easily these days.” She gave the rope to Ava. Jen winked at Sara who was beaming at the possibility of having Ava teaching her how to ride. Ava shook her head and rolled her eyes, clearly pretending to be annoyed by her mommy. But Sara was smiling and it’s irresistible. Ava received the rope from her mom. Jen giggled at how her daughter cheeks were blushing. She then walked away from the mounting block. 

             “You grab the reins with three fingers. Your pinkies are supposed to be under the reins and your thumbs are above.” Ava reached her hand up to adjust Sara’s fingers. “Like this.” 

               “I’m gonna walk you around first. Don’t use your break or accelerator, okay? Just relax. Don’t look down. It’s like riding a bike. You may prepare to lean forward a little bit to match Piper’s movement.” 

           Sara nodded. Ava stood beside the left shoulder of Piper. She made a click sound twice and asked the horse to walk on. Ava started walking and Piper followed her step. Sara had to balance her body match how Piper move. Ava walked the horse along the fenceline. 

                “Like it?” Ava asked Sara who was focusing on balancing herself on Piper. 

                “Feel like a princess.” 

                 Ava chuckled to herself. She didn’t look up to see Sara. She knew that the horse walked according to the direction of her head.

               “And I am a knight?”  

                “If you will.” 

         Sara moved her eyes downward to see Ava, who looked so confident and comfortable with the horse. She quickly turned her focus back to the direction the horse was going. Looking away made her losing the balance. 

                “Wow, can’t believe Sara Lance is a princess charming.” 

                 “Only if you are my knight.” Sara told Ava. Her voice was small, as if she wasn’t sure if it was too cheesy or embarrassing. 

                “Nah, I’m not into heteronormative fairy tales.”  Ava teased. Sara pursed her lips at Ava’s comment. 

               After two round of walking with Ava leading the horse. Sara had to ride the horse by herself. Ava taught her how to make the clicking noise and asked the horse to walk. Then she taught her how to ask the horse to stand still, to turn left an right. Ava walked along the fence line with Sara on the horse, making sure the girl was doing it right and safely. 

                Sara practiced riding Piper for around 20 minutes until she noticed that Masako had dismounted from Poppy. Ava pointed to the mounting block, guiding Sara to safely get off Piper back. 

              Sara breathed through her mouth when her feet finally touched the ground. 

               “It was...I don’t know, liberating?” 

                 Sara told Ava, who was tying the rope to Piper’s chin strap, ready to walk her to drink some water. She gave Sara a sweet smile. She didn’t say anything more, noticing Rip was approaching with Poppy. 

            “Well, ladies, I think we can have some snacks now. Sara can you please help my mother setting up the the picnic blanket and stuff?” Sara nodded before giving her girlfriend a smile and walked to join the other girls and Jen. Ava rolled her eyes. Ava was sure that Rip purposefully cocked block them. 

              “You said you wouldn’t do anything wrong but you took her to mom’s apartment.” Her brother talked to her while walking the horses to the fence where they could give them some water and tie them. 

              Ava’s nostrils flared, tired of these grey moral discussion. What she had to face in three days was destructive to her mental health enough. Her overprotective brother dropped the unnecessary pressure on her. She knew, honestly, she couldn’t say that she didn’t do anything wrong. What she had been trying to avoid to maintain her decency had just happened. She didn’t regret it. It was full of genuine love, but it didn’t mean she didn’t feel the weight of guilt on her shoulders.

            Piper let out a neigh. She might gripped the rope too tight. 

               “Don’t you think it’s creepy that a coach and a brother is nosey about his student and his sister’s relationship?” She responded without looking at him. Her brother’s expression was hardened for a second.

                “Seriously Ava, she was just a kid. You’re gonna get hurt. College kids these days change their hookups so quick and not many of them have real relationship. You may not know how many soccer fans want her attention.”

            Right, Ava never thought about that. She knew Sara was attractive. In her class alone, at least, four of her students always stole a glance of Sara. She wasn’t into any college sport team because they were all too commercialized and capitalized, she had no idea how popular this good looking striker was. 

           A gentle gust of cold wind brought her sense back from the trail of thoughts. Rip trained Sara three days a week but he didn’t have a clue how much Sara had to endure in order to keep herself functional as a student and a player.  

               “You don’t really know her.” 

                “I’m her coach.” Rip said firmly. 

                Ava shook her head, done with his overprotective concern.

                “Stand on.” 

               She told her horse. When it stopped walking, Ava untied the lead rope from Piper’s chin and put her left foot in the left stirrup and pulled herself up to sit on her horse. Normally, she wouldn’t mount the horse without the mounting block because it wasn’t good for the horse’s back. 

           She tapped her ankles on Piper’s body, asking her to walk, and in a minute, she did it again and Piper began to trot away from Rip and Poppy. 

            “You don’t have the helmet on, Ava!” Rip barely shouted behind his sister. 

               Ava needed some air. She didn’t feel like arguing with her brother. She knew how much Rip cared for her. He had been protecting her from those homophobic school bullies since the first day she came out. But sometimes, she was too spoiled by her big brother, who thought of Ava as the most precious thing in his life. And unlike with her parents, Ava could be stubborn with him sometimes. 

          The cold wind blowing against her face felt right. Being on the horse, as Sara told her, was liberating. Ava turned Piper around after she drank enough. Every time doubt nagged her mind, Ava felt the need to be close to Sara, to make sure what they had was worth it. Rip tied Poppy to the fence, looking at his sister on the horse with concern. 

         Piper was trotting across the pasture to the old willow tree at other side of the fence, where her mommy and the girls were setting up the picnic. The faint giggles traveled through the wind. She wanted to ride away from this. There was a spot under the aged oak tree near the small creek that Ava really liked and she would love to show Sara how beautiful it was. She approached the group. Sara and her friends were sitting on the blanket. 

           “I’m not having a crush on Ava! Your theory is ridiculous, Freydis.” Sara defensively told the other girls. Her mom was unpacking the kitchenwares. She stopped what she was doing for a second. 

          “Awww...baby Lance, it’s obvious. You couldn’t keep your eyes off her since we arrived.” Freydis teased the youngest member of the team. 

              Sara raised her brows. “So this means you keep your eyes on me the whole time? Not surprising.” 

              Freydis rolled her eyes at how Sara flirted with her to divert the conversation. “Lance, I’m straight, you won’t get a chance.”

              “Right.” 

           Sara gave her a smirk. Tilting her head a little bit. Acting cool and flirty was easy when she wanted to turn the conversation to her favor. It became her trademark.

         Kuasa threw one of her arm over the centerback’s shoulder. “See, told you Lance flirts with every attractive human being. I think I won the bet. She isn’t hot for our coach’s baby sister.”   

         Masako tapped at Sara’s shoulder when she noticed Piper standing not too far from her teammates’ backs. Rip’s sister was sitting tall on the golden horse. She lowered her gaze to look at them, the iceberg pale blues were a bit too cold for Sara’s liking. 

        “Mommy, I’m going to the creek. You don’t have to wait for me when you’re done with the picnic.” 

          Ava told her mom and flicked her gaze to Sara for a second before turning Piper to the direction of the fence gate. 

            She heard Kuasa’s small voice behind. “Oh fuck, Freydis your joke isn’t funny.”

           She clenched her jaw and furrowed her brows. Clearly, Sara rejected Freydis’s teasing just to keep their secret. Under the pressure of Nora and Bennett, Ava totally understood why it was so important to keep their relationship only to themselves. Sara did nothing wrong, she did what was right, indeed. If Ava herself was pestered about Sara, she would’ve said the same thing. 

           But Ava didn’t understand why it hurt, why her chest constricted when she heard Sara defensively saying that she didn’t like Ava that way. Her common sense screamed she was lying to protect her, which was true, but that fact didn’t lighten the weighty lump in her chest at all. It was nothing. It was nonsense. She swallowed hard, frustrated at how she lost control of her own feelings. 

          Rip walked pass her to join the picnic. He gave her a glance, probably questioning why she didn’t join them and where she was going to. She didn’t answered and tapped her feet on Piper’s body, urging her to run faster. 

        Piper almost reached the gate when a black butterfly with yellow stripes on its wings flew near her horse’ eyes, obstructing her from exiting the gate. The tall horse suddenly stopped her run, crying in fright, and the momentum knocked Ava’s chest to the horse’s long neck. She choked when her lungs automatically sucked air.

          Ava tightened her grip on the reins that it’s almost hurt her cold hands. She didn’t have time to regret she didn’t wear gloves. Piper didn’t let her breath when she jumped with her front legs in the air, forcing Ava to stand on the stirrups to regain balance. 

             “Ava!” Sara jumped from the ground when she heard Piper’s scary cry. She was still looking at Ava from afar when it happened. A strong grip on her shoulder forced her to not to run.

              “Stay here, you can do nothing.” Jen harshly told her and stood up quickly. She and Rip ran towards the gate. 

               Piper shook her head violently and jerked her hip, kicking her back feet with all of her strength. Ava tried to breathe and think. She had learned that it’s better to hold on to the reins to regain control, but Piper wasn’t easy. 

                Ava didn’t have to think when the spooked horse kicked her back feet in the air again and sent Ava off the saddle, flying and falling violently to the pasture ground. 

              “Fuck!” She cursed to herself before the side of her body slammed to the grass that didn’t make the surface softer. The side of her head crash on it harshly that her neck trembled. The bright blue sky turned black for a moment while her ears felt numb. 

                “Rip, you take care of Ava. I’m gonna get Piper!” Jen shouted at her son. 

                When Sara saw Ava falling off the horse, she lost it. She quickly jump from her place and run as fast as she could to Ava, leaving the other girls covered their mouths with their hands in shock. 

                The sky turned blue again. Ava blinked her eyes, noticing two silhouettes blocking the light over her. 

                “Oh baby. Please, be okay.” Her brother voice was frantic.  

                 “Ava!” That familiar voice, that one she liked so much, sounded  unhappy. She felt the small palm covering hers, squeezed it gently. 

                 Those bright blues were brimming with tears again. She didn’t like that. How many times she had to wipe it off that freckled cheeks. 

                “Hey, don’t cry. I’m okay.” She’s trying to reach her hand to caress Sara’s cheeks just to calm her.

                The sky turned black again.

                   ++++++++++++++++++

                  She didn’t have the  blackout for long. She opened her eyes again in Rip’s arms. He’s carrying her back to the house. Sara opened the door for him. Her brother laid her body gently on the couch. Maxine barked before running to sniff Ava, she cried, her spotted forehead puckered. 

               “What happened!” Her mom’s voice was in high pitch. 

             Ava scrunched her face before adjusting her eyes to the surrounding. Sara quickly took her boots off. She found a pillow and carefully lifted Ava’s head up a little to put the pillow under it. 

             “Sara.” Her gaze followed the girl’s movement. 

             “Hey, just rest. Okay?”

            She touched her forehead gently, her thumb barely put the soothing pressure on her skin.  

           “Piper got spooked and Ava fell.” Rip reported to his mom. He never tore his eyes from his sister. 

              Brighton quickly moved to sit on the floor near Ava to caress her daughter’s cheek. Sara scooted back, leaving the space for her girlfriend’s mom. 

              “You good?” Brighton Asked. She turned her head to the door when Jen and the other girls was rushing into the living room.

             “Jen, I’m killing you.” She scolded at her wife.  

              “I’m sorry, baby. My fault. You can do whatever to me.” Jen responded, stepping closer to her wife.

               “Moms. I’m beyond okay.” Ava protested. She slowly got up to sit, moving her neck slowly and flinched at the pain. 

               “See? It’s nothing, and it’s all my own fault.” 

               “We’re taking you to the hospital. You need some checking right now, baby.” Rip crossed his arms over his chest,  looking at his sister with worry. 

                 “There’s no need to-” 

                 “Ava.” Brighton cut her protest.  

                 “Can you walk?” Rip asked, ready to helped. Ava nodded and slowly stood up. Sara’s forearms were lifted up, ready to catch her if she fell.

               Ava could walk and Brighton sighed in relief.  

                 Jen grabbed the car key on the counter. “I’m taking her to the hospital. Rip, you stay with mom and the girls.” 

                 “Can I go with you?”

                 Sara tentatively asked. She looked at Jen, eyes pleading. The remnant of her tears still visible. 

                 Jen sighed. 

              “Yeah. Make sure she walk to the car safely.”

                  +++++++++++++++++++++

             Sara and Jen sat together in the same couch at the lobby of the emergency department quietly, waiting for Ava to return from the examination. It had been about an hour already. Jen worried if her daughter had some serious injuries, but on the bright side, it was good to know that the doctor took their time to check her daughter’s injury thoroughly. 

            She noticed the girl sitting on her side fixing her gaze on the hallway where Ava was taken. Sara sighed many times and she didn’t even play with her phone at all. Jen smiled softly at the sight. 

           “Let me tell you something, little Sara.” 

             The girl turned her gaze from the hallway to the middle aged woman.

            “Okay? Mrs, Sharpe.” 

             Jen rolled her eyes at the formality. She shook her head slowly before fixing Sara with her serious gaze.

             “Don’t you ever reject what you feel about my daughter again.” 

             Sara blinked her eyes slowly, her mouth parted slightly at Jen’s statement.

          “I know you don’t want Ava to get in trouble, but you have to think more about what you do. I know it’s not true. Hell, you two are obvious. But it hurt her more or less. She really likes you. I can tell. True or not, hearing the rejection from someone she likes is kind of hurt. Can you imagine Ava saying that to you?”

            Sara swallowed at her realization. Her hands clenched. Ava never said she didn’t like her. Ava only made sure people didn’t think they were a couple. 

          “I’m sorry, Jen. I won’t do that again.”  Sara stated every words firmly. 

           Jen rested her back to the couch again and looked into space. 

            “In our family, as you've seen, her sexuality is never a problem. She’s lucky growing up with queer parents. When I and Brighton were young. It was really hard. Cate, my mom, didn’t accept us in the first place.” She paused and sighed. 

             “But it didn’t mean she didn’t know the social expectations of being a girl. She was part of the larger community too. No matter how progressive our family was, she still had to face a lot of micro-aggressions from the world outside our family and we couldn’t protect her all the time. School, college, academic world. Rip was so protective but it actually emphasized the fact that a straight white man had more power.” 

            “And when she experienced romantic feelings towards someone. She had to keep it to herself. You know, as a girl, she wouldn’t dare confessing her feeling to her crush. If she were straight, it must be easier to do such thing.”

           “And when she had her first girlfriend, you know, they were hiding from everyone in the school for a long while because they were afraid of their friends or their teacher’s judgement.”

            Sara shuffled her position. It hurt to hear how Ava had survived her teenage years as a queer girl.  

             “My point is, she has been hiding for too long and it’s killing her inside. Being aware that her relationship is invalid under the public eyes is tiring. I want you to be careful and be her support instead of agreeing with her that she needs to hide. Don’t verify her subconscious idea that she can’t be with you.” 

             Sara tightened her lips, slowly nodded, understood the weight of what Jen had told her. 

          “Thank you, Jen. I promise I will be more careful and I will try to make her happy as best as I can.” 

          Jen could see how determined the girl’s voice was. She smiled softly at the promise. She thought it was cute that this young lady tried to act like a serious adult. 

           “Still doesn’t mean I will walk my daughter for your wedding.” The short-haired woman smirked at Sara, who groaned at Jen’s teasing. 

           A tall figure walked into the hallway. Sara and Jen quickly got up and walked to the person they had been waiting for. 

           “What did the doctor say, baby?” Jen reached her hand to cup the side of Ava’s face.  

            “No sign of concussion. Nothing broken. Might be some soreness tomorrow but other than that I’m totally fine.” 

            Ava informed her mom, who softly nodded at the result. Ava moved her eyes to her girlfriend, who was inspecting her from head to toe. 

              “I’m okay, Sara.” She reassured.

               “I was scared.” Sara pursed her lips and frowned, pretending to be mad.

              Ava reached her arms to draw Sara’s waist into a hug. Sara’s scent and warmth was soothing.

             “See, I’m fine.” She confirmed softly to Sara’s ear.

 

                 “You two are beyond disgusting.” Jen commented. The couple immediately moved away from each other’s arms. 

                “Unfair, you and mom always show PDA in our house like even before I was born.” 

                  Jen rolled her eyes at her daughter.  

                  ++++++++++++++++++ 

              Ava started to feel the sore developing in her neck and some spots on left side of her body, where her soft flesh met the ground harshly. She refrained from the conversation after dinner and rested in her room early tonight. Her body needed some sleep to heal. She also had an early flight tomorrow to return to her boring reality. 

           She put her laptop into her backpack and closed it, ready to leave in the morning. Ava  took off her cardigan, leaving only a well worn t-shirt and a pair of short sweatpants on her. She gulped the water from the glass on her desk, ready to go to bed. 

           The soft nocks on the door got her attention. Corners of her lips tugged up slightly, knowing who on the other side of the door was.

          When it opened wide enough, she saw Sara in her messy bun and a tank top that highlighted how good her arms looked. She crossed her arms over her chest, bright blue eyes looking up to meet Ava’s. 

           “Hi.” Sara greeted softly. The short syllable ended in a form of crooked smile. 

           “Hi.” Ava opened the door wider and Sara didn’t wait for the verbal invitation. When the door close, Sara was already in Ava’s bed, resting her back against the wooden headboard comfortably. 

            Ava turned her back and squinted her eyes at Sara playfully before sitting on the edge of her warm bed. Sara made enough space between her legs, her small hand tugged the sleeve of Ava’s t-shirt. Without any force, Ava laid her back against Sara’s soft chest, positioning her long limbs in between Sara’s legs. She rest her head on the Sara’s shoulder.

             Ava’s weight on her was reassuring. Sara circled her arms around Ava’s waist, loosely held her in place. 

            “Anywhere I shouldn’t touch? Are there bruises or sore spots that I have to be careful with?” Sara’s mouth was an inch away from Ava’s forehead, her breath tickled her hairline. 

          “Told you I’m fine.” Ava nudged her face the crook of Sara’s neck, closing her eyes. The day was too long when she had Sara with her but they couldn’t hold hands.

             Sara lowered her gaze to look at the peaceful expression on Ava’s face, smiled to herself at the feeling of warmth radiating from the center of her chest. 

           Sara looked away for a moment before placing her lips on Ava’s forehead, giving her a chaste kiss. 

             “I’m sorry.” Sara told Ava, looking down, waiting for Ava to open her eyes. 

              “For what?” 

               “That I said I didn’t have a crush on you. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s disrespectful to both of us, to what we have.”

              Ava bit the inside of her cheek and and shook her head, disagreeing. 

             “I know you didn’t mean it. Sorry I’m your TA. You have to hide it.” 

             Sara tightened her embrace and kissed Ava’s cheek. She felt the lump forming in her throat when Ava’s last sentence reminded her that in a few weeks, the semester would end and she could have Ava for herself without the fear of ruining Ava’s career. But then Ava would leave Sara for her field research. 

                “There’s something you you should know.” 

              Ava told Sara while playing with her small palm. She paused and sighed.

              “What?” Sara laced her fingers with Ava’s.

               “Nora is coming after me. I think she suspects our relationship and asked me to meet her and my advisor next Tuesday. No action required on your behalf, though.” 

              Sara’s body stiffened at the information. She clenched her jaw for a moment.

           “What are you gonna do?” Sara’s concerned gaze fell on Ava. 

            “No idea. No way she has the evidence. I will just insist that there’s nothing romantic between us. That should be enough.” 

               Sara noticed how Ava’s eyes fell down to her hand as if she didn’t want to look at her. Her voice sounded exhausted.  

              “Right.” Sara breathed in Ava’s scent. “But is it really wrong?”

               Ava grazed her nose along Sara’s neck. 

              “Not too wrong, I guess. Whatever they say, I won't give up. So, no heroic break up to save my ass from the department. Understood?” 

              Sara pinched the tip of Ava’s nose. “I’m not that stupid.”

             Ava scrunched her face playfully. It felt so good being with Sara like this. The meeting would be intimidating and right now it heightened her stress level. It’s harder to enjoy what she was doing without thinking about it. But staying like this, in Sara’s arms, feeling the rise and fall of her chest, it felt so right. 

           ++++++++++++++++++

               “You are glowing.”  

              Zari smirked, made a comment after seeing Sara walking out of the bathroom in her bathrobe with a fresh towel covering her damp hair. Sara quirked her brows at her roommate. Zari had arrived their dorm room a moment ago after the long flight from Heathrow.  

              “No, you are glowing.”

            Sara responded nonchalantly after glancing at the brunette who is now drinking water from her bottle. 

                “No, you are.” Zari insisted, staring at Sara with a glint of light in her dark brown eyes.

               Sara rolled her eyes and turned her back towards her friend and focused on her face routine.  

               “Nah.. Tomaz, It’s obvious. Congratulations on sex, by the way, although it took you guys a bit too long.”

A pillow flew to hit Sara head.  

           “Ouch!, easy, Miss newly not virgin.” Sara curled her body forward to protect her skincare product in her hand. 

            Zari’s cheeks were red. She sat back on her bed, rummaging through her luggage.  

            “Here, some royalist tea from London.” She threw a tin can to Sara’s bed. Sara picked it up and inspected the Fortnum & Mason rose petal and peach. It looked nice with intricate pattern of flowers printed on the package. 

           “Typical souvenir from the airport duty free. Dude, you didn’t really have time, did you? I get it, Amaya’s like, super hot.”

            Zari glared at Sara, her cheeks flushed. Her deep set eyes became larger for a moment until her bravado returned to her smug face.

             “What about you, Lance? The lonely holiday break in a ghost college town did you some good?

            “About that, I stayed in Ipswich the whole Thanksgiving break. Just returned a few hours ago.”

             Sara avoided her friend’s puzzled gaze, pretending to look at the tea can. 

              “Ava’s family.” 

              “Holy shit!!!! Lance!” 

            Zari jumped off her bed, and in a blink, she was on Sara’s bed, both hands clutched on Sara’s shoulders. 

         “I’m so fucking proud, Lance. This is good. My chest flutters right now. I ship you guys so hard.”

Sara smiled sheepishly. 

              “Why do ship us so hard, though? I don’t see the appeal. I know we both hot but you don’t sexualize us, right? That’s gross.” 

            Zari rolled her eyes but she’s still beaming at Sara. 

           “Because she can kick your ass and I like that very much.”

             Sara shook her head, a bright smile plastered on her face. It slowly faded in a few second. She lay back on the bed again, looking pointlessly into the ceiling. Zari flinched at the transformation of her friend’s expression. 

                “What’s wrong?” Zari asked, her tone was softer than usual.

                  Sara brought one of her hand up to massage her temples. 

               “Sooo many things, like...Ava is in trouble with Nora because of me and Laurel is coming next weekend.” 

                Zari laid on the empty space near Sara. The computer genius didn’t know what to say that might help. 

                “Would you like some tea? I can make some tea.” Zari offered.

                 ++++++++++++++++++

              Sara returned from her early morning Polsci 105 lecture. She had to go to work in an hour but she felt like she need a break. It’s clearly killing Ava from inside. It’s only a day and a half after they left Ipswich but Ava looked like a different person. She was so tired during the lecture. It was apparent, her shoulders slumped, her hair was a little unorganized, her posture while patrolling the lecture hall was not intimidating as usual, and it didn’t look like she cared about what’s in front of her either. Sara was quite sure her body was also aching from the accident.

             She noticed Sara but she didn’t walk to her. She didn’t even give her the usual smile. Later, Sara noticed how Nora was standing at the center of lecture stage, her eyes obviously following Ava. 

            Ava had told her that it shouldn’t be anything serious. But Ava’s behavior in the recent lecture said otherwise. She wasn’t happy and she was conscious of Nora’s gaze. Sara wanted to punch whoever gave the professor the conspiracy. 

             Sara nudged her head into her pillow when she realized that it might have been the last basketball match, when she was mad and over-protective when Ava was hurt during the match. But Nora shouldn’t be this bitchy. It was none of her business. Sara’s brain came up with the wrong ways she could stop Nora from making her girlfriend felt bad about herself. Maybe she could ask Mick to threaten her or ask Zari to mess with her bank account so she wouldn’t have time for this. Maybe her father could background check her crime record that she could use for blackmailing her.

             All of these were childish and unrealistic. Sara sighed, scrolling her phone screen for a moment. She shook her head before pushing the home button. 

              “Siri, can you please call Laurel.” 

             She was waiting, the pace of her heartbeat increased every time she heard the dialing sound. 

_         “Sara, what’s up? You’ve been so quiet since the last time we talk.” _

                “I’m fine Laurel.”

_   “So, can I come to see you this weekend? I just found the ticket and I’m ready to book the flight.” _

              Sara paused for a moment, she hadn’t been thinking about Laurel coming that much.

_      “Sara?” _

             “Yes, you may come to see me.” 

             Sara heard a faint laugh of joy from the other end. 

_  “Thank you, baby. Do you want me to bring anything for you?” _

                 Sara shook her head and bit her bottom lip. 

                 “Laurel, actually I call you for some advice. Are you available to talk right now?”

             She heard Laurel excused herself from the work space. Sara felt a bit bad that she called her sister during her work. 

_  “Okay, baby, tell me what’s the matter.”  _

                  Sara took a deep breath. 

                “So, do you remember that I have a girlfriend?” 

_ “Of course, Ava Sharpe, right? Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to actually meet her. I’m meeting her next week right?” _

                Sara’s chest fluttered at the thought of Ava meeting her sister. They would get along so well. They have the same quality. It could be awkward at first because Ava was Ava, but Laurel would make Ava comfortable enough to open to her. 

             “I don't know about that. But like..” Sara trailed off.  “She’s actually my TA.”

_ “Why am I not surprised?”  _

             Sara heard the nervous chuckle from her phone. 

             “Yes, SHE IS MY TA AND MY AWESOME GIRLFRIEND! And right now she’s in trouble with her department because of her relationship with me. What should I do, Laurel?” 

           Laurel was quiet for a long moment. Sara waited nervously. She hoped her sister knew how to deal with this bureaucratic matter in workplace.

_   “Wow, Ava Sharpe must be super hot.”  _

              “Laurel!” 

           Sara yelled at her phone, her cheeks suddenly felt heated up.

_   “Calm down. You will have to make a really good argument. But I need to do some research about cases like this first. Can I call you back around six tonight?” _

              Sara sighed in relief, knowing that there might be a way to deal with this.

               “That’s not too late. She’s having a meeting with the faculties tomorrow morning.”

_  “Good. Will call you then. We might need Zari’s help. Don't worry too much, okay? I got your back." _

               “Thank you.” 

              Sara shut her eyes after ending the call. Feelings mixed in her chest. She was nervous but hopeful at the same time. She also felt strangely relaxed after a casual talk with her sister. It had been a long while and she really missed that.

                +++++++++++++++++++

                Ava’s neck was sore to the point that she didn’t want to tilt her head at all. The fall did no actual harm to her head but the impact was apparent on her neck. Her body didn’t heal as it should because she barely got some sleep last night, thinking on the loop about the possible directions and outcomes of her meeting with Nora and Bennett in a few minutes. She had told Sara she shouldn’t come to her office hours yesterday because she had an exam on Wednesday and she should be preparing for it. 

             The truth was, Ava wasn’t ready to let Sara see how much the issue affected her. Of course, she wanted to share every burden with Sara, that’s how relationship worked. Having each other’s back and facing problems together was the point of having a girlfriend. But Ava wasn’t sure if Sara was ready. She knew that the girl was still processing her issue with Laurel and her traumatizing experience. Piling up another problem on her wasn’t a good idea. She already felt grateful that Sara seemed a bit happier after the Thanksgiving night.

            Only a few feet before she had to turn right at the next corner, where Professor Bennett and Nora were waiting to tear her dignity down. She didn’t say it herself but she knew that people in the department thought of her as the most promising grad student in the department at the moment. Bennett must be really disappointed in her. 

            She came prepared though, at least, she dressed formally with her crisp white dress shirt and the dark grey blazer that tailored to her shape. It was made for her debut conference presentation a few months ago. Her hair was tidied up in to a tight bun that kept her awake during this early hours of the day. 

           She turned at the corner, stopped her step when she found a girl sitting on the floor near Bennett’s office.  The girl in her gray coat looked up to meet Ava’s eyes. She was wearing a pair of semi-rimless eyeglasses, which made her look ridiculous. Yes, she was so cute in those glasses but this didn’t feel right. Ava looked away and let out an infectious laugh. One of her hands covered her mouth, trying to stop. But it was too funny she had to grab her belly, curled herself, and sat down.

             “Ava, this is so rude of you.” 

             The girl protested. Her face scrunched, eyes glaring at her TA. 

            Ava finally took a deep breath and stopped laughing. She had to press her lips tight to prevent herself from another round of laughter. Her grayish blues couldn’t hide her amusement, though. 

             Ava opened her mouth and sighed. She turned her eyes to meet the bright blues behind the glasses again. The girl actually dressed in formal attire. Her black button-down shirt was well pressed, same as her gray khaki pants. Her blond hair was clearly got some serious styling.  She didn’t even wear her usual skate shoes. She was rocking a pair of white oxfords, a thick plastic folder on her lap.

            “Sorry, but what are you doing here, Sara? Don't you know that I have a meeting?”  

            Sara smirked at her, raising one of her well defined eyebrows. She knocked the door on her side. Ava gaped in shock.

             “What are you doing?” She furiously whispered to Sara. She didn’t get the answer when the door opened with her advisor standing inside, his old hand grabbing the door knob. 

               Sara and Ava quickly stood up. Professor Bennett was clearly baffled by the presence of the unexpected blonde. He looked at Sara for a moment before turning his attention to Ava.

                 “You can come in.” He told his advisee with his usual low voice and stern look.

               Ava lowered her head down a little due to the thick, intimidating air in the room. Sara put one of her hands in her coat pocket and casually followed. She saw Nora sitting on a chair in the room. She smirked when she saw the junior professor’s eyes widen. 

                “I don’t believe we have a meeting with you, lady.” Bennett frowned at Sara. She smiled at him, trying to look intimidating like when she was about to beat someone’s ass.

              “Well, first of all, you better not assume people’s gender, but I will let that go today. I’m here because you guys are having a discussion about me. As a student of the university, I totally have the right to attend. Do you want me to show you the code of conduct in the student handbook?” 

              Sara pretended to open her folder. Bennett gaped in confusion, looking towards Nora. The young professor nodded. 

              “Sara, this is none of your business okay? It’s about me. I can handle it myself.” Ava’s hand  pointed at the door, telling Sara to leave. 

               Sara fixed her gaze on Nora instead.

                 “Professor Darhk, can you swear that the matter behind this meeting is not about me? Because if it is and you don’t let me have a say, you are violating the student's right as stated in the student handbook.”

              Nora clenched her teeth. Her well defined jaw made it obvious that she wasn’t impressed. 

             “Okay, you may stay, Miss Lance.” Nora responded with reluctant. Ava’s forehead puckered that she might have a headache later because of the deep creases. 

             Sara grabbed a chair to sit. “It’s hard to find a gentleman who pulls a chair for you these days.” She mumbled, earning a glare from the middle aged professor. 

              Ava didn’t fully understand the situation. She sat down on a chair anyway, wondering how the meeting would go and why Sara was here with her, as if she wanted to admit that their relationship was real and blow everything.

              “So, let’s start. What’s the matter, Professor Fujimori, Professor Darhk, or should I call you Nora, the same way Ray Palmer calls you?” 

              Sara crossed her legs, looking right into Nora’s dark eyes. The smugness, the glittering joy in those blue irises, Ava could tell Sara was in the full asshole mode.

                Nora cleared her throat.

               “So, some students in your section sent complaints, concerning the TA romantic relationship with one of her students. The students were afraid that the TA’s judgement on their classroom performance and assignments might be unfair. The TA might favor her partner over other students in the class.” 

              “I never grade students unfairly.” 

              Ava tilted her head and flinched the sharp pain shot from her neck. She regained her serious posture looked at Nora. 

                 Bennett leaned into the circle of the meeting. 

                  “Ava, you know well that a relationship between an instructor and a student is not acceptable.” He got right into the point and made Ava gritting her teeth. 

                 “Dr. Bennett. It is not illegal, last time I check. I’m eighteen. It’s consensual.” Sara blatantly told the gray haired professor. Everyone in the room were looking at her with grimace, including Ava.

                “Did you just admit that you are dating Ava?” Bennett hit his palm on his forehead.   “I just hoped Ava could’ve just rejected and dodged the issue so there’s no more problem. She’s my protege anyway.” Bennett frowned, and looked at Ava. He was not someone who cared about this matter. But what Sara just did might actually got her girlfriend in trouble.

              Sara blinked, a bit flustered at Bennett’s confess. What if she went to the wrong direction? She looked at Ava and clearly her girl was lost in the chaos of the conversation. Sara took a breath, composing herself.

           “Because my relationship with Ava means so much to me and I can’t say it’s not real. And I won't let you two make her think it’s a bad thing.” 

            The room was quiet. Ava couldn’t move her eyes away from Sara, who joined her hands above her legs, Looking at the professors sincerely. Ava’s eyes were soft, looking at the small figure of her girlfriend.

           Nora looked back and forth between Sara and Bennett. 

             “Miss Lance, yes it’s not illegal, but it can cause unfair treatment from the instructor, that’s why it wasn’t acceptable.” 

               Sara raised her brows and fixed her eyes on the brunette. 

               “Really, professor Darhk? Just few months ago a female grad student dropped out from your department because her relationship with a professor. Last night I checked, that nasty guy is still happily working in this department without any penalty. And that wasn’t the only case.”

              Bennett flinched his eyes, knowing exactly what Sara was talking about.

              “No one reported or complained about that case.” Nora defended her point.

             Sara chuckled.  “Because he is a man in power, professor. Didn’t you hear how sick what you just said was? If you’re gonna mess with Ava for this, potentially, your department will easily face the charge of gender discrimination against employees in workplace, according to the Federal Laws.”

             Nora gaped. Professor Bennett was oddly looking at Sara with a faint smile.

               “And for the accusation of unfair treatment, where are the evidences of that claim? I never get an A, my best was AB. You will have to verify that Ava’s grading didn't follow the rubrics. I think the accusers will gladly let you read their papers to prove their points.”

               Sara wasn’t done, she opened her folder, bringing out some photos and shared them to the professors and Ava. Ava was jaw dropped, covering her mouth with one hand.

                 “Yes, I am confident that the persons who complained about us were these two white supremacists who frequently joined the racist and sexist movement, because I never see anyone in my class hated Ava and me and some of my friends as much as these two. You should asked the whole class for unbiased opinions.” 

              “And for the annotation, Mr. Erik Pattinson clearly attracts to Ava. He might be pissed that he wouldn’t get a chance. His accusation is invalid.”  

             Nora clenched her jaw. 

             “And professor Darhk, it won’t look good if the public know that you, the only daughter of Governor Damien Darhk, are coming after Ava, who has been working with the local activists against your father conservative and neoliberalism administration since she was an undergrad.” 

             Sara quirked one of her brows up, the corners of her lips tugged up into a smirk.

               Ava looked at Nora and Sara back and forth. She didn’t know that Nora was the governor’s daughter. Ava met him once when she did a flash mob when he was giving his speech. Anyway, she didn’t want to connect Nora’s intention with her father’s reputation. She hoped Nora wasn’t that bad. She chose to study political sciences after all.

                Bennett crossed his arms over his chest and stood up from his seat. 

              “Are we clear?” He asked Nora. The brunette looked away, defeated. 

               “Yes, Dr. Bennett.”  She answered, her voice was low. She was angry but trying to keep herself composed. 

               Bennett approached the door and open it for the students. He gave Ava a wink that made his advisee flustered for a moment. 

               “I got this.” He whispered to Ava before closing the door.

                Ava stood still in front of the shut door, contemplating what had just happened behind it. She slowly turned to Sara who was behind her. She already took off that ridiculous glasses, her shoulders slumped a little, her cheeks flushed, clearly from hyperventilation. Sara let out a heavy sigh, as if she had been holding her breath the whole time in that room. 

                Ava’s lips slowly formed a bright smile. She had an idea, not a rational one.

              “Catch me.” 

            She told Sara. Obviously it’s a challenge. Sara was caught off-guarded when Ava just ran away and make a turn at the corner of the hallway. Sara put the folder in her backpack and sprinted after her girlfriend. She regretted wearing the oxford shoes immediately. 

               Ava was fast but Sara thought she knew where the race would end. She saw Ava’s back and how her blazer lapels were flapping against the wind. She was running towards the library. Sara would love a short break because she had spent the whole night discussing strategy with Laurel and doing some online research with Zari. However, the adrenaline urged her not to stop. Ava wasn’t too far away and Sara was good at sprinting.

              Sara was almost too late to grab the door knob of the graduate student’s private study room before it was closed. She yanked it open and got herself inside, leaning her back against the door to close it while throwing her backpack onto the floor. A warm and sweetly scented body pressed Sara against the cold metal surface. Ava’s arms wrapped around Sara’s neck. She rested the side of her face against Sara’s warm cheek.

              “That was...hot.”

              Ava whispered to Sara’s ear, sending a shiver to the nape of her neck. 

              Sara’s right hand locked the door before grabbing Ava’s waist, her hot lips grazing Ava’s cheek to find her lips. Her other arm circled around Ava’s back, pulling her closer. 

               Sara stepped forward forcing Ava backward until her body hit the edge of her study desk. 

              Sara’s coat was on the floor while Ava’s neat blazer was left on the desk. Their heavy pant were synchronized but their lips wouldn’t be disconnected for long. Their lips sought each other’s, crashing again and again, hands roaming on each other cloth to find access.

              Ava’s white shirt was unbuttoned. Sara moved her hand lower to unbuckle her belt while Ava’s working on the last button of her black shirt. Ava finally reached her pant front belt loop and pulling it hard, pulling Sara closer.

              Ava tilted her head away from Sara’s lips. Sara looked into her darken gray-blue eyes. 

               “May I do this with you in the library?”

               Sara whispered, her voice hoarse from the desire.

               Ava smiled and kissed her girlfriend on her forehead.

              “Yes, but we have to be quiet. Okay?”

                She spoke breathily.

              “I’m not the loud one.” 

              Sara mumbled before claiming Ava’s lips again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to feel about this chapter. I listened to Neptune by Sleeping At Last just to get myself into the mood. I did read research papers on the matter.
> 
> Sara’s issue needs closure and this chapter serves that purpose. So no more heart wrenching content, I guess. Kind of drained writing it too. 
> 
> According to my plan, this fic will end in the next one or two chapters.


	13. Passenger Seat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry It's been too long. I said I got the half of this chapter done few weeks ago but like kavanaugh happened and I and my friends were busy doing some public events regarding the matter. Anyway, the chapter is here. The boring date you deserve. This is unedited.

            _“My chest hurt...every time you were hurt.”_

            It was as if someone plunged a knife in to her sternum. Such a bitter epiphany, realizing that Ava had been sharing her pain all along. She should’ve known. She would’ve felt the same if someone hurt Ava. She was too overwhelmed by her own anger about her own problem. Her head was fogged by emotion. She didn’t notice how it affected Ava.

           Sara shook her head, her hand moved to caress Ava’s heated cheeks. Sara always thought that her problem was just about herself but clearly it wasn’t like that anymore.

             Sara moved her hand away from Ava’s chest. She took off Ava’s boxing mittens and unwrapped the strips of elastic cloth. Ava’s welled eyes followed Sara’s gentle movement. They were quietly lost into each other, they didn’t bother to care how Laurel rushed to see Oliver’s torn lip, how Rip was looking at them outside the ring, hands tucked in his coat pockets, wanting badly to check if his sister was okay. But he restrained himself and let Sara take care of her.

           Sara guided Ava’s bare hand to rest on her chest, covering Ava’s palm with hers, lacing their fingers together.

          “Here.” With her firm voice, Sara demanded Ava’s attention. “Can you feel me?” Sara fixed her eyes on Ava’s pale blues, hoping so badly that Ava would understand.

Ava swallowed hard before nodding her head slightly.

          “It’s pounding. But it’s not because I’m hurt.” Sara used her other hand to wipe off Ava’s tears.  

          “It’s like this because I’m alive. It beats faster when you take my breath away. It pounds harder when you get hurt. And right now, it’s all of that. You make me feel all of that. It’s warm when I know that you always care and want to protect me. But it feels like I got hit by lightning every time I saw you hurt.”

          Sara gave Ava a lopsided smile. “Please don’t do anything reckless like this again. Next time just tell me ahead so we can do it together.”

          Ava let out a soft chuckle, tears blurred her vision. She used her free arm to push herself up. She slowly got up on her feet. Sara followed. Sara held Ava’s face in her hands, drawing her body a step closer, tiptoeing, placing her lips on her girlfriend’s eyebrow, hoping to ward off the pain and frustration. Ava circled her arms around Sara’s waist.

          “How did you know I’m here?” Ava sniffed.

           Sara turned her head to the side of the boxing ring. “Rip called me.”

           Ava lifted her chin, eyes followed Sara’s gaze. Her brother nodded and smiled at her. Ava let go of Sara and pulled the rope down to get off the canvas stage. Sara followed closely.  

           “Princess.” Rip opened his arm. His baby sister ran towards him and gave him a bear hug.

           “I’m sorry.”

     “Just don’t tell moms.” He joked. Ava pulled back to look at his gentle smile.

            “You’re not mad at me about Sara?”

            Rip chuckled and glanced at his striker standing few feet away just to give them some privacy.

            “You know what, you two are happy. And importantly, that kid is serious about you.”  

            Sara beamed when she heard her coach’s supportive opinion.

            Ava let go of her brother when she saw Laurel and Oliver getting off the boxing ring. Laurel strode towards Sara, her brows furrowed with worry.  

          Rip looked at the man who fought with his sister a few minutes ago. He clenched his jaw before making eye contact with Sara.

            “Are you gonna do that?” He asked his team member.

           Sara shrugged. “I mean.. you might lose your job if you do that.”

         To Laurel and Oliver’s surprise, Sara walked towards the president of the SAE. She stopped in front of him. Ava was the real deal. The deep red of blood was oozing at a corner of his lip. The redden bruises on his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose would turn purple tomorrow. In contrast, she didn’t see any serious injuries on Ava’s face. Clearly, Oliver had avoided hurting her girlfriend.  

           But that didn’t mean Sara was fine and grateful that he didn’t do any real damage to Ava.  

          “You know, Ava doesn’t like chivalry. She hates it when I treat her like that.”

          Oliver frowned. He didn’t get what Sara’s was trying to say.

            He didn’t expect a heavy punch on his face that made him stumbled backward.

             “ **Sara!** ”

           Laurel and Ava yelled her name at the same time and ran towards her. Laurel grabbed Sara’s arm from behind and yanked her away from Oliver.

          “There’s no reason in the world for me to not punch anyone who dare hurt my girlfriend.”

            Sara glanced at him briefly. She didn’t admit the satisfaction she was feeling right now after punching him. Maybe this was what she wanted, being in control, having the agency to resist and fight back.

          “Sara! Told you I don’t need protecting.” Ava frowned at Sara.  

            Sara turned to face Ava. “You were the one who told me to wear a helmet.”  

            +++++++++++++

         “Don’t you think it’s weird?”  

          Ava’s voice was soft against Sara’s head that rested on Ava’s arm. They shared the big pillow.

      “No it isn’t. I really like it this way.” Sara nudged her face closer to Ava’s chest.

          “Really?” Ava crinkled her nose.

          A gentle arm crossed over Sara’s torso from behind. It was not a hug, it was just a reassuring touch.  

         “It’s weird, Ava. I agree. But we have no choice.” Laurel mumbled behind Sara’s back. She really needed her baby sister to keep her grounded.

         In the dark, Ava stared at the ceiling of the hotel room, still couldn’t get how and why she ended up sharing the king size bed with Sara and her sister.  

        “Yeah, I won’t let you sleep alone without me tonight after what you did.” Sara supported her sister’s argument.  

           “And Laurel needs me so this is a good arrangement.”  

          “Does she though?” Ava grimaced. She wasn’t convinced.

            Laurel giggled behind Sara’s back. “This five year-old Sara just wants to have you and me at the same time, that’s all. If I’d objected her request, she would’ve left me alone. Hell no, I paid almost 1,500 for this trip. I’m gonna have my baby with me.” She kissed Sara’s back. It was something she always did when she had the toddler Sara on her lap when she was in kindergarten. She remembered that she really liked Sara’s baby smell.  

          Deep down, Laurel needed her sister not only because she missed her and wanted to be with her in a hard time. She needed Sara because, it’s hard for her too, to finally face her ex-boyfriend again and actually let go of him. It was hard to hate him, let alone cut him out of her life. He had been her dream guy for so long.

           “First of all, if any of you two kick me, I leave. Secondly, no cuddle because it’s weird. You can’t have everything you want, Sara.” Ava’s voice was stern, pretending to be annoyed.  

           Sara groaned and nudged her body closer to Ava. Laurel let out a soft giggle.  

          “It’s inappropriate, Sara. You don’t wanna make your sister feel awkward.” Ava scooted her body away but Sara threw her strong arm across Ava’s torso and pulled herself closer. Ava rolled her eyes in the dark.  

         At this point, Laurel couldn’t contain her laughter. These two were beyond disgusting.

          “I couldn’t believe someone sensible and uptight like you would do something reckless and chaotic like that, Ava.”

         Ava was quiet for a moment. She took a deep breath. Laurel regretted mentioning what had happened an hour ago.

           “It’s chaotic, yes, but it wasn’t reckless.” Ava’s hand lingered on the side of Sara’s arm, her fingers stroked the soft skin lazily.

           “I thought you’re someone who cared about rule of law so much, judging from your paper.”

          Ava bit her lower lip for a moment, contemplating with her brows furrowed.

           “I don’t follow rules or law. I follow my moral ground. I agree with them if they make sense to me, but if the rules aren’t aligned with my belief, fuck them. I spent hours thinking, Laurel. Would you be able to bring him to the court without Sara going through the whole sexist process again and again? Kicking his ass was the only sensible way.”  

          Sara’s hand gripped Ava’s shirt, tugging at it slightly. Ava pulled the small body closer.

          “Just sleep, baby. I’m right here.” Ava brushed her lips on Sara’s crown.

             +++++++++++++++

            Laurel returned to her obligation in Star City on Monday early morning. The siblings had the whole Sunday for themselves. Ava didn't want to be in between them any longer, plus, she was still a bit awkward around Laurel.

           They returned to their study date routine at the library without any more shenanigans. Things around them, their schedules, their duties, and the people around them were still the same, but the cool air felt cleaner and the winter sky didn't seemed too grey.

            The sound of their fingers hitting their laptops keyboards in the quiet library was therapeutic. Ava found that, during the intense period of the semester like this, knowing that they both were trying their best was reassuring.

          “Yes!”

         Sara enthusiastically said it to herself before stopped typing.

         “What?” Ava didn’t moved her eyes away from her laptop screen.

         “I’m done.” Sara smirked, her eyes twinkled. Ava flicked her gaze to glance at her student sitting opposite to her.

         “I’ve finished the final project for Pol-sci, which means, I can finally take you on a date. You promised me.”

          Ava’s cheeks felt the warmth but she rolled her eyes. “Well, we broke everything we promised not to do. And like, it hasn’t been two months yet. You have to wait another week.” Ava suppressed her laughter. They had come too far to think about the conventional courtship.  

           Sara shook her head. “You said I have to wait at least after you submit my grade.” She grinned. “The project is the last assignment. You can grade it right now and have everything for calculating my final grade.”

          Ava fixed her eyes on her girlfriend excited bright blues. “Cute, but I have to wait for your final week’s participation score.”

           Sara leaned her back against the seat. Her smile didn’t falter. “Of course, I know you would come up with this. Just so you know, I’m skipping the next week discussion. According to the course syllabus, you don’t count three lowest participation scores.”  

           “Seriously, Miss Lance, you decide to skip our last discussion because of this?” Ava raised her eyebrows, questioning the illogical plan.

            “No.”

          “Then why?”

          “Because you’re leaving in ten days. And I want every minute from now on for us, for me, to be your girlfriend, officially.”

           Ava had no further objection and didn't feel like torturing Sara anymore. It was heart wrenching thinking of them being apart. But knowing how much she meant for Sara was sweet. Being free from doubt would be something that kept them together despite the distance.  

          “Okay, proofread your work before submission. I hate typos.” Ava used the commanding tone she always used in the classroom. Sara rolled her eyes. It was pointless, Sara would never think of Ava as her instructor. Sara got up from the chair and sat on the table, leaning her body over Ava to give her a harsh kiss -- just to make her point. When she pulled away, her smirk was more infuriating, enjoying how Ava’s cheeks were blushing and how her brows furrowed in annoyance.

           +++++++++++

           Ava couldn’t believe her brother allowed Sara to come in and drag Ava out of her bed at 5am. The girl insisted it was a flash date. Of course, Ava hated waking up this early but Sara was already in a white hooded sweat dress, too cute to resisted. Ava pulled Sara down to her chest, hugging the small body the same way she hugged her body pillow. Sara indulged herself in Ava’s body heat for a moment before untangling herself from Ava and sat up, begging for Ava to get up.

           Ava was still groggy from sleep when Sara led her to the car that Sara had rented for the date. She rested her head against the passenger door, pulling the rim of her beanie down to cover her eyes.

          “You are unbelievable, Ava. I’m taking you on a date and you go back to sleep.” Sara commented while her eyes were looking at the GPS on the dashboard.

            Ava shuffled and turned her body away from Sara, curling in the seat.

“Ughh... it’s too early.” She mumbled. Sara bit her lower lip while smiling to herself. Her girlfriend was adorable when she was sleepy and grumpy like this. It’s quite challenging not to go back to Ava’s room and just cuddle with her in bed until noon.

           After an hour of the quiet drive, Sara finally parked the car. She smiled to herself, appreciating how the golden streaks of sunrise touched the dark winter sky at the skyline over the lake. It was worth driving this far in the cold weather. She turned the car engine off, letting the sound of quiet nature welcome her.

            Sara took a deep breath before turning her head to look at her sleepy girlfriend curling in her coat, her head ducked in the bundle of the soft cashmere scarf.  

           “Ava, wake up.” It was too soft as if she didn’t want to disturb her, as if she wanted to drink in the calm and carefree expression on Ava’s face while she was asleep for hours. Of course, Sara voice was too small to wake her up.

              With the small amount of light from the awakening sky, Sara was quiet like that for a long moment. She couldn’t move her eyes away from the woman in the passenger seat.

          She finally sighed in contentment, she unbuckled the seatbelt slowly before leaning over, hovering across the hand break.

            Ava was dreaming. In her dream, it was so warm. Maxine was on her lap and cuddled with her. Her white fluffy fur was soft and soothing. Max brushed her wet nose with Ava’s cheek. She scrunched her face at the touch.

            The soft pressure was placed on her lips. Ava let it slowly nibble her for a moment. It didn’t wake her up. It’s more like a lullaby in her dream.

            Tentatively, she opened her eyes. The light glowing within her lower belly was too warm to ignore. Ava moved her hands up to caress the warm cheeks brushing against hers. Her lips leisurely responded to the pressure, kissing the soft and warm lips as if she had all the time for doing this. She hummed in the back of her throat, her hand pulled Sara’s neck closer.

           “Good morning you.” Sara whispered to Ava’s lips, pulling back a little, not too far to feel Ava’s warm breath.

            “The date, huh? Are you sure you don’t wanna go back to my bed?” Ava teased. Her sleepy voice was hoarse. Sara loved the velvety sound.  

             Sara moved back to the driver seat and got off the car. She walked to the passenger door and opened it for Ava.

            “Come on. Don't pretend you hate it.” Sara grabbed Ava’s hand, urging her to get out of the car. Ava rolled her eyes just to hide the sheepish smile on her face. She got off the car, hand linked with Sara’s. Her pale blue eyes blinked in awe at how the morning sun painted the sky.

             “Wow.”

             “Beautiful, isn’t it?”  

               “It’s really nice.” Ava’s eyes were still drinking in the hue of sunrise in front of them.

                “Wait a sec.” Sara walked to the back of the car and opened the car trunk. She unloaded a big backpack and two life jackets.

              Ava raised her brows when she noticed that the SUV car had a white canoe on its roof.

              “Can you please help me unload the canoe?”  

              “Are you serious?” Ava grimaced. It’s under 50 degree right now and it could be colder near the water’s surface.

              “Come on, baby. Let me have my dream date.” Sara tried to unmount the canoe from the rack.  

              “Dream date?”

             Ava walked closer and helped her. Sara was tiptoeing. Ava, with her height and long arms, reached up, effortlessly untie the straps.

              “Hard to believe. Pretty sure anyone would invest in making the best date to impress you.”  

              Ava walked to the front of the canoe and carefully rotated it perpendicular to the rack. Sara was from a big city and Ava was quite sure the girl didn’t know how to unload the boat.

              Ava stopped sliding the boat down when the front of the canoe touched the ground. Sara was quiet for too long. Ava found her girlfriend fixing her eyes on her, the flickering light in those blues channeled the vulnerability.

             “Sara?”

             “I... I never had one. Never went out on a date. Never had a relationship meaningful enough for that.”

             Ava took a long step to close the gap between their bodies, arms circling around her girlfriend.  

             “Tell me how you like it.” Ava whispered. Sara tightened her embrace around Ava’s back.  

              “I want it to be on a canoe in the early morning. The fog above the water must make it feel like we are floating above the cloud. I also brought the orange buns for you because I remember Jen said you liked it. I have coffee and tea in the thermoses so we can share and you will be fully awake and  give me a smile that I love.” Sara rested her head on Ava’s shoulder, dreamily mumbling.

            “That sounded like a dream date.” Ava kissed Sara’s forehead before pulling away and continued unloading the canoe.  

              Sara helped Ava set the canoe in the water close to the dock. She tied the rope to the pole on the dock and carefully put the backpack and the electric lamp down in the middle of the floating canoe. The eerie chirping of unknown birds gently echoed against the silhouette of the mountain. They helped each other put on the life jackets.

            Ava stepped into to canoe and positioned herself at the back seat, grabbing the paddle and adjusting her body to the change of momentum. She looked around, in awe of how the fog covered the water. It was truly magical.

            It didn’t take long for Ava to notice that Sara didn’t follow her into the canoe. She moved her gaze to the girl standing on the edge of the wooden platform, her arms crossing over her chest, her nostrils flared, taking a deep breath. Ava could see that Sara was a bit off and her face looked pale.

            “What’s wrong, baby.”

           Sara licked her dry and cold lips. “I..uh...I’m a bit scared.” Her voice was small. Her gaze shifted from her feet to Ava.

            Ava’s heart sank. She stood up on the boat and got out of it as quick as she could. She reached her arm to touch Sara’s arm as soon as she got on the dock.

            “Hey...” Ava stroked Sara’s arms, lowering her head down to look at Sara in her eyes, inspecting if she was okay.

          Sara brought her thumb to her lips, nibbling her nail. “I had a boat accident when I was five. Laurel said I stopped breathing for a while. I don’t really remember it but it left a mark on my brain. The open water is not my territory at all. Embarrassing, isn’t it?” Sara felt the trace of suffocation. She knew how it felt when the cold and salted water covered her mouth and her nose, how it blocked her eyes and her ears -- how her limbs frantically struggled in the heavy void.  

           Ava stepped closer and tucked Sara’s hair behind her ear, cradling her freckled face.

            “But why it’s your dream date? Why did you want to do this with me, huh?”

           Sara looked into the vast placid fresh water for a moment. The tranquil beauty of nature was mystical, allowing imagination of possibilities -- of the unknown dangers. Sara stomach churned before she breathed through her mouth. She met Ava’s eyes again. Her tense shoulders relaxed a bit. She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling Ava’s gentle hand on her cheek. Her eyelashes fluttered and her blue eyes were shimmering, the sunrise danced in her eyes.

          “Because you are my safe place. I never thought I could overcome this nonsense phobia.” Sara paused.  “Until I found you.” She fixed her eyes on Ava, whose lips formed a calm, reassuring smile.

            “The nature is beautiful and I don't want to sit on the shore my whole life. I think I can try, if it’s with you.”

            The padded life jackets didn’t allow them to be as close to each other as they wished, but it was close enough for Ava to lean into Sara and wiped the insecurity away with a soft, purposeful chaste kiss. She let the girl melt into the pressure on her lips for a moment -- the same moment the dark sky turned blue.

              Ava slowly pulled back, her thumb soothing Sara’s cheek. Sara kissed the base of Ava’s palm.

            “You will be safe with me, I promise.” Ava reached her other hand to lace her fingers with Sara’s. Sara nodded. She’s willing to hold on to the promise.

             Ava carefully guided Sara to the edge of the dock. She squatted down and stepped in the canoe first, hand still linked with Sara, giving her an assuring nod. Sara took a deep breath before mimicking the way Ava boarded the boat. Her legs immediately wobbled. Ava’s arms grabbed Sara’ elbows, steadying her.

             Ava guided Sara to sat down on the seat. She slowly let go of Sara’s hand and sat on the back seat of the canoe. The narrow boat slightly shook, just enough to wake one of the fish in the lake.

               Sara looked around and she felt a swoop in her stomach. The fear was illogical but it was ingrained deep in her brain. She held her breath.

             “Hey. I’m right here.” Ava scooted closer to Sara, touching her arm to ground her. Ava had that effect on Sara. She always brought her back from the bad thoughts.

              “I’m sorry. You didn’t sign up for this. I’m damaged in so many ways, and you are so perfect. ” Sara focused her gaze at her lap.  

             Ava shook her head and reached her hand to cradle Sara’s face. “I signed up for this, actually. Your flaw is beautiful.”

               “Really?”

            Ava nodded. “The first day we met, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I mean, clearly you were such a jerk. But there’s something about you that disrupted my normalcy.”

           Ava pinched Sara’s cheek. The girl pouted in response.

           “Gosh, I hated you so much. Your little face was so annoying. I wasn’t supposed to think you were cute but you were too cute. I hated that I couldn’t stop myself from falling at all, and like, you were my student.”

            “You thought I was cute back then?” Sara blinked her blue eyes in disbelief.

             Ava rolled her eyes. “Like a golden retriever puppy with attitude.”

            Sara chuckled, relaxed into Ava’s touch.  

            “And somehow it’s perfect. You are perfect for me.” Ava told her firmly. Sara brushed her lips with Ava’s palm.

             “Are you ready?” Ava raised her brows, questioning? Sara looked around. Her stomach churned again at the feeling of how small she was compared to the water body around her. She curled her body and Ava’s hand fell from Sara’s face to her arm.  

              “I’m sorry.” Sara’s voice was small. She felt stupid. She herself came up with the plan for the date. She thought it might work but she overestimated her fear.

              “Hey, that’s okay. Don’t apologize.” Ava tilted her head down to look at Sara, who kept her gaze on her lap, not wanting to see the water around the boat.

              “Can I try something?” Ava’s thumb brushed Sara’s arm, hoping to calm her.

              “Please, Ava.”

             Ava let go of Sara’s arm and stood up on the boat. Sara was baffled at how the quick and careless movement didn’t cause any shaking. Ava bended down to grab the backpack and moved it to the front part of the canoe before walking back to sit in the back. Sara felt the hollowness, didn’t like the increased distance between them.  

              “Can you turn your back and scoot closer to me?”

              Sara froze for a moment before slowly turned her back towards Ava and carefully scooted closer to her girlfriend. A second later, she couldn’t see the face that prevented her from being frantic and getting herself drowned. Sara felt a gentle hand squeezed her right shoulder.

            “Lie down. I’ve got you.”

            Ava’s voice was soft. Sara took a deep breath before exhaling through her mouth. She wasn’t sure at all but she trusted Ava. She laid her back with caution that tensed her abs muscles. Ava’s hand moved up to support Sara’s neck and guided her head to rest on her lap. Her other hand’s tentatively placed on Sara’s sternum. Warmth radiated from her chest in response to Ava’s touch. Sara didn’t see the water anymore, she saw only the awakening purple sky above.  

          “Better?”

         Her view was obstructed by Ava’s face. She looked at Sara’s on her lap. Sara smiled at the feeling of being grounded-- of being with Ava.

         “I think so.”

         “Good. Now close your eyes.”

           “We’re not having sex in the canoe, right?” Sara closed one of her eyes.

          Ava scrunched her face and pinched Sara’s nose. “Cheeky.” Ava smirked. “You wouldn’t be able to do that anyway.”       

          Sara licked her lips. “Is that a challenge?”

           Ava rolled her eyes, looking away.

           “Close your eyes.” Ava demanded again. Sara squeezed her eyes shut when Ava used the paddle to push the boat away from the dock. The shaking sky wouldn’t do any good to her stomach and she didn’t plan to have sea sickness on their first date.

          The rhythm of the gentle noise when the paddle hit the water was relaxing. Ava’s scent and warmth were prominent, warding off her anxiety. It was the first time that floating on an open water seemed not entirely harmful.  

           “I think I like this. I like being with you like this.” Sara mumbled. The corners of her mouth formed smile.

          “You have a canoe kink or something?”

           “Ava!”

           Sara opened her eyes and looked up to glare at Ava. She chuckled at her own joke.

Sara’s glared was softened when she realized how happy Ava was. Her laugh was carefree and her gorgeous arctic blue eyes were smiling.  

        “Close your eyes, babe. I’m taking you to see the wonder.”

        The endearing tone ignited the light within Sara’s chest. She inhaled the cold and clean air and closed her eyes.

         Ava earned a chuckle from her girlfriend. She continued propelling the boat.

         Despite seeing nothing, Sara could hear how the surrounding was awakening. Bird chirping mixed with occasional noises from some animals, faintly echoing through the breezy air.

         “You may open your eyes and get up.” Ava put the paddle in the canoe, stopped propelling the boat.

         Sara slowly peeled her eyes to witness the lighter sky. She tentatively sit up, avoiding shaking the boat. Strong Arms circled around her waist from behind. Ava’s warm body didn't left Sara unoccupied for too long. Soft lips brushed against Sara’s nape.   

          “I’ve got you.” Her plump lips whispered behind Sara’s ear.

            A soft smile gradually softened Sara’s expression. She relaxed herself, curling into Ava’s warm chest. The dense layers of fog was surrounding the boat, the cloud softening the edge of the mountain range surrounding the lake. The cool fog floated lazily around the canoe, as if they were in the cloud.

         “Wow...”

        Light danced in Sara’s blue eyes, in awed of the beautiful, mysterious nature.  

          Ava rested her chin on Sara’s shoulder.

           “Is this what you imagined? Is this your dream date?”

            Sara nodded. She didn’t feel like talking. She felt like she wanted to indulge herself in Ava’s voice and scent.  

            “I was scared too, you know.” Ava tightened her arms around Sara.  

           “Of what?”

         “Of seeing you, of falling for you.”

          Sara’s body was stiff for a moment, a soft kiss on her cheek eased her.

            “It was fast, uncontrollable, unpredictable. It was like I wasn’t myself. I told myself so many times that it was nothing. It was just you were too attractive and you clearly had a crush on me.”

             “You knew?” Sara turned her face to look at her girlfriend’s smug.

             “You’re kind of obvious, baby, and I wasn’t that dumb.” Ava touched the tip of her nose with Sara’s. Her left hand moved up to play with Sara’s hair.

            “That’s the scariest part. I knew, but I still let you in, insisting that there was nothing between us except animosity. It’s because I had hope. Deep down, I hoped you like me. So the rational part of my brain came up with all the rejections, the insecurity that it was nothing, just to protect my heart from the false hope.”

            “And then I lost it when I saw you with Nyssa. It was so clear. That moment unveiled my true feelings towards you. The moment I was sure it’s a false hope, I realized how hurt it was when I can't have you only for myself.”  

             “I’m sorry.” Sara tilted her chin up to kiss Ava’s forehead. Ava’s closed her eyes at the touch.  

             Ava shook her head, pulling her face away from Sara a little just to look into her eyes.  

             “I wasn’t scared anymore because of that. I learned how it hurt and how good it was that you liked me. And it was worth it.”

              Ava took a deep breath and bit her lower lip. Sara’s eyes searched for the cause of Ava’s sudden nervousness. Her pouty lips parted slightly.  

             “Will you be my girlfriend?, Sara Lance.” Ava held her breath.

            “That’s supposed to be my line.”

             Sara frowned, failed to hide the joy glittering in her bright blue eyes. Her both hands moved up to cup Ava’s face.

             “Will you?”

             This time Ava’s gaze was intense. Sara’s cheeks were blushing, feeling the warmth in her chest.

             “I’m all yours, Ava Sharpe. I’ve been yours, always, since the first time our eyes met, since the first touch when you saved me. You didn’t have to ask. You have no idea how much you helped me get through the night even before you really knew me. You have no idea how many time, you -- in my dream, made every nightmare bearable. Falling in love with you saved me, knowing that there were you and I would see you every week grounded me, even when I thought you would never return the feelings.”

           Sara pulled Ava’s face closer before connecting their lips. Her thumb caressed Ava’s cold cheek. Ava closed her eyes and pulled Sara closer. Their lips didn’t move against each other, losing themselves to the weighty kiss that felt like a momentous promise.

            The air was necessary and some of the fishes started their day. They broke the kiss but their hands were still linked, unable to tear their eyes from each other for quite a while until Ava’s stomach groaned.

           They unpacked the breakfast and shared the hot drink while letting the canoe float on the gentle ripple. They didn’t stay there for that long. Another reason Sara had to drag Ava out of her bed this early because their schedules were all packed. Sara had a class at 10.15 am while Ava was having a TA meeting at noon.

               ++++++++++++++++

               “Whose cards?”

               Jennette Sharpe looked at every player at the table. Zari and Amaya shook their heads. Alex shrugged, pursing her lips. Sara, who sat on Ava’s lap due to the lack of furniture in Rip’s house, quirked her brows at her girlfriend, asking if it was hers. Ava gave her a soft ‘nope’ that only Sara could hear.  

              “For my next trick, I will pull The Boy Scouts of America out of My pussy.” Jen repeated the cards. And the players laughed infectiously again.

            “None of you own them, which means, they’re Cate’s.”

             Everyone turned their eyes to the grandma who sat at the end of the dining table.

             “Ooh, I don’t remember.” Cate frowned, inspecting the black card Jen threw across the table to her. “Are you sure they are mine?”

              Jen rolled her eyes. “Mom, if no one claims them it means they are yours.”

            Cate looked back and forth at every one before nodding with her satisfying smile.

              “Then, I have seven black cards. I win, y’ all losers.” Cate beamed and smirked at Jen. The daughter gave her mom a quick middle finger. Zari looked at Amaya on her side awkwardly.

            “MY GOSH! why did you guys have to be this savage in front of my girlfriend and her friends like this!” Ava yelled at her mommy and her grandma.

              Sara giggled while Rip huffed and shook his head. He regretted insisting Brighton to go to bed early since she was the one who drove seven hours from Ipswich, bringing Jen, Cate, and Maxine to his home for a farewell party for Ava before her trip to Bangladesh tomorrow. Amaya, Zari, and Alex joined them since Ava and Sara would like to know more about each other’s circle of friends.

           “Well, since the game finally ended after the two hours of vulgarity, let’s call it a night, guys. We should let Ava rest before her long trip.” Rip stood up and stacked the pile of white cards.

             “Like, Sara would let her sleep - Ouch!”

             Zari’s blatant comment was cut short when Amaya hit her arm. She bit her lower lip and moved her eyes to Amaya’s lips. “We sure need to go to bed.”  

           Alex narrowed her eyes at Ava and Sara, who smiled awkwardly at each other after Zari’s comment.

            “Sara, sweetie, make sure she drinks enough water, okay? My ex gets thirsty so easily.” Alex winked at Sara, earning a glare from Ava. Sara blinked her eyes while her mouth gaped open just slightly, baffled by the advice and its implication.

             Sara shut her mouth. She noticed Jen looking at her. She stood up and composed herself, giving Alex a sideway smile.  

             “Thank you, Alex, for the advice. I will just let you and Ava have a moment. You guys are gonna miss each other. Twelve months won’t be easy.”

           Sara walked to her friends. She followed them to the front door, where Rip was waiting to take them to Amaya’s apartment.  

              “I promise I will make sure she wears helmet, Ms Sharpe!” Zari yelled. Ava awkwardly gave her a thumb up. Sara smiled sheepishly while pushing her roommate out of the door.

              Jen helped Cate get up and guided her to the guest bedroom. “Well, good to see you, Alex. Have a good sleep, Ava.”  

               Alex waited until Rip closed the door and Jen walked Cate into grandma’s room. She stepped closer to Ava, eyes narrowing mischievously.  

           “Wow, that’s unexpected. You told me she would be jealous.”

          Ava got up from the chair and walked to her friend. She pulled Alex into a tight hug.

           “Sara is not a kid. She’s too old for your teasing game right now.”

            Alex circled her arms around Ava’s waist, pulling her friend closer.

           “Gosh, I’m gonna miss you so bad.” Ava murmured.

           “Me too, princess.”  Alex gave Ava a forehead kiss.

           “Be safe, okay? Don't drink alcohol.” She tucked Ava’s hair behind one of her ears.  

            “I promise.”

              +++++++++++++

            It was an hour after midnight. The suburban air was quiet again. Sara just finished helping Ava pack her stuff and changed into the Mojo Jojo pajamas that Ava liked. She sat on the bed, waiting for Ava after she left for shower. Sara sighed. Her shoulders slumped while fixing her drooping eyes on the two big luggages, contemplating, accepting that she had only few hours with her girlfriend before the Atlantic and two continents would split them apart.  

           “Hey.”

           Ava walked straight from the bathroom to her bed and pulled Sara into an embrace.

            Sara smiled at the fact that despite how close they were, Ava still didn’t came out of the bathroom naked. She was in a well-worn oversize t-shirt that long enough to cover half of her thighs. Sara lay down on the mattress, pulling Ava down with her.  

             Ava’s shimmering eyes fixed on Sara for a brief moment before she leaned down further to capture Sara’s lips, one of her knees set in between Sara’s thighs.

             Ava’s lips were gentle and the pressure she applied was calming. It was like she was afraid to break her. Sara’s hand moved up to caressed Ava’s face. Her other hand held on to Ava’s back.  

             Ava stopped kissing when she noticed that Sara was too tentative to kiss her back and her lips were trembling. Ava used her elbows to prop herself up to look at her beautiful girlfriend.

              Ava’s heart ached when she saw the trails of tears falling from the corners of Sara’s eyes. Her hand moved up to wipe the clear, warm liquid on Sara’s freckled face.

            “I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry.” Ava leaned down again and kissed Sara’s cheek, hoping to calm her.

             Sara blinked the tears off her eyes and pulled Ava down to the crook of her neck.  

            “I’m okay, Ava. It’s just...I... I can’t imagine not having you whenever I want.” Sara’s voice was trembling.  

           “I’m sorry that I can do nothing.” Ava tried to suppress the lump in her throat.  

            “Don’t be sorry, Princess. Love shouldn’t stop you from being successful. Love shouldn’t drag you down. My love is brave and powerful enough to stop myself from begging you to stay, although it’s all I want to do right now.”

           Sara laced her fingers in Ava’s hair, noticing how Ava’s chest was heaving and how her warm breath burned her neck. Sara kissed the crown of Ava’s head when she felt the damp on her skin.  

            “Hey, don’t cry. I will be patient. I will do my best, both academic and soccer, I will make you proud of me when you come back. I will wear the helmet every time I skate. I will not stop loving you.”  

            “And you will call me everyday. We will survive this together, Ava.”  

           Sara pressed her lips against Ava’s forehead, hoping to calm her. She didn’t think about her own damp cheeks at all. Sara stopped talking. It seemed like verbal communication wasn’t enough. She changed her position, laying on her side, gently guided Ava’s to rest on her arm so she could see her reddened face. Sara kissed on Ava’s lips again with intention, her legs tangled with Ava’s.

              Ava pressed against Sara’s body, needing to be as close as she could, needing to feel Sara against her before the night ended, needing to memorize how their bodies fitted together, how Sara's fingers touched her -- how Sara made her come undone. She sucked Sara’s upper lip and slipped her tongue into Sara’s parted soft fleshes. Sara’s hand held the back of Ava’s head and deepened the kiss. Her free hand slipped in between the fabric of Ava’s t-shirt and her smooth skin, grazing the side of her ribcage. Ava’s body arched into Sara’s.

            The scratching noise from the door stopped Sara’s hand from moving closer to Ava’s breast.

            They disconnected their lips and Ava rolled her eyes. The door was scratched again, this time, furiously.

             “Maxine?” Sara asked Ava, her brows furrowed.

              “Obviously, Max wants a goodbye kiss too, although I suspect this is my mommy’s plan for torturing us.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, can't believe it's ending in the next chapter. It's really something. I actually wrote something this enormous.


	14. Happy Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allright, friends. I did it. I finished my first fic. What a ride. I hope you find some solace in it like I do.

             

Someone changed the music blasting in Amaya’s house from the upbeat urban genre to the mellow one sung by Eva Cassidy. The buzz of socialization was gradually faded. They were charmed by the simple sound of guitar and the singer’s sweet, velvety voice.  Sara noticed her friends and the other guests put down their drinks and spent the moment looking at each other and listening to the song, taking a break from the energetic Christmas Eve night. It was already thirty minutes to the midnight and everyone was admittedly drained from dancing and party games. Some were exhausted after spending too much energy yelling at each other due to the loud music. 

          Mick chugged his beer quietly at the corner of the living room while some of Sara’s high-school friends paired with each other and slow danced to the warm song. It was cold outside and the forecast said there was 50% chance of snow in Star City, however, the music reminded Sara of the lonely summer when most of her friends went somewhere else and there was not much to do. 

           Sara sipped the mocktail in her glass. Some sort of the combination of lime, ginger and tonic water. She still loved alcohol and didn’t mind drinking against the law, but she didn’t touch any of the alcoholic drinks on the counter and in the fridge. It was her way to feel closer to Ava. Her former TA would’ve prevented her from underage drinking and given her a lecture about it. Sara chuckled to herself. The thought left the imaginary sweet taste on her tongue. 

          Winter break was not bad so far. Sara got to spend the quality time with her family. Her parents missed her so they would make anything Sara requested for the dinner. She got to see Laurel and how well she was doing with her job -- she was still working on her own although she was supposed to enjoy the break. Justice couldn’t have a break, she told Sara. It reminded her of Ava’s research. 

          It was a good opportunity to reconnect with her friends. Sara decided to join the party at Amaya’s after spending a good amount of time with her family. Laurel whined a little bit but Sara promised she wouldn’t stay overnight. She would come home for the birthday pancake. 

         The world was still moving, slowly indeed. Being alone with Mick on her side, she became more observant. Slower music, slower dance -- slow enough for Sara to notice that most of them were together. Some occupied the couches and just nudged themselves with each other as if the house’s heater was not working. 

          The amber in the fireplace lit the room. The cute string lights clinging around the christmas tree. Sara smiled when she noticed a tiny Santa on a skateboard hanging on a small branch. It felt magical.  Amaya’s arms clung around Zari’s neck. Their bodies swaying. It was obvious they didn’t care about the music. Their eyes locked. Their smiles could easily charm anyone who saw them. 

          Sara was charmed by how happy her friends looked when they had each other’s in their arms. These two were moving to Oxford in a month. Zari accepted an offer from a company that promise a decent pay. She was also thinking about earning a degree in something she wasn’t expert at, such as humanitarian management. But that was the matter of future. Right now Zari’s plan was simple -- living with Amaya and loving Amaya. Sara admired her roommate’s bold move. She didn’t let the expectation hold her back from doing what she thought was the right thing for her. It was a bit sad that she wouldn’t have her best friend as a roommate in the spring semester. Zari had been on her side and taking care of her. Sara didn’t feel like she had done enough to return the kindness. But Sara couldn’t complain about finding a new apartment when she found out that the college dorm was such a scam -- expensive rent for a tiny space compared to the non-university housing. She would love to have her own bedroom and pay less. 

         It would be so quiet when she started living alone, though. Sara sipped her soft drink when she noticed how Zari touched her forehead with Amaya’s. Her eyes were gleam with happiness when she saw they gently connected their lips. They kissed when everyone in the party was busy looking at someone’s eyes. They kissed as if they weren’t aware of people sharing the living room’s space. 

           Mick chuckled and Sara’s smile slowly flattened. She moved her gaze away from her friends, being self-conscious of how invasive she was to their intimate moment. 

           It was supposed to be a Christmas playlist but some jerk chose to go with the kind of summer and fall songs. The mellow melody of a guitar continued in the next song by the same artist. Too bad it was  _ Autumn Leave.  _ The golden shade of yellow was still vivid in her memory -- the late fall she shared with Ava -- the heaven in Ipswich. Sara turned her back from everyone when the sweet but gloomy voice sang,  _ ‘But I miss you, most of all, my darling.”  _

         She had to look away and ducked her head down a little, holding the warm liquid in her eyes. She thought being in a party among her friends would distract her from thinking too much about Ava. But clearly it wasn’t really effective. Sara took a long exhale when her breath was a bit warmer and her nose reddened. What if she were here with her, what would it be like to kiss Ava under the mistletoe? how warm would it be to curl herself in Ava’s arm and listened to the small whispering  of ‘ _ Happy birthday’   _ tickling against the nape of her neck.  __

         A big, rough hand was gently placed above her crown. Mick didn’t say anything but a low grunt, and Sara lost a small drop of tears. Mick stepped closer to her to just shield her small body behind him. He knew Sara wouldn’t want anyone to see her being vulnerable like this.

         She quickly wiped off her tears and took a deep breath to compose herself. She turned to face the party again when the playlist moved on to something more Christmas.  Her friends looked around when the chimes in  _ Jingle Bells Rock  _ changed the rhythm of the room. Sara smiled when Zari and Amaya looked back at her sheepishly. 

         Sara approached them, positioning herself in between the lovebirds, throwing her arms around their shoulders. 

         “Well, I took a photo and a video of you guys kissing and already posted it on my Snapchat.” 

         “Fuck you.” Zari chuckled. She knew it’s just a joke. 

         “Anyway, I’m leaving. I have to be home before midnight. I suspect my dad’s gonna give me a car for my birthday.” 

         Amaya pursed her lips. “Too bad, but I understand. We will hangout sometimes before my trip to Oxford, right?” 

         “Sure. We’ve got to do something fun before you turn yourself into a snob Brit.” 

          Amaya rolled her eyes before pulling Sara closer into a hug. Zari’s arms wrapped around them. 

          “Early Happy birthday, the Mighty Lance.” Amaya told her softly. 

         When the building door was closed behind Sara’s back, the quietness hit her hard. Amber Lights were glowing from households along the sleepy street. There’s no sound of siren at the moment. The sleepless Star City was taking some rest. Despite the silence, Sara could feel the excitement of Christmas Eve spilled out from those glowing windows. Sara turned right at the next corner, continuing her walk home. 

         The buzz in her coat’s pocket interrupted the peaceful walk. Sara’s face softened the moment her cold fingers touched the device. She placed the earbuds in her ears. 

_            “Hey.” _

 

           The quality of the voice wasn’t decent. It was distorted by some rough noises caused by the lack of signal. It warmed Sara’s chest anyway.

          “Hey you.” Sara replied. Her smiled was brightened. Her breath was visible in the cold air. 

_            “Is it okay to see your face right now?” _

            Sara paused her step and closed her eyes for a moment, indulging in how warm it was to know that Ava wanted to see her. Sara swallowed the lump formed in her throat. She wanted her touch right now and it was unfortunate they couldn’t be closer enough to feel each other’s body’s heat. 

          “I’m on my way home, Ava, and it’s really cold here. Can we wait until I get home?”

         Sara imagined her girlfriend pursing her lips in protest. She felt bad she couldn’t do as her request.

_          “That’s okay. I don’t want you to catch a cold anyway. I’ ll call you back in 30, is that realistic?” _

           “No.”

_           “No?” _

       “Stay with me. Walk home with me.”

          The street lights were not too bright. They were gentle enough for Sara to feel safe. The faint of joyful melody of  _ It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas  _ from someone’s house was in the air. But it wasn’t the most pleasing sound compared to Sara’s soft giggle when Ava told her about Gary’s email. Apparently, Gary had some degree of withdrawal when there’s no more Ava’s office hour. 

          “That’s brutal, Ava. He just really like you. You shouldn’t have shared this with me.” 

         The adorable laugh from the other end made Sara’s stomach fluttered. 

_           “But it’s what girlfriends do, isn’t it? I wanna tell you everything.” _

         Sara paused her step. She needed a moment for herself to indulge in this reassurance. 

          “Please, tell me everything.” 

           Sara looked up to see if the moon was still there. At least, it was the same moon that Ava saw during the night in Cox Bazar. Sara blinked her eyes when she saw no moon. Stars were hiding behind the glowing cloud. 

_          “This morning I met a very inspiring woman. Her name is Suhara.”  _

           “What do you mean by ‘inspiring’? Should I be slightly jealous?” 

          Ava laughed again.

_            “I’m all for you being possessive but like she’s a kid, not older than seventeen, I believe. You know, not many men survived the massacre on the other side of the border. The majority of the population here are the widows, the daughters, and the sisters.”  _

          “That was really heartbreaking. I wanna punch all the soldiers who participated in that massacre.”

_          “I shouldn’t have told you a tragic story. It’s Christmas.” _

         “No, Ava. I want to know more. I want you to tell me the story.” 

         Sara continued her walk. Her strides were quick and long. She wanted to be in her room and see Ava’s face as soon as possible. 

_           “And it’s really interesting, Sara. So, this morning I went to the camp to help distributing the rations and conduct some interview with the volunteer doctors. I followed them to the block of widow women. Suhara was performing a sermon, teaching the other girls, helping them relax and giving them the meaning of life and hope, you know, just to endure the hardship they’re facing.” _

         “That is beautiful.” 

_          “Right. And it was unusual for a woman to become a community leader. The girl learned the religious knowledge -- which was exclusive for men -- and uses it to help other women. She also convinced some young men to help guarding the girls’ camp. You know, they are vulnerable. They are not the citizens of Bangladesh. There’s no state protection for them. I admire these people a lot.” _

          “I’m glad you found something so beautiful like that. You know, sometimes, I worried if you’re gonna get depressed. You have to encounter the consequence of war everyday and I can’t imagine how heart-wrenching it must be.” 

_           “It was heart-wrenching, of course. But I have to be strong if I want to help them, if I want to change things for them.”  _ Ava paused for a moment. _ “Plus, I have you.” _

         Sara beamed. She was lucky no one was around. She must look like an idiot, the  happiest idiot in the entire world. 

          It wasn’t windy at all when the first icy flake kissed Sara’s cheek. She looked up and find the snow lazily descending from the cloudy sky. Street lights illuminated the snowflakes in the air. 

           “Ava, it’s snowing right now!.” 

_            “Wow! is it beautiful?”  _

           “Yes, the fluffy kind!” 

_            “Really! tell me how they look like?” _

           The excitement in Ava’s voice was adorable. 

          Sara opened her palm to catch one of those fragile crystals. She brought her hand up closer to her face. The air around her was cold enough to let Sara inspect the molecular form of art for a long second. 

            “A complex, yet symmetrical shape, this little one looks like six pine trees joining their bases together and point their tops to six directions.” 

 

It melted before her eyes. Sara caught a new one on her sleeve. 

          “This one looks just like a geranium flower with six petals.” 

           The icy flake couldn’t endure the heat from her body. 

           “This one... erm... let me think...” Sara was holding her laughter. “This one looks like six dildos point to six directions.” 

_              “SARA!”  _

           The girl laughed infectiously, her own voice echoed against the residential buildings on both sides of the street. She then took a deep breath to stop herself from laughing.

           “I’m gonna run, Ava. Can't wait any longer to see your face. Don’t end the call, okay? It’s just a block.”

_          “Mhmm..” _

         A simple, yet, soft murmur of assent was enough. Sara started to run in her winter boots.

           +++++++++++++

          Sara found her parents and her sister in the living room. They were watching a movie together. It’s  _ Tree Man _ , a documentary about those men who traveled from afar to sell the Christmas trees on the sidewalks in New York every year. Sara suspected it’s her mom’s choice. 

          “Oh Hi, Sara, you’re back!”

           Her father paused the documentary and smiled excitedly. Clearly he was bored to death but he agreed to watch that boring documentary because he loved her mom. 

         “Ah.. erm.. I’m gonna go to bed right now.” Sara smiled sheepishly. Her parent raised their brows. 

        “What’s wrong, baby?” Her mom frowned. 

         Sara made an eye contact with Laurel and pointed at the earphones. Laurel slowly nodded, understood. Sara quickly ran to her room. 

        Her parents looked at each other before turning their attention to their oldest child. 

         “The girlfriend calls her from the other side of the globe. Let them have their quality time.” 

          Laurel unpaused the documentary, acting as if Sara having a girlfriend wasn’t a big deal to their parents. 

          “Girlfriend?” 

           Her dad grimaced. 

           “Why didn’t she tell me? I’m her dad!” 

            He acted like he pretended to be hurt but Laurel knew well that there’s the certain degree of truth in his voice. Of course, Sara had always been the rebel child. All of her relationships worried her parents.

         Laurel rolled her eyes. 

           “Calm down, dad, and don’t interrupt them. Seriously, you wouldn’t jeopardize your chance to have Ava Sharpe as your future daughter-in-law.” 

            +++++++++++

         As soon as the bedroom’s door was shut and locked, Sara took off her coat, discarded it at the corner of her room. She opened her laptop and took it to her bed, resting her back against the headboard. 

         “Ava, I’m in my room right now. I’ll call in a minute.” 

          Sara ended the call and open the Facetime app on her laptop. The thumbnail of Ava and Maxine appeared at the top of the contact list. 

          Few ringings and Sara smiled cheek to cheek when the phrase ‘connecting...’ appeared  on the screen. 

          Sara swallowed hard that she was sure Ava heard the sound her throat made. She definitely heard it. That annoying smirk was the evidence--the same smugness when Sara lost the intramural basketball match. Sara didn’t prepare herself to see her girlfriend in a grey tank top that showcased her biceps. The fabric hugged her lean body well. Too tight, indeed. All the curves of her breasts and the hard line of her toned abs were apparent. Sara would have known. Cox Bazar was a coast city not too far from the Equator. Sara could see the glare of sunlight from the window in Ava’s apartment. Droplets of sweat were visible on Ava’s forehead. 

          “Miss Lance?” 

          Sara tucked her lower lip under her front teeth, eyes fixing on the screen. After a few weeks in the tropical monsoon climate, Ava’s skin was a shade darker. Her skin shimmered in the sunlight from the balcony. Her pale blue eyes looked greener than usual. 

           But the video transmission wasn’t high-definition enough to satisfy Sara’s need to feel Ava. The technology allowed them to see each other’s face, to hear each other’s voice, but Sara felt grateful and frustrated by it at the same time. It was as if they were trapped within the different sides of a glass wall. They could talk, they could see each other, but they couldn’t feel the touch, the scent, and the ripple of the air caused by each other’s breathing. 

          It reminded Sara of Pyramus and Thisbe from her high-school lesson on Greek mythology. The lovers were separated by a wall, murmuring their love through the small hole in the brick barrier. They were lucky, Sara thought. They’re not too far apart compared to the distance between Sara and Ava right now. 

           Sara sighed, lying down on her side, facing her front to the laptop screen.

__ “You looked tired.” 

          Ava’s soft smile with the hint of gentle concern made Sara’s heart constrict for a second. It was hard. Sara had been acting like everything was fine, like the long distance didn’t matter when they talked everyday. She started getting used to Ava’s touch, and when the semester ended, in a blink of time, she was deprived of it.

          But Sara kept it to herself the whole time. She knew Ava was busy doing something so meaningful to her career and humanity. She didn’t want to put the guilt on Ava. She shouldn’t be the distraction. 

          Yes, she was tired. The 11 hours time difference was dramatic. Sleeping wasn’t easy when she woke up in the mid of the night and wondered what Ava was doing during her day time. Was she safe in the unfamiliar environment? 

         It was harder tonight. It’s Christmas Eve before her birthday. Sara felt like it’s justifiable to be a little selfish. She was on the verge of being honest that she wanted Ava right now in her arms just to kiss her and bury her face against her neck, inhaling the minty/citrusy scent that always calmed her. 

          “It’s Christmas Eve, Ava. I’d been thinking too much about the possibilities. Like, I imagined we kiss under the mistletoe. How cute you might be in a Christmas sweater. I know it’s such a cliche and you might not even like it.” 

           Sara saw Ava leaned her face closer to the camera and suddenly the screen was dark for a second. Ava kissed the screen, it’s the closest thing Ava could do to kiss her. Sara was only aware of what she did but she couldn’t feel the touch. The screen wasn’t her lips 

          “I’m sorry.” Ava’s hoarse voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

            Again, Ava apologized again as if there could’ve been the alternative resolution for her fieldwork, as if it’s her fault not to choose to stay with Sara, as if she actually had the agency to control her fate. 

             “I miss you, and I’m a bit insecure.” Sara whispered to the microphone. 

            Ava’s brows furrowed. “Why, baby?”

            Sara was quiet for a moment. She didn’t want to look stupid. 

            “Tell me, babe. You can tell me anything. Communication, remember?”

             Before Ava’s departure, they had talked about all of these. They googled together how to make a long distance relationship work -- communication, commitment, and trust. It was harder in practice when the time zone difference was day and night. 

            Sara bit her lower lip for a moment. “I... ah... I don’t know. I miss you so much and it hurts. It’s hard for me to get through the day and night without you on my side, without touching you. But.. erm.. but you seem fine. I know it’s stupid but my brain went there sometimes, like... you might not love me as much as I love you, which is fair.” She looked away, knowing exactly that Ava’s brows were furrowed. Her jaw tensed. She shouldn’t have said that. She shouldn’t have ruined Ava’s precious time with this emotional nonsense. 

             “Sara Lance, look at me. Don’t look away like that.”

 

              Ava’s voice was hardened. Sara slowly turned her eyes back to the screen. Ava’s wasn’t happy. She was frowning with the hint of anger. Then the crease between her eyebrows was smoothened. She sighed, those big blue eyes flicked up to look at the camera, hoping to look at Sara in her eyes, not her face showing on the screen. Communicating via laptop like this required a lot of imagination. 

             “I’m sorry, Ava. I know it’s stupid.” Her voice was shaken a bit. She hoped the signal was bad enough so Ava didn’t see her reddened eyes. 

             Sara’s heart sank to her stomach when Ava looked away and bit her lip as if she was annoyed by Sara’s unnecessary whining. 

             Ava turned her arctic blues to the camera again. Sara could see that her gaze was roaming slowly, moving down and then flicking up to Sara’s lips. She blinked when those grayish blues finally met hers again. Sara swallowed, unsure of what Ava would say. 

            “You miss me?” 

          Sara nodded. 

          “What about me that you miss, babe?”

           Sara paused for a moment before grazing her tongue on her lower lip. 

            “I miss the way you sleep on my side. Your body heat was comforting.”

           “Mhhm.” Ava nodded.

           “Babe, I miss you too. When I was laying down on your side, I liked to graze my nose on your face. You know, I could smell the air you breathed and feel the heat inside you just by doing that.”

 

           Ava’s darkened blue eyes pierced through the laptop camera.

           Sara closed her eyes for a moment, the thought of herself and her girlfriend cuddling in bed was vivid in her mind. A faint smiled tugged the corners of her lips. She remembered how Ava’s nose was kind of tickling. 

            “How did you feel when I whispered something behind your neck?” Ava continued.

            “What I liked the most was the way your lips were so soft against the back of my neck.” 

            Without thinking, Sara moved her hand up to graze along the tendon of her neck muscle. She swallowed hard when she saw Ava’s thumb brushing her plump, peachy lips. She liked those lips so much. They were squishy and it felt so good when she tugged them with her teeth or sucked them in between her own lips. The back of her neck shivered at the thought. 

            “After I kissed your neck, what did I do next, Sara?” 

             “Hmm.. you usually grazed your lips down along my spine.” 

            “Right... you know why?”

            “Why?”

            “You tasted and smelled so good, Sara. I really wanna taste you right now.”

           Sara lips formed a mischievous pouty smile.

           “What are you doing, Miss Sharpe?” Her voice was low, a hint of challenge in her tone. 

           She got a sweet giggle as a response from her laptop.

 

           “I want this. It’s been a while, Miss Lance.” 

           Sara’s lips felt dry.

 

           “Have you ever done this before?” Her throat was dry too. 

           Ava eyed up at Sara, her cheeks flushing, teeth biting the corner of her lower lip. 

            “No.”

          Sara’s breath hitched at the answer. She swallowed. 

           “Me neither. But we can try.”

           Sara sat up and rested her back against the pillow between her and the headboard. Their eyes fixed on the screen, the rhythms of their heartbeat were quicken. Ava’s mouth gaped just slightly as if she was suddenly dehydrated. She took a deep breath and nodded. 

             “Uh..Ava, would you mind if, erm..., if I wanted you to take off your tank top?”  

          Sara’s cheeks were heated right now. She couldn’t believe she asked Ava to do it. She couldn’t believe she actually hesitated. Sara Lance, who’d been known for her sexual prowess, was awkward around her girlfriend about the experiment. 

           Ava hesitated for a moment before slowly pulling the hem of her tank top up, taking it off and discarded it on her side. Sara felt her saliva gathering just under her tongue. 

          “Wow..” 

          Sara let it out involuntarily when she saw what she had been craving for for so long. They were squeezed together in the deep red lacy bra. Ava’s golden honey hair flowing down, two white cords of the earphones were contrasted with her slightly tanned skin over the cups of the bra. Sara bit her lip when she saw how Ava’s cheeks were so red and how she avoided looking at the laptop camera. Sara wasn’t quite sure if it was bad that she made her girlfriend looked flustered, awkward, and nervous like this. All she knew right now was Ava was fucking cute. She wanted her right now. She wanted to pin her against the mattress and trace her lips from her chest down to the mounds of her soft and squishy breasts.

          Sara wet her lips before proceeding.

           “I wanna see them, Ava.” 

           Sara was quite sure that she was blatantly staring at Ava without any shyness. She really want to see all of Ava. 

          Heat pulled just under her sternum when Ava reached her hand behind her back and unclasped the bra. The straps fallen down from the curves of her shoulders. With a little squirm of her body, her deep pinkish nipples were free. 

          Sara’s mouth gaped open. Her eyes might hurt. It was a long stare.

           “I...I wanna touch them, Ava. I want them hardened against my fingers, against my mouth. You know that my mouth is soft and hot right? You know it. I love playing with them.” 

           Sara could see how Ava’s chest rose and fell when she breathed.

           “Sara.”

          “Yes, baby.” She murmured, eyes still fixed on the screen.

         “I wanna see you too.” 

 

         Ava shyly requested. She ducked her head down a little, just enough to make Sara feel a swoop in her belly. 

           “Of course, love.” 

          Without hesitation, Sara pulled her white sweater over her head and tossed it somewhere. Her black sport bra was quickly removed from her freckled body. She swore she heard her girlfriend gasp. 

           She saw Ava lean closer over to the screen, her arms reaching the laptop. She was tracing Sara’s curve showing on the video, allowing Sara to have a closer look of Ava’s breasts. 

           “Can I see more of you?” Ava requested. Her voice was dry.

         Sara blinked at what her girlfriend had suggested. She bit her lower lip hard before nodding. Her hand moved down to the waistband of her black skinny jeans, slowly unbuttoning it. She could feel how Ava’s eyes followed her hand and it heated up her core. In one movement, she pushed the pants and her boyshorts down to her knees, revealing the marble smooth skin of her thighs. Cold air grazed her chest. Her nipples hardened. 

          She heard Ava swallow hard. She looked back at the screen and the ten thousand miles between them couldn’t hide how Ava’s grayish blues darkened with her dilated irises. 

         “Baby, I wanna kiss you so bad. I wanna taste your lips and feel your tongue again.”

 

          Ava muttered with heat in her velvety voice, hands tracing her toned body to the waistband of her shorts. She pushed what’s left on her body down her legs. She parted her long limbs just enough to make Sara’s eyes widened. 

          “Are you wet for me?” Sara whispered to the microphone. 

            Ava didn’t verbally answer. Instead, she dipped her long fingers down to her core, bringing it up again to let Sara see the clear fluid glistering between her fingertips. Sara drooled over what she saw. Her whole body was awaken. She kicked her pants away and parted her legs, knees up, positioning them on both side of her laptop, hoping she gave Ava enough to see how dripping she was. 

           “I... I want you, Ava. I wanna come for you.” Sara’s nostrils flared to let the heated air out of her lungs. 

            “Please, go for it baby. I’m right here. I’m looking at you. So beautiful to look.” Ava encouraged. One of her hand slowly playing with one of her breasts. 

           It was sensual and captivating, the way Ava’s long and sleek fingers played with her body. Sara was hypnotized by what she saw, hand sliding down to feel the heat between her legs. The tip of her finger dipped into the wetness. She groaned at the realization of how slippery it was. 

           “Wait, baby. If I were there, I would’ve given you...uh..first.” Ava was still awkward to be vocal about what she wanted. 

          Sara found it endearing, the way Ava was wanting her but also being tentative. This Ava Sharpe, who was always good in bed, didn’t really know what to do. Sara could see that her former TA was improvising. 

           “Of course, Ava. You would’ve eaten me out first.” 

            Sara heard Ava taking a deep breath when her fingers moved up a little higher and massaged the sensitive tiny shaft. It was fully erected against her fingers. Sara’s hip squirmed, shivering at the sensation caused by the pressure from her own thumb. Her breathing synchronized with the rhythm of her fingers, eyes drooping, satisfied when she saw Ava’s mouth gape, her big stunning pale blues were full of lust. The humming from the deep of Ava’s throat was well delivered through her earphones. Sara felt the butterflies in her chest. Sex with Ava was always like this. The sweetness -- the feeling of being loved -- was never obscured by the sexual desire.

            Sara quickened her speed. Ava didn’t say anything for a while. But her breathing became frantic. Sara was listening to it. She was close. She couldn’t believe that a video call could be this good. The fact that Ava did this with her -- saying what she wanted out loud, it was arousing and intoxicating.

            Sara curled her toes. Her breath quickened, teeth gritting. Cute noises mixed with the air coming through her mouth. 

         “Come for me, little one.” 

          And Sara came, hard. Her whole body shivered. Long, high pitch moan escaped her mouth, eyes squeezed shut. Her freckled body was glowing. Her chest rose and fall quickly when the sharp heat shot up from her core. 

          Sara took her time to feel the orgasm and calm her body down. When her eyes slowly opened again. She saw Ava in awe, her pale blue eyes was flickering. Her cheeks were so red as if she was having fever. 

          “Good girl, you are amazing.” Ava whispered sincerely. 

 

Sara’s heart rate didn’t slow down. Her chest was heaving. She gave her girlfriend a sheepish smile. She felt warm and vulnerable, thinking of how Ava always treated her as if she was precious and fragile. 

           Sara’s index and middle fingers were still lingering slowly at her sensitive spot. The hot slick pooled after the orgasm. 

           “I wish I could taste it. I still remember how you taste.” 

             Ava’s eyes were widened as if she was high. Sara sensed that this time, there was no shyness in her tone. She made Ava loosen up. That thought alone was arousing enough to urge her fingers to slip inside to gather the slick and bring them up to her lips. She heard Ava swallowed when she slid her two fingers into her mouth, tasting herself. She licked them clean before pulling it out with a soft sucking sound.

            “Ava..” Desire infused with her voice.

           “Yes, baby.”

           “I want to see you come. Can you do it for me?” 

             Sara eyes roaming from Ava’s eyes to Ava’s harden nipples. The hard lines of her toned abs looked delicious. Sara wanted to traced her tongue along her muscles. 

           Ava’s eyes darkened. She nodded her head slightly, moving one of her hand downward to where it’s needed most. Sara leaned closer to the screen, wanting to see how Ava’s two fingers slowly slid inside the wet and shimmering entrance. 

            “Can you move closer, baby?” Sara softly demanded. Ava moved the laptop closer. Sara’s breath hitched when she got what she wanted. 

          “Wow, you’re gorgeous.” 

           Sara didn’t say it to compliment Ava. She just wanted to let it out. Ava was so beautiful and her chest tightened because of that. She had to let it out. She wanted to say it million times. 

        With Ava’s body squirming on the screen, the base of her palm massaging the sensitive bud, her two fingers pushing in and out slowly against the soft and slick pikish flesh, Sara’s fingers couldn’t help but mirroring Ava’s. 

         Their eyes focus on each other. Their lips exchanged sweet reassuring and encouragement. Their sonic sensitivities were heightened, attentive to every bit of paralanguage and kinesic movements of their bodies. 

         Ava pumped her fingers deep inside herself, hitting the spots where she knew well. Her breath shortened and quickened with every hit.

        “Sara, I’m...I’m gonna...uh!” 

         “Yes, Ava. You may close your eyes. But you’ll think of me right? Think of how I made you come.” 

           At this point, Sara could hear the noise of Ava’s fingers hitting the hot, wet flesh. It made her wall contract. She quickened her own pace, knowing that Ava was close.

         And Ava came, with her body shaken and her abs twitching. Her eyes squeezed while she bit her lip and buried her face into the pillow lying on the side of her head against the headboard, sweat shimmering on her body. 

         Seeing Ava coming for her hard was enough to drive Sara to the edge again. She hit the spot in the deep, sending the spasm to her brain. Her wall sucked her own fingers aggressively. And she moaned, loud, without care if her parents or her sister might hear it.

          “I love you, Sara.” 

          “I love you, Ava.”

           They took comfort in the mutual silence. Looking at each other on the screen with eyes brimming with love. They let their bodies cool down enough that Sara had to put her sweater on again. Ava wrapped her blanket around her body.

        “Sara.”

         “Yes?”

         Ava bit her lip be fore giving Sara a mischievous smile.

           “Check your email.” 

              Sara raised one of her eyebrows before reaching for her phone on the other side of her bed. She unlocked the screen before opening her mailbox. 

              A new unread message from Ava Sharpe was on the top of the list. She tap the screen to open it. 

**From** : Ava Sharpe

**To** : Sara Lance

**Cc** :

**Subject** : No subject

_                     Dear Sara Lance, _

_                    Please find the detail in the attachment.  _

_                    Happy Birthday, my love. _

_            _______________________ _

                 Sara’s heart beat faster, anticipating what was in the pdf attachment. 

                  Ava’s soft smile turned into the bright, cheek to cheek grin when she saw how Sara’s eyes widened and blinked in disbelief. Her girlfriend looked back and forth between her phone and her laptop screen. Her smile was genuine and beautiful, whole-heartedly happy. Tears brimming at the outer corners of her eyes. 

               “Tell me it’s not a prank!” Sara couldn’t contain her excitement. 

                “Come pick me up. Don’t be late.” 

              “Holy shit!!! You’re coming back in a month! Like how???”

              Ava giggled before sighing, soft smile painted on her face. 

            “Because I miss you, and I have mileage to spend.” 

            Sara grabbed her pillow and hug it, resting her face on the plushy fabric. 

            “Is this an adult thing to do?” 

            “Yup.”

              “For how long?”

              “Two weeks. But I’ll be back in March again before heading to China.”

              “It’s not a prank?”

              “Nope.” 

              Sara giggled to herself. She couldn’t contain her happiness. 

             “Happy 19th Birthday, Sara Lance, and Merry Christmas.”

            Words couldn’t convey the warmth filled in their chests. They let each other indulge in hope and anticipation. It was rejuvenating. After the long month of being apart and holding on to promise and trust, knowing that they hadn’t had to wait for twelve months to feel each other’s touch and breath again gave the new energy, the new meaning to endure the everyday life of a long distance relationship. 

              +++++++++++++++++

             There were not many seats available in the lecture hall. Sara didn’t expect the crowd flocking and buzzing in the lecture hall this early. She didn’t choose to sit at the back row anymore. This time, she sat in the third row from the stage. A clean powerpoint was projected on the big white screen on stage. The lecture podium was positioned on the right side of the platform. Nora Darhk was checking the sound to find the right volume. Ray Palmer was helping her. Professor Fujimori sat at the front row with a paper in his hand. Her soccer coach sat a few seats away from the professor. 

            The vacant seat on the right side of Sara was occupied by the new audience. Gary smile was too bright. Sometimes, Sara doubted that his crush on her girlfriend was entirely platonic. But she was glad he came. She didn’t want to be the only freshman in the lecture hall. 

            Nora started the event. She informed the audiences about the department’s lecture series, acknowledging the sources of funding. She later explained the format of the public talk and introduced Professor Bennett Fujimori. The gray haired man introduced the speaker, reading the carefully composed essay about the achievement of his protege, praising her as one of the best advisees he ever had, listing her grants and publications. He emphasized that it wasn’t usual that the lecture series invited someone so young who had yet obtained the PhD. But Ava Sharpe was exceptional. Her works shifted the landscape of knowledge and called for the better global perspective on the solution for human right violations. 

            Applause filled the lecture hall when Ava Sharpe walked to the podium. Her walk was elegant, demanding attention from the audiences. Her honey blonde hair was kept neatly in the low tight bun. Sara loved it. It’s true that Ava looked soft and sexy when she let her hair down. But Sara had fallen in love with her when her eyes met Ava in this professional look. Ava in her business bun always had a special place in her heart.

           She started her lecture, fascinating photos from her research kept the audience focussing on the talk. Sara didn’t really listen to it carefully. Ava already told her about everything. She had listened to this many times already. 

            Sara’s heart was wrapped in the soft and warm invisible hand when she saw the white metal ring shining on the knuckle of Ava’s ring finger. Sara grinned brightly when Ava finally spotted her among the audience. She paused her speech just to smile back at Sara without hesitation. She didn’t care if anyone noticed their subtle exchange of affection in public. 

              +++++++++++++++

           Three days earlier, Sara was waiting for Ava at the airport for the second time. It wasn’t easier than the first time. The anticipation was still killing her from inside. She checked the flight status every few minutes, waiting the app to show that the flight was landed safely. It was worth it though, all the gut wrenching feelings couldn’t compared to the hug and the kiss Ava gave her right away when they found each other. 

             With the new car, Sara took Ava to her apartment. She didn’t forget to text Rip that his sister had arrived safely and would join his dinner around seven. It was a long flight. Ava always looked tired. But she tried her best to stay awake just to look at Sara. The real Sara and herself in the same space, not the video call on her laptop screen. 

               Sara prepared brunch for her exhausted girlfriend. Her new studio apartment had a decent kitchen space. Ava took a shower while the pancakes and bacons sizzling in the skillet. When they were done eating. Sara guided Ava to her bed. They just lay down together, arms and legs tangled, kissing each other, feeling each other’s touch until Ava fell asleep on Sara’s shoulder. Sara kissed her forehead and tugged the duvet up to cover their bodies. Too soon to be apart, Sara rather lay in bed with Ava and spent her time appreciating the sleeping beauty in her arms. She had to make up for the whole month of being apart.

              Ava woke up when the late afternoon light poked her eyelids. She stretched her body with a groan. Her sense of orientation kicked in. She couldn’t contain her smile when she saw the bright blues looking at her. Endearing light dance in those eyes. She leaned in for a kiss right away. Time scarcity wasn’t something only apparent in her research. Sara’s hand cradled Ava’s jawline. The touch was feather light. 

           “Because you will be gone before your birthday, I better give you the birthday gift now.” Sara’s soft voice brushed against Ava’s nose. 

           Ava raised her eyebrows, intrigued. It’s clearly not a big piece of gift. Sara didn't seem like she wanted to get out of the bed to bring something to her. 

            “Amazing sexual experience?” Ava guessed. She giggle at her own joke. 

             Sara tapped her finger on Ava nose. 

              “No, not that. That’s not special, it’s mandatory.” Sara leaned in for a quick kiss again.

             “What is it? I’m nervous.” 

               Sara looked into Ava’s pale blues. She took a deep breath. Her heart beat faster and louder. She, too, was excited. 

             “I applied for the summer volunteer medical internship. I got it with funding from the university. I’m building my CV for medical school application.” She started.

            Ava mouth gaped open with the tug of smile, impressed by how determined Sara had become. Ava knew she fell in love with the right person. She might be young but she was growing fast. 

           Sara’s arm pulled Ava’s closer.

            “It’s in Philippines. Cebu. Your next fieldwork.” 

             Ava’s pale blues widened in awe. Her chest felt the tightness that could only be relieved by the tears of joy. Her eyes searching for any sign of prank in Sara’s expression and she found none. Sara’s soft smile was sincere, hopeful, and loving. Ava buried her face into the crook of Sara neck. 

            “You did that. How did you do that? You’re just a freshman and you looked for those things freshmen aren’t supposed to care. You applied and got funding. You wrote a good proposal, didn’t you? I’m so proud of you.” Her last sentence was shaking.

           “I just want to be with you. I’ll always find the way to be with you. I mean, Laurel secretly helped me, though.” 

           Ava knew it was silly to cry just because of the feelings surging in her chest. But she couldn’t help it when small drops of tears fell from the corner of her eyes. Maybe because of the long flight. Maybe the time they had been apart was too long and everything was condensed. She felt vulnerable.

           Sara kissed the tears away. She covered Ava’s left hand with hers and brought it to her lips. She kissed Ava’s knuckle and scooted away from Ava just far enough to look at her face.

            “You sleepyhead don’t even notice.” 

             Sara told her with a hint of smugness. Ava frowned before realizing that there’s a shiny object on her ring finger. It had a tiny sapphire-cut lapis lazuli embedded in the band of white metal. It was simple, minimal, yet elegant. It fitted Ava’s finger perfectly. The blue stone matched Sara’s eye color. She looked at it for a moment and look at her girlfriend. 

            Sara nodded, grinning so bright with the joy dancing in her baby blue eyes. 

             “What is this?” Ava was genuinely confused. They loved each other deeply but Sara was only nineteen. It was obviously too soon.

             “A palladium ring. I did research. It isn’t as popular as platinum but they’re almost have the same property. Plus it’s hypoallergenic.” Sara recited what she had learned while looking for a ring. 

             “This is too expensive.” Ava inspected the fine metal band closely. 

             “Ava, I have full scholarship plus a part time job.”

              Ava sighed. She couldn’t help but thinking it’s too expensive for a college student to buy a luxurious gift like this. However, she felt loved and grateful. Her cheeks were blushing. Despite all of the limitations, Sara chose her. This beautiful Sara Lance agreed to make it work. This amazing girl kept her promise, never once made her feel insecure. It was true that the path wasn’t smooth when Sara had always worried about Ava living in a harsh city. But when she learned more about the place and Ava learned to text more often about her day, Sara understood. 

            Ava laced her long fingers with Sara’s, bringing the small hand closer, brushing her lips on the back of it. Her eyes closed. She swallowed the feeling in her throat. 

             The sun fell down slightly towards the west. The gentle light of early spring angled into the room, bathing the bed. Sara’s golden hair glowed against the warm light. Ava was lost into the angelic blue eyes framed by the light brown eyelashes. Soft light gleamed on her freckled skin. 

           “What does it mean to you?”  Ava’s voice was small as if she didn’t want anyone except Sara to hear it.

             Sara let out the contented sigh. Her finger brushed against the gem stone. Her eyes fixed on Ava. 

             “It can be anything you want it to be, Ava.” 

              “What do you want it to be?” 

              Sara took a deep breath, her eyes drooping down to look at the ring for a moment.

              “I... ah...I know we both are too young and we only know each other for six months. At this moment, I want this to be an anchor, to reassure you that I am serious about what we have. To remind you that I will do my best and I won’t let go of you.” 

             Sara eyes flicked up to Ava’s face again. Those pale blues still mesmerized her. She would never not be charmed by those compelling eyes. She leaned closer to place a chaste kiss where Ava’s brows met. 

           “But it will evolve. You might think I am just a kid. But I will grow. And whenever you are ready, it will be my promise to have a life with you.” 

             The overload of feelings should’ve quicken Ava’s breathing. Her heart should’ve been beating fast. None of those was the case. Instead, she felt at peace. She hadn’t thought about it. It was good enough at the moment when Ava had to finish her research and Sara had to focus on her school and soccer. But the thought of this was calming -- the possibility of living together in a house, being each other’s support, having her mommy walk her to Sara at the wedding. Ava quietly indulged in the thought of their future for a moment. When Sara tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, Ava placed her lips on Sara’s, slowly nibbling those soft lips just for comfort. 

            “I will be ready, Sara. We will be ready.” 

             She murmured to Sara’s lips. Sara leaned into the kiss and deepened it. Ava’s hand traced down to rest at the small of Sara’s back. She pulled her girlfriend closer. She needed to feel Sara, all of Sara.

              “Soon.” 

Ava whispered in between the kiss.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew!. Thank you for joining me in this journey. It was quite an experience. I'd never thought I could write something this long. I've learned so much from doing this. Self-reflexivity: 1. It's an achievement none the less. 2. It was too quick. I was too thirsty to let them be together. I could've spent time more on the development of their feelings towards each other. I missed the chance to play with those possibilities. 3. I didn't expect that the political aspect of this fic would trigger someone who thought hating Trump was just a trendy thing. Like that person extensively attack me about the feminist awareness in the fic. As someone who's always vocal about the intersection of inequalities, I view that response as an achievement. I don't know who that person was in their real life, but the response's resemble the incident when a boy was aggressive towards me because I and my friends was joking about man spreading. The same kind of fragility. I hope that person is not a guy because they also wrote w/w fic with some disturbing content. It fucked with my brain for a while though. Imagine writing your first fanfic and someone did that to you. But I have a really good supports. I'm good now. 4. Thank you again for all the comments and support. It means so much to me. 5. I'm still writing Avalance. Stray is a make up for the slow burn lacking in Unlearned Lesson. Love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> First fic ever in my life. Didn't know posting on ao3 is not that easy. Anyway. I love Avalance so much and I feel like my talentless ass should contribute in someway.  
> 


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